Anatomy of a Disaster: Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior II

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: HULK HOGAN vs. THE WARRIOR (Halloween Havoc 1998):
-This is considered one of the biggest wrestling disasters of all time- there are plenty of worse matches with more botches, but not a lot of them happen on Pay-Per-View from one of the top companies in the world, with two of the biggest stars in history. That the whole thing seems to stem from Hogan’s obsession with “getting his win back” from the Ultimate Warrior just makes it all the sadder and dumber. There are roughly eight billion YouTube commentaries about this, but I chose not to watch any because jesus, how do you pick?

THE STAGE: WCW Halloween Havoc 1998

THE PERFORMERS:
“Hollywood” Hulk Hogan: Maybe the biggest star in history at this point, Hogan went from a successful heel challenger role to being the WWF-style “Superhero Babyface Champion” and helped lead the company to being the biggest promotion in the world in the 1980s. The 1990s saw diminishing returns, and a failed replacement in the Ultimate Warrior, and when Hogan won the title back repeatedly things got even worse. Finally, Hogan left for WCW, propping up Ted Turner’s flailing company while turning off longtime fans by changing it into “1980s WWF 2.0”. But wonder of wonders- they were eventually SUCCESSFUL! Because the New World Order angle debuted and Hogan wisely attached himself to it, acting as their delusional, egomaniac heel coward Champion while cutting 20-minute promos about how he is “A wrestling GOD!”. With unprecedented amounts of booking power and the head booker/President as his close personal friend, he dominated for a while, but fortunately did the job to superstar Goldberg. Still retaining his Main Event slot, he was given many prominent feuds while not holding the belt, and still had a lot of name value, though this was diminishing as he aged and his act got tired.

The Warrior: A roided behemoth, the Warrior went through the indies and rapidly got a WWF job before WrestleMania IV, and rose ever since. He was wildly popular and had one of the biggest matches ever, unseating Hulk Hogan himself in a Babyface vs. Babyface match at WrestleMania VI, having the best possible match either could have had (it reflects the “Gods Fighting” style more than anything before or since, honestly- a masterpiece of pre-planning and simple “they’re equals” spots). However, the attempt at being “The Next Hogan” failed- he was less human than Hogan, doing these wild drugged-out promos that made little sense, and his first feud being with lame-duck contender Rick Rude hurt when Hogan had the red-hot Earthquake feud lined up. After a year, the plug was pulled, and Warrior was given some upper-midcard feuds before being fired for no-showing and making more demands. He returned shortly, but disappeared after another short run. And then it happened again! By this point he was known as a big prima donna, and most of his coworkers had nothing but bad things to say about him. But he was still a big name in the business, and always had that Hogan/Warrior match and the potential for a sequel…

This really sums up the whole feud in a nutshell right here- Hogan is “seeing things” from his mystical opponent, who Bischoff can’t see. But WE CAN. None of these cokeheads figured out how stupid that was before taping it.

ONE WARRIOR NATION:
So now these two giants got together and had the world’s worst feud in WCW, “Warrior” (legally changing his name to keep his title) returning and taunting his old enemy. Hogan did his best sniveling, cowardly heel act, reacting in mortal terror to his foe, who played tons of mind games. In the most infamous dvrmr, the Warrior appeared in Hogan’s dressing room mirror, horrifying him to the confusion of Eric Bischoff, who saw nothing… except WE FANS could see it. Yes, WCW actually shot the scene like if it was a movie, not realizing that the fans & commentators seeing Warrior too would just make it so Bischoff was the only human alive who didn’t notice him. Warrior also beat up Hogan’s Disciple (Ed Leslie), forming the “One Warrior Nation” (oWn) to oppose the nWo. Warrior actually wrestled two matches prior, which I totally forgot (I keep thinking it was ONLY this one)- a War Games match where DDP beat Stevie Ray (the lowest level guy in the bout) to challenge Goldberg for the World Title, and a tag match where he & Sting beat Bret Hart & Hogan. This is his only singles match. Meanwhile, weeks earlier Hogan put ten stitches in the head of his nephew, Horace Hogan- then a Flock goon.

It’s generally been accepted by people that this whole deal was for Hogan to “Get his win back”. Hogan, a TREMENDOUS mark for himself like most great stars were (I mean, you gotta be at his level), put such a huge emphasis on pretend wins & losses that it appeared to rankle him for years that Warrior beat him once and Hogan never got one in return. So this entire thing, with tons of airtime, Hogan’s cowardice and more… was leading to a return job.

“HOLLYWOOD” HULK HOGAN vs. THE WARRIOR:
* Hogan is in his usual black tights. Warrior is himself in black, with red & assorted other colors as the “spackle” of his gear and an orange “OWN” on his ass. This is actually the prelude to the Main Event, which is “Diamond” Dallas Page challenging Goldberg for his World Title. That match actually ends up being Goldberg’s best ever, at least.

Hogan, who’s spent months sniveling, scores a knee out of a grapple and easily pounds Warrior down, but Warrior reverses and cranks on it (Hogan: “Ah God damn!”) and shoulderblocks Hogan to the floor. Hogan takes a MASSIVE break, stalling like nuts and ignoring a test of strength for a lockup (1:20 after hitting the floor). Hogan muscles him into the corner and gives him a cheap shot and a beatdown, then cuts off a comeback. He drags Warrior to the center with their knuckles locked and NOW it’s a test of strength, which is at least a show of cowardice. They barely look remotely like they’re pushing, as Warrior slowly fights to his feet, gets booted down, then Warrior slowwwwwwwwwwwllly stands up again… and Hogan just switches to a wristlock after 2 friggin’ minutes wasted on that spot, doing nothing other than leaning back and shaking his head to “sell” the effort. Warrior reverses but gets whipped to the ropes and IT’S THE HOGAN/WARRIOR CRISS-CROSS!! Rumble’91 and WMVI reborn! Except this time Hogan just stops in the middle and slams him. But Hogan celebrates and the Warrior just pops up and slams him! See that’s how they shoulda started it.

Warrior of course capitalizes on this by gathering energy and then slowly jogging over to Hogan with the lightest clothesline ever, sending Hogan to the floor. Hogan’s all “aw god!” and exhausted and Warrior eventually walks out and hits one punch and a guardrail shot before Hogan goes to the eyes and does his own, but Warrior gets him again. Warrior slaps him in the tummy to counter a post shot and gets his own. hahah oh god and then Hogan “ducks” a ridiculously high clothesline and they cock up a “stepover” spot with Hogan stumbling over Warrior and taking out referee Nick Patrick. But a smirking Hogan drops a knee to crush him even further, which is pretty great. But Hogan just easily comes back on Warrior with a bunch of punches and calls out the troops while beating on Patrick- The Giant jogs to ringside with a smile on his face, but he accidentally gives Hogan the big boot and Warrior charges him with a clothesline over the top! Okay THAT spot was good. Stevie Ray & Vincent each get slugged off the apron and Warrior stupidly covers for nothing.

An exhausted Warrior crawls over to Patrick, and Hogan hits an axehandle & backdrop suplex for two. Warrior threatens to Warrior Up from this scintillating offense, but Hogan easily stops him with knees, then ignores a boot and just punches & chokes him, giving the guy NOTHING. Hogan whips him with the belt a few times, Patrick now heroically PULLING HOGAN’S HAIR to pull him away. Hogan rakes the face and slams him, but misses some elbows and hilariously gets tripped up by Warrior’s evasive mastery (ie. he barrel rolls around the ring)- Tony has to somehow put this over (“how about THAT?- a rolling block”). Warrior puts him down with a punch and the crowd is just in that “random guys hollering” mode, and Warrior MISSES THE RUNNING SPLASH HAHAHAH- and to no reaction! Warrior actually sells that okay and Hogan’s back with more slow punches, but Warrior fires back and takes off the belt! He starts whipping Hogan! The fans FINALLY wake up to that and Hogan actually sells this well, bouncing around and screaming before collapsing into a pile. Warrior slugs him down with a belt-wrapped fist as Patrick implores him to stop, and then OH GOD IT’S TIME-

A bleeding Hogan grabs a goddamn gimmick (which looks like a bag of coke) and tries to shoot fire, except it doesn’t go off when he flings his hands up, and erupts in his own hands once he lowers them. Warrior at least is experienced enough not to sell it as blinding, slugging Hogan down and getting distracted kicking the gimmick away. The commentators at least sell “Hogan tried to BURN that man!” and are horrified as Warrior & Hogan have a chat and Warrior goes up and hits two flying axehandles. They improvise Hogan punching him in the nards and hits the Legdrop from a two-step start. He then stops to look ringside and there’s Horace, looking bored with a chair- Hogan misses another Legdrop and Warrior starts no-selling and shaking the ropes for his proper comeback. He hits his clothesline series (awkwardly having to reposition himself at another angle because Hogan is now way slower in getting up than he used to be), and Bischoff comes out and headlocks the ref so Horace can chair Warrior in the back. Hogan covers and even holds the tights for the pin at (14:18) of hell. Hogan says “you passed the test” and hugs his nephew, who then sprays lighter fluid on the Warrior until WCW Security comes out to chase them off.

An all-time shitty match, with two guys just doing the slowest possible stuff to stretch it out, the heel dominating the entire thing, and Warrior looking horrible in his comebacks. The instances of good selling could be counted on one hand, there was a notable HUGE botch, Warrior only got a single real “comeback spot” and it was right before the finish, and it was a screwjob ending. Both guys just looked tired and old, being muscular but hitting the wimpiest offense I’ve ever seen in the Big Two (the only good move was one the Warrior did on The Giant!). Truly abysmal and it left the crowd bored almost the entire time.

Rating: DUD (truly god-awful in nearly every respect- too long, too slow, too poorly-worked, and with one of the worst finishes ever)

Yes, so the big return match where Hogan fled like a coward during the entire feud ends with a match where Hogan is in control for 80% of the bout and then wins with Warrior never getting more than two moves in succession until 11 minutes in. Every single thing he does gets cut off after 1-2 moves and Hogan just slowly beats on him again until that belt spot. At least Hogan can sell THAT well.

The bizarre thing is Hogan DEFINITELY knows how to do heel stuff, so it’s funny seeing him be so dominant in the early going (something he did the year earlier against Sting- boy knows what he’s doing). What a heel SHOULD be doing is selling the Warrior’s raw power and inevitability- do lockups and get fired back. Do a shoulderblock that Warrior either powers back from or dodges and hits his own. Instead Hogan gets the first ton of shots, then eats a random reversal and stalls, then dominates AGAIN, so right out of the gate the heel is in charge. And like, that “test of strength” spot- that’s a perfect spot for a heel to get his comeuppance, and Hogan knows goddamn well how that spot works, but here they just lazily stand there and Hogan doesn’t even sell with a facial reaction when Warrior fights up- that’s when the heel does his “OH NO!! OH NOOOOO he’s so STRONG!” face and shakes his head like a cartoon character, but Hogan just sells it like a particularly forceful dump. And the wimpy clothesline spot is the only damage Warrior really gets in his “comeback” when it should have probably been his rapid-fire clotheslines sending Hogan terrified to the floor. But instead Warrior just goes out for a little stroll and they trade weak guardrail shots.

A lot of the issue here is feather-light striking and doing everything as slowly as possible to conserve cardio. This was always Warrior’s biggest weakness, and sometimes Hogan’s, too, but HOLY JESUS don’t go 14 minutes when you’re old. It’s painfully obvious they were drawing out all the stalling as much as possible, and stretching for time also led to all the restholds being extra rest-y instead of looking remotely intense- a proper test of strength has both guys leaning in on each other’s faces, grimacing in pain, looking like some kinda battle of the gods, not two guys holding hands and shaking their heads. And over the whole thing, Hogan keeps cutting off comebacks and not giving Warrior much of anything- he’s like Paul Roma in that Alex Wright match, just getting his own shit in and making sure the other guy doesn’t get over. Hogan spent their whole feud running scared and now he’s easily in charge the whole time?

The Fallout: Warrior left WCW almost immediately after, appearing on the next Nitro to cut a nonsense promo and that was it. The match was considered an all-time disaster, with Meltzer giving it -***** and almost every critical voice out there saying it was one of the worst matches of all time. The “flash paper” spot was top-tier embarrassing but at least wasn’t sold. They awkwardly refashioned another bunch of stuff because they were veterans and commentary tried to save it by putting over how “sick” a move that was, but yeah it was sad. This destroyed Warrior’s in-ring reputation for good and he never appeared in a Big Two match again. Hogan naturally got a babyface turn next year. Horace’s push from this was minimal, as he was as charisma-free as anyone in wrestling history and I honestly even forget he was in WCW at all most of the time. But this match stands the test of time as one of the worst things in history, even though a lot of its reputation is exaggerated, as the botches are somewhat minimal. The main issue is that it’s sloppy, loose and BORING, with the heel dominating almost the entire match and killing the pace. Like, the fans are watching HOGAN/WARRIOR and they’re noticeably bored for the vast majority of it, like it’s a mid-level indie match and you can hear random fans yelling. Given it’s position on the card that’s unthinkable.

Mitigating Factors: LOL, no. Two major veterans with 10-ish and 20-ish years of experience and they lay THIS turd?

Overall: So overall, this one earns the rep it has- there’ve been plenty of worse matches, but none of THOSE involved two Main Eventers in one of the main events of a Pay-Per-View during the hottest streak in business history. That it came right before a ****-ish BILL GOLDBERG match doesn’t help. This match stuck to both guys for good, and is still talked about today, and for good reason.