Daily News Update – February 3, 2020

Oh my god aren’t you all thankful that the pre-season level nonsense of the “NO FUN League” is done with and now we can get to some REAL football? Because it’s almost time for the XFL!

DATELINE: The Kansas City Chiefs won their first BLAH BLAH BLAH god I can’t even finish typing that sentence because I’m still so BORED from the whole “football” season. Why can’t someone bring back real football the way it was meant to be played, which is so very important to me as an 18-49 year old white male who likes sports? Well, some sports. Mostly hockey.

DATELINE: Minoru Suzuki will be facing Orange Cassidy at Joey Janela’s Spring Break show in April. THIS IS A REAL THING THAT’S HAPPENING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

DATELINE: Dio Madden is apparently a wrestler again. I honestly didn’t know he was a wrestler in the first place or where he came from before being a terrible announcer. So we’ve all learned something today.

Let’s all celebrate HHH this morning with WWE’s Top 10 Returns from Injury, shall we?