Dream Matches

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I wanted to do something different: check out a Mid South Wrestling show from 1984! Territory shows are always interesting in how they’re booked and lead to the next thing, and this has some read treats: Sweatpants Jake Roberts, fat jobbers, jobbers who later become something (Frank Lancaster, and some scrawny kid named “Shawn Michaels”), Buddy Landell vs. some pretty good guy I’ve never heard of named Johnny Mantell, and a good Exotic Adrian Street vs. Gentleman Chris Adams match! Also BILL WATTS of all people is probably the first dude to use a rap song as someone’s theme, as Master G faces a jobber.

But wait! There’s more! I A WCW Thunder from 2000 has both a Meng vs. Sgt. A-Wall (aka The Wall with the Misfits in Action) Hardcore Match, and immediately following that is Lance Storm & Norman Smiley trying their level best to have a mat wrestling classic! Except neither guy has the skill nor the cardio to do that! And finally, a match I wanted to see after reading Maffew’s 3PW reviews: their Title Match 4-way between Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Chris Sabin & Slyck Wagner Brown! Because those guys’ indie runs are kinda fascinating in how they went to indies all over the world to have “their match” with each other, then occasionally try to “put over” local talent (aka Brown in this match).

MID SOUTH WRESTLING:
(Oct. 19th, 1984)
* I wanted to check out some territory stuff, and Mid-South has always had the angles that sounded like the most fun, AND it has a “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd appearance and I always want to find more of him, so let’s see.

General Skandar Akbar with Jim Ross starts us off, and they show a 1982 match where friends Junkyard Dog & Ted DiBiase wrestle a No DQ match. DiBiase gets flung over the top rope via a counter, and kindly babyface JYD saves him and carefully puts him back in the ring… where DiBiase pulls something out of his tights and knocks JYD out with one shot (GREAT front-face KO sell by JYD here, too) and pins him for the North American Title. Then Jim Cornette does a promo wearing a ridiculous mask, boasting about the Midnight Express going back to basics by being as vicious as they used to be. His boast: “We will END the career of one of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express in the near future- but I won’t say who and I won’t say when!”.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a classic FAT MAN STAND-OFF from WWF RAW in 1996, as Yokozuna, with Mr. Fuji as his peppy US-loving babyface manager takes on the new monster heel Vader! Then it’s one of the weirdest mixing of eras ever, as the Ultimate Warrior makes his WWF RAW debut against Isaac Yankem, DDS in the latter’s last TV match! Following that, it’s the debut of the late Adrian Neville on WWE RAW & SmackDown! as he faces arrogant jobber Curtis Axel! And then I find another AAA match featuring all those Power Rangers knockoffs, as the technico team of Super Nova, Venum, Discovery & Ludxor face the rudo Abismo Negro, El Mosco de la Merced, Histeria & Maniaco! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is the heavyset Juggernaut from Extreme CANADIAN Championship wrestling, as he faces the untrained loser Wrathchild in a sloppy indie brawl with weapons and an ECW-inspired run-in!

YOKOZUNA vs. VADER (w/ Jim Cornette):
(WWF RAW, April 1st 1996)
* It’s time for a FAT MAN STAND-OFF!! This is from Yokozuna’s endgame- increasingly fat beyond reason, he’s been turned babyface and been made to put over a handful of acts. Now the company has a NEW potential Monster Heel and gigantic babyfaces are always those who suffer when these guys show up. Seeing Mr. Fuji as a happy babyface waving the American flag is just WEIRD.

2ND BATTLE OF THE WWF SUPERSTARS:
(Release Date: June 27th 1991)
* Oh yeah! It’s time for another WWF tape! They put a ton of these up on their YouTube channel, giving us a lot of midcard supremacy as guys put in half-efforts against one another during 3 hour house show tapings! You know this is a big one because Sean Mooney, 4th-tier commentator, is your host, doing a “Boot Camp”. But first parodying Patton while a trumpet plays reveille. It’s funny seeing him make intense faces while his voice is the same old unemotive he always was. This one’s got a ton of “1991-era” talent on it, as Mr. Perfect defends the IC Title against Roddy Piper, Bret Hart takes on the Barbarian, Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Sgt. Slaughter have a Flag Match in MSG, Ted DiBiase faces Tugboat, and the Nasty Boys face the Bushwhackers! There’s even a Title match as the Ultimate Warrior defends against Macho King Randy Savage! lmao and someone put JAKE ROBERTS vs. KATO on this thing, too!

This seems to be set before and after WrestleMania VII, with Mr. Perfect the IC Champion and the Nasty Boys possibly not being Tag Champions yet during their match (but would have been by the time of release), but Slaughter is shown with the WWF Title in HIS bout, as is the Warrior later in the tape. Our hosts are Sean Mooney & Lord Alfred Hayes, which is the worst possible combination- Mooney was so banal and uninteresting, and Hayes only ever had chemistry with Gorilla doing “back in our day” old-man stuff and only half-heartedly shows appreciation to heels so there’s no emotional “bite” to anything.

Naturally, we start with an ad for WrestleFest ’91 (which I already covered), with the host Randy Savage himself coming in to hype it up.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I pay tribute to PAC with one of his most legendary matches- a 2014 NXT Title match between Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn! Then I find an old request of Mike Awesome as “That ’70s Guy” vs. Vampiro from 2000 WCW, and it ends up being one of the most amazingly bad matches I’ve ever seen! Next up, it’s good old Von Erich wrestling from 1982 WCCW in Dallas, as first David & Kevin Von Erich face Kabuki & The Great Kabuki & The Dragon for Texas’s All Asia Tag Team Titles, then Kerry takes on Killer Tim Brooks!

After that, it’s over to 1997 WCW as Alex Wright faces Sgt. Craig Pittman on WCW Worldwide! Then today’s PWI 500 guy is Steve Podunavac… who turns out to be a low-rent wrestler from the SEVENTIES, as I look at some outlaw mudshow bullshit company named A.I.W. against some bearded guy named “The Crusader”.

NXT TITLE vs. SAMI’S CAREER:
ADRIAN NEVILLE vs. SAMI ZAYN:
(NXT TakeOver R Evolution, 11.12.2014)
* With PAC/Neville’s recent death, I figured I’d check out his best stuff, and a Google search indicated this is pretty well considered his masterpiece. A SHREDDED but short guy, PAC was a memorable part of early AEW, but would have to make a lot of exits due to visa issues that really hampered any chance for a sustained push, so he quickly became “one of those guys”- a midcard guy who’d have the occasional hot TV match then fade into the background (being #3 in the Death Riders was probably his peak relevance since 2020). I was briefly watching WWE for around a year circa this time period and I remember “Neville” as a high-flying guy with some of the nicest-looking (ie. acrobatic and athletic, not “fling his body like a noodle” like a lot of flippy guys) flips, as an undercard guy on RAW. I still remember going “hey whatever happened to that guy?” and slapped my forehead when I realized he was the same dude I’d been watching in AEW (not like he has any IDENTIFYING FEATURES or anything, right?). Zayn comes out looking fairly amused, to a catchy theme, while Neville has what sounds like part of Rob Zombie’s “Dragula” sampled on repeat with other lyrics added (he’s apparently TWISTED). Neville is built more like a standard 1980s WWF guy here, bulky muscle and not QUITE as shredded as he looked in AEW. Sami is softer but still has abs. He’s in black tights vs. Neville’s red & white bisected trunks.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I found another fun Giant Baba 6-man tag, as he teams up with Rusher Kimura & Masanobu Fuchi against THE AFRICAN NIGHTMARES- old foe Abdullah the Butcher, teaming up with both Kamala and the FAKE Kamala, a “Giant Kimala II” Baba brought it years earlier! This one is way better than you might expect, with a lot of “they know each other” bits and some shocking agility from Kamala I!

Next up, a very “WCW D-Show” match sees Marty Jannetty face the nWo’s Vincent in a 1998 WCW Worldwide match! Then it’s over to ECW CyberSlam 1999 as Super Crazy gets a filler lucha stuntshow match against El Mosco de la Merced! Then it’s over to OVW for two future WWE guys in a borderline mirror match, as “The Shooter” Brent Albright faces Ken Anderson shortly before he became Mr. Kennedy! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is Josh Abercrombie, who wrestlers the most “MOVEZ-crazy ROH wannabe” style of anyone I’ve seen in a while and typifies all the worst aspects of it- come see him face Chris Sabin in the Ted Petty International in 2005, then see where he ends up, facing Anderson Knight in a tiny gym in front of 20 people!

GIANT BABA, RUSHER KIMURA & MASANOBU FUCHI vs. THE AFRICAN NIGHTMARES (Abdullah the Butcher, Giant Kimala I & Giant Kimala II):
(All Japan, June 9th 1991)
* WOO MORE GERIATRIC DIVISION! Except now it’s got Masa Fuchi, the worst person in the world, and Abdullah is backed by the two Kamalas- the original good one and a shorter, fatter guy who Baba hired to copy the gimmick! The commentator is LOSING HIS SHIT as Baba makes his way down, as apparently he’s back from injury for the first time in months and Budokan Hall gives him a hero’s welcome. So quiet and respectful as they shake the rafters and throw streamers everywhere. Everyone sells the moment as long as possible, both Kimalas slapping their bellies and pointing at Baba’s team, talking shit, while they first tease Fuchi starting the match… until BABA steps back over to a monster pop. It’s gonna be Baba beginning the match!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I have another whacky assortment today, starting with a match from All Japan’s Geriatric Ward division, as Giant Baba, Rusher Kimura & Mighty Inoue take on the Western team of… Abdullah the Butcher, giant guy Butch Masters and BARRY HOROWITZ!? Yes, the fabled WWF jobber did a run through All Japan on four separate occasions (1992-94), acting as a Pin-Eater in Gaijin matches. Speaking of, I also found an All Japan SQUASH, as poor Barry gets fed to Stan Hansen himself!

Then, it’s more of KAMALA in World of Sport, as “The Mississippi Mauler” Big Jim Harris starts to use white facepaint from his upcoming Western gimmick and faces young Tom Tyrone in the UK! Then, a request as humanoid walrus Mark Madden faces Mean Gene Okerlund on WCW Thunder in 2000! What’s your over/under on number of run-ins for this weak comedy match? Also by request I have a WWE vs. AEW DREAM MATCH, with Carmelo Hayes (as Christian Casanova) facing Myron Reed in a Maine indie in 2020! And then I found the PWI 500 guy with maybe the worst name: SMELLY! But it turns out he’s Mark Bell, the brother of the jobber that Perry Saturn almost killed that one time, and a longtime jobber himself! Come watch him take on Tom Howard in some indie, then do a squash alongside Mike as they face Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak, who of the most prominent Failed Johnny Ace Hires of 2000s WWE!

GIANT BABA, RUSHER KIMURA & MIGHTY INOUE vs. ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER, BUTCH MASTERS & BARRY HOROWITZ:
(All Japan, Some Fancam, Jan. 26th 1993)
* HOROWITZ vs. BABA!!! AMAZING DREAM MATCH!!! This is what makes wrestling great! A superfat bloodbath wrestler teaming with a giant jobber goon and an iconic WWF jobber against the All Japan Oldster Squad! So Barry indeed did an All Japan tour as a “Pin Eater”- one of the top uses for Westerners on AJPW tours was appearing in tag matches as someone who could take a pin so the proper stars wouldn’t have to and the fans could still get a clean finish. Butch Masters is “Giant Warrior” sometimes, and is a 6’7″-ish terrible skinny guy (his physique is more “Young Buck” than “monster heel”) who was briefly brought in to fight Baba & Andre. Abdullah is a big AJPW star, but was mostly in for nostalgia by this point. Speaking of, the other guys are all OLD- Inoue is super short but buff-ish, Rusher is a head taller and doesn’t react to his own name being called, and Baba’s very tall and looks like a death camp survivor. The crowd “oohs” as Butch easily steps over the top rope. Holy Christ is he pale- the spotlight makes him look white as bleached bone. I mean, Horowitz looks like Wildman Marc Mero compared to him.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week has a bizarre assortment of stuff, including a match featuring KAMALA of all people in World of Sport! As “The Mississippi Mauler” Big Jim Harris, he comes to the UK to fight their Hulk Hogan, BIG DADDY, in a match during a bit charity event!

But importantly, as Bill Dundee passed away recently (the same day as we lost The Butcher), I decided to go and find one of the matches people always talk about, and it’s a doozie- a Loser Leaves Town match where if Jerry “The King” Lawler wins, Bill Dundee AND HIS WIFE must shave their heads! But before the match, Lawler has his eye affected by a vial of chemicals thrown by Dutch Mantell, leading to Jerry fighting blind and Dundee cleverly using that to his advantage all match long! Then I look up some stuff featuring The Butcher and the Blade- an AEW Dark squash against Pineapple Pete and Anthony Catena! Also, a match from WWE Evolve got recommended to me, so I’m going to check out Charlie Dempsey (son of William Regal) vs. Ulka Sasaki!

Finally, it’s a trifecta for PWI 500 guys, as “Inferno” Johnny Adams, Kevin Bennett & Gabreal Saint all face each other in an indieriffic LADDER MATCH that shows all of the pratfalls of modern indie wrestling!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a weirdo headliner that surprised me- heel Richard Morton & rookie “Diamond” Dallas Page take on Ron Simmons & The Junk Yard Dog in 1992 WCW! Then I take a look at the ROCKERS REUNION from 2005 RAW, as Marty Jannetty’s last bit of relevancy is used for a nostalgia pop as he & Shawn Michaels team up to face La Resistance!

Then come and see a messy early WCW lucha match from SuperBrawl VII in early 1997 as Konnan, La Parka & Villano IV face Juventud Guerrera, Super Calo & Ciclope! It gives the fans some really great examples of huge bumps and insanity before going totally off the rails! I also found an odd squash match from 1981 WWWF, with new team Mr. Fuji & Mr. Saito taking on jobbers SD Jones and a young Curt Hennig! Then it’s more of WHO, as Jim Neidhart’s masked gimmick goes up against Jake “The Snake” Roberts! Then our PWI 500 guy of the week is 20-year indie veteran KTB (Kyle The Beast), and he faces GCW friend Jungle Boy on AEW Dark!

“DIAMOND” DALLAS PAGE & RICHARD MORTON vs. RON SIMMONS & THE JUNK YARD DOG:
(WCW Saturday Night, 05/02/1992)
* AMAZING. A random grab-bag tag team match with one great worker out of four and it’s past his prime Ricky Morton AS A HEEL, teaming with green-as-grass new heel DDP against fairly unsteady but carryable powerhouse Ron Simmons and JYD, who is maybe the most washed-up wrestler ever pushed in the big two. DDP’s in his best ’80s animal print neon purple singlet with round sunglasses with jangles hanging off of them, fully-swaggering his head and bellowing in his Joisey accent- it brings to mind Abdullah the Butcher’s point to Mick Foley about how he was going to succeed despite all that was going against him- “He lives the gimmick”. Morton has his usual bleach-blonde mullet, but the frown of a heel and awful black & white tights. Ron’s in blue tights & JYD’s in red tights and is decidedly chunky.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have an all-timer of a headliner: Shinya Hashimoto vs. KEVIN NASH! And it’s Kevin Nash as OZ, the Great and Terrible! A grey-haired wizard with a close relationship with his local pharmacist! Nash did a short New Japan run! Come see how Hashimoto handles a very green, humongous opponent. Then I found a terrific one, as TULLY BLANCHARD heads to Japan in 1995 to take on Tatsumi Fujinami of all people! Watch how quickly the Japanese fans “get” that asshole prick as he fights dirty (but not against the rules) against the Japanese legend!

Then it’s another Jean-Pierre LaFitte match, as he takes on Man Mountain Rock, who never otherwise got to face “name” guys on TV in his 10-month (!!) WWF run! Then it’s Jim Neidhart as WHO, as he faces new babyface “Wildman” Marc Mero! Then this week’s PWI 500 guy, Slim Trimmons, a chubby guy doing an ironic fitness gimmick, as he faces Brutus Dylan in a pair of matches in a podunk indie in 2019!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have stuff from all over (mostly New Japan), but it’s some great rarities! First off, it’s ROLLERBALL ROCCO as Black Tiger in New Japan, as he does one of his final matches in the gimmick, taking on a young Jushin Liger in *1989* for the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title! Next up is a weapons-heavy brawl in ECW as New Jack gets his one and only shot against the ECW World Title, taking on champion Mike Awesome in a match where New Jack clearly doesn’t wanna take any of Mike’s signature stuff, haha. Then it’s back to New Japan for a WWF Title defense, as Bob Backlund defends against DUSTY RHODES in 1984!

Then it’s a rare JEAN-PIERRE LAFITTE match, as PCO’s pirate gimmick that only lasted a few months sees him in his only star vs. star match that wasn’t against Bret Hart, facing Adam Bomb on WWF TV! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is Foxx Vinyer, now an occasional AEW jobber, as he takes on Jimmy Limits in some theatre show!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one is a match I’ve been meaning to get to since it was uploaded to the WCW YouTube channel, but I wanted to do the whole show and just never had the time until now- it’s Clash of the Champions IV: Season’s Beatings– headlined by Ric Flair & Barry Windham against the babyface Midnight Express! Plus Dusty Rhodes vs. Road Warrior Animal! Main event in any arena in the country as Ivan Koloff takes on Paul Jones, but with one hand tied behind his back! “Dr. Death” Steve Williams has an astonishingly long match against The Italian Stallion! And Ron Simmons & Eddie Gilbert take on The Fantastics for the vacant US Tag Team Titles!

And then some hideous garbage as my PWI 500 watchthrough leads to AK Willis, a barely-trained guy taking on even worse wrestlers! In TWO MATCHES because I wanted to give him a second chance! So watch him against Jason Andrews, then Dragonfly Kai! I dare you!

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS IV: SEASON’S BEATINGS:
(NWA, Dec. 7th 1988)
* I’ve been meaning to get to the Main Event for a WHILE- like a year or so at least- but just never got around to it, I think because the whole show kinda needs a look-over. I’m no NWA expert (my intro to non-WWF wrestling was some Power Hour stuff with Van Hammer, lol) but most of these are pretty big matches.

US TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT FINAL:
RON SIMMONS & “HOT STUFF” EDDIE GILBERT vs. THE FANTASTICS (Bobby Fulton & Tommy Rogers):
* Crockett’s territory at one point had such a hot tag title scene they had TWO tag belts! The Fantastics are a good second-tier babyface tag team- undersized by good workers. They’re in matching plain blue trunks & boots, Ron’s in pastel blue & Eddie’s in long white tights.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a total smorgasbord of weird squashes! First off is the “shoot interview backtalk” drama of Ernest “The Cat” Miller vs. Scott Norton! In which Norton barely sells a thing for a six-minute squash against a somewhat naive Miller and leads to internet drama years later. Next up is a LONG match between the Nasty Boys and Jim Powers/Jim Bruznell in 1992 WWF! This is one of those “hypercompetitive Prime Time matches” where jobbers got theme music and entrances! Then wonder aloud whether the Big Two would EVER actually give a jobber a “W” as Sean Waltman heads to the WWF the next year wearing his “Lightning Kid” gear but going under a series of different names in one-sided matches against Doink the Clown, Mr. Hughes and Razor Ramon on WWF RAW!

The Aussie jobber Ozzie Rulz last week made me want to check out his WCW stuff, and so his team with Kory Williams faces first the new duo of Tank Abott & Rick Steiner in a squash, then takes on Allan Funk & “Above Average” Mike Sanders on WCW Worldwide shows! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is THE CODFATHER- Canadian wrestler Billy Flynn doing a “Newfoundland fisherman” gimmick! Watch him take on old-time wrestler Buddy Lane in Nova Scotia!

SCOTT NORTON vs. ERNEST “THE CAT” MILLER (w/ Sonny Onoo):
(WCW Monday Nitro, Feb. 1st 1999)
* A somewhat infamous one thanks to some online shoots about it. Miller declares it a “rib”- unbeknownst to him, Norton being given instructions on not to sell for him at all. Granted, he’s a comedy jobber while Norton was expected to be kept credible in perpetuity because New Japan used him as a top foreigner, so that’s obvious. Miller was also an obnoxious prick character (something he was good enough at that it got him into WWE despite no wrestling ability at all!) and Norton was a tough guy so this being one-sided is really how it should go anyways. The angle here is that Miller is being a twerp and calling out the locker room demanding a match like he can “whup anybody”, and the nWo watches in the back and lies to Scott Norton in the john or whatever that “Hey! NORTON! NORTON! The Cat just called you out!” to amuse themselves, drawing grumpy, roided-up Norton to snarl as he heads out to beat some ass while the nWo do their classic “frat boy belly laugh” like children. Miller, to be fair, says he can beat ANYBODY and while first seemingly blowing off Norton, admits he’s tough but he’s gonna get a whuppin’, too. Norton, in blue jeans and an nWo wifebeater shirt, is doing the “squint with one eye while hanging his mouth open” thing, which is a classic biker “I’m craaaaaazzzzy tough!” intimidation tactic.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a sequel to last week’s big matches, which I saved until now because I totally didn’t realize the WWE Vault had uploaded it too to build anticipation because I’m an advertising genius! It’s Macho Man Randy Savage & Adorable Adrian Adonis vs. Tito Santana and BRUNO SAMMARTINO, in a Steel Cage in Madison Square Garden! The babyfaces finally have those dastardly heels where they want them!

Next up, it’s a “WTF?” classic as Jumbo Tsuruta, top star of All Japan Pro Wrestling, faces Nikolai Volkoff in 1983! Then it’s Jerry “The King” Lawler versus TAGAR, Lord of the Volcano, as a masked heel immune to Jerry’s legendary punches arrives in 1991 USWA to punish him! Then Scott Norton faces Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart in 1998 WCW! And finally, our PWI 500 guys of the week are Ashley Hudson as “Ozzie Rulz” in one of those fly-by-night short-lived companies against Majik- a scrawny white guy! Then Majik faces Chris Wyld in a UK indie!

STEEL CAGE MATCH:
“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE & ADORABLE ADRIAN ADONIS (w/ Miss Elizabeth & Jimmy Hart) vs. TITO SANTANA & BRUNO SAMMARTINO:
(WWF at MSG, July 12th 1986)
* And the culmination of the match we covered last week- the heels won via count-out after eating a massive beating for like 10 straight minutes and then scoring a last-minute comeback. Because of that grievous injustice, we’re doing the most brutal match in the company- Steel Cage! No count-outs, and no sissy NWA things like “pinfalls” or “submissions”- ESCAPE RULES! You have to beat your opponent to death and then leave of your own accord. Given Savage’s favorite move was to hide behind Elizabeth and taunt his opponent, this is gonna be a rough night for him. Both guys have to leave to win.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! The WWE Vault just opened up a TON of amazing stuff from the MSG Network, and I just had to check out “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Adrian Adonis vs. Tito Santana & BRUNO SAMMARTINO! And the prelude is a Savage/Santana match with Bruno as Special Guest Referee! Bruno’s “Legend” run in the middle of the Hogan Era is always interesting to me. This is actually before the Savage/Bruno feud that set off later in the year, too. Then it’s a $50,000 MSG Battle Royal featuring all the teams of 1986 WWF- Islanders! Studd & Bundy! Volkoff & Sheik! ROTUNDA & SD JONES!! also the Harts, Rougeaus, Bulldogs, Machines, Dream Team and even a Strongbow/Gatorwolf team of all things. Tremendous fun.

Then it’s a lucha match, as those quartets that actually made WWF RAW in 1997 have a bout in their native Mexico- the Power Ranger-styled Los Cadetes el Espacio (Venum, Super Nova, Discovery & Ludxor) take on the heel Los Galacticos (Mosco, Abismo Negro, Maniaco & Histeria)! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is N8 Mattson, who has a long, drawn-out indie match with the ex-TNA wrestler Petey Williams in front of thirty people!

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE:
SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE BRUNO SAMMARTINO:
“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. TITO SANTANA:
(May 19th, 1986)
* Starting off is why Bruno’s involved- he’s here to ensure the rules be followed as Savage, a renowned cheater and dirty-fighter, has another title defense against the ex-champion Tito. The two had been feuding for MONTHS before this and continued for months after, Savage earning a lot of DQ and Count-Out losses but always retaining as the two carried the feud for like six months. Randy, “the not-so Macho Man” per Monsoon, keeps provoking Tito and then immediately pulling Elizabeth in front of him to play mind games before the match. He’s in red & yellow; Tito’s in blue & black.

Immediately the stakes are made clear- Savage & Santana grapple to the corner and Bruno demands a break, causing Macho to SNAP and kick at the ropes and stick a finger in the Living Legend’s face- RULES? This shall not stand! But Bruno refuses to back down. Tito does a quick go-behind, but Savage instead insults someone in the front row until Tito musses up his hair, then SPITS on Tito and immediately bails to the floor so that “Latin Temper” has nowhere to lash out. Haha what a dick. Hey some balding fan is decked out EXACTLY like Hulk Hogan there. Savage goes up to do his finger-point taunt, then stalls again, then pushes a chair into the ring, only for Bruno to shove it right out and even that gets a pop- the old man is over. A fan tosses in some garbage and Macho annoys Bruno by DEMANDING he remove it before finally getting back to wrestling. And he bails as soon as Tito counters his go-behind, then shoves Elizabeth in front of him and is sure to get back in the ring first to threaten Tito upon entrance. Bruno has to push him back, and then he whines about kneepads or some shit and the fans are into it even though Savage is stalling like a motherfucker here. He’s done so little physical work but he’s doing WORK, ya know?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have one of the infamous “Worst matches ever put on TV” as a botchy, untrained David Flair is given an inexplicable TV push, and poor El Dandy is the good worker expected to get something out of him! This is less than two minutes long yet is completely disastrous, which shows you how important even a modicum of training is. Next up, it’s a fascinating mismatch I found out about from Logan Sisco’s great “What The World Was Watching” column- Goldust vs. Hakushi from a 1996 WWF Superstars! Then 1995 WWF gives us a FAT MAN STAND-OFF, as King Kong Bundy faces Mabel in a “two-man Royal Rumble” with no rules and top-rope eliminations being the only ones counted!

Next up it’s a throwaway WCW Luchadore match with a newly unmasked Psychosis joining Juventud Guerrera & La Parka against Silver King & Los Villanos on a 1999 Nitro! Then more of “Cyanide” Sid Cooper in World of Sport as he faces Pete Ross in 1982 England! And finally, our “PWI 500” guy of the week is “Supreme” Lee Great as he faces first Johnny Stamboli in that semi-successful WWE-knockoff in Italy in 2005, and then Smooth Johnny Suede in some goofy indie show!

DAVID FLAIR (w/ Torrie Wilson, Ric Flair & Arn Anderson) vs. EL DANDY:
(WCW Nitro, May 24th 1999)
* So by mid-1999, WCW had been getting their asses handed to them by the WWF for more than a year, and things were only getting worse. The answer- random booking that never went anywhere! Hence David Flair being seduced by Torrie Wilson in an angle that lasted so long, WWF called Terri Power “Tori” on her debut before WCW could use their new star’s name. And now the flabby, weak-looking son of Ric Flair was going to be trained as a wrestler! Various problems abound: David is one of the all-time worst-looking wrestlers in history, making the Young Bucks look like Sid or the Warlord. He’s also uninterested in wrestling, and almost completely untrained. At least on paper, they have the best possible opponent for him: El Dandy is a very good worker, but A) is maybe the lowest-ranked wrestler in the entire company, and B) looks like total shit. A short, dumpy-looking guy, he’s jobbed up and down the card for AGES and has zero credibility. This combination of traits makes him way better than a Power Plant goober, who’d be on a similar level but would A) be jacked and roided, too much to have it not be weird that David could win, and B) be way too shitty a worker to carry a green rookie. And so poor Eld Dandy has to come out here and try to make DAVID FLAIR look like he knows what he’s doing.

Naturally, David comes out shirtless, revealing his nothin’-to-write-home-about, flabby physique with a muffin top poking out over his dark jeans, formless arms, and permanent rouge on his face. Possibly the all-time worst-looking wrestler ever. His only advantage here is that dumpy ol’ Dandy is almost a head shorter.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, the assortment is even stranger than normal, starting off once more with the Fabulous Freebirds in All Japan, as Terry Gordy & Michael Hayes take on the Ace tag team of Giant Baba & Jumbo Tsuruta! Come see just how big a styles clash Hayes’s stuff is in a more serious, Japanese promotion! Next up, a true rarity sees Jon Moxley and the future LA Knight as WWF JOBBERS, as the hapless duo get crushed by the Big Show on Sunday Night Heat in 2006! After that, another rarity has KEIJI MUTOH vs. JIM NEIDHART, and not in WCW like I’d expect but in Germany’s CWA promotion, with “ten counts every time you fall down” rules… for sixteen minutes! God help us- a 16-minute Jim Neidhart match.

Following that, WCW jobbery glory has Kenny Kaos face Steve Armstrong on WCW Worldwide in 1998! Then I found ex-TNA wrestler Mike Santana in Create A Pro Wrestling as he faces local star VSK in front of 55 people and indeed actually looks pretty good! And then looking through the PWI 500 I found Ralph Mosca, who turns out to be a “WWF Jobber Turned Indie Ace” type of dude- first he’s squashed by Diesel in Kevin Nash’s WWF singles debut, then gets showcased in ACW against Joshua Masters! Come see how differently a guy wrestles as a jobber vs. a top act in an indie!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a great showcase of how good Jerry Lawler was in his prime, as he faces AWA Champion Nick Bockwinkel in a match for the belt, in his native Memphis! Then I found a great All Japan TV show episode, featuring Toshiaki Kawada & Shinichi Nakano vs. Tsuyoshi Kikuchi & Samson Fuyuki, Terry Gordy vs. DAVEY BOY SMITH, and another one of those amazing AJPW Six-Mans featuring the Aces fighting, as Jumbo Tsuruta, Masanobu Fuchi & The Great Kabuki take on Mitsuharu Misawa, Akira Taue & Kenta Kobashi! The week after Misawa finally removes the Tiger Mask look and goes under his real name once more! And finally, more World of Sport with “Cyanide” Sid Cooper doing his heel antics on former S.A.S. soldier and newcomer Jack Regan! And finally, this week’s PWI 500 Guy match sees Landon Riley upload the worst showcase for himself possible as he takes on XERO in Glasgow’s independent scene!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time, I have a match I missed the first go-around, with Bret Hart fighting The Patriot on WWF RAW in 1997! With Shawn Michaels on commentary to set up SummerSlam! Then it’s an interesting one from Owen Hart’s 5-year run in New Japan Pro Wrestling as he faces a fresh-faced young Keiji Mutoh! Then more of John Nord in All Japan, as he faces Stan Hansen himself in 1994!

After that, it’s a look at 1992 WCW, with Mr. Hughes facing the neon Spider-Man ripoff ARACHNAMAN! And that leads directly to a tag match the next week where Mr. Hughes & Cactus Jack face Arachnaman and VAN HAMMER! Truly the full splendor of 1992 WCW Pro on display! And finally, our look at PWI 500 guys leads me to CHIKARA and their “Colony” stable, as I found Worker Ant vs. Soldier Ant in Cardiff, Wales!

BRET “HITMAN” HART vs. THE PATRIOT:
(WWF RAW, July 28th 1997)
* This match stems from Bret’s great heel run in the WWF, where he began to speak Truth To Power, saying entirely correct things about America. And nothing infuriates American fans more than the TRUTH, so this gave Bret incredible heat. This particularly enraged The Patriot, who built his entire persona around the worship of American Lies. And so he briefly entered the WWF as a mini-feud for Bret while the Steve Austin feud temporarily transferred to Owen Hart- a weird outlier to the increasingly “Attitude”-style era where everyone was playing more gritty, down-to-earth characters (hence Patriot always being called by his real name on commentary like he was an otherwise normal guy). Bret is one week away from winning the WWF Title against The Undertaker at SummerSlam, with Shawn Michaels acting as Guest Referee (with a rule enforcing him playing it down the middle and not showing bias). Shawn’s doing commentary here. Also a fun fact: this match is from one of the only two WWF RAWs I missed during a run from about 1995-2005. I had wanted to record them while I did a school trip in Japan that summer, but for whatever reason it didn’t happen. And I remember this because I NEVER missed RAW, lol. We’re in the city where Bret famously said that “If I were to give the United States an enema, I would stick the tube RIGHT HERE in Pittsburgh!”, which might explain the somewhat biased crowd reaction here.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I found TWO completely wild All Japan “grab bag of weirdo acts” matches, both of which floored me when I saw the lineups. First off, it’s a 6-man with the All Japan Hero Squad, Mitsuharu Misawa, Kenta Kobashi & young Jun Akiyama… against Stan Hansen, JOHN NORD and Rob Van Dam! RVD and the Berzerker, together at last! Then it’s a 1980s tag match with Harley Race and Crusher Blackwell teaming up against Tiger Jeet Singh and the One Man Gang of all people. Yes, even Giant Baba understood the purpose of a good FAT MAN STAND-OFF, as the whole first half of the match is Gang & Blackwell testing each other’s obesity!

Then it’s two 1994 WWF appearances by Gangrel, as the then-“Vampire Warrior” hit his fanged face under a black mask as The Black Phantom, doing TV jobs against a lot of big guys- I have him here against Typhoon and Mabel in separate matches! Then our PWI 500 Guy of the week is CHEESEBURGER, as the sometime AEW wrestler who never quite made it out of the indies gets a shot at Lee Moriarty’s Ring of Honor Pure Title in some podunk indie show from just a month and a half ago!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have stuff from all over the world once more, starting with a FAT MAN STAND-OFF from WWF RAW in 1994- Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mabel! In one of Luna Vachon’s last appearances from this year! After that, a request to check out World of Sport dickhead heel “Cyanide” Sid Cooper leads me to a TIGER MASK appearance, as young Sammy Lee is decked out like Bruce Lee and makes Cooper look like an absolute boob for three rounds of fast-paced action! Then it’s over to All Japan as Toshiaki Kawada of the new generation up & comers takes on established veteran shit-disturber Masanobu Fuchi! WCW jobbery goodness as Power Plant washout Mike Tolbert takes on UK wrestler Doc Dean on WCW Worldwide in 1998! And finally, this week’s PWI 500 guy is Torch/El Antorcha, a Canadian guy decked out as a luchador, here facing his trainer “Gorgeous” Michelle Starr (a man in an Adrian Street gimmick) in Extreme CANADIAN Championship Wrestling!

MABEL (w/ Oscar) vs. BAM BAM BIGELOW (w/ Luna Vachon):
(WWF RAW, June 27th 1994)
* YESSSSSSSSS- it’s everyone’s favorite match- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF! Mo is absent due to injury, giving us the first Mabel solo run, where he’s largely treated like a midcarder and jobs a lot, which doesn’t help the company AT ALL when they try a Monster Heel run a year later. Bam Bam is getting a semi-decent push but never gets to pick up big wins either. Mabel’s in the “almost all purple” version of his gear that invited so many Barney comparisons, but I liked it way more than the overly-gold stuff as a kid.