The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.15.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.15.23

Live from Calgary (dramatic pause) Alberta Canada, once again on TSN, although I’m watching it on Fite so I can see it at a decent hour.

Your hosts are Ian Riccaboni & Nigel McGuinness

AEW World tag team title: FTR v. Bullet Club Gold

Unsurprisingly, FTR is decked out in Bret Hart tribute gear tonight. Jay decides to do some stretching before locking up, so Dax also does a light warmup on the floor. Back in, Dax catches White with a small package for two, but Jay works the arm and Dax has to run away in terror from Rock Hard Juice Robinson. Look, he’s an acquired taste, but he’s good enough for Toni Storm, so what other endorsement do you need? Cash takes Juice down with a headlock and backslides him for two off that, then somehow manages to put Juice on the floor with a shoulderblock. Juice is ROCK HARD, that shouldn’t have worked! Bullet Club works that count for a bit, so Cash hauls Juice in by the hair and FTR double-teams him in their corner before Dax drops an elbow on him. Juice runs away and it’s over to Jay White, who annoys Cash and runs away himself. Dax puts him down with a legsweep while Ian LIES and says that during the break, it was all Bullet Club. It was actually all FTR. Now I don’t believe in nothing! I’M GOING TO LAW SCHOOL!

Dax gets an abdominal stretch on White and does some cheating to give them a taste of their own medicine, and Cash comes in for a double team legdrop that gets two. Over to Juice, who slugs away on Cash and puts him down with the LEFT HAND OF GOD, but they trade rollups for two. Cash with a takedown for two and a bodyscissors for two. Press slam puts Juice on the floor. Back in, Dax levels him with a chop and then beats on him with more in the corner, and a snap suplex gets two. Dax with a headlock and he beats Juice to his knees with more chops before taking him down again with a headlock. But then Juice runs him into the post to escape and it’s over to Jay White. So White talks some shit and throws his own chops on Dax.

Dax tries a charge and hits the post AGAIN, and White puts him down with a DDT and then hits a charging Cash with a DDT for good measure. White with a death valley driver for two off that. Dax charges with a clothesline and walks into a flatliner, and White follows with a german suplex for two. Dax fights back with chops and they exchange off that, until Dax puts him down with a clothesline for the double down. Dax goes after White again and gets cradled for two, and FTR collides, allowing White to hit the Blade Runner for the pin and the first fall at 19:00.

We take a break and return with the second fall, as Bullet Club works on Dax’s arm in the corner, but Dax backdrops White out of the corner and it’s over to Wheeler. Cash with a lariat for two. Snap suplex gets two. White with his own suplex, and Juice comes in with his sentons for two. Cash fights to the corner and BCG cut him off again, as White chokes him out in the corner and puts the boots to him before hitting a neckbreaker for two. Juice hauls him out to the floor for a DDT and demands a countout, although the announcers aren’t sure about the titles changing hands in that situation. Ian does cite the case of Brainbusters v. Demolition, and since FTR wants to be Tully and Arn, I imagine it would stand. Back in, White works the neck and chops him down for a neck vice on the mat, before Juice adds another senton. Cash gets the knees up for another one and rolls up Juice for two, but White rakes the eyes to cut off the comeback. Cash fights back and the Club cuts off the ring again, so Cash takes White down with a rana and it’s hot tag Harwood.

He runs wild with chops in the corner and puts Jay down with a short clothesline before rolling up Juice for two. Springboard bodypress gets two. Dax with the rolling germans on Juice, into a brainbuster for two. Dax goes for the Sharpshooter, but they run Dax into the turnbuckles to break it up and Juice cannonballs him for two. White beats on Dax with chops and that turns into a battle, so White dumps Dax and the Club goes after Cash instead. They try a spike piledriver, but Dax saves and we get a catapult into a lariat from Dax that gets two on White. Cash comes in for real with a Razor’s Edge on White into a cutter from Dax, but THAT only gets two. So now FTR is really mystified how to put this little shit away. Next up, it’s time for the PowerPlex, but White gets the knees up and Juice dives in with a frog splash on Dax for an amazing near fall. Back to Juice, but he walks into the Shatter Machine and gets pinned at 39:38 to even it up.

We take another break and return for the third fall, as everyone is brawling and White backdrops Dax on the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Dax tries to powerbomb White on the floor in retaliation, but White reverses him into the crowd with a rana and they’re both out. But mere concrete can’t stop them and Dax fights back with a suplex out there and then FTR suplexes him back to ringside. Juice tries to save and they suplex him as well. Given how ROCK HARD he is, I’m surprised he didn’t break the concrete. Back in the ring, Jay beats the count at 9 and it’s time for a showdown. They all slug it out and Cash suplexes Juice to the floor while Dax slugs it out with White in the ring. White takes out the knee, however, and takes him down with a kneebar, forcing Dax to make the ropes. So White trolls Calgary with some sweet chin music before taking Dax down with the Sharpshooter for the master class in being an asshole. Nigel notes that there would be disgrace in Dax tapping out to his idol’s holds. Not sure why, Bret already tapped to it. Dax makes the ropes again and fights back with chops before bringing White to the top for a backdrop suplex as they’re both down with 5:00 left. White with a german suplex for two and he tries the Blade Runner, but Dax reverses him into the Sharpshooter and Cash adds his own. So we get the awesome old school spot of the heels having to lock hands to keep from tapping out, but Bullet Club powers out. So Dax pulls down his kneepad, and Juice tries Pulp Friction on him, but Dax reverses him into another Sharpshooter with the bare knee adding extra pain, and Juice taps at 58:38 to retain. Another tremendous match between them, although I liked the big near-falls of last week’s match a bit better. Both on the same level, however. ****3/4. Afterwards, FTR offers a handshake, but Jay White spits on it, because that’s what he does.

Owen Hart tournament final: Willow Nightingale v. Ruby Soho

A sign in the crowd notes “I want to have Willow’s babies”, which certainly raises more questions than it answers. Ruby pounds on Willow with forearms to start, but Willow fights back and gets a snap suplex into a fisherman’s suplex for two. She charges and hits the corner, allowing Ruby to beat on her with knees on the apron for two. Ruby chokes her out on the ropes and puts her down with a forearm for two. Back elbow gets two. Ruby works the arm and chokes her out in the corner, but she misses a charge and Willow makes the comeback. Enzuigiri and puts Ruby down with clotheslines and then beats on her with chops and an Oklahoma Stampede for two. Cradle gets two and Ruby reverses for two. Willow tries an electric chair and Ruby does the Owen reversal for two. Willow with a half crab, but Ruby makes the ropes and retrieves her spray can. Willow steals it, but Aubrey catches her with it and that allows Ruby to hit the Riot Kick for two. Man this match has been surprisingly dead. Willow comes back with the pounce and Doctor Bomb to win the tournament at 9:09. Good for her, hopefully they do something with her now. Match was just kind of there. **

Last week: Tony tries to interview Powerhouse Hobbs, but QT and Harley barge in and QT tries to make it up to Hobbs by promising to find the biggest and baddest guy in the company and beating him up. Hobbs thinks that’s a great idea.

Brody King & Malakai Black v. Local Calgary Talent

Black quickly kneebars one of the geeks out of a legsweep. Over to the other geek, and King kills him like he apparently wants to kill all cops, and Black follows with a german suplex for two. Andrade comes out to provide momentary distraction, but Black finishes the guy with Black Mass at 2:41.

Owen Hart tournament final: Ricky Starks v. CM Punk

Apparently CM does not stand for “Calgary’s Magnanimous” tonight. Even though Punk has pink tights! That practically makes him a Hart brother! They trade armbars and Punk takes him down with a headlock and works on that. Starks gets his own headlock and then mockingly promises to put Punk to sleep. They fight for a hiptoss and Starks loses that one, landing on the floor as a result. Back in the ring, Starks beats on him with chops and works the arm, running Punk into the turnbuckles for two. Bit of a Bret Hart bump from Punk there, you could say. Starks goes up for the ropewalk, but Punk slugs him down and slams him off the top to escape. Punk with a backbreaker for two as the Calgary crowd is very divided, like they’re trying to decide between “country” and “western” or which “Jesus is Lord” belt buckle to wear to church. The big one or the REALLY big one? Starks fights back with the ropewalk on the second try and tosses Punk so he can get some posing. Back in the ring, Punk beats on him with kicks and goes up with a middle rope elbow, which the crowd doesn’t appreciate. Russian legsweep gets two. Punk with a chinlock and Ricky fights out of that, so Punk puts him down with a leg lariat and that somehow pisses the crowd off even more. Punk goes up again and Starks hauls him down this time, for one. Starks with a backbreaker and he goes up with a flying stomp on Punk before going to work on the back. Starks takes him to the apron for a guillotine legdrop, and that gets two. Punk fights back with a sloppy stungun and makes the comeback with the running knee in the corner. Starks blocks another one and tries the tornado DDT, but Punk blocks him and cradles for two. Starks reverses for two. Punk with another knee in the corner, but Starks hits the DDT on the second try and that gets two. Ricky goes up and misses a flying elbow, and Punk hits him with the Pepsi Twist for two. They collide on a crossbody attempt and both guys are down, so Starks fights up first and wins a slugfest. Punk catches him with the piledriver, and that gets two. Punk goes to finish, but Starks fights out of the GTS and spears him to the outside. Back in, Starks hits a second one, but Punk rolls him into a guillotine and Starks makes the ropes. Punk takes him to the top for a rana, but Starks reverses to a rollup, grabs the ropes, and wins the tournament at 19:34. Bit of a surprise win there, to say the least. Match took a while to get going but ended up pretty good. ***1/4. Punk trying to play mindgames with Starks and having it backfire on him was a good story.

The tag title match that took up the entire first hour was AMAZING and well worth going out of your way to see, but I thought the rest was a bit of a disappointment. And no Jushin Liger appearance like they promised! But this remains the format of wrestling show I’m enjoying most right now.

Off to bed, and I’ll watch Battle of the Belts in the morning.