The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.27.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.27.23

I was gonna take a pass on this one and maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter or something tonight to assist the less fortunate, but then they announced that JEFF JARRETT IS GETTING A SHOT AT THE INTERNATIONAL TITLE and I was all in again! Tonight is the night! The champagne is on ice!

Live from Denver Omelette

Your hosts are Excalibur & Taz

AEW International title: Rey Fenix v. Jeff Jarrett

Now the important question: Is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Death Match title on the line here? Is someone going to be keeping track of the linear championship line if the worst happens and JJ loses? Fenix hits a dive before the bell and they brawl on the floor, as Fenix hits Sonjay with a rana and sends him headfirst into Satnam Singh’s yambag area. Into the ring, Fenix with a moonsault press for two, but Jeff beats Fenix down and chokes him on the ropes. Then the most important part of any title match, THE STRUT, but he walks into a series of kicks from Fenix. Rey goes up and Satnam swats him down, and Jarrett gets a DDT as we take a break. Back with the crowd chanting for Jarrett, and he trips up Fenix and boots him to the floor. But then Aubrey heads out and tackles Karen to keep her from interfering, which seems a bit biased. Fenix rolls into a double stomp for two back in the ring, and he goes up with a ropewalk kick on Jay Lethal. But then Jarrett goes low and gets a small package for two. Jarrett with a powerbomb that Fenix reverses, but THE STROKE gets two. Finally he tries for a figure-four, but Fenix reverses into a small package for the pin at 8:26, finally unifying the International and Texas Chainsaw Massacre Death Match titles once and for all. The match had a ton of heat because Jeff Jarrett is such a heat machine that you could siphon some off him and pipe it into RAW for Dominick’s interviews, but the match wasn’t what you’d call…what’s the word I’m looking for here…good? Yeah that’s the word, good. **.

Meanwhile, MJF and Adam Cole are on a boat, and they discuss the Roddy Strong situation, but MJF MAY HAVE brought Adam out to hit him with the Dynamite Diamond Ring and then dump his body overboard. But then Adam points out that it’s normal to have more than one friend, and Max almost got caught last time he tried to throw a guy overboard. And then they go fishing and accidentally hook Captain Insano. Truly heartwarming stuff.

Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Don Callis and Takeshita go looking for Kenny Omega’s secrets.

Don Callis and Takeshita join Renee for an interview in the ring, and Don announces that Sammy Guevara is the newest member of his family. And now Sammy has a new Scarface logo for his entrance and he’s even more unlikeable. So then Don continues the story of his trip to Tokyo, as they visit Ibushi’s dojo and Takeshita beats on one of his students. And then when Ibushi tries to save, Takeshita lays him out with a kettle bell weight and leaves him laying. WHY WOULD YOU HIT HIM IN HIS BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL FACE? That’s kind of crossing the line. So back in America, Sammy claims that he’s actually the hero, and the fans have a very negative reaction to that. Well this one certainly had some heat.

Meanwhile, Wheeler Yuta confronts Ricky Starks after Collision, setting up a match at WrestleDream.

Nick Jackson v. Claudio Castagnoli v. Brian Cage

Cage immediately tosses Nick out with a press slam and we get the showdown with Claudio. They trade suplexes and no-sell each other, but Nick comes back in and takes them both down with a flying headscissors before diving onto them outside. Back in, Nick continues running wild and hits Cage with a backstabber out of the corner, but Claudio lays him out with a forearm as we take a break. Back with Cage hitting Claudio with a suplex, but Nick bulldogs Cage and then moonsaults Claudio into a DDT on the floor. Back in, Nick with a 450 for two. Claudio breaks that up and tosses Nick before giving Cage the Giant Swing for two. Nick takes Claudio to the floor and goes up with a flying bodypress on Cage, but he gets caught and walloped for two. Hey, instead of fighting, they should team up. They can call the team Nicholas Cage. Claudio tries to come into the ring, so Cage hits him with a deadlift suplex for two. Nick and Claudio trade cradles for two and we get a three-way striking battle that ends with Nick on the floor, and Claudio puts Cage down with an uppercut for two. Ricola Bomb on Cage, but Nick steals the pin at 10:12 to advance to the title match against Fenix next week. This was pretty awesome and they clicked shockingly well. ****

Meanwhile, the Righteous continue using up TV time that someone else could be getting over with. Like really, THESE TWO get a PPV title shot and Dalton Castle wastes away on Honor Club? Mom, we don’t have Bray Wyatt at home.

Better Than You Bay Bay join us and Adam is not looking like someone ready to be working on Sunday. And indeed, he confirms that he broke his ankle and has to go get surgery. So he announces that they’ll have to relinquish the titles to the Righteous. But this greatly offends MJF, who promises to defend the titles by himself. So this brings out Roderick, in a wheelchair and very revealing hospital gown. But MJF now understands secondary friends and tells MJF to go help Strong with his emergency. “Does he go to a different hospital in every city we go to?” wonders Excalibur. But then this brings out the Bullet Club and apparently we all want to hear the sweet exotic accent of Jay White. Also MJF is obviously a little intimidated by CardBlade. So then MJF schools him on the mic and compares Jay to TOFU, the lamest and blandest of all foods. And indeed Jay has been given the cool entrance and cool nickname and cool faction, but if you take all that away, all that’s left is boring tofu. THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS! So then Jay tries to drive a wedge between MJF and Adam and accuses them of trying to injure each other, and then does quite the fired up promo to challenge Max for the AEW World title before running away. And after like 20 minutes of this deal, it didn’t actually set up a match. Unless they do a “Tony Khan has made it official…” announcement for Dynamite next week but that feels like a pretty big match for a TV show. Actually, now that MJF is an expert fisherman, they could actually form a new tag team together, and they could call it BAIT AND SWITCH. Anyway, this was a HELL of a deal and now I must see MJF v. Jay White and I think it might end with AEW World champion Jay White, god help us all.

Meanwhile, Jim Ross sits down with Christian Cage and Darby Allin, and Christian denies that Luchasaurus was ever champion. Oh and he’s heard that Darby’s uncle is DEAD. So Christian tells him to bring his whole family, including Nick Wayne’s mom. No wait, he’ll call Nick Wayne’s mom himself.

Orange Cassidy v. Matt Jackson v. Penta El Zero v. Austin Gunn

Man this feels like such a waste of Orange Cassidy after he built up all that momentum leading into the Moxley loss. They trade rollups to start and Orange dumps Matt, but Penta dropkicks Orange to the floor and then has his dive interrupted by Austin. So Penta gives him the glove deal and then chops him down. Orange breaks that up, but Penta superkicks him and Gunn slugs away on Orange to take him out as we take a break. Back with Austin and Orange slugging it out on the top rope, but Orange “dives” onto the other guys outside. Back in, Gunn with a neckbreaker for two. The guys trade destroyers in a wacky series and Gunn rolls up Orange for two, but Orange gives him another destroyer and they’re all out. I was hoping that Orange would pull out the slow motion destroyer from the viral video there. Matt runs wild with a sliced bread on Penta and rolls up Orange for two, and then manages to hit Penta and Austin with a double northern lights suplex while still pinning Orange in a move that pretty much spits in the face of physics. Penta blocks a BTE Trigger and everyone hits their finishers, which leads to Austin getting two on Orange, then Matt, then Penta. So the other three guys all superkick Austin in annoyance, but he trips up Penta and Orange punches Matt to finish at 12:28. Excalibur feels like this gives the team of Orange Cassidy and Hook the most momentum heading into the PPV. Have they even TEAMED before? Anyway this was very wacky and energetic and had lots of heat, but I wasn’t really into it very much as a match and there were no stakes. ***

Willow Nightingale v. Julia Hart

Willow sells the devastating black mist attack from Saturday, which of course we never actually saw and just have to kind of take their word for it, but attacks Julia in the corner and beats on her with chops. Willow slugs her down on the mat and comes back with slams, but Julia runs under the ring and clips Willow from behind as we take a break. Back with Willow making a comeback with a spinebuster for two. Julia trips her and gets Hartless, but Willow makes the ropes to break. Julia with a handspring, but Willow pounces her and hangs her in the Tree of Woe. But then Julia flips herself up and moonsaults Willow for the pin at 8:18. Julia got over pretty huge with the crowd here and I think they’re gonna switch the title on the PPV. Match was clunky before the break and pretty good after it, so it kind of balanced out. **1/2

Main Event Contract Signing: Swerve Strickland v. Hangman Page

Apparently Hangman’s “penmanship has not improved”. Sounds like my sixth grade teacher. That’s why I learned how to touch type. So Swerve is pretty confident that being in Seattle will make it his house, but Hangman has decided to stop being such a miserable grump and stabs Swerve in the hand with the pen to show that he’s back in business and ready to be a champion again.

BUT WAIT…backstage, Jay White gets beat up by a mysterious group of mimes, led by a masked man in MJF’s devil mask. Ooo, that’s pretty interesting. Could be MJF, could be the Kingdom framing MJF, could be Adam Cole double-crossing his partner. Andrade and the reformed LFI? They could go a lot of ways with this one.

That being said, hopefully Collision has a really big go-home angle because this one didn’t really do anything to sell me that we haven’t seen before. It sure made me want to see MJF v. Switchblade at Full Gear or whenever it happens, but I’m still struggling to understand why we even need WrestleDream.

An OK but ultimately forgettable show this week overall.