The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 02.18.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 02.18.00

Taped from Tallahassee, FL, a rare second week from the same tapings.

Your hosts are Joey Styles and Joel “I’ve done Tallahassee women by the dozens, until I found out they all were cousins” Gertner. Apparently he’s in the new ECW video game and has a finishing move called the Muff Stuffer. Well isn’t that special.

Cyrus has good news from the Network: Only 59 minutes until ROLLERJAM. In other news, RVD has a broken leg and channels are changing, so that’s unacceptable. Cool bit: When Cyrus holds up his Network credentials, you can see thanks to the magic of HD on the WWE Network that it says “Don Callis”. So tonight ECW has to strip RVD of the TV title or face consequences. And then he makes yet another meta-commentary bit, saying that Paul Heyman has been complaining about not getting any promo time on TNN, so “ladies and gentlemen pleasewatchECWwrestling” and by the way there’s 57 MINUTES UNTIL ROLLERJAM! I think Heyman was literally begging TNN to cancel them with this kind of shit. Wouldn’t have mattered anyway but talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

Meanwhile, Masato Tanaka wants another shot at the ECW title tonight. Hold on a sec, Paul needs to draw a card from the Chance deck…

Danny Doring & Roadkill v. Chris Chetti & Nova

Well in case you didn’t know we were watching a 2000 era ECW show now you do. Chetti is wearing some kind of a sweat suit or pajamas here, and he hits Doring with an axe kick and brings in Nova for a double-team elbow drop. Roadkill comes in to help and he gets double-teamed as well. They brawl out of the ring and back in for a tornado DDT attempt from Nova, but Doring puts him down with a Hart Attack and that gets two. Roadkill with a Black Hole slam for two. Doring comes in with the flying elbow for two. Nova fights back with a pair of inverted DDTs, but goes to the wrong corner before finally making the hot tag to Chetti, who is apparently a karate boy now. I guess that’s a gi? He knows kung fu? The babyfaces run wild and Nova gets a flying splash on Roadkill for two, but Doring legdrops him to save and Roadkill puts Nova on a table outside and then misses a splash and puts himself through it. Chetti uses KARATE on Doring, but Doring finishes him with the Wham Bam thank you Ma’am at 6:20. I mean, not exactly a convincing win for the guys who were supposedly the next tag team title challengers. As it turned out they changed directions abruptly anyway. This was every Doring & Roadkill match you’ve ever seen at the time but the crowd was super hot for it so it was OK. **. And then the Impact Players attack them and do their stupid catchphrase.

CW Anderson v. Super Crazy

Anderson slugs Crazy down with the famous Anderson left, but gets taken to the floor with a headscissors and moonsaulted. Back in the ring, CW superkicks a chair into Crazy’s face and brings a table in, but it’s almost breaking already. Don’t have to be QUITE so aggressive with the pre-scoring. Crazy slugs away in the corner, but CW puts him through the flimsy table with the spinebuster for two. Powerslam gets two. CW misses a charge and Crazy comes back with a tornado DDT as Joey tells a story about CW leaving the WCW Power Plant and turning down a multi-year deal to work for ECW. Well either way he wasn’t gonna have multiple years left because both companies only have one year left. Also why would you be so dumb to turn down a guaranteed “six figure contract” and make $50 a night working for Paul Heyman? A true Anderson is all about the MONEY. So a bunch of tables get brought in and Crazy hits Anderson with a chairshot and puts him through a table for two. Lou E. Dangerously interferes and gets taken out. So Crazy puts Anderson onto another table and moonsaults it, and THAT one doesn’t even budge and flips over onto Anderson, so Crazy moonsaults the upside down table and nearly impales himself on the leg, and that gets the pin at 7:00. This was a giant style clash that got more and more stupidly ridiculous leading up to a finish that went south. I mean, Super Crazy is great but CW was…not. *1/2.

ECW World title: Mike Awesome v. Masato Tanaka

They quickly brawl to the floor and Awesome runs him into the railings and dives into the crowd. Back in the ring, Mike does the chairshot spot with Tanaka, which would have way more impact if they hadn’t done two midcard geek matches filled with chairs and tables, and Tanaka fires up before walking into a short powerbomb for two. A table gets set up ringside and they fight to the apron, where Tanaka puts him through the table with a tornado DDT. Tanaka beats on him with the dented chair, and back in the ring for a missile dropkick that gets two. Tanaka goes up and drops a chair-assisted elbow on him for two. Tanaka tries the tornado DDT, but Awesome drops him on the chair to block and goes up with a flying chair, which is countered by Tanaka’s boot. Tanaka with the tornado DDT on the chair for two. Tanaka with the Diamond Dust, but Awesome counters with an Alabama Slam and powerbombs him for two. Awesome splash gets two. Yet another table gets set up and Tanaka goes up to the top, but Awesome cuts him off and finishes with the Awesome Bomb off the top through the table at 10:30. Honestly, this would have been better if we hadn’t seen all the chair and tables used extensively in BOTH other matches on the show. ***1/2. Obviously they can and have done better.

And Joey wraps it up and he’s like “LOL I know we had this stuff about the TV title at the beginning of the show but we’re out of time so we’ll discuss it more next week”. Oh that’s a slippery slope to be going down, Jo-Jo.

I mean, the show had a good Awesome-Tanaka match, but that’s some “You there Strawberry, go hit a home run” shit. And again, there is currently zero direction for the next PPV as they’re completely flailing with RVD out long term.