The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 39 Night 2 – 04.02.23

The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 39 – Night 2 04.02.23

Well this one is certainly getting overshadowed a little bit by other news today. To be honest, my anticipation for Wrestlemania was mostly satisfied by last night’s show, so this is more of a bonus episode.

And of course if you’re reading this in the future, you can check out Night 1’s rant here:

https://www.blogofdoom.com/2023/04/01/the-smark-rant-for-wwe-wrestlemania-39-night-one-04-01-23/

Live from Los Angeles, CA

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Corey Graves

The Miz joins us to start again, with his new best friend Snoop Dogg.

Omos v. Brock Lesnar

I thought they’d start with the Cell match for ease of setup. Brock goes for the attack but Omos headbutts him and slams him to take control. Another devastating bodyslam and some clubbing forearms follow, setting up a bearhug. Nothing I love better than watching Brock Lesnar go out and SELL, am I right? Brock makes a comeback and walks into a chokeslam, and that gets two. Blind charge misses and Brock fights back with a german suplex not once, not twice, but THRICE, and the F5, but Omos escapes from that. But Brock gets it on the second try and puts him away at 5:00. Hey, it was way better than I was anticipating, and you can’t deny that’s something. A very hot crowd as well. **1/2.

Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan v. Natalya & Shotzi v. Chelsea Green & Sonya Deville v. Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler

Well I bet Shayna & Ronda are excited about going back to UFC again. Liv quickly hits Sonya with a pair of codebreakers, but Natalya gets a low dropkick to cut her off. Liv with a rana and Raquel comes in for some double-teams, but Nattie takes her down with a rana of her own and then forces Chelsea into the match. Raquel no-sells a missile dropkick and Shotzi comes in and looks nervous and sloppy as usual. Shayna gets triple-teamed and powerbombed, but Shotzi comes back in with a flying bodypress. Shotzi with a dive, literally yelling the spot on camera, and then Chelsea does her own dive to run away from Raquel. Raquel tosses Liv onto the pile outside for the capper. Sonya and Chelsea double-team Raquel as I’m totally losing track of who the teams are and it’s all just a bunch of stuff. Nattie and Shotzi hit a Hart Attack on Sonya and Nattie does the double Sharpshooter on Sonya and Chelsea, which always gets over, but Liv quickly makes the save. Codebreaker on Shotzi sets up Oblivion, but Ronda and Shayna return from their own oblivion after disappearing for the entire match, and Ronda armbars Shotzi at 8:24. This was really bad and a complete mess for most of it, but ended up somewhere between “OK” and “fine” by the end. **. Plus the ending was stupid, with the winners literally doing nothing for the entire match.

Bobby Lashley joins us to remind us that he won the battle royale on Smackdown, and that’s about it for him. I thought he was supposed to have an open challenge or something?

Intercontinental title: Gunther v. Sheamus v. Drew McIntyre

Gunther invites the Banger Bros to take each other out, so they oblige and Sheamus beats on Drew with forearms in the corner. Drew fires back with chops, so Sheamus puts him down with the backbreaker and sets up for the forearms. Gunther interrupts that and chops the shit out of both guys and runs Drew into the post. Then he just beats the holy hell out of Sheamus on the ropes and drops him with a backbreaker to set up a crab. Drew tries to break it up and Gunther just ignores him and carries on, before letting it go and starting a fight with Drew instead. So they just unload chops on each other and then it turns into a crazy three-way slugfest with those. And then Sheamus and Drew take turns beating on Gunther and chopping him into hamburger. And then Sheamus turns on Drew and beats on him as well, getting up to 29 before Drew collapses in pain. Michael Cole is just laughing in glee at the violence. Gunther breaks it up with a german suplex on Sheamus and puts him down with a lariat for two. Another one gets two. Drew comes in with a flying forearm on Gunther and then suplexes Sheamus into Gunther in the corner, and that sets up the Future Shock DDT. Claymore misses and Gunther dropkicks him into the corner and powerbombs him for two. Gunther goes up and Sheamus cuts him off with White Noise from the top. This sets up the Celtic Cross for two. Cloverleaf follows and Gunther gets the ropes, but it’s no DQ, so Sheamus pulls him away and reapplies it. But then Drew puts Sheamus in a sleeper to break it up, and Sheamus runs wild with knee strikes on both guys. Brogue Kick on Gunther gets two, but Drew makes the save and pulls Sheamus out of the ring for a brawl. Drew with the tope con hilo, just barely clearing the ropes, and back in for the Claymore Kick, but Sheamus counters him with the Brogue for two. Titus marking out on commentary adds just a little more to this one. The Bros slug it out and Drew hits the Claymore on Sheamus for two. They slug it out and Sheamus puts him down with a big boot, but both guys are down. Sheamus gets two, but Gunther dives onto them with a splash to save, powerbombs Sheamus onto Drew, and then powerbombs Drew to retain at 16:36. Glad they kept it on him and this lived up to everything we wanted and then some. *****. I know we already had a pair of 5 star matches last night but this one ranks among the greatest WM matches ever, I think.

RAW Women’s title: Bianca Belair v. Asuka

Bianca slugs away in the corner and follows with a suplex, but Asuka boots her out of the corner and puts her down with a kick series and a knee for two. They fight to the top and Bianca flips away from her and gets a spinebuster for two. Asuka catches her in a triangle from the mat, but Bianca rolls her over for two and they head to the floor. Asuka tries for an armbar out there, but Bianca powerbombs her to counter, and back in for two. Bianca charges and hits the post, and Asuka rolls her up for two. Asuka rolls her into an anklelock, but Bianca suplexes out of it. She tries a handspring and Asuka gets another anklelock to counter that and then springs off the middle rope with a missile dropkick for two. They fight to the apron and Bianca tires of getting kicked, but Asuka dropkicks her into the post to change it up. So then Bianca sends her into the post and brings her in with a deadlift superplex, which gets two. They trade cradles for two and Asuka gets a backslide for two. Asuka with a head kick for two. They trade cradles again and Belair hits her with a handspring moonsault for two. They collide for a double down and Bianca goes up first, but Asuka cuts her off and brings her down with a codebreaker for two. Bianca comes back with Jaded into the top turnbuckle to set up the KOD, but Asuka grabs the top rope and then blows the green mist, which misses. So Bianca gets another KOD attempt, but Asuka takes her down into an armbar off that, and Bianca powers her up into another KOD to finish and retain at 15:45. I’d call this really good, but not great or anything. They were working hard but it was a little meandering at times. ***1/2

The Miz joins us again, looking for another fight from Snoop Dogg, but Shane McMahon returns from exile (probably hoping to get a piece of that Endeavour money) and this is a match, I guess.

The Miz v. Shane McMahon

I thought I had seen enough of this match for one lifetime already but here we are. Shane quickly blows out his knee on a leapfrog and they stop the match, so Snoop steps in and punches Miz out himself. And then he drops a People’s Elbow and pins him at 1:50. Well this was as horrible as you’d expect, but at least Snoop was enough of a pro to save the segment after Shane’s brittle body fell apart live on PPV.

I should point out that I started watching the show an hour and twenty minutes late and managed to catch up live to this point just by fast forwarding through all the commercials and video packages. Like the pacing has certainly been better the past couple of Wrestlemanias, but they could easily get these things under 3 hours each night.

Hell in a Cell: Edge v. Finn Balor

They grab weapons right away and slug it out, kendo stick vs. chair, like in days of yore, and Finn wins that battle and tosses Edge. Finn runs him into the cage, but Edge fights back in the ring and shoves him into the cage from the apron. Edge finds some more sticks under the ring and traps Finn in the corner of the cage for a dropkick, and we get out first table of the night. Finn escapes his kendo stick prison and runs Edge into the stairs, but Edge catches him with the Impaler back in the ring. Spear is countered with the sling blade and Finn dropkicks him into the cage on the other side, and then sends him into his own table in the corner. How ironic. Finn throws chairs at him until Edge fights back with a big boot, and then comes back with a Killswitch in the ring. Next up, Edge finds a ladder under the ring and chucks that at Balor’s face, busting him open. So this brings medical help into the cage and the camera won’t shoot Balor for some reason, instead following Edge around while he sets up more weapons. I thought it was a setup for someone to run into the cage, but apparently not. So Finn comes back with a double stomp and goes up for the Coup de Grace, but that misses. Edge goes for a spear and hits a ladder as a result, and they clothesline each other for the double down. Balor keeps coming with a sling blade and gets the Coup de Grace on a second try, and that gets two. So they head to the top of the ladder and Edge brings him down with another DDT for two. Edge brings another table into the ring, but Balor beats on him with a chair and goes up to a ledge on the cage, putting himself through the table as a result. That poor table was literally bending in the middle before he even got there. Edge spears him for two. The Conchairto is all that’s left, and that finishes at 17:48. This was a tad goofy at times, with Finn growling like a zombie and such, but it was all action and entertaining from start to finish, outside of the break for medical attention that really took me out of it. ***1/2. Maybe they should have called Snoop in to do a People’s Elbow there too.

WWE World title: Roman Reigns v. Cody Rhodes

So here we are in 2023 with Cody main eventing Wrestlemania. And a weight belt with “AEW” inscribed on it. Wrestling, man. Also Endeavour is already signing away AEW guys, with Negative 1 at ringside, and unmasked no less. It’s a Sami Zayn situation all over again. They fight for a hammerlock to start and Roman bails for a peptalk from the wise man, which is “Smash him! I love you, by the way.” Back in the ring, Roman obliges with a pair of elbows and beats on him with corner clotheslines, but Cody dropkicks him for one. Cody goes for the disaster kick already and Roman catches him with a powerbomb for two and chokes him out on the ropes. Roman with a pair of suplexes and he tosses Cody, but Cody skins the cat and sends Roman out in turn. But he gets excited again and Roman smashes him again and tosses him up the ramp. They fight out there, but Solo Sikoa plays Uso and hits Cody with a chair, allowing Roman to hit the Drive By. Back in, that gets two. Solo trips him up again and Roman gets a clothesline for two off that. Back to the floor, Roman preps the announce table, but he tries a piledriver and Cody reverses to a backdrop to put him through it. Back in the ring, Cody slugs away and hits a powerslam out of the corner, and the Cody Cutter gets two. Reigns bails to the floor and Cody hits him with a tope suicida, but Solo interferes one time too many and gets tossed. But Roman gets the weight belt, so Cody superkicks him and hits the Crossroads for two as this really hits another gear. Roman puts him down with a jawbreaker and tosses him, but this time when Cody skins the cat he gets caught and slammed for two. Superman punch follows, but Cody catches him and reverses to the Pedigree for two. Cody fires up and tries another disaster kick, but Roman counters with the superman punch for two. Spear misses and Cody gets a sunset flip for two, and into the figure-four. Roman manages to turn that over, but Cody makes the ropes. They slug it out on the apron and Cody necks him on the top rope and goes up, but he misses and Roman spears him for two. Roman beats him down with elbows and calls for the guillotine, but Cody powers out of it and beats Roman down with his own elbows. Ref is bumped and they collide for a double down, but Cody is up first and the Usos return and lay him out with the 1D. But this brings Zayn & Owens out to save, and Sami finally gets to hit the Heluva Kick on Roman before brawling out with the Usos again. This leaves Cody on top for two. They slug it out one more time and Roman goes for the superman punch, but Cody gives him a Flip Flop and Fly and Crossroads twice, but Paul Heyman takes the ref and Solo Sikoa sneaks back in with the spike…and Roman wins at 34:44. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? The match was great but this is gonna go down as one of the all time biggest booking blunders in wrestling history. It was the right time and right place and right guy for Roman to lose. ****1/2.

Another great Wrestlemania, but I liked night 1 better, especially since they managed to screw up one of the easiest booking decisions ever dropped in their lap to cap it off. We’re gonna be debating that one for a while, I feel like.