The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 03.10.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 03.10.00

Thankfully the sound is fixed on this one.

Taped from the Bingo Hall so they can hopefully juice the show a bit.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “After tonight’s show here in the heart of South Philly, I’ll be with Cyrus’s mom and I’ll be banging her silly” Gertner. For some this reason this brings out Cyrus and Joey Styles has had ENOUGH of him and leaves.

So with the announcers gone after the intro, Cyrus decides to host the show and announces that there’s a TV title tournament that will culminate at the PPV. Which is, you know, 48 hours away with no matches announced yet. This brings out Fonzie and Cyrus is so sick of the runaround that he’s CANCELLING ECW from TNN and replacing it with Extreme Championship Shuffleboard. And RVD is obviously too much of a coward to face the Network, so he sent out Fonzie. But that finally brings out Rob, riding best bud Scotty Riggs like a horsie thanks to his leg cast, and he accuses Cyrus of being a prick with no friends. And then he cuts an actual fired up promo for once, noting that he might have a broken leg but he’ll still kick Cyrus’s ass with one leg and he’ll never leave ECW. Even if Paul Heyman stiffs him on payoffs for like 8 months straight? So Rob can’t let ECW go back to doing “shitty house shows in towns like Jim Thorpe” and so he hands over the ECW TV title as demanded. So then Fonzie wants a piece of Cyrus, but Rhino hits the ring and gores him.

After the break, Cyrus promises that he’s not going “just put the belt on Rhino” and wants an opponent for the tournament.

Rhino v. Spike Dudley

Spike hits the ring and gets a neckbreaker and rollup for two. Sunset flip gets two. Rhino charges and hits the floor, but we take a break and return with Spike getting hurled off the table and into the general vicinity of several tables and the railing. Back to ringside, where Spike manages to send Rhino into the railing and then hits him with a flying chairshot for two. Another one is blocked by Rhino’s fist, and he gets a TKO on Spike for two. Spike with the Acid Drop for two, but Steve Corino runs in and saves, and Spike fights him and Jack Victory, but Rhino gores him through a table. Spike fights back again while selling a knee injury, so Rhino piledrives him for the pin to advance to the semi-finals at 7:54. The promise from Cyrus that he’s not just putting the belt on Rhino is extra hilarious given how obvious it was that they were literally just putting the belt on Rhino. **. Like why even bother with the pretense of a tournament?

The Impact Players v. Jado & Gedo

Well this is random. The Impact Players double-team Gedo in the corner and Storm gets a dropkick while Joel and Joey do a dad joke comedy bit about Storm hating foreigners. Gedo with a sunset flip on Justin for two, but Storm slugs him down again and gets two. Gedo comes back with a lariat and brings Jado in for the hot hand. He crotches Storm on top and brings him down with a back suplex, so Jason runs in and they double-team him and Jado rolls up Storm for two. Justin hits Jado with the cane and Storm gets two from that, before Justin puts a table in the corner and goes low on Jado. But then he gets slammed through the table and Gedo comes in with a frog splash on Justin for two. Jado and Gedo double on Lance Storm with a powerbomb out of the corner for two. Justin superkicks Jado, however, and they finish with a spike piledriver at 6:37 to earn a tag title shot at the PPV. I totally forgot that they lost the titles last week, actually. I could have done without the exact same “table in the corner gets smashed” spot that was in the opening match but otherwise this was a fun match with a hot crowd. Apparently the full match was some MOTYC level stuff, but this was only the last few minutes. ***1/2.

ECW World tag team title: Tommy Dreamer & Masato Tanaka v. Mike Awesome & Raven

Dreamer slugs it out with Raven to start and then Awesome beats on Tanaka with chops and splashes him for two. Joey declares that Francine looks like a “cheap painted trollop” in Raven’s corner. Thank you William Regal. Tanaka tries a tornado DDT and Awesome counters with a short powerbomb, and it’s over to Raven. He beats on Tanaka with the chair and Tatanka no-sells it as usual and hits the running elbow in the corner for two. Over to Dreamer, who hangs Raven in the Tree of Woe and steps on his nuts, but Awesome powerbombs him to save Raven. Raven with a sleeper on Dreamer, oh the irony, and Awesome gets a springboard elbow out of the corner for two. So they double-team Dreamer and Raven cuts a promo on him about how Dreamer needs to get up and stop being a crybaby “who has rickets or something”, and they try to put Dreamer through a table and Awesome misses. So it’s hot tag Tanaka, but they cut him off and put him on table this time. That doesn’t work, so Raven gives Tommy a drop toehold onto the EDGE of the table, breaking that piece of the table off in a sick spot. That gets two, so Awesome powerbombs him through the table for two before Tanaka saves. He trades bombs with Awesome and they fight to the floor, while Dreamer DDTs Raven for two. Awesome powerbombs Dreamer through ANOTHER table, and Raven finally gets the pin off that at 11:57 to win the titles. This was kind of a mess but the crowd liked it. ***

And the Sinister Minister recaps the show and hypes the PPV while sitting on top of a wrecked car in the parking lot.

This was a lot better than the recent 2000 shows thanks to the RVD promo and the super-hot Gedo & Jado match (now there’s something you don’t hear me say every day!) but I have no interest in this main event angle with the tag titles. And even if we didn’t know who eventually wins the TV title tournament already (spoiler: It’s the incredibly obvious choice) it would be incredibly obvious already from the TV. But hey, I’ll still redo Living Dangerously because that’s why they pay me the big bucks.