The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.27.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.27.22

Still on vacation. I’ve been sucked back into the world of Red Dead Redemption 2 again, having beaten the main story a while back, and now I’ve just been playing the equally fun side-game of riding around New Austin and trying to find all the ghost towns and dumb secrets so I can have a complete map if possible. I mean, it’s either that or fix my leaky shower head or whatever.

“Fight for the Fallen 2022”

Live from Worcester, MA

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Taz. Well so much for keeping JR on the second hour.

AEW World title: Jon Moxley v. Rush

I don’t really get the math that gives Rush a title shot here. Maybe it’s that new common core math they’re teaching in school these days? Conversion rate from the peso? I got nothing. Rush attacks and quickly goes to a neck vice while biting Mox’s head, and then tosses him and runs him into the railing a few times to bust him open further. Oh, Moxley’s bleeding, must be a day ending in “Y”. Rush tosses him back into the ring to celebrate, so Mox fires back with a tope and hits him with a suplex on the floor. Back in, Moxley beats on him in the corner and they trade chops until Rush gets a powerslam for two. Back to the floor and Rush chokes him out with a cable as we take a break. Back with Moxley coming back with a superplex and they exchange more chops until Rush hits him with a suplex and they trade elbows, but Rush puts him down with another german suplex. Moxley comes back with the head stomps, but Rush lures him in for a belly to belly into the turnbuckles. Mox fights them off and goes up, but Jose the Assistant takes the ref and Andrade shoves Moxley off, before the Lucha Bros save and chase off all the extra people. Moxley cradles Rush for two off all that, but Rush hits him with a piledriver for two. Moxley gets the Death Rider for two and goes right into the choke to finish at 14:00. This was definitely the time for Rush to not be a lazy bastard, and he came through. ***3/4

And then Chris Jericho and his Society interrupt, and Anna Jay is willing to choke out everyone in the audience to prove she’s the toughest. So Jericho demands a rematch with Moxley in two weeks. Mox points out that he hates the “sports entertainment bullshit” that they’re doing right now, but then continues doing it anyway. But since it’s not “the World Sports Entertainment championship of the galaxy”, Moxley wants Lionheart to show up for the title match.

Speaking of title matches, FINALLY they announce AEW Trios titles, to be crowned at All Out.

Meanwhile, Dante Martin introduces his own female backup, Skye Blue.

FTW title: Ricky Starks v. Danhausen

Danhausen tries to curse Ricky to start, but he gets booted in the head to counter, so he goes with a northern lights suplex for two instead. Starks hits him with an enzuigiri, but Danhausen rolls him up for two. And then Starks spears him and pins him at 1:31. But once again, Starks still thinks he’s got some left in the tank and wants another challenger, and this time it’s HOOK.

FTW title: Ricky Starks v. HOOK

Starks doesn’t even chicken out this week, and Hook immediately beats him into paste with punches and a suplex. Starks comes back with his own back suplex, but Hook flips into a takedown. Starks counters him with a spear and tries to finish, but Hook reverses into the Tazmission and wins the FTW title at 1:31. And like anyone else bested by the best, Starks can only offer a fist bump in congratulations. We all saw it coming but it was still awesome. ***************************************33 1/3

Back from the break and Starks does a babyface promo with Powerhouse Hobbs…and then Hobbs turns on him out of nowhere to put an end to Team Taz. Now THAT was a heel turn! Rough week for poor Ricky though.

The Acclaimed roasted the Ass Boyz last week, and they’re gonna do it again, just to be jerks.

Sammy Guevara v. Dante Martin

Both Dante and Skye Blue need to stop jobbing every week so hopefully putting them together means they go somewhere. Dante grabs a headlock, but Sammy flips over him and into a dropkick to escape. Dante does his own flip into a dropkick and does a pretty impressive Sammy impression, but ammy tosses him and we get a dive stalemate. They head to the stage as Sammy tries to walk out, but Dante hits him with a flip dive to the floor and we take a break. Back with Dante backdropping Sammy to the floor, but he dives and lands on Sammy’s knee strike this time. Sammy hits his own dive, and back in for a Spanish Fly that gets two. Dante counters the GTH with a backslide for two and hits a flipping slam for two. Dante tries the Nosedive, but Sammy cuts him off, so Dante hits his own Spanish Fly for two instead. Uranage gets two. Dante misses the Nosedive, allowing Sammy to hit the cutter, and the GTH finishes at 9:18. So this prompts a beatdown from the ladies on Skye, but Ruby Soho saves. Well that plan didn’t work very well for Dante either. ***

Meanwhile, Daniel Garcia promises that he’ll be called the Greatest Technical Sports Entertainer in the World after tonight.

Meanwhile, Sonjay Dutt thinks his team are the real Best Friends, which leads to an argument and a six-man match for Rampage, at which point Sonjay realizes what a huge mistake he’s made.

Jungle Boy joins us, having reunited with his dinosaur. And he finally lets it out, calling Christian the biggest pussy he’s ever seen in his entire life, which the crowd pops huge for. And now we know why Christian needed money so badly – his wife had just divorced him. OH SNAP. Jungle Boy goes after the turtleneck, but Christian cuts in from backstage and now he’s going for the body bags next time.

Meanwhile, Brandon Cutler tries to campaign to be the Young Bucks’ Trios partner, but they blow him off and then run into Hangman. But then the Dark Order pulls him away and makes it awkward.

Tony Nese & Smart Mark Sterling v. Swerve Strickland

Swerve fights off Nese to start, but Sterling rakes the eyes and Nese sweeps the leg on the apron as we take a break. Back with Swerve fighting them off in the ring and booting Nese into a tag to Sterling, but he refuses to get in. So Swerve continues beating on Nese with the diving uppercut and then boots Nese to the floor and follows with a double stomp out there. Back in, Swerve finishes Sterling with a Shining Wizard at 6:41. *1/2 But then we cut to the back, where Keith Lee has been laid out by Josh Woods, who is apparently the newest member of this faction. Yay, more ROH involvement.

Meanwhile, Malakai Black makes Miro an offer he can’t refuse, and then Brody challenges Darby Allin to a coffin match.

AEW Women’s World title: Thunder Rosa v. Miyu Yamashita

Oh man this match is gonna redefine the term “death slot”. They trade takedowns to start and Rosa gets a crucifix for two, and they head to the apron where Rosa gets some knees. They fight for a suplex out there, and Yamashita sweeps the leg, but Rosa dropkicks her. We take a break and return with Rosa getting a dropkick on the ropes and a northern lights suplex for two. Rosa goes up and Yamashita kicks her down and gets a wheelbarrow suplex for two. Yamashita lays her out with a spinkick for two and they trade cradles for two. Rosa gets some kicks and the Fire Thunder Driver to finish at 10:05. This was fine, I guess? I don’t really know what the point of pushing Yamashita out of nowhere was, though. **1/2

Meanwhile, AEW is finally coming to Canada. And if they come anywhere near Western Canada then TK better send me some tickets or I’ll haunt him on Twitter!

Daniel Garcia v. Bryan Danielson

Bryan attacks and gets right to kicking, beating on Garcia in the corner and backdropping him to the floor. He runs Garcia into the post and they head back in the ring as Garcia kind of fights helplessly from his back like a turtle, but Bryan beats him down again. Garcia cuts him off with a neckbreaker for two and tosses Danielson before sending him into the railing, but Bryan fires back with an elbow and then batters Garcia with more kicks out there before dropkicking him into the railing. Back in, Bryan gets a missile dropkick, but apparently knocks himself out on the move and Garcia beats on him to take over. Danielson collapses again on a leapfrog, so Garcia takes him to the floor and runs him into the stairs for good measure, then DDTs him on the floor. We take a break with Danielson having suffered potential brain damage, and return with Garcia putting the boots to him. Bryan is busted open, so Garcia rakes the cut and chokes him out in the corner. Danielson fights back with the Yes kicks, but he grabs the wrist and Garcia reverses him into a sleeper. Bryan gets CATTLE MUTILATION to counter that and follows with a tiger suplex for two, but Garcia rolls into the hammer elbows. So Bryan reverses and clobbers him with his own elbows and then hits a capture suplex for two. Bryan sets up the knee, but Garcia reverses him into a brainbuster for two. This just gets Bryan all worked up and they trade elbows until Bryan hits the busaiku knee, but Garcia bails to the floor to escape. So Danielson hits a knee off the apron, but a mysterious hand trips him up from under the ring and Garcia piledrives him and puts him in the Sharpshooter. And with nowhere to go, Bryan passes out at 17:12 in a shocking upset. And the helping hand turns out to be Jake Hager as we get more heat on the Appreciation Society. However, I’m totally on board with pulling the trigger on Daniel Garcia and we know that Danielson would lose every match if he was allowed to. This was a hellacious fight that left them both with bloodied chests by the end. ****1/4

We had a couple of slow spots in the second hour, but most of this show was at a level of quality that’s hard to argue with. And Hook won a title! You think HHH can compete with THAT? Frankly Hunter is lucky that Hook wasn’t named CEO of WWE after Vince retired.