The GWF TV Title Tournament- Part 1 (mostly Dream Matches!)

THE GWF TV TITLE TOURNAMENT:
(June 26th 1991)
* Yes, it’s more of the Global Wrestling Federation! This is, again, the continuation of World Class in Texas, taking over the Sportatorium with a podunk indie, albeit one that has a lot of once and future stars in it. Twenty-four wrestlers in three brackets fight for the TV Title, ending with three finalists- their “World” Title tournament was the same way. We start off with a bunch of dudes, including I think Craid DeGeorge, and then Jim Cornette shows up to hype his man Stan Lane, saying they called out The Patriot (GWF’s top guy).

The tournament is made up of a combination of jobbers, tag wrestlers (Chris Walker, Stan Lane), WCCW stalwart Brian Adias, All Japan alum Billy Black, Calgary veteran Makhan Singh, Buddy Landell, “Exotic” Adrian Street vs. AXL ROTTEN of all people, “Rasta the Voodoo Man”, and the roided up big star of GWF, The Patriot.

Some of the matches are in full, while some are in these “just the last 30 seconds” bits, with one clip airing slightly more. The second part will be in next week’s column!

BRIAN ADIAS vs. “BAD BOY” BILLY BLACK:
* OH GREAT we’re into the first match and I already have to look people up. Ah right, Adias is the guy who was allied with the Von Erichs for years until turning heel on them, probably acting as a heater here to put over heels or the like. He’s a Pasty McGeneric white guy in red trunks, but at least the WCCW faithful would recognize him. Black had an 8-year career that was just starting out here, but he’d just come from ALL JAPAN of all places, winning their secondary tag belts as one of many “Cowboy Heel” midcarders. He’s got long black tights and a mandatory ’90s mullet and goatee. Ironically, his real last name is “White”.

Black is described as the “Georgia All-Star Wrestling TV Champion” and an odds-on favorite, and “of course everyone knows the history of Georgia wrestling” (well of course *I* do since I’m a master historian who is never clueless about these guys but he should totally refer to it here so I can quote it!). They do the basics for a while, Black just barely working heel (he’s said to be popular in Georgia but “reverting to his old ways”, but Adias goes to the hair as well), then butcher a hiptoss spot (Black thought it was a second shoulderblock but Adias decided to hiptoss him so they just collided and Black sold it too late), but the commentators call out the application and point out that Adias is just SO GOOD he was able to haul him over despite not hooking the arm. Adias hits a chinlock to work through it, bouncing Black around with generic stuff until Black gets a superkick for two after a dirty break in the corner. He brawls away, but Adias comes back and tries a Flying Splash, only to land on knees and get pinned (Black holding the tights) at (6:19). lol, they jobbed poor Adias straight away?

This was the most “Generic Wrestling Match” you’ve ever seen, full of Internationals, dirty breaks, headlock sequences, etc. Perfectly fine “early career” stuff, but with little of the flourish matches from 1991 were expected to have.

Rating: *1/2 (inoffensive but plain)

Assorted interviews take place, showing Global is at least building stuff. Joe Pedicino interviews Buddy Landell, who insists on calling himself “Nature Boy” and talking smack on Ric Flair. “Norman” (Makhan Singh/Norman the Lunatic/Bastian Booger) rips on Joe and says he’s ashamed to be an American since they sent 500,000 soldiers to attack Iraq, “A country the size of Rhode Island”. But he’s found his “roots” in “the great Pakistan country” and has renamed himself Makhan Singh, going back to his Stampede gimmick.

“HOT BODY” RANDY RHODES vs. SWEET DADDY FALCONE:
* GODDAMMIT MORE UNKNOWNS. Rhodes is a portly bleach-blond guy obviously doing a Dusty riff, with the commentators joking about how “he seems familiar somehow”. He’s in black trunks and appears to have only done the indies (like Capitol Wrestling). Falcone’s a 6’4″-ish Memphis guy who’d just debuted, and spent 3 years in Global- he’s in pink trunks.

The rookies trade armwringers and punches, then headlocks, both working heel. They holler a lot and hit clubbing blows, but Falcone gets a clothesline and starts biting. Rhodes comes back as the fans get impatient with this garbage, and Falcone gets another clothesline, but misses a stinger splash and Randy finishes him with the Bulldog at (6:05). Yes, the match was so uninteresting this is all I could write about it.

Rating: 1/2* (just two guys trading chinlocks, headlocks and punches to the forehead until one of them wins)

Better get used to more Patriot, because HOLY BUCKETS does GWF intend to get him over!

THE PATRIOT vs. “SWEET” STAN LANE (w/ Jim Cornette):
* So the GWF’s signature star is of course Del “The Patriot” Wilkes, a pretty weaksauce steroid guy, but at least the company has Cornette as a heel manager, though his only dude is “The Gangster of Love”, Stan Lane. I think Cornette forgot the name of the belt as he calls Stan “the future TAG TEAM Champion”, but the commentary blows it off as Cornette “looking over the Patriot”. Patriot’s in US flag-striped tights and Stan’s in dark trunks with a blue (I think?) stripe across the front.

They trade basics for a while, with Stan begging off or getting his comeuppance in revenge spots, and making sure to take as much time as possible to do ANYTHING. He throws some feather-light savate kicks out of a break, but eats a back elbow & Cornette puts his foot on the ropes. The Patriot chases Cornette around ringside, hoists the ref out of the way and then knocks Jim & Stan’s noggins together for a crowd-pleasing spot, and Stan bounces around for some shots until Cornette trips Patriot up. Stan chokes Patriot with wrist-tape and Cornette fires the tennis racket into the ribs, Stan leapfrogging the top rope and hitting a clothesline for two (he appears to not realize the ref is counting this as a cover, as he’s not even trying to touch Patriot on the landing). Patriot’s sunset flip is missed by the ref, and more choking/racketing ramps up the cheating, but Patriot arbitrarily stands up out of a chinlock to slug it out- Stan goes to the eyes but ends up bumping for a ton of horrible strikes until Cornette rackets Patriot in the back. Stan gets two off of that, but is launched off and Patriot rams him into Cornette and rolls him up for the pin at (9:17).

Not a horrible match, as Stan is stuck teaching this big, clumsy, shitty rookie how to wrestle but knows how to do it- he stalls his ass off for 3 minutes, does basics, then makes sure to bounce around like crazy every time Patriot touches him so the match doesn’t look like shit. Patriot threw some pretty bad stuff out there (his sunset flip and clothesline were klutzy as hell), but Stan’s little kicks would have drawn outrage from Cornette in a podcast if a Young Buck had done them today. But then there’s all this constant cheating to make the fans mad but they are hoist by their own petard(s) and both get humiliated for the finish.

Rating: ** (Not Bad Wrestling 101- bounce around for the big rookie, cheat, and then give them a tainted fall because you cheated too much and got caught)

Stan gets outraged at Cornette (“What were you doin’ headbuttin’ me and costing me that match!?”) while Cornette complains about a “ringer” referee. Boni Blackstone interviews BIG BULLY BUSICK of all people, asking why he’s allowed to use the banned Heart Punch- he insists it’s called “the Bully Blaster” and thus it’s different (did this guy give Vanilla Ice his insight into music theft?).

It’s funny to look at him in higher resolution and realize that “oh- he’s a riff on the famous comic strip character The Phantom”.

FANTASMA vs. WILD BILL IRWIN:
* IT’S THE GOON! Versus a probably fake Luchador! Though apparently this is legitimately El Fantasma, willing to slum it. And they actually call him an expert in “lucha libre” (did NWA or WWF ever use that term before 1996?). Wild Bill’s in generic black tights (or blue jeans- the video quality here is shit) and has a thief’s bandana around his neck while Fantasma looks like a generic ’80s lucha guy, with a purple & black singlet and purple & white mask. He looks to be in pretty good shape, and is shorter than Irwin. Both guys have been at it since the late 1970s.

Wild Bill gets cocky and is immediately caught with dropkicks and a sunset flip, but bolts back with a clothesline and goes to town. Funny bit as commentator Scott Hudson goes on and on about how fast-paced and high-flying and “into the chairs and into the dressing room” lucha libre is, while Fantasma’s just sitting in a boring chinlock and doing aimless brawling. Side slam gets two and it’s funny because Bill does a lax cover for two, then does a serious one to try for real and is angry it doesn’t work. Fantasma bails, comes back with a dropkick, but again gets punched down. But wonder of wonders- after yet another dropkick, he does a PESCADO! So like Bret Hart was already doing that but it’s at least a lucha move with a Spanish name and everything. Irwin eats a forearm, but suckers Fantasma and uses his bullwhip’s butt end to nail him in the gut, and scores a GUTWRENCH SUPLEX of all things for the pin at (7:19). These falls are hilarious.

This was one guy hitting mostly dropkicks and the other guy hitting mostly brawling, with an aging Wild Bill doing the most basic stuff in a pretty dull, repetitive match until a weaksauce finisher ends it after he uses the butt end of his whip.

Rating: 3/4* (a boring, too-long match)

Not every part of the tournament is up, but here’s some of the match endings.

TERRY GARVIN vs. THE ZEBRA KID:
* haha, what? The Zebra Kid is GWF midcarder Eric Fontaine under a mask- he’s a big, burly dude in a plain black singlet and mask, doing double-duty in the company as an opening match jobber. Garvin (not the ringboy-molesting more famous one) is seen doing a “young kid who just might have a chance” character later on, so that’s probably his role here. He’s in pink tights.

We’re JIP with Garvin taking Zebra Kid down from a clothesline and holding the worst armbar in history (just wrapping his arm around ZK’s bent one). Zebra Kid does the worst rope-run I’ve seen in ages and just lumbers into a kick to the gut and a terrible DDT finishes him.

MAKHAN SINGH vs. PRIVATE TERRY DANIELS:
* “Muccan” Singh is Bastian Booger in a big red singlet like his Stampede Wrestling self, and is fighting a jobber in a blue singlet.

Singh smashes Daniels into the post, then sits on him out of a sunset flip, his old finisher, but gets up at “1” and finishes him with the Karachi Crunch (a running avalanche). Yeah so he’s using his Stampede stable to name his finisher, too.

“CONAN” CHRIS WALKER vs. DOUG SOMERS:
* Who the crap are these two? Walker is one half of the GWF Tag Team Champions so he’s at least somebody. Not that it helped him elsewhere- most of his career is doing jobs outside of Dallas. Somers is ANCIENT, having been a jobber since 1973 or so and bounced around the NWA, AWA, etc. Walker is a massively roided dude with long hair & black bicycle shorts and Somers is a pasty tall guy with bleach blond hair and red trunks.

An exhausted looking Somers hits a vertical suplex but misses a flying headbutt and Walker finishes him with The Finisher Of The Milquetoast Babyface, the flying cross-body.

RIP ROGERS vs. THE HITMAN:
* The Hitman is another masked jobber, looking pretty much like Zebra Kid but with white on his mask. Rogers is the “sissy heel” gimmick guy in 1993 WCW and is wearing pink trunks here.

We start with Hitman throwing knees and an all-time bad clothesline after Rogers ends up in Andre Position, but Rogers reverses a whip and finishes him with the same DDT Garvin did earlier and pins him.

AXL ROTTEN vs. “EXOTIC” ADRIAN STREET:
* Yes, THAT Axl Rotten. The ECW brawler fabled for deathmatches was in GWF! And of course this has to be my first Adrian Street match, lol. Rotten is a BIG fat guy with a One Man Gang-esque haircut and street clothes, while Street, one of the all-timers in the “sissy heel” department (but of course was a legit badass), is in a pink & purple singlet. He is near the end of his run, but returns a few years later.

Rotten is choking Street in the ropes and is tossed to the corner, but comes out with a weapon and pins him. This is listed as “Street defeats Rotten by DQ” so the ref must have seen it after the fact.

Oh, he has a WrestleCrap page, too. This is the first I’ve seen of him.

JEFF GAYLORD vs. RASTA THE VOODOO MAN:
* Jesus WHAT? Gaylord is one of those big guys who just never made it. Rasta sounds similar to King Rasta from “Saturday Night Slam Masters” but is a very big, muscular black guy just starting his career- he lasts until 1998, ending up in the IWA. Gaylord is a big, ripped guy in blue trunks with “Ultimate Warrior” armbands, while Rasta’s in black tights.

The two get into a slugfest, Gaylord getting the best of it, but he charges into the post and Rasta rolls him up for the pin.

BIG BULLY BUSICK vs. JIMMY JAMES:
* So Bully ran this gimmick through the indies. James is another job guy in his early years- he lasts ten years before taking a LONG sabbatical.

Bully beats on James easily and then finishes him with the Bully Blaster (heart punch), pretending that James is okay by “wrestling” him into a double-arm pin when he’s clearly out. Okay, that’s pretty funny.

“NATURE BOY” BUDDY LANDELL vs. GARY YOUNG:
* Landell’s doing his Flair riff in the ring, in black trunks, against Gary, in fluorescent ones. Young is another ancient name, having wrestled for the NWA since 1977.

Young throws punches against Landell, who even drops a knee like Flair, then reverses a cross-body for three with only one foot on the ropes (as they were out of position for him to do it properly).

ROUND TWO:
* This one is unfortunately only the final 1:20 of every match, at least giving us the finishes. Oddly it seems to be booked more “legitimately” in that there’s plenty of heel vs. heel matches instead of it “just so happening” that faces and heels fight up and down the card.

RANDY RHODES vs. “BAD BOY” BILLY BLACK:
* Heel vs. heel. Both guys are in black trunks.

We’re JIP with Randy throwing shots, but Black fires back and clotheslines him down. Rhodes whips him off the ropes but Black backrolls over him, hits a superkick, and finishes with a Moonsault (!) at (1:13 shown). Well then! Impressive showing all of a sudden.

THE PATRIOT vs. WILD BILL IRWIN:
* Irwin is probably being set up as a tolerable 2nd-round win for Patriot here.

Irwin hits a spinebuster but puts Patriot up at “1” to put over his arrogance. Then like a complete moron he goes for the bullwhip, spending an eternity arguing with the ref and finally shoving him down by the face, thus turning around for the Patriot Missile (flying shoulderblock) at (1:23 shown).

MAKHAN SINGH vs. TERRY GARVIN:
* Singh is the Monster Heel and Garvin the “spunky up & comer” so this one’s obvious. Garvin’s now in black trunks.

Singh smashes Garvin into the post. Back in the ring, Garvin goes for the sunset flip by Singh hits the Sit-Out, and like the Daniels match, gets up and hits the Karachi Crunch at (1:22 shown).

Even by the standards of pro wrestling this is a “Jumpin’ Fuck, that’s a lot of steroids” moment.

RIP ROGERS vs. “CONAN” CHRIS WALKER:
* Rogers is now in pink trunks and Walker in black.

JIP with Rogers getting Flair Tossed off the top and dropkicked into Andre Position. Walker honorably gets him free but gets crotched up top, only to headbutt Rip off and hit the Flying Cross-Body at (1:20 shown).

RASTA THE VOODOO MAN vs. “EXOTIC” ADRIAN STREET:
* Rasta has white facepaint on and looks like an absolute giant next to the dumpy, lavender-clad Street. This is again heel vs. heel.

Rasta “pushes” Street off of him in the corner, just sorta touching his forehead and sending him off. Street tries punches, which are no-sold and Rasta fires him back into the corner repeatedly, but when Street staggers him with a running shot, Rasta just grabs his voodoo cane and smacks him for the DQ at (1:05 shown).

BIG BULLY BUSICK vs. BUDDY LANDEL:
* Another heel vs. heel, with both guys in black trunks.

Buddy starts off in control, but Busick soon hammers him back and bounces him around. An elbowdrop gets two and he runs Buddy into the corners a few times, but runs into a boot and Buddy gets a foot on the ropes to hold him down at (1:18). Man, Buddy is AWFUL at getting his feet on the ropes- twice now, he’s been so out of position and clumsy that he only gets a single ankle on them, making it look LESS effective than a regular pin! Bully also had his feet in the ropes, making the ref look even dumber.

And that’s it for Rounds One & Two! The rest of the tournament is next week!