The SmarK Rant for AEW WrestleDream 2023 – 10.01.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW WrestleDream 2023 – 10.01.23

Live from Seattle, WA

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Nigel McGuinness

ROH Tag team title: MJF v. The Righteous

MJF lets us know that he’s upset about the rumors of him attacking Jay White, especially since someone also stole his devil mask to do it. So here’s the deal: Dutch is getting BODYSLAMMED and the other guy is getting his dreads tied up and shoved up Dutch’s ass. Huge if true. Max goes for the slam right away and can’t pull it off, so he goes to get a massage from a lady at ringside and decides to appeal to his sportsmanship instead. And then he slaps him off the handshake and stops to do some strutting. MJF tries to shove Vincent’s dreads up Dutch’s ass as promised, but Dutch manages to escape that predicament and clotheslines MJF to take over. Vincent with a flatliner for two. Dutch with a chinlock, but MJF escapes and goes for the hot tag…but no one is there. MJF with another attempt at the BODYSLAM but Dutch falls on top for two. Powerbomb into a senton from Vincent gets two.

Bossman Slam from Dutch gets two. Dutch takes the ref and Vincent grabs a chair, but MJF uses the dreaded CROTCH CLAW (“That’s a 5 on 2!” notes Taz) and rolls him up for two. Vincent with another senton, but that misses and Max makes his own comeback. The slam on Vincent is easy, but Dutch is trickier, so Max beats on him in the corner and then runs him into Vincent. This sets up the FULL BODY LIFT AND SLAM but both guys are down off the incredible effort required to pull that off. Dutch is still woozy, so as promised he shoves Vincent’s head up Dutch’s ass, leaving them a mass of white guy in the corner. This sets up the KANGAROO KICK and Heatseeker on Dutch to finish at 9:34. Suitably wacky opener as they wisely continue to run with the MJF nonsense until it stops getting over. **1/2.

ROH World title: Eddie Kingston v. Katsuyori Shibata

Eddie throws the first chop and Shibata goes down but wants more. So after absorbing all he wants, he fights back with his own chops and Eddie wants more of those. So Shibata nails him with a kick and goes for the arm. Eddie escapes from that, so Shibata rolls him into an anklelock and Eddie makes the ropes. Shibata with a figure-four and Eddie has to make the ropes again. Luckily for him it’s not a Pure Wrestling title match as well. Shibata beats on him and gives Eddie the Kawada kicks, and that of course fires up Eddie. But Shibata beats on him with more kicks and Eddie fires back with an exploder, so Shibata puts him down with an STO. More Kawada kicks to tenderize Eddie’s chest and goes to the Cobra twist, but can’t quite sink the Octopus properly and Eddie is able to make the ropes. They trade backfists and then Shibata hits him with a PK and they’re both out. Back up for another slugfest and Eddie hits the backfist for ONE. Northern Lights Bomb gets two. Another backfist and the powerbomb finishes at 10:55. Felt like a bit of a style clash and they were lacking chemistry, but they certainly hit each other hard to compensate. ***1/2

TBS title: Kris Statlander v. Julia Hart

One thing I really appreciate about Julia is that when she turned heel, she didn’t just dress like an evil cheerleader, she completely re-styled herself with a whole new look and gimmick. Statlander attacks and beats on her with elbows in the corner, so Julia bails to the floor and recovers with a superkick in the ring. Statlander puts her down with a shoulderblock for two and pounds away on her, but Julia rolls her up for one. Stat with a powerbomb, but Julia reverses to a rana and Statlander suplexes her and takes her to the floor for a brawl out there. Kris carries her back to the apron, but Brody runs interference and Julia sends Kris into the railing to take over. Back in, Julia goes to work on the ribs and gets a senton for two. Julia with an abdominal stretch and Statlander escapes that and powerslams her. Statlander makes a comeback with the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Statlander goes for the piledriver and they kind of stumble out of that. So Statlander comes back with a german suplex and goes up for a slugfest up there. Julia brings her down with a spider suplex, but Statlander breaks up the moonsault, so Julia puts her down and hits it on a second try. That gets two as Kris barely gets her foot on the ropes in time. Julia with Hartless, but Kris powers up and into the tombstone. And then the Sunday Night Fever finishes at 8:55. This one felt like a missed opportunity to strap the rocket to Julia and she probably should have went over. This was a bit messy to say the least and had a bunch of missed spots, but it had great heat and they were working hard. ***

The Young Bucks v. The Gunns v. The Lucha Bros v. Orange Cassidy & Hook

Now my assumption is that the winner gets the tag title shot at Full Gear, but the actual stipulation is that you get a title shot “at any time”. So maybe that’ll factor into something. Fenix and Nick trade kicks and knock each other out, so Orange tags himself in and waffles Fenix with forearms. Fenix ducks the Orange Punch, but his shoulder is still hurt, so the Gunns pull him to the floor and maul him out there. Colton tags himself in and dropkicks Orange into the corner and the Gunns try to do the pin on each other. However, apparently the OUTLAW RULE from WWE applies in AEW as well. Nice callback there. Bucks come in and run wild, leaving us with Matt and Orange. So he tags out to Hook and Matt hits him with the Northern lights. Hook reverses to his own and they trade suplexes before the Bucks hit Tag Team Name Here with stereo suplexes.

So the Gunns get into the action and get suplexed as a result, but they regroup and double-team Penta to take over. Austin slugs away on Hook for two and Colton punches him down for two. Hook tries for a tag in all three corners and the Gunns cut him off three times, but then he fights them off and gets Penta into the match to save him. Penta runs wild on the Gunns with a backstabber out of the corner and superkicks for both. Penta Driver gets two. Matt Jackson comes in again and runs wild, leading to Penta diving onto the pile outside. But then Hook tags himself in and goes for the choke on Austin, which he escapes by tagging out to Nick. 450 gets two off that, but Orange saves. So this sets up a convoluted Fear Factor with four people involved an I’m not even sure who that hurts. But the Bucks regroup and finish Penta with the BTE Driver in 12:21 in a finish so obvious that it makes me suspect wrestling is not exactly on the up-and-up. I’m assuming Fenix was injured and that’s why he disappeared early on. This never really felt like It got any momentum to it and the finish was flat. But as a trainwreck tag match, it was pretty fun. Probably could have been on Dynamite rather than PPV, though. ***

Hangman Page v. Swerve Strickland

Prince Nana is of course the biggest babyface in the match. They trade tackles and Page gets soundly booed, so we’ll see if he leans into it. So he beats on Swerve with chops in the corner while the crowd is clearly on Swerve’s side, so he puts the boots to Swerve. Swerve with a rana and dropkick for two. And the crowd gets REALLY salty towards Hangman, as Swerve gets the snapmare and neckbreaker. Page escapes the german suplex and comes back with a fallaway slam and lariat to put Swerve on the floor. Swerve charges and Page catches him and powerbombs him onto the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, before following with the moonsault to the floor. Back in, powerbomb gets two. Back to the floor for a tope from Hangman and they continue the fight out there as the crowd does a “Fuck you Cowboy / Cowboy Shit” chant in a unique dynamic. Back in the ring, Page with a flying clothesline for two. They trade elbows and Page drops him with a german suplex, but Swerve pops up and into a flatliner and brainbuster for two.

Swerve with a backbreaker and he goes up, but Page cuts him off with a slugfest up there. Swerve brings him down for the Swerve Stomp and House Call kick, which gets two. To the apron for another stomp, but Page blocks him, so Swerve sends him into the post. They fight on the stairs and Page hits him with the Deadeye out there. Back in the ring, Page with the Buckshot, but Swerve grabs his boot to block and so Page bites the hand. Well that works. Page tries the Buckshot and Swerve reverses him into an armbar and does a PAINFUL stomp on the arm, bending it the wrong way. And then the doctors check on Page, so Swerve hits the Swerve Stomp on the apron while they’re examining him. And he follows with a 450 for two while Nana dances. Cross armbreaker in the middle, but Page makes the ropes. Swerve tries the JML Driver, but Page reverses to a cradle for two. Lariat levels Swerve and Page tries a Deadeye, but Swerve rolls him into another armbar.

So Page hammers on the injured hand in desperation, but Swerve hits him with a suplex and goes up for another Swerve Stomp. That one misses and Page hits the Buckshot, but that injures his own arm and both guys are down. Page recovers first and gets two as Nana saves. So Nana gets tossed for a huge heel reaction while Page goes for another buckshot, but Swerve uses Nana’s crown to block this time, and that gets two. Swerve with the pair of House Call kicks, and the JML Driver finishes at 20:10. Now THIS is what I’m talking about. Incredible match for both guys. ****1/2.

Wheeler Yuta v. Ricky Starks

Apparently this is Yuta’s first ever singles match on an AEW PPV according to Jon Moxley. That’s kind of crazy given how long he’s been around. They trade takedown attempts on the mat and do some chain wrestling (Jon: “MAKE HIM PAY FOR THAT SHIT!”) so Yuta starts a fight in the corner and they trade punches. Starks drops him on the top rope to take over and works on Yuta with chops in the corner to set up the ropewalk and a backdrop suplex for two. (Jon: “I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty cool. MAKE HIM PAY FOR THAT SHIT, Wheeler! See, I covered up my mic that time so it doesn’t count.”). Starks with a belly to belly and he stops to pose. Yuta fights back with the enzuigiri and a flying elbow for two. Yuta with a samoan drop for two as they’re having a lot of trouble following the last match. Yuta with a wristlock as Big Bill joins us and Starks gets a distraction rollup for two. Tornado DDT gets two. Starks tries the Rochambeau and that’s countered, so Starks powerbombs him for two instead. Starks with his own elbows, but that just annoys Wheeler and he fights back before walking into a lariat. Starks tries a springboard, but Yuta shoves him off and into Bill in an ugly spot. (Jon: “Good thing I didn’t have to get up and help, it’s my day off.”) Back in the ring, Yuta with the Seat Belt for two. Starks comes back with the spear, however, and Rochambeau to finish at 9:53. This was fine but didn’t feel like a PPV match, more like a Collision match. **1/2. They got put in a tough spot, it happens.

Zack Sabre Jr. v. Bryan Danielson

Surprisingly no Final Countdown tonight, so I guess the license wasn’t in perpetuity. I’m also delighted that Jon Moxley remains on commentary. They fight for the takedown and do some graps on the mats, as they are wont to do, and Bryan takes him down with a wristlock. Zack goes for the Octopus and they take it to the mat again and trade leglocks for a wacky double crab on each other and fight to a stalemate off that. (Jon: “Bryan likes to walk on all fours and reads books about weird tantric sexual stuff, you know…”) Yeah, that’s definitely TMI. Zack with the bow and arrow, but Bryan just powers out of it and reverses to his own. “It’s a big swinging johnson competition right now” notes Mox. And they trade reversals off that and it’s another stalemate. So Zack gives him a little uppercut on the ropes to start us off with the strikes and they start building up to the big bombs, but Zack goads Bryan into using the broken right arm and then nails him with a stomp to the bad arm. Oh that was some 4D chess. So Zack works the arm, which is slightly weird because he’s working right in this case instead of the traditional left arm, and we get some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION. Now there’s the Zack we know and love!

Zack beats on him with kicks, but Bryan rolls him into a half-crab and then has to release because the arm is still injured. Bryan with the dragon screw to come back, but Zack blocks a second one and dropkicks Danielson on the mat. Danielson hangs him in the Tree of Woe and beats on him with kicks, but Zack is back up and he goes after the arm again while perched on the top rope. Bryan brings him down with a butterfly suplex and tries for the Lebell lock, but Zack counters out. So Danielson rolls him into the half-crab with the arm trapped, and Zack has to make the ropes. Bryan with the kicks to knock Zack out and it’s time to KICK HIS FUCKING HEAD IN. This sets up the bu saiku knee, but Sabre reverses to a rollup for two and they trade reversals until Sabre gets the European clutch for two. I should note we’re 15:00 in and it feels like they’ve only gone 5:00. Zack with another crazy cradle, but Danielson flips him over into Cattle Mutilation and Sabre counters out of that and just CRANKS on the arm. They fight for a leglock and then just smack the shit out of each other while Moxley deftly avoids the swear jar. Back up for another slugfest as Zack goes after the arm and Bryan kicks the leg out from his leg and they switch to a battle for a backslide. Zack wins that one for two and then PKs the arm and follows with a Michinoku Driver before tying him up with a sick umaplata. Nigel is just in his glory waiting for Danielson to tap.

Moxley: “LET’S GO BRYAN! FUCK THAT GUY!”

Excalibur: “…swear jar…”

Bryan makes the ropes, so Zack batters him with kicks, but Bryan just unloads on him with bigger and meaner kicks and then he kicks his head in again before Zack wraps him up in a sick armbar. Bryan drops him with a Regalplex to escape and follows with the bu saiku knee for two. Another bu saiku knee finishes at 23:12. Goddamn what a year Bryan Danielson is having. *****. If you needed a reason to order the replay this was it. Even Moxley is like “Holy shit” at the end of it. Honestly the commentary battle between Nigel and Moxley was worth a star all by itself. And as Nigel pointed out, he did NOT win with technical wrestling, he won with a knee strike, so the door is open for another match.

Chris Jericho, Kenny Omega & Kota Ibushi v. Will Ospreay, Konosuke Takeshita & Sammy Guevara

This one has so much heat but it shouldn’t have any trouble following the last match, thankfully. Omega and Ospreay trade takedowns to start, and it’s over to Sammy for some posing. Jericho comes in and Sammy wants no part of that, so it’s back to Ospreay and they trade chops. Jericho with a backdrop suplex while Sammy hijacks Taz’s headset and Taz promises to put him over and then asks for security to be called. Over to Kenny, but the heels geta a cheapshot and we get the Seattle standoff and slugfest. The heels hit the floor and the faces do an Inoki-themed dive onto them. But Ospreay nails Omega with the handspring kick back in the ring and the Callis family takes over on him again. Takeshita with the Warrior clothesline and he goes to a chinlock, but Ibushi breaks that up and shows some disrespect, much like Mr. Sparkle disrespects dirt. Omega with You Can’t Escape, but Ospreay gets the knees up and beats on him with chops and our millionth abdominal stretch of the night. And we get an amazing four-person heel chain to help out with leverage (or “leverage” as Nigel might say) but they get caught.

Sammy prevents a hot tag and the heels carry on with a Blue Thunder Bomb from Takeshita for two. Sammy with a swanton for two. Kenny fights back with sling blades on the heels and makes the hot tag to Jericho, who goes up with a double axehandle on Sammy. So now the babyfaces do the tag team abdominal stretch and get caught, and it’s finally over to Ibushi. High kick and standing moonsault on Sammy get two. The Golden Lovers double-team Sammy and hit the moonsaults on the heels outside, while Jericho hits the Lionsault on Sammy for two. Back in the ring, the Lovers with a double german suplex on Sammy, but Takeshita hits Jericho with a german suplex and then destroys the Golden Lovers with more of the same. Jericho fights off the heels alone and Takeshita tries a running knee, but he hits Ospreay by mistake and Jericho dumps him. Omega with the Terminator Dive outside, and Sammy hits a Spanish Fly on Jericho for two. More dives outside and Omega has a showdown with Ospreay in the ring and they slug it out. Kenny with the snapdragon, but Sammy springboards in with a cutter on Kenny. Ospreay with a Last Ride on Ibushi and Takeshita hits him in his BEAUTIFUL BEAUTFIUL FACE with a knee strike for good measure. This leaves Sammy to hit Jericho with a codebreaker, but it doesn’t even get one and Jericho is PEGGING UP. But then the heels beat him down again and now Kota Ibushi has had enough of this shit and just knocks people out. Ibushi and Takeshita slug it out and Takeshita nails him with a lariat, but Ibushi hits his own. Sammy breaks up a Golden Trigger and everyone trades superkicks, but Ospreay escapes the One Winged Angel and hits everyone with a Sky Twister Press on the floor. Sammy rolls up Jericho in the ring for two and Ospreay takes a Judas Effect on the rebound to put him down. Jericho with a top rope rana on Sammy for two off that. Sammy tries a GTH and Jericho reverses to the Walls while Ospreay takes the ref, and Don Callis uses the bat on Jericho to knock him out and puts Sammy on top for the pin at 22:13. Tremendous trainwreck match with the shit-heel jerks cheating to win yet again. ****1/2

AEW World tag team title: FTR v. Aussie Open

Fletcher and Dax trade headlocks to start and Dax puts him down with a tackle, so Fletcher walks away from a double-team situation. Over to Cash, and this time they do double-team Fletcher and Cash hits him with an atomic drop and backdrop to take over. Dax drops the elbow for two. Davis comes in and trade chops with Dax and they just unload on each other until Davis hits a senton. Over to Fletcher, and Dax drops a leg on him for two. FTR double-team Kyle with chops in the corner and we get a stereo beating in the corners, but the Aussies take FTR to the floor for the collider. Back in the ring, Fletcher gets one on Cash as the Aussies go to work. Davis chokes out Cash on the ropes, but Cash slugs back on Fletcher and slingshots him to the floor. Double team running powerbomb gets two for Davis. That was pretty cool.

Davis with a chinlock, but he misses a senton and Cash fights back, but is unable to make the tag. Cash comes back again with a top rope back suplex and they’re both down, but Davis cuts off the tag this time and Fletcher hits Cash with a brainbuster for two. Davis puts the boots to him and Cash fights for the tag again, but Fletcher cuts him off, so Cash backdrops him and makes the hot tag to Dax. Corner clotheslines on Fletcher and he follows with a lariat, but can’t quite get Davis down. He hits Fletcher with the german suplexes, but then goes up and gets brought down and double-teamed for two. FTR going to the top almost always means bad things. Dax comes back with the slingshot powerbomb on Fletcher for two. FTR with the Powerplex setup, but the Aussies hit Cash with a Doomsday Device kick instead and that gets two. Everyone goes up and FTR gets the Powerplex this time for two, but Fletcher makes the save. They all slug it out and Dax gets dumped, and the Aussies hit Cash with the double lariat, but he cradles Davis for two. Aussies recover with a rather messy Shatter Machine on Cash and the Reverse Toilet Swirl for two, but Dax makes the save. To the apron and the Aussies double-team Cash out there, but FTR switches it to the spike piledriver on Davis on the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. So Fletcher goes up in desperation and Cash cuts him off, setting up a flying Shatter Machine off the top rope to finish for FTR at 20:29. I was actually thinking they might switch the titles to set up a fresh matchup for Full Gear but I guess we’re getting FTR v. Bucks again. Excellent tag team wrestling here. ****1/4

TNT title, 2/3 Falls: Christian Cage v. Darby Allin

Darby is already bleeding from his cheek before they even lock up. Darby takes him down with a wristlock, but Christian reverses and works the arm until Darby takes him down with a side headlock. Christian puts the boots to him and chokes him out on the ropes before giving us a ticket to the gun show. Darby tries the coffin splash and Cage counters him into the Killswitch, but Darby pulls the turtleneck over his head and jackknifes him for the first fall at 5:10.

Second fall and Christian stops to pay his respects to Mrs. Buddy Wayne at ringside and then slugs Darby down with a cheapshot to take over. He whips Darby into the corner for one and gets some choking on the ropes, much like the Mariners choked away their postseason hopes and the exact opposite of how the Blue Jays somehow did not choke this year, and he goes to a neck vice. Darby fights out of that, so Christian necks him on the top rope, but Darby gets a Code Red for two. Rollup gets two. Crossbody gets two. Crucifix gets two. Christian ends that rally by tossing him to the floor and goes to flirt with Nick’s mom some more, but she leads him on and then throws a drink in his face. What a trollop. This allows Darby to hit Cage with a tope and a coffin drop on the floor, and back in the ring with another coffin drop. But Cage gets the knees up to block and then sends him into the announce table to take over again. Christian sets up the stairs outside and tries a suplex from the apron, but Darby falls way short. So Christian heads out and suplexes him onto the stairs from the floor instead. Well that’s nice of him. Back to the apron and Christian powerslams him off the apron and onto the stairs again for a trademark Darby Allin horrifying bump. Because the first two weren’t enough I guess. And Christian unsurprisingly wins the second fall by countout at 15:15.

Christian demands to be awarded the third fall while the doctor checks on Darby, and then he walks around the ring undoing the mat ropes while they prep a stretcher. Meanwhile Christian pulls up the mats and exposes all the wood, and then frog splashes Darby’s stretcher for good measure. So back into what’s left of the ring, which is mostly just wood, and he hits the Killswitch on the exposed boards for two. This isn’t crazy enough, so Cage tries a spear and that misses. But he gets a Sharpshooter on Darby instead, and Darby makes the ropes. Darby fights back again and hits a Death Drop on the boards, but Darby goes up for the coffin drop and only gets two. Another try, but Cage crotches him and wants a superplex onto the stairs this time. Darby blocks that, so Cage powerbombs him, and the ref is bumped. So Christian goes with the epic low blow and grabs the title, but Nick Wayne steals it. And…he turns on Darby like we all predicted. Well the man needs a father figure. And that allows Christian to get the pin and retain at 25:21 in a definite shocker of a result. Well they certainly gave them everything here and then some. ***3/4.

Afterwards, we get the beatdown from our new happy family of Nick Wayne and Christian, but Sting makes the save until Luchasaurus joins in the beatdown. This sets up the Conchairto, but the lights go out and it’s the AEW debut of ADAM COPELAND as the crowd loses their everloving minds. And indeed, we get a new sample of “You Think You Know Me” and the same Alter Bridge song before Adam wrecks the heels to end the show.

Well we certainly answered the question about the entrance music, and apparently WWE didn’t renew “Rated R Superstar” so AEW can use that one too.

Well this one delivered everything I was wanting out of it. I’d say they could have safely chopped the entire first hour out of it, but Tony loves his four hour shows so whatever. A couple of stone cold classics and nothing bad, and OH YEAH the debut of Adam Copeland to end the night, makes this another thumbs up show.