The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.01.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 07.01.23

Taped from Hamilton, ON. Well at least they ended up getting a couple of thousand people into the building if nothing else.

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Nigel McGuinness

MJF v. Kip Morst

Hamilton’s own Kip Morst doesn’t last long, as MJF hits the Heakseeker immediately and then uses a Lebell Lock instead to tap him out at 0:35. MJF decked out in the American flag because he’s annoyed by wrestling in Canada is very MJF. And he hates it so much here that he’s willing to fight any other shlub who wants a shot at his title. So some other shlub comes out, but then so does Hamilton’s own Ethan Page. Ethan is sick of getting passed over for title shots and flying out to promote shows without getting on TV. So now he’s cashing in.

AEW World title: MJF v. Ethan Page

Page dodges a charge and stomps him down in the corner and goes for the Ego’s Edge, but MJF escapes that and clips the knee before going to work on it. Page tries a headstand in the corner and MJF superkicks him down and goes to the half-crab to continue working the knee and that hold goes on for quite a while. Page makes the ropes, so Max tries a heatseeker and Ethan backdrops him to the floor and follows with a shoulderblock off the apron. Max chokes him out on the ropes to set up another Heatseeker, but Page backdrops out of it and springboards into the ring with a cutter and makes the comeback. Page boots him down and hits an Iconoclasm into a powerslam for two. Ethan goes up and MJF crotches him to bring him down, but Ethan manages to hit a powerslam off the top rope for two. Page with the Ego’s Edge, but the knee gives out and MJF goes after the knee again to set up another Heatseeker to finish at 10:56. Crowd was pretty dead for a hometown babyface going for the World title in the opening match. **1/2

Owen Hart tournament quarterfinals: Dustin Rhodes v. Powerhouse Hobbs

Dustin grabs a headlock and puts Hobbs down for one, but Hobbs slugs away in the corner and Dustin fires back. Hobbs shoves him to the floor with distraction from QT, and QT sends him into the post and Dustin is busted open. Back in, Hobbs slugs away and works on the cut. Fite takes a break and we return with Dustin making a comeback with a Crossroads and a piledriver for two. Hobbs fights back again, but Dustin gets the Code Red for two. QT comes in and gets taken out by Dustin, but Hobbs hits the spinebuster for one. Dustin comes back with a powerslam for two. But QT interferes again and Hobbs gets another spinebuster for the pin at 11:17 to advance. Man Dustin was trying really hard to get something going but this crowd was SOOOOOOO dead. But I can’t fault the hustle just because Hamilton sucks, even if Hobbs probably should have squashed him. ***.

I don’t wanna tell Tony Khan his business but perhaps he should consider never going back to that god-forsaken city again.

Speaking of being forsaken by gods…

Miro v. Anthony Henry

As expected, Miro quickly hits him with a suplex out of the corner and tosses him with a gut wrench. Henry makes a brief comeback but Miro demolishes him and it’s GAME OVER at 3:10.

Tony Schiavone is in the ring to interview Bullet Club Gold and their new friends the Gunns. Amazingly, a Jay White promo doesn’t even get the Hamilton morgue going, despite him challenging CM Punk and FTR for various stuff. And then Punk and his crew respond from the backstage area and the crowd gets muted into silence in post-production. So this was all a big miss.

Owen Hart tournament quarterfinals: Ricky Starks v. ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON

Starks controls with a headlock on the mat to start, but he trips over Juice on a drop-down and clotheslines himself on the ropes. So Kevin and Nigel put over the hidden power of the drop-down. Cool beans. Juice goes to work on the knee and slams Ricky’s knees into the ropes before sweeping the leg a few times to put him down again. Suplex and senton get two for Juice. “Close but no cigar, as Gorilla Monsoon would say” notes Nigel. Actually, that remark is itself close but no cigar, as Gorilla was famous for saying “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades”. I SURE HOPE SOMEONE GOT FIRED FOR THAT BLUNDER. Juice with a ROCK HARD chinlock on the mat, but Starks fights out, so Juice beats on him with chops in the corner and follows with a corner clothesline. Cannonball gets two. Juice beats on him with boots, but Ricky fights up and makes the comeback with a backdrop. Starks with a tornado DDT, but Juice escapes that and hits his own DDT. But Starks pops up and does his pose through the pain, then hits the tornado DDT on the second try, for two. Starks with a draping DDT, but Juice puts him down with a sidekick for two. Juice with a cloverleaf and he pulls Starks away from the ropes, but Starks fights over and makes them on the second try. Juice with a ROCK HARD ROLLUP for two, but he walks into a Blue Thunder bomb and that gets two for Starks. Juice tries to bail and gets cut off, so he gets a cheapshot on Ricky in the corner and tries a top rope rana, which Starks blocks. But he comes down on the bad knee and Juice hits a ROCK HARD SPEAR for two. Juice tries for the finish, but Starks escapes and spears him, and then they trade rollups and Starks ends up on top for the pin at 15:22. Hell of a TV match that I really enjoyed, as Juice Robinson is really coming into his own in this role after a shaky start. ***1/2. The Bullet Club tries for the beatdown, but CMFTR makes the save to a tepid reaction.

Meanwhile, Christian Cage and the other guy are confronted by Shawn Spears, who wants to issue an open challenge to the TNT champ. “You’re talking to the champ!” notes Christian.

TBS title: Kris Statlander v. Lady Frost

Kris overpowers Frost to start and controls on the mat, and then escapes a headlock attempt from Frost with a back suplex and puts her down with a backbreaker. Statlander with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it AEW Fight For…oh wait that actually came out. Never mind then. They trade rollups for two and Frost kicks her down for two. Fite takes a break and we return with Frost hitting a german suplex and a tornado DDT, and into a spinkick for two. Frost goes up and Kris brings her down, but Frost reverses a powerbomb attempt into a rana. Statlander puts her down with a rana, and finishes with the Big Bang Theory at 7:57 to retain. Good showing for Frost and a fun match. **3/4.

Meanwhile, Andrade is pretty upset about having his mask stolen last week, but the House of Black interrupts from their spooky hideout and tells him to be tranquilo and trust the process, bro.

Owen Hart tournament quarterfinals: Roderick Strong v. Samoa Joe

Strong tries for a headlock to start and then opts to trade chops with him instead. Joe bails to the floor and Strong hits him with a baseball slide, but that just angers Joe. So Joe wallops him with chops, and they trade shots in the ring, and yeah buddy that goes badly for Strong. Roddy tries a charge and you know he takes a uranage and I still laughed out loud at it despite 20 years of watching Joe do it. Joe puts the boots to him and goes to a neck vice while Kevin Kelly calls out Punk for touching the cup on the way to the ring. I’d ask if that’s a tradition in other sports but I think basketball only lets the rich white guy owners touch the trophy anyway. Joe beats on Strong on the ropes, but Roddy fights back and puts him down with a MAN-SIZED kneelift, which only gets one. Punk calls Joe’s head “a giant melon” which might be a deep cut reference to So I Married An Axe Murderer, and kudos if so. Joe puts him down for the senton, and that gets two. Also Punk declares the Saturday fanbase “Colliders” and we’ll see if that gets over. Joe with another neck vice, but Strong comes back and throws clotheslines, which barely even budge King Kong. So he goes with a dropkick instead and that works, and he follows with a backbreaker. Claymore kick gets two. He charges again and Joe catches him and powers him to the top, but Strong escapes with a missile dropkick for two. Angle Slam gets two. Strong with another knee, but he tries End of Heartache and Joe just clubs him down and into the coquina clutch at 13:20. This was a fucking awesome hoss fight and now I’m ready to see Punk v. Joe try to top it. ****1/4

And then Joe gives Strong a slam onto a chair in the name of sportsmanship, and poor Roddy goes out on a stretcher to really up the stakes for next week.

Well this show sure shut my big fat mouth and won me over! I was ready to unload the snark cannons after the first couple of matches but everyone was working hard and by god Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuinness are a great commentary team and this was a great episode of wrestling on a Saturday night when all was said and done. Hamilton still sucks and should probably never get any kind of major wrestling event ever again, but that’s why pencils have erasers. Thumbs up this week.