The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E31 – “The Desolation of Drago”
By Scott Keith on January 25, 2023
The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S1E31
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OFF:
https://blogofdoom.com/index.php/category/wrestling/lucha-underground/
“The Desolation of Drago”
Ha, Hobbit references. That’s so 2014.
Meanwhile, Drago lurks on the rooftop and then jumps down like Batman. Old school Detective #27 Batman, not even 80s Batman or anything.
Taped from the Temple.
Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro, and Vamp apologizes for his conduct last week, noting that he never should have jumped into the ring and gotten involved.
Dario Cueto, who really could join AEW tomorrow as the deranged billionaire brother of Tony Khan, hypes up ULTIMO LUCHA in 8 weeks, and announces that tonight we’ll determine who fights for the title at the show. And he wants men who have reached the top of the mountain before, so he gives another shot to four previous title challenges in a four-way. And then remembers that Fenix was killed off, so it’s a three-way. I love his casual brushing off of the death of one of his talent. Next up, Dario brings out Blue Demon Jr for some luchador star power, but then decides that Demon should get into fighting shape again, and invites Chavo Guerrero and his new backup, the Crew, out to the ring for a match.
Blue Demon Jr. v. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Chavo slugs away on Demon, who doesn’t even get to put his gear on, but Demon backdrops him to the floor and takes out Cisco and Cortez as well. As a reminder in case you forgot, the third guy from the Crew got eaten by Cueto’s mysterious brother in the cage a few weeks ago. So he’s unavailable. Back in the ring, Chavo and the Crew choke him out with a kendo stick because it’s no DQ, and then Chavo goes up with the frog splash at 3:01. Nothing much to this one. *1/2
Meanwhile, Drago does a badass superhero entrance backstage.
Meanwhile, Chavo stops by Black Lotus’s cage to “apologize” for locking her up and betraying Dragon Azteca, but it’s only business.
Meanwhile, Drago finds Dario in the locker room, and he wants into the title match eliminator tonight. Dario: “You’re right, it would include you, if you hadn’t been banished.” Luckily, Drago finds a loophole to be included, but Dario makes him a counter-offer: If Drago doesn’t win the match, he has to unmask. SPICY.
The Disciples of Death v. Bengala, Pimpinella Escalada & Mascarita Sagrada
Well this is a freakshow. The Disciples are the skull-masked geeks who back up Mil Muertes, and the technico side has a midget, a tiger, and whatever Pimpinella is classified as. Pimpinella evades a Disciple and chases him out to the crowd. Over to Bengala, while the announcers make cat jokes until Striker gets tired of the gag and cuts it off. He hits two skull geeks with a moonsault and hits a third one with a rana to put him on the floor, and then dives onto him with a corkscrew plancha. So Sagrada comes in and the generic heels beat on him and the announcers have little concern. “Do it again! 10 points!” notes Vampiro with amazing snark. And this just completely breaks down and loses all the heat and momentum as they riff on how lame it is (“Isn’t he already an endangered species?”) and toss the little guy onto the cat. And then Catrina gives Pimpi the Lick of Death to steal his soul, and the Disciples powerbomb him at 7:01 for the pin. This was HORRIBLE. I mean, just embarrassing to watch on so many levels. -*
Meanwhile, Johnny Mundo wants to know why he was left out of the match tonight, but Dario doesn’t hold grudges. He doesn’t care that Johnny gave him a black eye, because he looks great in sunglasses! This man is amazing. But after he watched Johnny throw Alberto through the office window, he knew that Johnny was the man to carry the title. So next week, Prince Puma defends against Johnny Mundo in an All Night Long match, where It’s one match for the entire episode, and the first person to get the most pinfalls by the end of the night is the champion.
#1 Contender match: Brian Cage v. King Cuerno v. Hernandez v. Drago
Bit of a rare continuity botch on commentary, as they aired the angle to establish Drago getting into the match and the mask stip earlier in the show, but Striker and Vampiro acted unaware of it here and treated the announcement like a big surprise. I wonder if they did the show and then decided they needed a segment to clarify the angle after filming the match? Cage and Hernandez fight on the floor and then Cage hauls Hernandez back into the ring and dropkicks him. Cage throws Drago and Cuerno around the ring, but then Cuerno decides to team up with him and they drop elbows on Hernandez for two. Drago puts Cage on the floor and runs wild, but Cage just flexes on him and Drago runs into him like a brick wall. Cage and Cuerno team up with a powerbomb on Drago to get rid of him for a bit and go after Hernandez.
Cuerno beats on him with chops, but Hernandez puts him down with the Pounce. Drago back in with the legsweep and he goes up with a flying splash for two. Hernandez does a Giant Swing on Drago, but Cage gets rid of Hernandez and then turns on Cuerno to end that alliance. But they patch it up and double-team Drago with moonsaults, and then Cage moonsaults Hernandez as well and everyone is out. Drago tosses Cuerno and hits him with a dive, and then Hernandez dives onto both of them, and then Cage dives onto all three with another moonsault. And then Cuerno dives onto everyone (after picking out Killshot in the crowd and shooting his imaginary bow at him). Back in the ring, Drago spews GREEN MIST at Cuerno and rolls him up for the pin and the title shot at 10:42. This had moments but was nothing special outside of Cage moonsaulting everything that moved. **3/4 I think this was also the match where Hernandez had been planned to win, but lied about being clear from his Impact Wrestling contract and ended up getting fired and sent back there as a result.
And finally, Dario watches from his office, increasingly paranoid, and Catrina teleports into his chair to freak him out, demanding that Mil Muertes gets a title shot as well. Dario didn’t even know Mil wanted a title shot! So Catrina chokes him out and he immediately caves like the coward he is, and makes a match between Drago and Mil in two weeks, winner gets the title shot.
Dario Cueto is just such a fascinating and fantastic character that pulls these shows together even when the in-ring isn’t great, to say the least. Case in point, this one, where the matches were all-time bad level for the show but the stuff with Dario was so entertaining that it made the whole thing watchable overall.
NEXT TIME: Johnny Mundo challenges Prince Puma in an All Night Long match for the Lucha Underground title!
Comments are disable in preview.