The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.07.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.07.22

Live from a clown car filled with cactuses, driving off a cliff, and landing in a munitions dump. Or you know, Buffalo NY, whichever.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Meanwhile, at All Out, some stuff happened. You know, on the PPV.

Tony Khan joins us with the news we’ve all expected: The Trios title will be decided in the trios match that was previously scheduled, and then the AEW World title will be decided by…wait for it…a TOURNAMENT. N.N.B.T. NEVER NOT BE TOURNAMENTING.

MJF joins us and he’s being a big babyface and wearing the jersey of the local sporting team for good measure. So he concedes that he might have said some offensive stuff last time he was around (Crowd: “You were right!”) and he was just kidding when he called everyone in the city a bunch of stupid marks. He’s not going to participate in the tournament because he’s about working smarter and not harder, plus TK is paying him a lot of money anyway. Also, he’s better than Moses. Checks out. Jon Moxley interrupts and MJF suddenly turns on the crowd and wipes his ass with the jersey in response. That was tremendous. And then he swings for the fences by promising to win the World title and taking it to WWE so he can be with his friend Cody Rhodes and work for a real boss. But Moxley is in no mood and just tells Max to get lost, so MJF puts up a big show and then runs away. “And your theme music sucks by the way” notes Moxley. Continuing on, Jon is pissed that he’s without the AEW World title because he lost on Sunday, and now his vacation got cut short. But winners always want the ball when the game is on the line, and he wants the ball. Really they should just have given him the title back and let him go back to running with the ball again. Just an incredible promo from Moxley to cut past the nonsense of the weekend and put the focus back on the title again.

AEW World Trios title: The Death Triangle v. Orange Cassidy & The Best Friends

Really, either team would be totally deserving here and this is the best way to decide it. Rip it off like a band-aid. We get a glove vs glasses throwing contest between Orange and Penta to start, but Penta kicks him down and Orange responds with a spinning headscissors. Everyone goes nuts with kicks and the Best Friends toss them to the floor and then launch Orange onto them as we take a break. Back with Fenix hitting Trent with a dropkick, but Pac misses a blind charge and Trent puts him down with a double stomp out of the corner. Orange comes in with a double rana on the Lucha Bros, but Pac lays him out from behind and gives him a disgusted beatdown in the corner. This prompts a fight between Alex and Danhausen, and Alex gets punched in the dickhausen, so Pac takes out Danhausen, just as disgusted by him as he is with Orange Cassidy. Back in, Orange comes back with a tornado DDT on Pac for two and follows with the stunner. Over to Chucky, and he tosses Fenix and Penta together in the corner, but Fenix splashes Penta onto Chuck for two. Half and half on Fenix and they stop for the hug, but Fenix rolls into the cutter on Trent. Pac cleans house with kicks, and Penta hits Orange with the pumphandle driver to get rid of him, leaving Trent alone with the Triangle, as they superkick him into a Fenix code red for two. They for the finish, but Orange punches Penta to set up the Strong Zero for two, and Pac saves. So we have a showdown, but Death Triangle hits triple superkicks and triple destroyers on the Friends, leaving Chuck alone for the Fear Factor and Black Arrow for the pin and the titles at 13:04. Can’t really fault it either way, but Death Triangle is going to have better matches. ****

Meanwhile, Andrade and Jose the Assistant continue contract tampering attempts with 10 and Evil Uno.

Meanwhile, Jamie Hayter storms out of All Out after being backstabbed by Britt Baker. Britt is pretty sure everything is fine between them, though.

Toni Storm v. Penelope Ford

Non-title match here. They trade takedowns to start and Toni dropkicks her into the corner, but Ford escapes the HIP ATTACK OF DEATH and bails to the floor. Toni follows her out, but Ford runs her into the stairs and we take a break. Back with Ford missing her handspring, and Storm makes the comeback with the hip attack and tornado DDT for the pin at 5:48. Most of the match took place during the break, as usual for the women. Seemed energetic. ** Their makeup was certainly rubbing off on each other for some reason.

Meanwhile, 2.0 celebrates welcoming Hook to the business and warns Action Bronson against continuing in the wrestling world. So this sets up a tag team match at Arthur Ashe.

The Acclaimed join us and Max Caster is about to spit the craziest rhymes possible, but Swerve cockblocks him by interrupting and the crowd ROASTS him. Let’s be honest, Max probably had to run his rap through legal first and it ended up more redacted than the Trump affidavit anyway. Swerve thinks that the idea of the Acclaimed as champs is a joke, but in two weeks they’re getting the rematch. BY GOD they better do the right thing this time or I’m gonna…I dunno, post some angry memes on Twitter probably. Something with Chris Pine and Harry Styles, since the deal with the girl explaining things has pretty much ended.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho reveals that he has found the Fountain of Youth here in 2022, and he’s drinking it in, man. It’s his company and his locker room. AND THEY HATE TURTLES. Because Darby Allin likes them, you see.

TNT title: Wardlow v. Tony Nese

Nese is unimpressed by Wardlow’s pecs, so Wardlow headbutts him in the face and you know what follows. Powerbomb at 1:20. Mark Sterling almost gets some too, but Josh Woods saves him. And then Wardlow cuts an angry promo about how the internet tells him that the momentum is gone, so now he’s going to kill everyone to prove us wrong. Well I hope he does.

Meanwhile, Darby Allin challenges Sammy Guevara to leave all his help in the dressing room on Rampage.

AEW World title tournament round one: Bryan Danielson v. Hangman Page

Man, has anyone noticed that Regal is getting really sexually aggressive towards Excalibur? Someone should make a post on Twitter about it. Winner of this gets Chris Jericho next week. They trade wristlocks to start and Danielson gives him a slap in the corner and walks away to make him think about it. Back in, they exchange chops and Bryan takes him down for the Romero special. They trade more chops in the corner and Bryan beats him down with the kicks, but he goes up and Page puts him on the apron with a forearm and follows with a clothesline to the floor. And the crowd turns on Page for some reason! Danielson runs him into the post to go after the arm, and we take a break. Back with Bryan working the arm in nasty fashion, but Page fights back with chops again and a fallaway slam. Bryan bails to the floor and Page follows with a dive as the crowd continues to boo him. Back in the ring, Hangman with a corner clothesline and death valley driver for two. Danielson with boots in the corner and a high kick for two. Bryan beats on him with more kicks and goes up, but Page brings him down for two. Bryan rolls out to evade the buckshot as we take another break. Back with them trading more chops, and Page hits a powerbomb for two to block a rana. Page goes up, but Bryan hangs him in the Tree of Woe and dropkicks him in the face. Back to the top, but Hangman lands on his feet to counter a superplex and hits a lariat for two. Danielson reverses the pinfall into the Lebell Lock, but Page counters with a catapult. Bryan keeps coming with a butterfly bomb into a cross armbreaker, and then turns it back into the Lebell Lock while clawing at Page’s face, but Page rolls him over and hits him with knees to the face to escape. They trade elbows, but Page catches him with the Deadeye for two. Page goes up and misses the moonsault, and Danielson hits him with the bu saiku knee, which just sends Page to the floor to foil Danielson’s pin. And then Page suckers him into an apron powerbomb, hits the moonsault to the floor, and back in for the buckshot lariat, which Danielson counters with a rollup for the pin at 23:00. Another incredible match from them, and one where you could have gone either way with it, which added to the drama. ****1/4

Stokely Hathaway, the King of Ladder Matches, joins us with new crew, but a production assistant tells him to wrap it up and gets beat up as a result.

Meanwhile, Tony Khan’s promises of making Rampage more important are certainly not going to be fulfilled by this week’s show.

ROH Pure title: Wheeler Yuta v. Daniel Garcia

Billy Gunn’s even more estranged son, Westside Gunn, raps Garcia down to the ring. Hey, the fast forward button on my remote still works, how about that? Garcia is the huge babyface here and quickly overpowers Yuta, so Yuta gives him some attitude in the corner but stops short of actually punching him. They fight for the lockup and end up on the floor as we take a break. Back with Yuta hitting a flying elbow for two and he gives Garcia some disrespectful boot rakes, and a snap suplex for one. Garcia fires back with a backdrop driver out of the corner and a lariat for two off that. Yuta gets a rolling germans, but Garcia switches to his own and then Yuta goes right back to them himself. Back to Garcia for more of those, so Yuta goes up and Garcia follows with a sick german suplex off the top and they’re both down as we take another break. Back with time running short on the show, and they slug it out with slaps until Yuta goes down. Garcia with the Sharpshooter, but Yuta quickly makes the ropes and uses one of his breaks. Then he punches Garcia down to draw a warning, but Garcia takes him down again into the Dragon Tamer, which Yuta counters with a crossface. Yuta gets the crucifix pin for two, but Garcia hooks him in the Dragon Tamer again and bridges back deep, and Yuta taps this time at 16:35 to make Garcia the new Pure champion. And Bryan Danielson comes out to tease trouble, but then straps the belt around his waist while Chris Jericho looks on in shock and horror at all this horrifying respect and good will. It makes him SICK! I presume. ***3/4

Well I’d call this a home run of a show coming out of a chaotic period! Three great matches, lots of intriguing stuff either set up or carried on, and a real sense of focus leading up to the stadium show in two weeks.