The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 09.03.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 09.03.22

Apparently a special show for All Out on a Saturday night.

Taped from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Daddy Magic Matt Menard

Tay Melo & Sammy Guevara v. GPA & Laynie Luck

I guess Luck and GPA are an item, because they share some smooches before the match. Tay dodges Luck’s strikes and takes her down with a throw, and it’s over to Sammy. The crowd is pretty disrespectful of Sammy and his love for Tay, and GPA manages to take him down and mocks his posing. GPA goes up and lands on a knee from Sammy, and the heels double-team GPA while the ref is busy with Luck. She’s not really living up to her name. GPA fights back with a jawbreaker on Sammy and gets the tag to Laynie, but Tay cuts her off with a german suplex and pump kick in the corner, then finishes with the TayKO at 4:24. Love is yucky. 0 for 1.

Keith Lee & Swerve Strickland v. Jah-C & Storm Grayson

Storm Grayson is a good wrestling name. Storm immediately gets chased back into his own corner by Lee, so Jah-C gives it a try against Swerve, and Swerve takes him down with a headscissors while Menard complains about sitting in JR’s chair and having one ass cheek in the air because of the tilt in the seat. Back to Grayson, so Keith comes in and hurls him across the ring. Jah-C tries an armbar on Lee, but Keith just gets annoyed and hangs him in the air, before Swerve goes up and stomps him for the pin at 4:00. The champs looked pretty bored out there. 0 for 2.

Hangman Page, John Silver & Alex Reynolds v. Nick Comoroto, Aaron Solo & Cole Karter

Comoroto has a drastically different look now, having cut his hair and beard and shaved his body hair, apparently now doing a mafia gimmick as “Nicky Boy”. He looks kind of like a young Scott Hall now. Reynolds hits Solo with a lariat and dropkick to start, so it’s over to Nicky Boy, who throws his sucker at Alex. He misses a kneedrop, but catches a bodypress attempt from Reynolds, so Silver comes in for a double-team to take him down. Hangman adds a sliding lariat on Solo, but Comoroto necks Silver to take over. Karter comes in with a standing dropkick, but Solo charges and gets dropped on the turnbuckle. Hot tag Hangman and he runs wild on the Factory and hits Solo with a death valley driver for two. Karter cuts him off with a kneelift, but Silver takes out Comoroto with a deadlift german suplex. Dark Order double-teams Solo and Hangman finishes him with the buckshot lariat at 6:06. Fun little match. 1 for 3.

The Acclaimed v. Invictus Khash & JPH

Caster’s rap is decidedly free from anything topical this week, focusing instead of Swerve’s failed rap career and Lee’s quiet promos. Bowens of course finally got his wish and convinced TK to put a “Scissor Me Daddy Ass” shirt up for sale, although I don’t think I’d be wearing that one in public. I have my limits. And I’m speaking from the perspective of someone literally wearing a Danhausen shirt while I write this. Khash gets a couple of shots on Bowens, but Bowens powerslams him and brings in JPH. The Acclaimed stop for a scissoring, but JPH breaks it up, so they take him out and finish their scissoring. And Caster drops the mic for the pin at 1:55. I don’t see the Acclaimed getting the belts but lord knows stranger things have happened. 1 for 4.

Emi Sakura & Baliyan Akki v. Ortiz & Ruby Soho

Is Akki involved in the development of the Fight Forever game? Ortiz slams Akki and gives us some hip swivels, but Sakura hits Ruby with the double underhook backbreaker and chases her to the apron for some chops. Akki tosses Ortiz and hits him with a dive over Emi, and back in Emi goes up with a moonsault on Ortiz. Then Ruby takes Akki down with a rana and follows with the Riot kick, and Ortiz pins him at 2:20. This was pretty wacky. 2 for 5.

Best Friends & Orange Cassidy v. Angelico, Butcher & Blade

Big brawl to start and Blade puts Trent down with a back elbow and puts the boots to him, but Trent fights him off, only to fall victim to a posting. Angelico works the arm, but Trent comes back with a back suplex, and the heels cut off the tag again. Double team legdrop gets two. Angelico smacks Orange off the apron and B&B double-team Trent with a gutbuster, and Butcher follows with a running knee for two. And then Angelico goes over and takes out Danhausen as well! The crowd is not OK with that one. Trent fights back with a DDT on Butcher and makes the hot tag to Orange, who hasn’t even taken his jacket off yet. So he uses it to wrap up Angelico’s wrist and flings him around the ring with it before tripping up Butcher and backdropping Angelico. Tope for Blade and he goes up with a flying bodypress on Butcher, leading Chuck to take out Angelico with a high knee. The hug is interrupted, however, and Angelico clips Orange and wraps him up in a wacky submission, but that leaves him open for CURSING. Angelico curses him right back with some crotch thrusts, but Danhausen uses the POWER OF THE DICK PUNCH and Best Friends finish with the Army Anthill splash at 8:18. Angelico is a treasure and this was fun as hell. 3 for 6.

Rampage might continue to be confused about itself, but this show continues to know exactly what it is: Quick squashes and fun midcard matches.