The SmarK Rant for WWF In Your House – D-Generation X 12.07.97

The SmarK Rant for WWF In Your House: D-Generation X 12.07.97

It’s been a great many years since I’ve reviewed this one and we’re at that point in the RAW reviews, so let’s see if it’s any better than I remember.

(Spoiler: No. It’s not.).

The version of this on the Network seems pretty soft in the video quality department, so I imagine it’s the Coliseum Video edit. Plus the opening title is stylized as “DeGeneration X” instead of the “D-Generation X” that is used everywhere else on the show.

Live from Springfield, MA, drawing 6358.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

WWF Light Heavyweight title tournament final: Taka Michinoku v. Brian Christopher

Christopher gets some power moves on Taka to start and uses his usual array of stalling, but Taka flips out of a german suplex and clotheslines Christopher to the floor before following with a springboard dive. Back in, Christopher suplexes him onto the top rope to put him on the floor, but he tries a dive of his own and hits the railing. Back in, Taka misses a crossbody and Brian slugs away in the corner after apparently busting his lip on the Pillman bump. Taka with a tornado DDT for two and Brian bails to the floor, so Taka moonsaults him from the apron. Some guy at ringside has a “Blue Meanie for Light Heavyweight” sign, which would actually come true a few years later. So Lawler leaves the desk and helps Brian back into the ring, where Christopher hits a Stroke and chokes him out. Christopher with a powerbomb for two, but Taka reverses to a cradle for two. Christopher goes up with a missile dropkick to the back of the head, which looked hella awkward, and Christopher puts him down with a fameasser and backbreaker for two. This is such a weirdly paced match, with Taka trying to do something akin to the cruiserweight matches on Nitro and Christopher constantly slowing it down with standard heat spots and stalling. Christopher does his “karate kid” spots to get “heat” and then clotheslines him for two and blocks a german suplex before hitting his own. That gets two. Christopher goes up and misses the legdrop, and Taka finishes him with the Michinoku Driver to win the title at 12:04. This had a few big highspots early on and then just DRAGGED for the rest of the match, with Taka not even getting a comeback sequence and just winning with his finisher after selling for 10 minutes. This was just about the worst way possible to introduce the new title and basically killed it out of the gate. **1/4.

Los Boriquas v. DOA

There’s no video package or connecting sequence between the last match and this one, as they just edit out Taka leaving the ring and cut right to the Boriquas making their entrance, so this can’t be the PPV version of the show. The choices made on the WWE Network are so bizarre at times. Crush was “injured” on RAW the week before and left for Nitro, so this is a six-man instead of the usual 8 man. Chainz starts with Miguel and puts him down with a big boot and clothesline. 8 Ball beats on Jesus and then Jose comes in and the Harrisseseseses double team him for two. Skull with a sideslam for two. But then 8 Ball walks into a cheapshot from the Boriquas and he’s your Aryan-in-peril. Miguel with a standing moonsault but he goes up and seemingly hurts his own knee on the landing in a bizarre spot, so Jose goes to a chinlock while Miguel sells on the floor. Unless he really did blow out his knee, I dunno. Despite being down a man, Jose and Jesus continue working on 8 Ball, and then Savio Vega returns from the dressing room to take Miguel’s place but isn’t allowed to compete. So after an ETERNITY, Chainz gets the hot tag, but then Miguel suddenly comes in and miraculously recovers with another standing moonsault, and Jose gets the pin at 8:13. Just awful and pointlessly overbooked. 1/2*.

Meanwhile, Butterbean and his management team chat with Dox Hendrix in advance of his “Tough Man” contest with Marc Mero.

Tough Man contest: Butterbean v. Marc Mero

So they have to call this a “tough man” match in order to avoid boxing commissions and pesky questions about fixing the match, but they compete with boxing gloves and use boxing rules. BUT IT’S NOT BOXING. We can’t stress that enough from a legal standpoint. Mero quickly hides in the ropes, so Butterbean knocks him to the floor and Mero runs away and stalls. Back in the ring, they do some playfighting in the corner and the first round expires.

During the break, Mero gives him a cheapshot to try and generate some heat for this nonsense “fight”, and then he chokes out the Bean with his wrist tape and gets some more cheapshots on the ropes as they’re not even pretending to pretend to be anything legitimate here. Like, UFC was a thing in 1997, and the guy MAIN EVENTING THE SHOW was a legitimate fighter, and you’re doing this fake “boxing” nonsense out of 1984 and trying to make people care about it? Mero runs away for another round and then dropkicks Butterbean at the bell for more “heat” between rounds.

Third round and Butterbean makes a comeback and paws at Mero with fake looking punches while the crowd fills the bathrooms and then gives him a ridiculous wind-up Popeye punch to knock Mero down at the bell. Mero is seemingly out, so Butterbean dumps a bucket of ice water on him to wake him up because he wants to keep beating on him. And then Mero hits him with a low blow and attacks him with the stool to draw the DQ in the fourth round at 10:15. This was an all-timer. -*. And then Vince Russo saw this and thought it was such a great idea that they needed to do a whole TOURNAMENT! Butterbean was a complete embarrassment here, looking like he barely cared enough to throw punches, while Mero had to pretend to not be a skilled boxer at the same time. It was a bad combination.

The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust joins us in an outfit here that would get him banned in Florida or Texas today. So his big heat spot, he reads “Green Eggs and Ham” in a drag outfit. And uh, that’s about it.

Meanwhile, the Legion of Doom compare the New Age Outlaws to a “deeply embedded booger” that eventually gets flicked.

WWF tag team title: Road Dogg & Billy Gunn v. The Legion of Doom

Road Dogg’s whole opening spiel is about how the LOD are dinosaurs who belong in Jurassic Park. This show is the equivalent of Jurassic Park Dominion so far. No, that’s too mean to this show, I don’t want to say something I can’t take back. So the champs do their whole entrance and then Jesse decides to run away and they head to the back and redo the entrance again to stall for time before the future Stooges finally force them into the ring to start the match. So Animal beats on Dogg and Hawk comes in with a dropkick, and the champs retreat to the floor for more stalling. Hawk attacks them out there and beats on Road Dogg back in the ring before chasing him to the floor yet again. More stalling stalling stalling outside and Road Dogg hits Hawk with what looks like a Styrofoam drink cooler to take over. Back in, that gets two. Billy chokes out Hawk on the ropes and goes to a chinlock and drops a knee for two. Oddly something is bleeped out there, which is weird because they don’t edit out swearing in any other shows. Hawk collides with Billy and they’re both down and it’s hot tag Animal. He runs wild with the usual stuff and they go to finish Road Dogg, but HOG runs in and hits Animal with the slop bucket. So Hawk grabs it and they get DQ’d at 10:41 for the shitty finish to a shitty match. *

Speaking of shitty matches…

Boot Camp match: Sgt. Slaughter v. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Crazy that Slaughter, at 49 here, is younger than a lot of people still going today. Sarge beats on Hunter in the corner and whips him with a riding crop, doing his big 80s stomps before every shot, and then follows with a gutbuster. They head to the floor and Slaughter drops him on the railing, but he tries to go for a pin out there and the ref clarifies that you have to get the pin in the ring. So they head back in and Slaughter slowly continues beating on Hunter, but he tries the cobra clutch and Hunter escapes with a jawbreaker and then runs Sarge into the post for the Slaughter Bump. Hunter sends him into the crowd as ol’ Bob takes these sad slow motion bumps on the floor before fighting back with a clothesline when Hunter tries to use the bell. And it’s not like the crowd is even reacting to any of this, just sitting there silently while supposed legend Slaughter cosplays like it’s 1984 again. Back in the ring, Hunter chokes him out with a belt and then finds a chain for some shots with that. Slaughter fights back, so Hunter backdrops him over the top. Back in, Slaughter reverses a suplex for a hope spot as we shift ever further back in time to the 70s, and Hunter gets a sleeper. I know how he feels right now. So that lasts an eternity as they’re doing a sleeper spot in a supposedly violent boot camp match, and Sarge reverses into the cobra clutch. At this point the ref is bumped and Chyna runs in to break up the sleeper and beat up the ref for good measure. Slaughter fights back and throws white powder in Chyna’s face, and I’m sure she’s got no experience with that, and puts Hunter back in the cobra clutch again. But then Chyna kicks him in the nuts to break it, and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE on a chair and HOLY FUCK thank god it’s over at 17:20. Absolutely excruciating. -***

Jeff Jarrett v. The Undertaker

So it’s finally the in-ring debut of Aztec Warrior Jarrett after weeks of buildup. Crazy to think that back in 1997 we thought that Jarrett couldn’t possibly be any more overpushed. We were still 5 years away from TNA! Jarrett slugs away in the corner to start and Taker beats him down in response and clotheslines him for two. Taker works the arm to set up the ropewalk, but Jeff goes for the knee and goes to work on it and he’s drawing absolutely no heat. So that goes on for a bit, but then Kane walks in and chokeslams Jarrett at 7:00, which means Jarrett wins by DQ. DUD.

And then Taker destroys him with a chokeslam and leaves him laying. For those keeping track, this was supposed to get Jarrett over as a big time heel star.

Intercontinental title: Steve Austin v. Rocky Maivia

The Nation all jumps Austin before the bell and puts the boots to him, but D-Lo charges and Austin backdrops him onto the windshield of his truck and then gives him a stunner on the roof, FINALLY waking up the crowd. Into the ring, Rock and Austin slug it out and Austin hits the Thesz Press, which Rock reverses for two. Rock throws him out like the rest of the DCU, and the Nation attacks again, but Austin sends Kama into the truck after Kama accidentally takes out Faarooq with a chair. Back in the ring, Rocky puts the boots to him and goes low to take over, and things are looking bad for Austin, like he’s the XFL’s CFO. Rock with the People’s Elbow for two and we hit the chinlock, but Austin fights out of that. So Rock goes for another elbow, but that misses like Black Adam missed the point, and Austin makes the comeback and stomps a mudhole on him in the corner. The Nation interferes again and the ref gets wiped out as a result, so Rocky finds some brass knuckles, only to walk into KICK WHAM STUNNER at 5:40 with another ref making the count. And thus, young Rock is cancelled. As a match it was pretty terrible because Austin could barely function, but the basic template here carried the promotion for the next three years and created a whole new hybrid main event style. ** for the actual match, but about **** for sheer entertainment at the time. Man this was short though.

WWF World title: Shawn Michaels v. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock wins a slugfest and puts Shawn on the floor with a kick, and Shawn walks around complaining about an injury to the ribs for a while. Back in the ring, Shawn loses a slugfest and Shamrock hits him with a suplex and then clotheslines him to the floor. Back in, Shawn gets a cheapshot and tosses Shamrock to take over, then follows with a crossbody to the floor that didn’t go very well. Shawn misses a baseball slide and Shamrock makes a comeback, but Hunter runs him into the ringpost and puts the boots to him on the floor. Back in, Shawn goes to work on the back and follows with a dropkick for two. Shamrock fights back in the corner, but Shawn gets a bodypress, which Shamrock reverses for two. Shawn with a chinlock and he’s practically yelling spots at Ken. And then Ken reverses to a cradle for two, so Shawn goes to a sleeper, which you know because he yells SLEEPER before doing it. Shamrock escapes and comes back with a corner clothesline and backdrop. Powerslam gets two. Shamrock with a rana and Shawn tries a sunset flip, but Shamrock reverses that for two. Shamrock takes a weird bump off an irish whip, seemingly hitting his neck on the top rope, but he blocks a rana from Shawn with a powerbomb for two. So Shawn takes the ref and D-X pulls out Shamrock for a beatdown, and back in for the flying elbow from Shawn. That sets up the superkick, but Shamrock ducks it and hits the belly to belly, at which point D-X runs in for the DQ at 18:30. An underwhelming finish to a good match. ***. But then Shawn is posing on the apron, and Owen Hart returns from exile and attacks him before escaping into the crowd again. And this of course set up…well, nothing in particular as it turned out. But it was an exciting return for the moment.

Not a stretch to call this one of the worst PPVs in history, with literally only one redeeming match on the whole show, although we didn’t know at the time what kind of ramifications on history it would have. Wrestling can be funny that way.