The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.26.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.26.23

Today I accidentally discovered that having your iPad near your Macbook allows your mouse pointer to move from the computer to the iPad like an extended screen and now I’m FREAKED OUT. WHAT KIND OF BLACK MAGIC SORCERY IS THIS?!?

Live from Albany NY. STEAMED HAMS. OK I’ve got it out of my system now.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

International title: Orange Cassidy v. AR Fox

We get a nice little video package about Fox to give this one some stakes. Orange gives Fox a very Orange Cassidy handshake while Excalibur relates the story behind all of Orange’s injuries, and they trade takedowns and kip-ups. Although Fox is much more energetic about his. Fox with a bodyscissors, but Orange uses the power of the pockets to wriggle free. Fox with a rollup for two and an enzuigiri to send Orange into the corner, and OC bails off that. So Fox hits a running moonsault off the corner post in a cool reversal. Back in the ring, Fox with a rolling cradle, but Orange counters him with the stunner. So Fox hits his own stunner and then blocks the DDT and takes him down with a twisting suplex for two. Orange bails again off that and we take a break. Back with them fighting over a backslide and trading big boots, then a double neckbreaker to put them both down. Orange runs him into the turnbuckles, but Fox suckers him into a senton miss and then tosses him for a dive, and back in for a swanton that gets two. Orange tosses him and gets his own dive, and then back in for the DDT and Beach Break for two. Orange goes up and Fox brings him down with a Spanish Fly for two, but Orange rolls to safety on the apron. So Fox rolls out to the apron with a senton and back in with a DDT for two. Fox goes up and misses the 450 and Orange cradles for two and then finishes with the Mouse Trap at 13:47 to retain. A fun wacky match. ***1/2. But then Orange offers the glasses as a consolation, and Fox smashes them up and turns on Orange. This naturally brings out Darby Allin to give Fox shit about that kind of behavior. And then Orange’s night gets worse, as Jon Moxley hits the ring and lays him with a Death Rider in retribution for Orange hitting Claudio at the ROH PPV.

Meanwhile, Don Callis offers Chris Jericho the chance to team up with Takeshita…against Daniel Garcia & Sammy Guevara. And Don even has a piece of artwork to commemorate their new partnership, celebrating their friendship with Bad News Allen. “Hell of a painting” notes Renee.

Meanwhile, Claudio offers a PSA for everyone watching at home: Don’t mess with the BCC. And now everyone is gonna pay for Pac’s mistake and get hurt.

Jack Perry joins us, with his new orange and black gear and “I Beat Hook” shirt, to celebrate his FTW title win last week. Apaprently Hook has gone home after the loss and “taken a train to nowhere”. And the FTW title was created in a second class company full of scumbags, but now the FTW title has become real and he’d beat all of the dirtbags in ECW back in the day. So Jerry Lynn interrupts to put over ECW again, so Jack challenges him to a match next week, because “he’s obviously not dressed to fight this week.” He’s literally standing there in wrestling gear, which makes it that much funnier. Really digging Perry as a chickenshit heel thus far.

Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD is excited to face Taya this week.

Pac v. Gravity

Pac’s got a new seizure-inducing entrance video. Gravity appears to be a space traveller of some kind, perhaps a distant relative of Lazertron. And then Tony MAKES THE SAME JOKE after I type that. Get out of my head, Schiavone! Anyway he’s also got stylized “G” logos on his gear which look like a reference to Gatchaman, although I’m very old so he’s probably not making that reference. But it would be cool if so because I was all about Battle of the Planets as a kid. Anyway, he tosses Pac and gets a dive, and then slams him on the floor and hits a wacky stalling splash off the apron and back in for some slow motion walking as we take a break. Back with Pac in control and cracking jokes about Gravity not forgetting him, but Gravity gets a crazy springboard splash where he looked like he was defying some sort of law of physics that I can’t remember at the moment. Pac beats on him in the corner and chokes him out, and they head to the top for a brainbuster from Pac that sets up the Brutalizer to finish at 8:33. They appear to have something with Gravity and hopefully they don’t waste it. I wouldn’t call it a great match as such but Gravity was instantly memorable. ***

Meanwhile, MJF and Adam Cole do their victory promo and Max clowns on FTR and promises to punch them in the face so hard that they “spit out CM Punk’s jockstrap”. Adam promises that he’s got nothing to worry about with the World title, and Max has become his best friend. But Max offers Adam a rematch for the title after Collision in the name of friendship, which prompts Roderick to burst in making all kinds of insane accusations about MJF. “Hey, BOUNDARIES!” Adam snaps at him. I feel the same way when my dogs are trying to muscle me off the couch.

Meanwhile, FTR feels kind of bad that Adam Cole is getting dragged into their thing with MJF. But they’re gonna beat the shit out of Max once and for all.

Darby Allin v. Swerve Strickland

The announcers are still convinced that MJF is turning on Adam. Darby grabs a headlock on Swerve and gets taken to the apron to break it, but he comes back in with another headlock and takes Swerve down with a springboard armdrag. Darby bails to the floor and goads Swerve into a dive attempt, and then moves out of the way and hits him with a Code Red out there. That was slick. They fight on the floor and Darby runs Swerve into the stairs, but Swerve launches himself off the stairs with the kick and we take a break. Back with Swerve hitting a suplex in the ring for two. They trade cradles and Darby gets the Last Supper for two, but Swerve bails to the apron and Darby spears him to the floor. He tries another dive and Swerve nails him in mid-air with amazing timing, and back in for the Swerve Stomp for two. They fight to the top, and Darby comes down with a stunner to put Swerve on the apron. Swerve trips him up and brings him down from the top with a terrifying death valley driver onto the apron, which I’m shocked didn’t fracture Darby’s back tattoo. But then AR Fox pops out of the audience, runs Darby into the ringpost, and Swerve finishes with the JML Driver at 11:41. Another banger for Swerve. ***1/2. And then Fox turns on Nick Wayne as well, revealing himself to be part of Swerve’s group. That was a really good show-spanning angle after Fox got called out and humiliated by Darby earlier on.

Meanwhile, the JAS, complete with preggo Tay, decides to confront Jericho and he doesn’t have any good answers for them.

Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Taya Valkyrie

Britt tries a headlock on Taya, but Taya powers out of it and hits the running knees in the corner. Taya with the chops and a clothesline for two, but Britt tries a comeback and Taya gets something like the Road to Valhalla and beats on Britt with elbows as we take a break. Back with Britt hitting an elbow for one as they hopefully got their shit together during the break, and they slug it out until Taya gets a northern lights suplex for two to block the Panama Sunrise. Britt gets it on a second try and that gets two. Britt tries for the finish, but Taya counters out, so Britt reverses again to the Lockjaw to finish at 9:52. And then we get a tremendous camera cut, right to a sign in the audience that says “Book the Women’s Division Better” after a nothing match between two going-nowhere women in the death slot. Gotta love it. **

Rampage is looking very Rampage-y again this week. And speaking of booking the women’s division better, Hikaru Shida is facing Nyla Rose in a Women’s title eliminator. AGAIN. They’ve literally been fighting since 2019. Also The Kingdom in action, you say? Sounds like a can’t miss episode. Also if the battle royale is an tag team eliminator match, does that mean only the winning team can ever get a shot at the champions? I don’t think I’d be entering that match if I was a top team.

Best Friends v. The Lucha Bros v. The Blackpool Combat Club

Everyone brawls to the stage to start and Trent dives onto Moxley up there, and then we get a showdown with Claudio and Fenix in the ring. Fenix dives off the top with an armdrag and everyone goes crazy with big moves, leading to Claudio hitting the Swiss Death forearm on Fenix for two. Finally they all settle in and Moxley tags in (“Wow, is that a tag?” quips Tony) for some punishment on Fenix, and Claudio drops a leg for two. Fenix fights back with chops and a superkick and Trent comes in with a tornado DDT on Claudio for two. Trent with a side suplex on Claudio to put him on the floor, but Moxley nails Trent to cut off a dive attempt and gets the lariat for two. We take a break and return with Trent hitting a missile dropkick on Claudio, allowing Chuck to get the hot tag. Moxley cuts him off and slugs away in the corner, but Chuck puts him down with a german suplex and it’s over to Penta. Backstabber on Chuck gets two. We break down again as Claudio presses Chuck into a flatiiner from Moxley and everyone is down. Chuck rolls up Penta for two out of that. Best Friends hit stereo piledrivers on the Lucha Bros for two, but Penta snaps Trent’s arm and hits the Penta Driver for two. BCC saves and Moxley spikes Fenix with the Paradigm Shift, but Orange Cassidy runs in and attacks Moxley. This allows Trent to hit Claudio with Strong Zero, but it’s not the legal man. And Penta hits Trent with the Fear Factor to finish at 14:30 after that. This was all rather wacky and chaotic but was mostly enjoyable. I’m not 100% following the stuff coming out of the ROH show but I guess that’s on me for not ordering it. ***1/4.

Definitely a table-setting episode for Collision and then next week’s Dynamite 200, but I really enjoyed the AR Fox turn and there was good wrestling up and down the show this week, so that’s a win.