The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 03.03.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 03.03.00

Man, another episode where the audio on the WWF Network version is messed up and only on the left side for some reason.

Taped from wherever we were last week. Milwaukee I think. Although about half of the show is comprised of footage from the ECW Hardcore TV tapings in Cincinnati anyway.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner, with no cold open intro this time.

ECW World title: Mike Awesome v. Spike Dudley

Spike comes in with a chair and beats on Awesome right away, but he goes after Jeff Jones and Awesome gets the chair and busts him open. Awesome with a pair of clotheslines, but he goes for a press slam and Spike rakes the face and falls on top for one. Awesome misses a charge, allowing Spike to come back and slug away in the corner, but Awesome puts him down with a back elbow and then hurls him over the top rope and through a table. We take a break and return with Spike bulldogging Awesome through another table outside. Back in, Acid Drop gets two. Judge Jeff takes out the ref to make the save while Joel references Judge Judy. Apparently she’s going through a resurgence with the kids on the TikToks. She even has a PlutoTV 24 hour channel. Awesome hits Spike with powerbombs, plural, while Joel mocks Scott Hall’s air travel woes at that point, and Awesome gets two off all of the powerbombing. Another powerbomb through a table this time finishes at 6:07. The word powerbomb was starting to lose all meaning for me there. Much like how the returns were definitely diminishing on this matchup by this point. **1/2

Meanwhile, Masato Tanaka does a promo in Japanese, which offends Dawn Marie and the Impact Players. HOW DARE HE COME FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY?

Steve Corino joins us in the ring, with Erik Watts for some reason, and talks about Erik is old school like himself and doesn’t believe in all this chairs and tables crap. Joey notes that Erik is wearing “his father’s old Mid South heavyweight title” which isn’t actually a title that exists. First up, Mid South’s title was the North American title. Second, there was no “Mid South” when Bill Watts was wrestling. So Joel makes jokes about Bill Watts being a racist while Corino claims that The Crusher was a “closet homosexual and sexual deviant”. So this is enough for even the referee to stand up to Corino, but Erik helps the Corino crew beat him down. So Corino claims that he retired Dusty Rhodes last week, but he’s asking for Dusty to come out of retirement now and face him in a bullrope match. Also Dusty bankrupted Jim Crockett Promotions and “cut the brake lines on Magnum TA’s car”. You know I have to say it: HUGE IF TRUE. Anyway this was just Corino saying whatever stupid shit came to his mind in order to get heat, and I have no idea what the point of Erik Watts being there was.

Super Crazy v. Little Guido v. Tajiri

You know you’re watching a lazily booked ECW show in 2000 when. They do their usual stuff and fight to the floor, where Crazy moonsaults the other two. Back in, Tajiri with the Tarantula, but Guido makes the save and beats on Crazy himself. Faceplant in the corner gets two. Guido with a legsweep for two on Tajiri, but Crazy DDTs Guido for two. Moonsault hits knees to take out Crazy, and Tajiri finishes Guido with a brainbuster at 5:27. But it’s elimination rules so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy now. Crazy with a leg lariat to put Tajiri on the floor and he follows with a moonsault, but that misses and Tajiri beats on him with kicks on the floor. Back in the ring, Tajiri beats on him with more kicks and follows with a handspring elbow. Crazy reverses a rana into a rollup for two and blocks a leapfrog to set up a moonsault that finishes at 8:40. Just the usual match with these three. ***

Meanwhile, Cyrus thinks that Three Way Dances are ratings killers, and Rhino gores Super Crazy backstage to punish him as a result. I like now that they’re burying their own ratings problems in addition to bitching about the network paying them and keeping the promotion afloat. For an encore

Meanwhile, on ECW Hardcore TV in Cincy, Francine bitches at Tommy Dreamer about Tommy piledriving her on purpose and turns on him, claiming that she’s the one who got Tommy over and he did nothing without her. Man she was getting scary thin at this point. Glad she’s doing better these days. So Francine claims that Raven wants her, and slaps Tommy to end their partnership. So Tommy goes to piledrive her again, on purpose for real this time, but Raven saves and lays out Tommy with a DDT before leaving with Francine. This brings out the Impact Players for another beatdown on Dreamer, because beating down Tommy Dreamer is like eating Lays chips, in that you can’t stop at just one. So Masato Tanaka saves and we have an impromptu title match.

ECW World tag team title: The Impact Players v. Tommy Dreamer & Masato Tanaka

They all fight into the crowd and you can’t really tell what’s going on, but Tommy brings Lance back into the ring and hangs him in the Tree of Woe for our first ball shot of the match. Justin canes Tommy to save and Storm superkicks him for two off that. Storm retrieves a table and sets it up in the corner, but Tommy gives him the death valley driver through the table. Justin canes everyone and goes to finish Tanaka, but a powerbomb gets two for Tanaka. Diamond Dust Press finishes at 5:10 and wins the titles. This was certainly a match that happened. *1/2

We’re a week away from the PPV and they still haven’t even mentioned it on this show or built up any matches. This show felt like it was assembled from leftovers on the cutting room floor and thrown on TV to fill time, which probably wasn’t far from the truth.