The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 07.18.02

The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 07.18.02

This week on RAW: Eric Bischoff joins WWE as the new GM on RAW.

Taped (and then re-edited all to hell in post-production) from Wilkes-Barre PA

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz

Chris Jericho v. John Cena

Michael says “rookie” about 18 times before the bell even rings. Cena quickly gets a spinebuster for two, but he charges and lands on the floor. Jericho beats on him out there, but he comes off the top and Cena catches him with a dropkick in the ring. Cena hits him with a german suplex for two. Belly to belly gets two. Jericho rolls him into the Walls, but Cena powers out of that and hits a DDT for two. Lionsault misses and Cena gets a rollup for two. Finally Jericho goes low for the DQ at 3:00. They had a decent pace going but the match went nowhere and the finish was abysmal. *1/2. So Jericho snaps and puts Cena in the Walls afterwards, and then beats on him with a chair to continue that feud. The match was counterproductive enough that Vince pulled it from the show after taping it and then got talked into putting it back at the last minute, which was one of numerous second-guessing and re-edits on the episode.

Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff arrives in a limo.

Meanwhile, you can watch the LIVE WEBCAST of Vengeance this Sunday! Get your credit cards ready now!

Meanwhile, Uncle Eric finds Hulk Hogan in the dressing room and promises that he’s taking RAW to heights never seen before. Funny considering that 2002-2004 was one of the more dire periods in the history of the show. Anyway, Eric’s fresh idea for the show is to steal all the talent from the other show. At least we know Vince McMahon would never stoop to such tactics!

The Hurricane v. Chavo Guerrero

Hurricane quickly hits a neckbreaker and backdrop, and a flying bodypress gets two. Chavo takes out the knee and goes to work on that. Hurricane tries the chokeslam, but Chavo takes out the knee again and continues to work on that. Hurricane comes back with a Shining Wizard for two and follows with a blockbuster for two, but Chavo is in the ropes. Chavo takes out the knee again and puts him in a stretch muffler, which he turns into an STF, and Hurricane taps out at 4:13. Fine little TV match. **1/4. Afterwards, Chavo is SICK of all the propaganda about this Rey Mysterio guy, so he challenges Rey for next week.

Meanwhile, another limo pulls up, with Vince McMahon this time. So he finds Eric Bischoff, who is busy trying to sign the Rock and HHH for his show.

Meanwhile, Undertaker sits down with Michael Cole before the show. He’s better than the Rock and Kurt Angle and no one will ever make him tap or beat him. That tracks.

Billy & Chuck v. Hardcore Holly & Val Venis

Well clearly the babyface side has team names that just write themselves. HARDCORE PORN. Sadly the team didn’t last. Billy slugs away on Holly to start, but Bob comes back with the dropkick and clothesline for two. Over to Chuck, and Val slugs it out with him and gets a slam and kneedrop for two. The faces drop elbows on Chuck while the announcers state that “Bischoff made his name by raiding Mr. McMahon’s talent” as though it was a well known fact. Just bury more dirt on the WCW grave. Holly plays face in peril for literally 30 seconds and then makes the hot tag to Val, who runs wild with a powerbomb on Billy for two. The ref gets tied up by Holly, so Rico comes in and hits Val with a spinkick that gets for Billy. But then Val gets rid of Chuck and hits the Money Shot on Billy for the pin at 4:38. Val and Bob didn’t have much chemistry together, sexual or otherwise. *1/2. So apparently this show was a disaster of post-production cuts and second-guessing, and this match was actually taped for Velocity and moved to Smackdown at the last minute to fill time after the final version ran short.

The Unamericans v. Hulk Hogan, Edge & Rikishi

The announcers are mystified as to how Bischoff can negotiate with guys when they’re already signed to Smackdown. It would have helped if they ever established how the draft and brand split worked in the first place. Like isn’t everyone, in theory, supposed to be watching both shows anyway? I never understood what the rivalry was supposed to be. Rikishi fights off all three heels alone to start and Edge runs wild on Storm, but Test trips him up and Storm puts him down with a heel kick for two. Christian slugs away on Edge and we take a break, returning with Test hitting a short clothesline before going to the chinlock. “He’s been in the ring for an extraordinary amount of time!” notes Cole. The match went to commercial 90 seconds in and the commercial break would have been 2:00. That’s barely a Goldberg squash. Edge fights back with a facebuster and crawls for the tag like he’s Kenta Kobashi 45:00 in an AJPW main event, but the heels cut him off, until Edge powerslams Storm and makes the hot tag to Hogan. The heels all go flying for him and it’s a PIER SIX BRAWL, but Storm superkicks Hogan for two. So it’s time for the Hulk up and the faces triple-team Lance until Test breaks up the Stinkface. Everyone does the big finishes and Edge pins Lance with the DDT at 8:18. This was a fun match. **1/2

Meanwhile, Eric finally finds the Rock and makes his big pitch to sign him away, but Rock clarifies that once he wins the title on Sunday, he’s a free agent that can go anywhere, and WWE put Eric’s company out of business thanks to the Rock. So that’s a no.

Vince McMahon joins us to announce the new GM for Smackdown: Stephanie McMahon. Oh god I forgot about that somehow. Vince also clarifies that people are indeed free to negotiate with the other show if they want, which makes even less sense. So why have the draft? Anyway Steph does a screeching promo about how SHE’S THE BOSS and HHH is gonna choose Smackdown at Vengeance as we completely drop the nWo angle. And then Steph screeches that she’s going to throw Bischoff out of the building and I’m immediately very confused about whether she’s supposed to still be a heel or a babyface or what. I think she was trying to turn herself babyface by doing the most annoying promo possible? This was an awful re-launch of the character. She literally got the job from being a nepo-baby and we’re supposed to CHEER her?

Billy Kidman v. Tajiri

Tajiri quickly cuts him off and gets the Tarantula, and then chokes away on the ropes and goes to a chinlock. Kidman comes back with a dropkick and ushigoroshi for two. Tajiri nails him with a superkick and adds a clothesline for two. Moonsault misses and Kidman hits the short powerbomb and then finishes with the Crushed Ribs Press at 3:33. But then Jamie Noble hits the ring and Tajiri mists Kidman, allowing Noble to lay him out with a powerbomb. The money was clearly in Tajiri, not boring babyface Kidman. **

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho sucks up to the new boss, and Steph gives him the match with Edge next week. In another redo, this was originally shot as Jericho getting a rematch with Cena at Vengeance, but Vince didn’t think the opener did a good job of setting that rematch up, so they re-shot the promo to set up an Edge match instead and dropped the idea of the Cena match. And then on the PPV, they changed their mind again and did an unadvertised Jericho-Cena match after all.

Kurt Angle v. The Rock

This was another one that was a storm of backstage controversy with changed finishes galore. They brawl outside of the ring before the bell and Angle runs him into the stairs and puts the boots to him in the ring. Rock fights back with chops in the corner and comes back with the overhead suplex for two, but Angle cuts him off with a german suplex. Another pair of germans gets two. Angle slugs him down, but Rock fights back with a samoan drop for two. Angle cuts him off again and stomps Rock down, but Rock comes back with a crossbody for two. Angle with an overhead suplex off a clothesline, and he hits another one for two while the announcers go way overboard talking about how Kurt Angle is pretty much guaranteed to win the WWE title at the PPV. Angle with a chinlock, but Rock slugs out and makes the comeback, before walking into the Angle Slam for two. Angle argues with the ref over that, and Rock takes him down with the Scorpion King Deathlock, until Angle makes the ropes. Angle puts him down again with a clothesline, but Rock kips up and slugs Angle to the floor before taking out Undertaker, who was sitting at ringside making faces on camera here and there. Back in the ring, Angle takes him out again and goes for the anklelock, but Rock escapes that and hits the DDT for two. Rock with the spinebuster and People’s Elbow, but Undertaker runs in for the DQ at 12:18. The match was apparently heavily edited down from the original taped form, but it was still really good. The original finish was supposed to be Angle tapping out Rock, since Angle was the tap-out machine at this point and he was doing the job to the Rock on the PPV, but nope, plans changed. ***1/4.

Meanwhile, HHH shows up at the show, and then gets right back in the limo and leaves again after teasing making his decision. Good work if you can get it.

I did not care for this episode. The PPV build is flailing all over the place and Kurt Angle can’t buy a win to save his life despite being put into the main event. Also I don’t know if this Cena kid is going to be able to get over in the long run given this kind of weak ass booking. Hopefully he never gives up and keeps hustling.

I might redo Vengeance, although I don’t remember it being much more than a decent B show. But it’s been 21 years since I’ve watched it anyway.