The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling–01.04.86

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 01.04.86

Yeah, so they just dumped a shitload more Mid-Atlantic onto the Network, 43 episodes in total, and now I can jump to the year that’s more in my wheelhouse: 1986. For context’s sake, we’re well past the point when Crockett’s crew has taken over TBS from Vince again after Black Saturday, and this is quickly going to become the lame duck show after World Championship Wrestling and Worldwide Wrestling.

Seriously though, why no Worldwide?

And for our cold open, we’ve got Don Kernodle putting a headlock on Dennis Condrey in a singles match! THAT’S GOOD SHIT!

Taped from Charlotte, NC

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

Dennis Condrey v. Don Kernodle

And as promised, we pick up this barnburner in progress with Kernodle throwing dropkicks to send Condrey to the floor, and he follows him out for a backbreaker on the concrete. That’s some good smoke and mirrors, because it looks devastating but really he’s just gently placing him on the floor. Back in, Condrey tosses Kernodle to buy some time, but Don takes him down with a hammerlock and gets some two counts. Condrey goes to the eyes to escape and Kernodle slugs him into the corner and elbows him down for two. Cornette gets involved and Kernodle chases him all over the ringside area and into the loving arms of Condrey for a supportive hug. Meanwhile, the announcers talk about a tournament coming up on January 4, which is weird because this show is supposedly the January 4^th episode. I’m thinking someone at the Network got their dates wrong. Kernodle goes to an armbar back in the ring and takes him down with a hammerlock again, but Condrey reverses to his own and works the count while holding the ropes. Finally he gets caught by the ref, so he rakes the eyes instead and goes to an abdominal stretch. And holds the ropes again. And gets caught again, which allows Kernodle to fight him off until Condrey gets a suplex for two. Kernodle fights up for a bit, but Condrey slugs him down for two and the bell rings for some kind of time limit draw at 11:19 aired. I’d call this Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling, but the match was pretty meandering and didn’t lead to anything.

Dusty Rhodes is here and Bob Caudle is pretty sure that the World TV title belongs to Dusty, despite the fact that he was forced to relinquish it thanks to the Four Horsemen. So they’re having a tournament in Greensboro to crown a new champion, and Dusty’s gonna start hurting people until he gets his belt back.

Bobby Eaton v. Jimmy Valiant

Oh, this is gonna be a trainwreck, I can see it now. Why are the Midnights even doing singles matches on this show, I wonder? They were only a month away from winning the tag titles. Jimmy attacks like a madman and chases Bobby to the floor, where he runs him into the post and chokes him out with the TV cable. What a babyface. Back in, Bobby fights him off with a thumb to the throat and chokes away on the ropes while Cornette gets a shot with the racket, and we take a break. Back with Valiant holding a nerve pinch, but Bobby slugs him down in the corner and chokes him out again. Cornette gets another shot in, and let’s face it, Valiant is the one who started cheating first so he deserves whatever he gets. Jimmy fights back with a sleeper and the reinforcements run in for the DQ at 6:10, which leads to the Midnights and RNR brawling until Valiant chases off the heels with a chair. Given you know that Valiant isn’t doing a job on TV, this was about as watchable as you were gonna get.

The Barbarian joins us and Paul Jones has some very important news: His Ballbearing is a late entrant in the World TV title tournament and everyone should be terrified. Yeah, well, he went out in the first round to Wahoo, so that wasn’t much of a threat.

Mid-Atlantic title: Krusher Khruschev v. Pez Whatley

Krusher was fresh off winning the title at Starrcade ’85 over Sam Houston, although he literally lost it the week after this show and the title was on life support anyway. Pez works the arm to start and keeps Khruschev on the mat, but after 3:00 of that he walks into a stungun and Krusher takes over. Lots of choking results and a backbreaker gets two. Khruschev goes to the rear chinlock and that goes on for a while, but Whatley fights up with headbutts and we take a break.

Back with Ric Flair because that’s better than anything going on in the match anyway, and he tells all those guys at Duke that Dean Smith and the Tar Heels are better than them. I can neither confirm nor deny, but I will say that I would have trouble supporting a team called “The Tar Heels” on general principle.

OK, back to the match with Ivan Koloff now at ringside and Whatley making a comeback with an atomic drop before slugging away in the corner, but a blind charge misses and Krusher tosses him. Back in, Krusher goes for the BIG SPLASH OF DOOM but hits knee, and Whatley makes another comeback and chokes him out in the ropes. They do a criss-cross and Pez somehow manages to trip and fall through the ropes, at which point Krusher pulls him in and goes up with a flying splash attempt that results in him belly-flopping awkwardly onto Pez for the pin at 12:52. Now THIS was a trainwreck. That finish was some primo Botchamania.

Jimmy Valiant is here preaching the philosophy of ROCK AND ROLL and BOOGIE WOOGIE, and also Paul Jones has unfinished business with him, and he’d like the World TV title as well. This is a man in need of some focus in his professional life. Pick a goal, Jimmy Valiant!

The Russians are here for Nikita to rant and rave. Ivan feels like the Road Warriors look more like The Construction Workers. I think he’s confusing them with someone else. Maybe Wayne Bloom & Mike Enos?

Bullrope match: Ron Bass v. JJ Dillon

This is revenge for Starrcade, where JJ cheated him out of a win, and Bass beats on JJ as expected, but takes too long teasing the cowbell and JJ chokes him down. Bass easily escapes that and continues beating the stuffing out of him, and WE’RE DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME!

Man, I really wish they’d just add Worldwide. But this will do for now.