The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 01.20.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 01.20.23

Watched the first couple of episodes of That 90s Show tonight. I appreciate what they were trying to do with it, but….eeeeeehhhhhh…not into it. Too much like Fuller House. A throwback to a format I don’t really enjoy anymore.

In other news, I finally got an FTR shirt in my AEW Crate subscription! It only took a couple of years to get one. Also got a BCC shirt in the same box so I’m 2/2.

Taped from Fresno, CA

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Chris Jericho

Jungle Boy Jack Perry v. Ethan Page

Jericho HATES people who sing along with theme songs! Page immediately goes for the Ego’s Edge, but Perry escapes and tosses him and follows with a dive while Ethan argues with Matt Hardy, who apparently is a thing that still exists in AEW. Back in, Jack with a headscissors and dropkick, but Perry gets distracted and Page takes over with a backbreaker. They fight to the floor and Ethan rams into the SQUARE POST that Jericho loves putting over so much. Back in the ring, Page with a gorilla press and he slugs away in the corner while Jim Ross buries “Big Bill” as a wrestling name but admits he’s got presence in the ring. Perry bumps into the corner and then comes back with the chops an a comeback lariat. Jack goes up and Page brings him down with the Iconoclasm and into a powerslam for two. Page decides to get cocky with a Twist of Fate, but Perry escapes that and slugs away in the corner and adds a shot to Stokely. But this allows Page to hit his Twist of Fate in order to properly mock Matt Hardy. But then Hook comes out to even the odds and Jungle Boy gets a sunset flip for the pin at 10:18 despite Ethan’s attempt to use Matt Hardy’s ponytail to block it. They never clicked here, it was just two fellas having a match. **1/2 Afterwards, Page complains that Matt doesn’t have his back, and he wants Hardy to prove his loyalty with a tag team match against Jungle Hook on Dynamite. Isn’t the point of the Matt Hardy deal that Matt doesn’t WANT to be part of Page’s crew but he’s forced to be there? I don’t really understand the storyline here.

Ortiz joins Tony to clarify what’s up with him and Eddie Kingston. So Ortiz again claims that Eddie was going to HIT A WOMAN and we don’t do that in our world. So Ortiz talks more shit about him, but Eddie turns on him and lays him out with a chair. Poor Ortiz.

Meanwhile, Darby Allin challenges Buddy Matthews for his next open challenge on Dynamite.

Brian Cage v. Willie Mack

Another Lucha Underground flashback! Mack evades Cage and counters his armdrag attempts, but misses a standing moonsault and Cage lays him out with a boot. Cage comes back with a german suplex out of the corner and beats Willie down to set up a running boot while the announcers discuss the supposed royal lineage of Prince Nana. I dunno, I don’t think “Ghana” is even a real country. Has there ever been a World champion from this “Ghana” place? I rest my case. Cage takes Willie to the floor and continues assaulting him, tossing him into the railing in between muscle poses, and back in for an elbow that gets two. Cage chokes him out in the corner and Fite takes a break. Back with Jericho really pulling his Willie! Sorry, I meant pulling FOR Willie, my bad. Mack makes a comeback with a Sky High for two. Cage puts him down again for two and then powerbombs him into the Drillclaw to finish at 9:07. Mack got a couple of hope spots but this was basically an extended squash for Cage, leading up to the Danielson match. Thankfully guys like Cage and Lance Archer are easy to reheat for big matches. I don’t see Willie carrying on in a featured role past here. **

Jade Cargill & Leila Grey v. Jaida & Jordyn Vanity

Grey takes a Vanity down and hits her with a shoulderblock, and then dropkicks her into the corner. Over to Jade, who doesn’t seem impressed with having to work the match, and she chokes Vanity out in the corner. Grey with a neckbreaker on Vanity, but she tags out to Vanity and Grey hits her with a facebuster for two and then picks her up. So then Jade finishes her with Jaded at 3:15. I cannot express how little I care about anything Jade does anymore. * Just BEAT HER already and find something more interesting to do with her than winning literally every match in a squash. It’s been two years, she’s not drawing ratings anymore, there’s obviously no endgame here, just pick someone and beat her for the title already. A character that wins every encounter and is never challenged in any meaningful way isn’t interesting and there’s no stories to tell with that.

Daniel Garcia v. Action Andretti

The fact that they literally advertised Jericho & Sammy as the tag team for Dynamite right before this gives away that Daniel isn’t winning and taking that spot. Andretti takes Garcia down with a headscissors and puts him on the floor for a dive, but Garcia runs him into the stairs. Back in, Garcia takes him to the top for a superplex, but Andretti fights him off, so Daniel crotches him and gets a butterfly suplex for two. US viewers are missing Sammy Guevara trying to say “rope a dope” and failing because of his thick “Spanish” accent, by the way. The crowd has some harsh critique of Garcia’s new leather pants, which inspires Andretti to make the comeback with a neckbreaker. Garcia bails, so Andretti moonsaults him on the floor, and then back in with another moonsault for two. Andretti tries a springboard cutter, but Garcia catches him with a choke, and Andretti rolls him over for two. Argentine neckbreaker gets two. Another move name I learned from WWE Champions. Garcia whips him into the corner, but Andretti springboards back in, and Garcia catches him in a pumphandle slam for two. Andretti with a rollup for two, but Garcia rolls him up for two. Andretti with a spinning bodypress and running shooting star press for the pin at 10:45. A decent enough match that was a bit sloppy at times, but this is nowhere near main event caliber. ***

Last few episodes of Rampage have been pretty great, but this was back to the same problems they had before: No star power, no compelling storylines on the show, no reason to go out of your way to watch. This was at best on par with an episode of Dark and they can’t start backsliding into that pattern again.