The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.09.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.09.23

Live from Columbus, OH

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

The Jericho Appreciation Society joins us to start for their mandatory meeting. Daniel Garcia was hurt, physically and emotionally, by the baseball bat to the head last week. So he dances away from Chris and walks out on him. And then Jake Hager reminds us all of the tragedy of the purple hat, which he liked so much, and he also walks out. Tay Melo is sick to her stomach, and not from the baby. Angelo Parker loves being a sports entertainer, but Jericho never gives anything back to him, so he walks out as well. Daddy Magic tells his story about getting betrayed by Jericho and he’s gone. That leaves Sammy, who is sick of fighting Jericho’s battles and putting Sting through a table because Jericho wanted it done. But he might be around later, and he walks out as well. So I guess that’s the end of the JAS. What a bummer this whole segment was.

Meanwhile, Jericho is moping around backstage, but Don Callis stops by and Jericho will announce his decision next week.

The Young Bucks v. The Hardy Boyz

The announcers notes that the Hardyz are working a “smarter not harder” style lately. Jeff trades takedowns with Matt to start, but the Hardyz double-team Matt in the corner and then hit him with a double suplex for two. Matt slams Matt on the mat for two and a backslide gets two. Hardyz with Poetry in Slow Motion, but Nick cuts that off and comes in to run wild. Risky Business on Matt and the Hardyz regroup on the floor, so Nick hits them with a dive as we take a break. Back with Jeff running wild, but the Bucks hit Jeff with a version of the 3D for two. They go for the Meltzer, but Matt breaks it up and Jeff goes up with the swanton on Nick, which gets two. Hardyz run wild with Twists of Fate, but the Bucks catch Matt with the BTE Trigger for the pin at 9:42. Way better than it had any right to be thanks to the Bucks working for like 7 people here. ***1/4. So the Bucks call out FTR, and they answer, despite being COLLISION GUYS. WORLDS ARE COLLISIONING! And indeed FTR accepts the challenge.

Meanwhile, we learn that the Women’s title will be defended in a four-way to be determined via the world’s most obvious tournament results. Gee, think it’ll be Britt Baker, Saraya and Toni Storm challenging?

Meanwhile, Better Than You Bay Bay celebrate the announcement of their main event at All In, and Adam has a night of debauchery at the TRAMPOLINE PARK planned. So Max makes his own fun and murders a bunch of little kids with dodgeballs. For some reason Adam thinks it’s wrong. Until a little girl flips him off, at which point he changes his tune.

Meanwhile, the BCC clarifies that they don’t fear death, death fears them. Also Pac is now out with another injury. Sucks to be him.

FTW Title: Jack Perry v. Rob Van Dam

Jack doesn’t even let Rob finish his ring announcement before laying him out, but Rob rolls him up for two. Rob beats on him in the corner, so Jack bails to the floor and Rob drops him on the railing and hits the guillotine legdrop out there as we take a break. Back with Perry missing the Rolling Thunder in the ring, and Rob monkey flips him out of the corner. Rolling Thunder gets two. Split legged moonsault misses, but the ref gets bumped on a wayward chair. Rob goes up and Jack cuts him off, so Rob tosses him through a table on the floor. Back in, Rob goes up with the frog splash, which brings Aubrey out to make the count for two. So Jack goes low, runs him into the chair, and rolls him up for the pin at 9:39 to retain. Match had good heat because people still believed in RVD, but he was working SLOOOOOOOW. **1/2

Meanwhile, the Lucha Bros are going to call them the Blackpool COWARD Club. Ouch. Wouldn’t wanna be the BCC after that sick burn.

Adam Cole & MJF join us, and Max wants to clarify that footage of him calling the Midwest “mid” is edited and fake. Adam decides to playfully start some stuff, so Max declares a PROMO BATTLE and declares that Adam is so white that Hulk Hogan would have snorted him in the 80s. But Adam has other things on his mind, namely the ROH World tag team titles for some reason. So he wants to wrestle for the tag team titles on the All In pre-show, which has Max thinking he’s some kind of sick pervert for wanting to wrestle twice. So they issue the challenge to Aussie Open, but Roderick Strong interrupts, still with the neck brace, but MJF is really sick of the “jealous ex-girlfriend vibes” and thinks he should do what all generic white guys do and run home to listen to Taylor Swift while crying into his Hello Kitty pillow. So the crowd tells him to “Shake It Off” and Roddy appeals to Adam Cole, before walking off with the Kingdom. So MJF is like “Good riddance” and Adam flips out on him and we get more tension before they hug it out again and then Adam goes to check on Roddy. I hope those crazy kids can work things out!

The Lucha Bros v. The Blackpool Combat Club

The Lucha Bros hit the ring from the crowd and Fenix hits Claudio with a cutter in the ring and then dives on Moxley outside. Penta with Made in Japan for two. Meanwhile Moxley is bleeding and the announcers over the top sarcasm about how shocked they are is hilarious. Mox comes in and puts the boots to Penta in the corner before hitting a double DDT on the Bros. Fenix makes a comeback on Claudio, but Wheeler Yuta hits him with the ROH title behind the ref’s back and Moxley hits a cutter for two. Claudio drops an elbow for two and goes to an armbar as we take a break. Back with Fenix fighing back with chops on Claudio, but the BCC hits him with a spike piledriver for two. They go for a Doomsday Device and Fenix bridges back into a victory roll on Claudio and makes the hot tag to Penta. Backstabber on Claudio gets two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and everyone trades kicks and then big moves and all four guys are out. The climactic superkick on Moxley and his sell were awesome. Tony cracks himself up when talking about Collision, noting that he’ll be there in North Carolina because “he’s got nothing to do on the weekends”, barely able to finish the sentence before losing it. Fenix slugs it out with Claudio and then Penta gets into the big fight with Moxley and they lay in the leather with chops before the Luchas hit a spike piledriver on Moxley for two. Fenix goes up and Wheeler gets involved again, but Fenix hits him with a moonsault while Moxley rolls up Penta with a handful of trunks at 13:15. Apparently they pulled off the mask first but the camera completely missed it. Well that makes more sense. Crowd was pretty quiet up until the break but it got awesome in a hurry after that. ****. And then we get the BCC beatdown afterwards, with no one making the save. Huh, thought they’d be setting up Moxley v. Orange for Wembley here.

Swerve Strickland and the Mogul Embassy join us, and I’m wondering now why Big Bill doesn’t just join the team. Swerve and AR Fox call out Darby Allin, who think it’s ridiculous that they’re all pissed off about him bringing Nick Wayne into AEW. But then he reminds them he also has friends, and the lights go out and Sting returns and kicks Swerve’s ass. And apparently it’s a tag match for All In. Well you can’t say this show isn’t putting in the work to set up that show now.

AEW Women’s title: Hikaru Shida v. Anna Jay

They slug it out and Anna gets a cradle for two and goes for the choke, but Shida makes the ropes. Shida hits her with a high knee in the corner, but Anna dumps her to the apron and puts her on the floor. Back in, that gets two as we take a break. Back with Shida making the comeback with a running elbow for two. They fight to the apron and Shida sets up the chair, but 2.0 prevents a dive onto Anna. And Anna rams her into the stairs and back in for two. Anna with the choke, but Shida makes the ropes again and then slams out of it. Falcon arrow gets two, and the katana kick finishes at 9:00. Weird finish there with Parker seemingly breaking up the pin but the ref counted anyway. Anna Jay has her place on the shows these days, and the main event of Dynamite ain’t it. **. I mean, I get the reactionary thing here where they’re all butt-hurt about the “book the women better” criticism, but putting these two out there to die in the ratings isn’t the solution.

Not a great wrestling show, but they certainly found a solid direction for Wembley and set up some stuff for it, so that’s a success despite the quiet crowd. Nothing bad, nothing spectacular, just a Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling Show this week.