The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 01.14.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 01.14.00

Taped from Center Stage in Atlanta, GA, on January 7, which is actually a really good fit for them. Unfortunately whoever set up the production ruined whatever personality the arena has and made it look like just another ECW show.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “I once knew this girl from right here in Georgia, some said she was a petite little runt, and while she might have been a bit on the small side, that chick had the world’s biggest…” Gertner. Sadly Cyrus cuts the microphone before we find out what could possibly rhyme with “runt” in this case. So Cyrus welcomes the crowd in the local vernacular (“How-dy, how are y’all doing?”) and draws monster heel heat as a result. So he goes off on “some fat color commentator who’s never paid his dues in the business…no offense…gets himself over”. Joel’s body language here is really interesting, as he defensively moves back while Cyrus verbally attacks him. I don’t know if that was intentional but it was a neat touch. And then after a “double secret executive meeting” with the Office, he has come up with a list of things no longer tolerated by the Network. No more “dirty middle names”. No more sexual innuendo. And NO MORE INSULTING COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC. This includes jokes about Dukes of Hazzard, inbreeding, or Garth Brooks and his weight problem. And especially nothing against ROLLLLLLLLLLER JAM. Cyrus checking his earpiece for “office reaction” every time the crowd goes crazy is tremendous. And then we finish with a plug for “Rockin’ Bowling” on TNN, which apparently combines bowling with rock and roll, and Cyrus throws it to the opening. This stuff was all worthless as far as storyline but Cyrus was hilarious in the clueless middle management role and I laughed really hard at all of this.

No really, though, was that bowling thing real?

Anyway, Joey introduces the show by calling Center Stage “the former home of WCW”, which is kind of weird phrasing, considering WCW was still very much around at the time, even though now we think of them of this long dead relic of the past.

Super Crazy v. Little Guido

Guido stalls to start while Joey breaks kayfabe by pointing out that James “Little Guido” Stone isn’t actually Italian and in fact he’s from New York and was trained by Billy Robinson. Crazy gets a quick quebrada for two, but he goes for the moonsault and hits Guido’s knees, and Guido snaps off the Fujiwara armbar and then sends Crazy to the floor, where Big Sal catches him. Crazy moonsaults both, however, and we take a break. Back with Little Guido hitting a top rope legdrop for two and tossing Crazy again, and this time Sal beats him down and tosses him back in for two. Crazy tries a pump splash and Guido yanks him down facefirst for two. Guido grabs a chair, but Crazy DDTs him on it for two. And another DDT finishes at 7:08. DDT on the chair gets two, regular DDT gets the pin. That checks out. **1/2.

Meanwhile at the PPV, we are reminded of Sabu losing to Rob Van Dam and his promise to “walk out of ECW”. And Rob does a post-match promo where he notes that he would have been happy to have Sabu stick around and carry his bags or whatever. And in fact Sabu was done with ECW and didn’t return.

Meanwhile also at the PPV, Steve Corino calls out Dusty Rhodes until Big Dust hits the ring and cleans house with the big elbows while the supposed “smart” fans all go crazy for him like complete marks. But sadly, the COOKIE MONSTER RHINO attacks and lays out Dusty, who gets to look like the sympathetic hero on the show that’s supposedly about all the new talent making names for themselves.

Meanwhile, Da Baldies continue threatening New Jack, because they didn’t come to ECW to put him over. Apparently Angel is now the King of the Streets.

Meanwhile, at the PPV yet again, Mike Awesome murders Spike Dudley to retain the ECW title. Mike does his post-match promo and promises more of the same. Oh, and in the Observer review of this show, Meltzer notes that Spike’s groupie was actually ECW lighting director Kari Bullock, who had already lost her teeth years before and so was perfect for the Awesome angle.

Jerry Lynn v. Tajiri

Hey, a second match, how about that? I was wondering if they’d get to another one. They brawl to the floor right away and Tajiri rams him into the table, and back in for a slugfest before Tajiri whacks him with a kick in the corner. Lynn tries a powerbomb to counter, but Tajiri does a slick flip into a sunset flip for two and then catches him in the Tarantula in the corner. If there’s no DQs in ECW, why does he have to break in the ropes? Tajiri with a handspring elbow and he hangs Lynn in the Tree of Woe and follows with a baseball slide and then stands on his groin for good measure. Tajiri with some chops, but Lynn catches another handspring and takes him down with a rana. But Tajiri bridges out of that and tries his own rana, and Lynn powerbombs him to counter. Lynn puts the boots to him, but Tajiri gets a german suplex for two, and Lynn gets a tornado DDT for two. Joel notes that this is culturally insensitive to Tajiri because they don’t have tornados in Japan, they have tsunamis. Tajiri beats him down with kicks for two and goes for the brainbuster, but Lynn flips out and hits the piledriver for the pin at 6:41. Really good for what it was but way too short. ***.

Meanwhile, at the PPV one last time, the Impact Players beat Raven and Dreamer to win the tag team titles, and we get to hear their stupid catchphrase. Although Storm gets one funny line, noting that it’s really hard to get a strap off a guy from Calgary, and you can ask Vince McMahon about that.

Yeah, watch the Cyrus opening verbal battle with Joel Gertner and skip the rest of the show, which is basically just a PPV recap. ECW had a real problem with TNN shows being throwaways before PPVs and then throwaways after PPVs due to Heyman only caring about Hardcore TV, and this was no exception.