The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.08.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.08.23

Live from Regina, SK, armpit of Canada. Thankfully they sold enough tickets at the last minute to make it look decently full on TV.

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Nigel McGuinness

CM Punk joins us before the opening theme even finishes, and he’s here to detail some history between himself and Joe. So he does the promo at ringside instead of in the ring, and he would like the crowd to chant for Owen Hart instead of him. And then he touches the trophy again, despite being a hockey guy who knows better, because he’s going to earn it. And he might not win, but he’ll sure try.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the history in ROH between Joe and Punk. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CASUALS?

Owen Hart tournament semi-final: Powerhouse Hobbs v. Ricky Starks

Starks slugs away in the corner after evading Hobbs, but Hobbs beats on him with the clubbing forearms. So Starks clotheslines him to the floor, but Hobbs hits Starks with a cheapshot on the way back into the ring and QT chokes Ricky out from the outside. Starks fires back and walks into an elbow to put him down again. Hobbs with a delayed suplex, so delayed that they should call it Trump’s legal strategy, and Hobbs whips him into the corner to injure the back. Hobbs works him over in the corner while Solo adds some more choking, and Hobbs follows with a backbreaker while Nigel makes a joke about Starks loving Regina. I see what he did there. Hobbs with a bearhug, but Starks elbows out of it and makes a comeback. Hobbs cuts him off in the corner and takes him to the top, but Starks reverses out and powerbombs him for two. Starks with a tornado DDT after some missteps, but QT trips him up behind the ref’s back and Hobbs hits the spinebuster. But QT is still busy with the ref, which annoys Hobbs enough to have words with him, and Starks gets the surprise upset win with the spear at 11:10. Oh man, Hobbs had his pink and black gear for this and everything! ***1/4. Afterwards, QT apologizes, but Hobbs does NOT accept it and finally splits from the group to go babyface.

Meanwhile, Miro has survived a showdown with his god and now he’s gonna hurt people. Nothing, not even a “double jointed hot wife”, is gonna sway him from his path.

Meanwhile, Willow is injured from her Japan trip, so she’s not cleared to wrestle tonight. Athena interrupts, complaining about the lousy airline service to Regina (Preach!) but Willow gets her shot on Rampage.

Julia Hart v. Bambi Hall

Hall misses a charge and Julia trips her up and puts the boots to her. She wraps up Hall in Heartless and that finishes at 2:20. Kind of a nothing squash but Julia has a tremendous entrance.

Meanwhile, Malakai Black explains why he stole Andrade’s mask. Really he’s just trying to make him better.

Meanwhile, Andrade thinks Black is actually the coward, and removing the mask tells him that it’s time to fight and win.

Tag title eliminator: FTR v. Bullet Club Gold

Nigel makes a solid point about Jay & Juice actually deserving a tag title shot rather than having to win the eliminator. Dax takes Jay down with a headlock and works him over with hiptosses, so White backs off and brings ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON in. Juice claims hair-pulling, but Cash takes him down and works the arm before hitting him with a monkey flip to put him on the floor. This leads to a standoff and a slugfest in the ring, and stereo german suplexes from FTR to clear the ring. They all brawl on the floor, and back in Cash puts White down with a headbutt to set up an elbowdrop from Dax for two. Dax with the chops on White in the corner while the crowd informs us that this is wrestling. Yeah thanks for the obvious. Over to Cash, who comes in for a double-team on White before hanging him in the Tree of Woe for a dropkick that gets two. Dax continues beating on him with chops, but ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON cuts him off with a Bret Hart bump in the corner and a suplex for one.

They trade chops and Dax puts him down with a back elbow and drops Cash on Juice for two. Cash with a dropkick for two. Finally Juice decides to bite Cash in the corner to stop the momentum (White: “THAT’S FINE! THAT’S FINE!”) but Cash slugs back on both heels. Juice drops him on the top with a hotshot, however, and White suplexes Cash on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Well second-hardest after the abs of ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON. Juice beats on Cash in the corner and Jay comes in with a backbreaker to setup a senton from Juice to take over. Juice with a body lock, and White wraps up Cash with a bridging deathlock, but Dax just comes in and breaks it up, which outrages Nigel. So White takes him to the floor and runs him into the railing, which he kind of had coming to him. Back in the ring, Wheeler fights back with a small package on White, but the ref is distracted and he only gets two. White suplexes Cash into the corner and that gets two. White tries a suplex and Cash reverses out of it, but Juice cuts off the hot tag (“Look at Harwood! He’s afraid to make the tag!”) so Cash has to fight them off alone. He tries a clothesline on Jay White and gets tossed to the floor as a result.

Back in the ring, White chokes him out on the ropes, and Juice gets a splash for two. Back elbow gets two. Juice throws the LEFT HAND OF GOD , but Cash fights back with a belly to belly and it’s HOT TAG Harwood. He suplexes Juice onto Jay and cradles Jay for two. Dax with the rolling germans on White and he finishes with a brainbuster for two. Dax takes him to the top but Juice cuts him off, so Cash suplexes Juice on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Dax brings White down with a superplex into the powerplex splash from Cash, and that gets two. Juice hits Cash with the left hand from the floor and Jay tries the Blade Runner, but Dax escapes. Jay escapes the Shatter Machine, and gets a rollup for two, but FTR hits him with a spike piledriver and that gets two as Juice saves. Juice tries the DDT on Dax, but he escapes, so White hits the cradle suplex instead for two. Everyone collides and White this Cash with a uranage, but Dax hits White with the slingshot powerbomb for two. Dax with a forearm strike for two. Another try, but Juice puts him down with a leg lariat to cut him off, and White hits the Blade Runner on Cash to put him on the floor. They trade chops and White dropkicks the knee, but Dax rolls him up, and Juice tags himself in and finishes with the DDT at 28:15. Holy cow, Bullet Club becomes the first team to win an eliminator match and I don’t know how they’re going to top it for the title match because this was incredible, perfect tag team wrestling, aside from a couple of missteps. ****3/4. And yes it disgusts me to give a Jay White match that kind of rating. It makes my stomach turn like drinking Regina water.

Meanwhile, the title match happens next week in Calgary in a 2/3 falls match. Well that would do it.

Scorpio Sky v. Action Andretti

Sky with a cradle for two, but Andretti takes him down with an armdrag and works the arm. Sky takes him down with a chinlock and he whips Andretti into the corner to work the back and follows with a backbreaker. He hits another pair of them, and that gets two. Andretti comes back with a neckbreaker combo and dumps Sky for a dive, and back in for a Spanish fly that gets two. Andretti goes up and misses a moonsault, and Sky tries the TKO, but Andretti rolls him up for two. Another try hits, however, and that finishes at 7:25. Fun little return match for Scorpio. And he even puts Andretti over after the match. **1/2

Owen Hart tournament semi-final: Samoa Joe v. CM Punk

Punk is clearly a babyface tonight in Regina. They trade chops to start and Punk grabs a headlock and slugs away in the corner. Joe puts him down for the boot washes to put him on the floor, however, and then beats on him with chops out there and follows with a running boot into the railing. Another one misses and Punk fights back with more chops and a clothesline off the apron. Back in, Joe cuts him off and puts him down again before going to a neck vice, but he misses a kneedrop and Punk takes advantage. Punk with a running knee in the corner, but Joe catches him with the choke, so Punk suplexes out of it. They slug it out and Punk hits more running knees in the corner and follows with a short clothesline and the flying elbow for two. Punk tries the GTS, but Joe shifts his weight and falls on top of him with a crossface to escape. Punk makes the ropes to get out of that. Joe tries a powerbomb and Punk counters out, so Joe powerslams him instead for two. So the crowd chants for Owen Hart as requested by Punk, and Punk responds with a high kick for two. Punk goes up and Joe cuts him off with the Muscle Buster, so Punk flips out of that and hits a neckbreaker. Joe with another choke, but Punk reverses to the rollup for the pin at 15:40 to finally win a match against him, and advance to the finals. This was flirting with greatness but they couldn’t follow FTR this week. ***1/2. And then Punk offers the handshake…and Joe turns on him and chokes him out. So obviously this feud must continue.

After a couple of weeks of uncertainty, this show has certainly settled into being the wrestling show about wrestlers who wrestle and that’s fine by me. This was one hell of a Saturday night wrestling show.