The SmarK Rant for NWA Great American Bash 86–07.05.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Great American Bash 86 – 07.05.86

By popular demand!

Taped from Charlotte, NC, drawing 23,000 to the Memorial Stadium, and yet somehow they managed to go out of business two years later.

No commentary for the show, by the way, although it’s shot from multiple angles and professionally produced by Crockett.

We get some pretty impressive precision skydivers as a sort of pre-show attraction, and then it’s on with the show.

NWA World Junior heavyweight title: Denny Brown v. Steve Regal

Regal gets a slam and does some strutting, but Brown comes back with his own slams and Regal bails and stalls. I should note that very few people in wrestling have had nicknames as mismatched to their style as “Mr. Electricity” did, because he was basically a dull underneath guy trying to be Eddie Gilbert and failing miserably. Seriously, they picked HIM to be the guy to beat to the ROAD WARRIORS for the AWA tag titles?! Back in the ring, Brown gets a couple of takedowns while Regal launches various protests about hairpulling, and they fight over a wristlock and then do an extended headlock on the mat. Both guys are kind of odd cases, in that they were names in a few territories around this time, but then both basically vanished off the scene completely by the end of the year. Brown basically went into retirement by the end of 86 and resurfaced a few years later doing jobs in WCW, and Regal hung around Windy City Wrestling pretty much exclusively and didn’t work much. I mean, Regal I can understand because he’s fucking terrible and got passed by with his Memphis reject act, but Brown was a pretty decent worker who could have fit in as a tag team guy or midcarder with Crockett. Regal works a chinlock and grinds it and grinds it, then cuts off a comeback attempt with a suplex for two. He stomps Brown down in the corner and Denny finally makes a comeback, but Regal cuts him off AGAIN with a knee in the corner for two. Back to the chinlock with time running out, and Regal drops an elbow for two. Another one misses and Brown finally makes his damn comeback with a legdrop for two, but time expires at 15:00 before they can even do a big dramatic sequence and that’s that. What a deathly dull start to the show, with Brown taking a beating for 14:00 of a 15:00 match. *1/4

Black Bart v. Robert Gibson

Interesting use of Robert tonight, with Ricky otherwise occupied. I’m assuming this is a non-title match, although Bart is the Mid-Atlantic champion at this point for whatever that was worth in mid-1986. Bart pounds away on the ropes, but Robert gets a bodypress for two. Bart slugs away in the corner, but Robert gets a flying headscissors and controls him on the mat. Nice bit as Bart tries to power out of the headscissors, so Robert basically piledrives him from a sitting position to put him down again. Minor note: Robert is actually chewing gum while working the match, which seems a tad glib to me. Bart finally powers out and beats on Robert with forearms, which he sells with GUSTO, flying all over the ring while the crowd shrieks. Bart drops him on the top rope and follows with a backdrop, but Robert gets the hope spot in the corner before Bart boots him out of the ring and drops him on the railing. I was hoping he would slam Robert on the turf so I could mock the idea of selling the soft grass, but NOPE. They outsmarted me. Back in, Bart hits a damn senton and gets two before choking Robert down, but Robert keeps fighting from his back. Bart hits him with a lariat for two, but Robert makes another comeback and fires away, then follows with a bodypress out of the corner for the surprise pin at 7:42. Damn! The googly eyed freak just beat the Mid-Atlantic champion! Maybe Ricky’s got a shot in the main event, too! Gibson’s selling was ON POINT here and this was a hell of a match for what simple story they were trying to do. ***1/2

Special Challenge match: Ole & Arn Anderson v. Sam Houston & Nelson Royal

Despite the name I don’t see the Andersons being particularly challenged here. Arn, my hero, yells “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” and laughs at the idea of Sam Houston posing a threat to him. Arn quickly slugs him down and yells at the ref not to let little kids into the ring. Houston gets the hiptoss, however, and Arn backs off and brings in Ole. Houston runs away from that and Royal comes in for the battle of grizzled vets, as he slugs away on the miserable fuck and hits Arn with a kneelift to set up a chinlock. Ole traps him in the corner and goes to work on the arm, but Royal escapes and it’s back to Houston. Sam slugs away and quickly gets MAULED in the corner, having poked the wrong bears tonight, and Arn drops a knee for two. AA goes to work on the arm and Ole hammerlocks him into the corner and stomps the shit out of his arm before going back to the armbar again. Houston fights free and makes the hot tag to Royal, but Arn just weathers the punches and rope-a-dopes him to allow Ole to club Royal from behind. Now THAT is an awesome strategy. Ole continues punishing the arm and the Andersons double-team him with some quality trashtalking in the corner, and Arn gets two. Arn stays on the arm while Ole provides motivation from the apron (“TEAR HIS DAMN ARM OFF! RIP THE PEC OFF!”) and then they switch off and do it again. If there’s anyone uniquely qualified to stand on the apron yelling about what a worthless human being you are, it’s Ole Anderson. Ole antagonizes Houston and allows Arn to beat Royal down and continue destroying the arm with a hammerlock slam, but he gets too fancy and goes up and misses. Hot tag Houston, who bulldogs Arn for two and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Houston with a rollup on Arn, but Ole clubs him behind the ref’s back and that’s all she wrote at 12:20. VINTAGE WRECKING CREW! ***1/4

Bunkhouse Match: Manny Fernandez v. Baron Von Raschke

Baron is wearing jeans and t-shirt and looks like someone’s history teacher out at Wendy’s for lunch. Way to kill the aura there. Baron stalls for a bit and beats on Manny with forearms, but Bull hits him with a forearm and kneelifts to take over. Blind charge misses and the Baron uses a foreign object on him, which bless his heart he makes sure to hide even though it’s anything goes, and SURPRISE SURPRISE the Bull is bleeding. Baron chokes him out with his belt and now faces the unfortunate side effect of not being able to keep his pants up, which somewhat diminishes the drama. He beats on Manny with his boot in the corner, but Fernandez comes back and whips Baron with his belt and then hits him with a flying boot shot from the middle rope. Flying forearm misses, however, and he lands on the turf for some punishment from Paul Jones. This match is already way too long. Baron slugs away on the apron, but tries a slam and Manny cradles him for the pin at 9:00. This was about what you’d expect and less. *1/2

Indian Strap Match: Jimmy Garvin v. Wahoo McDaniel

We’re getting into another of the numerous Dusty booking problems, that being gimmick matches up and down the show. I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but Garvin runs away and yells at the fans a bunch to start. Wahoo gets some straps on him, but Garvin grabs a headlock and then controls with a facelock on the mat. They fight on the floor and Jimmy runs him into the railing and it’s more stalling. Back in, Garvin tries to drag him around and manages to hit two turnbuckles, but Wahoo kicks free. Wahoo is bleeding, of course. I mean, why wouldn’t he? Wahoo also busts Garvin open and drags him to three corners, but Precious gets involved, so Wahoo shoves her away and finishes at the fourth corner at 10:23. Absolutely nothing to this one but the crowd was rabid for both guys and they didn’t need to do much. *

Taped Fist match: Tully Blanchard v. Ron Garvin

Yeah, seriously, three gimmick matches in a row is getting to be a bit much. So this is in rounds of 3:00 each, and Garvin just walks in and NAILS Tully to knock him out before the bell, which gives us a hilarious sell from Tully and a great reaction from JJ. So Tully finally gets going after water on the head from JJ, and Garvin continues blasting him with rights until Tully goes down again. Tully tries to fight back and Garvin casually blocks all his shots and beats on him in the corner, which gives us an 8 count. Ron just mercilessly beats on him and he tries to run away, but Wahoo throws him back in for more punishment. And Tully hides in the corner until the bell rings for the end of the round, at which point he charges out and attacks Garvin…and gets knocked out. So it’s a 30 second rest period and Tully is out cold for his “rest”. Round two and Tully somehow gets to his feet, so Ron punches him down again and beats on him with headbutts in the corner, for which Tommy Young mildly chastises him. Tully goes down again for another 8 count, so Garvin beats him down again and Tully’s just on another planet. They do a pinfall reversal sequence and Tommy Young yells “Come on! We’re not wrestling here!” and Garvin puts him down again as the round ends. Third round and Tully finally puts up a fight, sending Garvin to the floor and into the post. And now HE’S bleeding. Tully slugs away in the corner as the round apparently comes to an end, although they’re just kind of doing rounds whenever now. Garvin fights back, but Tully elbows him down and goes for a pin. “YOU CAN’T PIN THE MAN!” yells Tommy in exasperation. Tully takes a count instead and then beats on Garvin in the corner, but they hit the floor and Wahoo can take no more of this shit and hits Tully with an atomic drop into the post. This allows Gavin to make the comeback in the ring and punch Tully down for a nine count, but now we’re at the end of the fourth round. JJ gives Tully some more tape, which is apparently the key to victory, but Garvin just punches the shit out of him anyway. Finally Tully goes up and they collide on the way down, and both guys are out for the 10 count. But there must be a winner, so the first man up wins and the crowd is SHRIEKING. So Wahoo tosses a bucket of water on Garvin and he’s up for the win at 15:20. This was pretty amusing for about 5:00 but wore out its welcome pretty quick. Still, as something goofy and different, it was fine. **1/2

Double Russian Chain Match: Ivan & Nikita Koloff v. The Road Warriors

Again with the gimmicks! Everyone chokes each other and slugs away with the chains, and fucking Ivan Koloff is bleeding at 30 seconds into the match. Animal clotheslines him with the chain for two while Nikita works on Hawk, but Hawk goes low with the chain and beats on Nikita. Ivan pounds Animal down for two and chokes him out in the corner. And then they kind of take turns beating on each other. Hawk goes up and hits Nikita with the chain, but the ref is bumped, because that’s what this needs. So Nikita escapes his chain and hits Animal with the Sickle, but Ivan gets tripped up and Animal pins him at 5:48. Just awful. DUD

Shaska Whatley v. Jimmy Valiant

Whatley attacks and pounds on Jimmy, then goes to a chinlock and elbows him down for two. The ring announcer suddenly mentions now that the loser gets their head shaved in the ring, just in case we didn’t have enough stipulation matches already tonight. Oh, and Valiant is bleeding, of course, because apparently it would kill them to go more than one match without someone gigging. Whatley holds a long chinlock and gets two, then hangs Jimmy in the Tree of Woe and chokes him out there. Valiant makes the comeback and Whatley beats him down again and slugs away. Valiant fires up again and Whatley cuts him off again for two. He’s so confident that he stops to dance before delivering an elbow, and Valiant moves and makes his big comeback for real this time. Ref is bumped and he gets the sleeper, but now Baron runs in and attacks. And that goes horribly wrong as usual, as Valiant steals his loaded glove and knocks out Whatley for the pin at 10:40. There’s a reason why Jimmy did 20 second squashes at this point. DUD But there’s no ducking the stip here, as the babyfaces rush in and poor Shaska is shaved BALD. And no matter how terrible the match was, the crowd was still going cuckoo bananas the entire time.

Steel cage match: The Midnight Express & Jim Cornette v. Dusty Rhodes, Magnum TA & Baby Doll

Cornette aggressively attacks the babyfaces and that goes badly for him. Bobby starts with TA and slugs on him in the corner, but Magnum comes back with slams on both Express. He sends Bobby into the cage and it’s over to Dusty, who beats on both heels and then chases Cornette into the corner. Magnum beats on Condrey and Dennis is already busted open, but some well timed cheating turns the tide. Magnum gets sent into the cage and he’s bleeding, but Bobby comes off the top and TA hits him on the way down for a hope spot and a sunset flip gets two. At this point Baby Doll runs in and beats on Cornette and gets the pin at 10:03. Well you knew that’s where they were headed. Didn’t have any particular flow to the match, aside from the flow of blood, but it was fine for what it was: More blood, more gimmicks. **1/4

NWA World title, steel cage: Ric Flair v. Ricky Morton

This one really hammers home the point about the booking troubles, since you’d presume the main event would be dramatic and filled with blood and violence, but we’ve already had gimmick matches and juice up and the down the entire show! However, you can’t take one thing away from this, which is RIC FLAIR IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELICOPTER ENTRANCE. For those wondering the backstory, Flair had delivered a pretty brutal attack to Morton in the dressing room, rubbing his face into the concrete and breaking his nose. So Ricky is sporting a face mask for protection and out for REVENGE. Ricky immediately runs Flair into the cage and Tommy Young is like “Come on you two, stick to wrestling!” Oh man, when you’ve disappointed the referee, you’re pretty low. Flair gets the chops in the corner and Ricky slugs out of there, so Flair makes a break for the cage and Ricky pulls him back in and beats on him. Backslide gets two. Flair gets all flustered and that allows Morton to go for the nose in revenge and run him into the cage for two. Flair: “You motherfucker! Come on!” This only motivates Ricky more and he slugs away in the corner and goes for the nose again, then rolls him up for two and slugs him down. Ricky with the headlock and Flair tries a kneecrusher, but Morton hangs on. Finally Flair gets into the ropes and nails Ricky with an elbow to the neck, but Ricky gets a bodypress for two.

Flair gets a hiptoss to buy time, but Ricky clotheslines him for two and slugs away on the mat, before missing an elbow. Flair goes to work with chops now and rips off the face mask before sending Morton into the cage, and the females DO NOT LIKE. Apparently Ricky is quite attractive and smashing up his face angers them. He’s like the Kota Ibushi of 1986, if you need context. Flair decides to wear the face mask just to be a complete wank, and Ricky is of course bleeding. Flair goes to work on him and we get the classic cheese grater action as Ricky turns up the sympathy sell to ELEVEN. His face is a mess and Flair just beats on him, and then picks out a section of the front row to antagonize before tossing Ricky into the cage, right in front of them. This man is amazing. Tommy Young keeps offering to stop the match, but Ricky cannot and will not. Flair asks for a closeup from the cameraman and then rubs the bloodied face of Morton into the cage, quite rightly pointing out that if you want to be World champion, this is the stuff you have to deal with. Backbreaker gets two after all that.

Flair with a suplex out of the corner and Tommy is AGHAST, because he’s not even giving the man a chance! Figure-four time and Flair uses the ropes as Young pleads with Ricky to just give it up for his own safety. But Flair of course gets caught and Morton escapes the hold. Flair just beats the holy bejesus out of Ricky on the mat and gets two, then adds the chops in the corner, but Ricky fights back like a man and goes up to pound on Ric in the corner. And now Flair goes into the cage and gets busted open after some cheese grating, setting up a sleeper from Morton. Flair makes the ropes, so Morton runs him into the cage again and goes up with a flying bodypress that gets two. Flair tries to run away like a coward again, but Morton follows him up and we get a rare Flair Flop off the top rope, followed by Ricky coming down with a fistdrop for two. Ricky runs him into the cage and goes for the nose again to frustrate Flair, and then goes up with a missile dropkick for two. The ref gets bumped on the kickout, however, and Flair goes to the nuts and runs Morton into the cage as a result, and uses the ropes to finish at 23:10. This was indeed a pretty goddamn great main event, although it was Ricky’s only shot at the top. ****

Overall, it’s a fascinating slice of history that I love from the perspective of nostalgia, but fuck did I not want to sit through gimmick after gimmick and everyone bleeding in every match. The reasons for the territory going into the toilet are pretty clearly on display here, with Dusty just giving in to all his worst excesses. I could go either way on it as far as a recommendation goes, but I think most people nostalgic for this era will have a fun time with it, so I’m gonna go with WATCH IT.