The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 11.11.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 11.11.22

Live from Boston, MA.

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur

Luchasaurus and Christian Cage join us to start, which of course brings out Jack Perry. Christian notes that he’s not very smart and thinks he’s a tough guy, so obviously he’s from Boston. Perry notes that they’re bitching and whining about losing one match, whereas he’s lost 3 years of life that he wasted on his dinosaur buddy. So he wants a cage match against Luchasaurus at the PPV. That’s fine with Christian, as long as Jack’s mom is at ringside for the match. And then they beat him down again and Luchasaurus chokeslams him on a chair and THAT looked horribly painful. Hopefully he’s not hurt after that. That beatdown kind of fell flat and it would have worked better if Jungle Boy had just walked off with his head held high instead of yet another heel beating.

Meanwhile, the Death Triangle is still disagreeing about the future direction of their team.

Full Gear Eliminator tournament: Brian Cage v. Dante Martin

Dante is great but he’s so beyond dead in AEW that he might want to go elsewhere and work indies or something for a while. Dante tries a springboard and gets caught by Cage, but he fights back and dropkicks Cage to the floor. He tries a dive and Cage catches him in a suplex on the floor. Back in, Cage stops for some posing and then beats on Dante with chops in the corner while the announcers agree that, yes, he is a machine. Sideslam gets two. Cage tries a TKO and Dante counters into a DDT and makes a comeback with forearms. He goes up with a crossbody for two. Dante tries a moonsault and gets blocked, but Cage bails to the floor and Dante hits him with a dive. Back in for a flying splash, which gets two. Dante goes up again, but misses a 450 and Cage hits him with the lariat and a full nelson slam for two. And then Cage finishes with the Weapon X at 7:22 to advance. Cage is big and does cool stuff but none of it seems to have any particular flow or meaning to it. Like why is contorting someone in that Weapon X deal supposed to be more effective than just hitting him with the discus lariat? Anyway, it was a decent David v. Goliath match. **1/2

Meanwhile, Lee Moriarty wants any champion in AEW, which brings out Hook for a momentary interruption before leaving again. He’s a man of few words but many star ratings.

The House of Black are tired of being nice guys and showing too much mercy, so now they’re going to work on themselves and apparently rise from the dead as zombies or something. They were definitely getting too soft and merciful as of late, so elemental resurrection is probably a good career move in the long term.

Full Gear Eliminator tournament: Rush v. Bandido

I say let Bandido run the table in this tournament and just push the shit out of him right away. Rush attacks on the floor and beats him with a TV cable before choking him out, and they head into the ring to start the match officially. Rush beats on him in the corner and teases the shotgun dropkick, but then decides to stop and jaw with the crowd instead. Meanwhile JR questions the origins of the term “rubber match”. Seriously? It comes from card games, I thought everyone knew that. They need Riccaboni for Bandido matches to tie that into his poker deal. Bandido comes back and tosses Rush for a series of dives as Fite takes a break, and back with a frog splash for two. Bandido tries a delayed suplex and Rush escapes that and puts him down with a discus elbow strike for two. I assume Rush is winning here but he seems really disengaged tonight. Rush comes up with a missile dropkick, although he only hits with one foot and nearly falls on his ass. Bandido hits him with a military press for two, but Rush gets three german suplexes and hits him with a leg lariat for a double down. Rush gets a sloppy piledriver for two and Jose the Assistant tries for the mask of Bandido, but Johnny Hungie comes out to save, and Bandido gets the banana peel rollup win at 9:50. This was kind of a mess and that was a bad finish, but Bandido is money in all the ways they want Rush to be and it was still mostly entertaining. **1/2

Meanwhile, Jake Hager advises Claudio that he should go back to sports entertaining again. Also, he still likes the hat.

Nyla Rose v. Kayla Sparks

Nyla puts Sparks down with a pump kick while mocking Jade, and then uses a Jaded slam to finish at 0:49. And Jade hits the ring and fails yet again to reclaim her stolen title. I think the title and the winning streak are actually becoming an albatross on Jade’s development as a character and a star, and they should just get both off her at the PPV. Have the Baddies turn on her and join Nyla, costing her the streak and the title, and establish Jade firmly as the babyface once and for all. She’s not interesting as a heel any longer and she’s definitely not interesting as the TBS champion, so let’s change it up and try having her chase for a while instead.

All Atlantic title: Orange Cassidy v. Lee Johnson

Orange takes Lee down with a headlock and uses the power of the pockets to deliver the kicks, but he goes after the Factory geeks and that allows Johnson to catch him with a dropkick. And then Nicky Boy sends Orange into the crowd, which QT piledrives Danhausen on the stairs. Back in the ring, Johnson puts the boots to Orange while JR continues his PTSD over Vince and PRONOUNS. This is a safe space, JR, just say “he” and “him” if you want. We don’t need everyone’s name spelled out like a comic book all the time. Johnson gets a suplex for two as the crowd gets occupied by something and loses interest. They clothesline each other for the double down, but Orange dumps Johnson onto the Factory and follows with a dive. Back in with a cross body, but Lee gets a Blue Thunder bomb for two. Comorodo tries to interfere again, which triggers a brawl between the Friends and Factory, and Orange makes the comeback and misses the Orange Punch. Lee rolls him up for two and tries a superkick, but Orange counters into the Beach Break to retain at 8:54. Usual good Orange Cassidy match here, although Dark Elevation specialists the Factory are hardly any kind of threat. ***

This show was fine but I don’t know how many more times we need to say “DO SOMETHING TO BUILD UP FULL GEAR MORE” before they actually do it.