ALWF Event Centre: Ashes Rumble Update

Notes: the AfterLife Wrestling Federation is a tribute to wrestlers who have since left us. The concept is a WWE-style wrestling organization with the best of the past. Hopefully you’ll see some old favorites of yours! And now: the ALWF, for over 100 years the revolutionary force in Slam Bang Western Style Wrestling.

Gene Okerlund: “Hello, folks. I’m Gene Okerlund, and it is my honor to join you here in the AfterLife Wrestling Federation Event Centre. We are on our way to the Ashes Rumble, to be broadcast March 3, Sunday, live on closed-circuit television around the afterlife. Call your local theater or stadium to find out where it’s playing!

As you know, the main event of this show is the Rumble itself. The winner not only receives the Bradman Cup, but will also move on to challenge for a heavyweight championship at Easter Rising, the ALWF’s signature event. Now, some people have already been entered into this prestigious event, among them Rowdy Roddy Piper, Nick Bockwinkel, Chris Benoit, Argentina Rocca, Big John Studd, Adrian Adonis, the Von Erich Brothers, Eddie Guerrero, and there is room for many more in this amazing event.

Of course, in the Rumble, the luck of the draw means everything, and on Valhalla TV, we found out the biggest answer any Rumble can have: who has priority seating? It turns out that thanks to Bobby “the Brain” Heenan’s machinations, former Galactic champion Nick Bockwinkel will be given the coveted #30 entry. Given what an incredible athlete he is, is this a precursor to the Heenan Family getting the title back? We spoke with Bockwinkel and Heenan to get their thoughts.”

Bobby Heenan: “Here we come, humanoids, for the Ashes Rumble. And if you want to do it right, you need to put the most worthy competitor in the most worthy position. And for once, that corruptible hero Jack Tunney agrees with me: the man who should’ve never lost the title is going to be the one to get it back at Easter. But first, Nick — 29 guys get softened up, and then you mow them all down!”

Nick Bockwinkel: “Bobby, in an event like this, where attacks can come from any angle, is there any doubt in the mind of any honest man… that the most intelligent, the most cunning, the most athletic persona is the one that will stand tall at the end of the night? And now, with the privilege given to me by my brilliance of being the last man to enter, you might as well pencil in my name for Easter Rising. Dusty, I know you have the Galactic gold around your waist right now; Andre, my friend, I know it could be yours by the end of the event. Whichever of you finds your way to the main event, I’ll be waiting. And the sand will fall through the hourglass as the days of anyone else as champion dwindle to nothing.”

Okerlund: “You have admit that the Heenan Family has the best chance of the Galactic Title. It’s not just Nick Bockwinkel entering as late as he is; as he mentioned, the Family has a chance to regain the gold that the American Dream took at December Dreams. As part of the Ashes Rumble card, Dusty Rhodes will defend against Andre the Giant in what may be the biggest challenge he’s faced in his career in the ALWF. We all know the Rumble is Andre’s signature event, as he is a 5-time winner of the match itself. But this is one-on-one for all the marbles. We spoke to the champion about what he thought of the challenge ahead.”

Dusty Rhodes: “Oh yeah, brudda, Ashes Rumble, and this little thing right here, my Galactic heavyweight crown, is gonna be on the line, daddy! Andre the Giant, I done seen you for years on end, brother. Oh yeah, you standin’ up there at 7 feet 4. You bringing the big beef with that 500 pounds, brother. But there ain’t no challenge the American Dream can’t stand up to, and you gonna see that when the Rumble plays out. Andre, you facing the challenge of YOUR career too! Cuz you ain’t just takin’ on no Common Man; you takin’ on the throng of the people, baby! And together, we gon take the giant, and we gon lay him out like Goliath, baby. This title’s staying right where it belongs… with the people, daddy!”

Okerlund: “Dusty Rhodes made a lot of people believe when he finally won the title, but now he’s facing a mountain of a man in Andre the Giant. Meanwhile, the ALWF Heavyweight Title is on the line, and it will be in a Charlotte Street Fight! No countouts, no disqualifications, there must be a winner as JYD, the Junkyard Dog looks to capture the top prize for the first time against 10-time champion Buddy Rogers. But JYD’s going to have to keep his head on a swivel as Rogers’ manager and the bane of the Dog’s existence, Sam Muchnick, is now free to interfere! We heard from Valhalla’s champion earlier; let’s see what Elysium’s champion has to say about his defense.”

Sam Muchnick: “JYD, you’ve had chance after chance that you didn’t earn against the Nature Boy. That sycophant Stu Hart is giving you another chance. But don’t you worry; it’s going to be your last before we send you back to the pound where a mutt like you truly belongs!”

Buddy Rogers: “To be a champion, you need refinement. You need skill. You need class. And you need pedigree. My opponent doesn’t have what it takes. Now, I know he’ll be more at home when rules and restrictions are lifted, but how can he compete against the greatest of all time? Dog, these no-disqualification rules may throw you a bone, but you’re still going home hungry. I plan on having this title for years to come, and to a nicer guy it couldn’t happen.”

Okerlund: “The arrogance that comes with being a 10-time ALWF champion oozing through the words of the Nature Boy. But is he out of his element? The only way to find out is to get into the theater to watch the Ashes Rumble, Sunday, March 3rd. Now, these past couple of weeks two new matches were added to the undercard of what’s already shaping up to be a blockbuster event.

First, on Valhalla TV, you saw the Hart Foundation’s Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith defeat 3 Minute Warning. This victory earned them a title match, and they will get it at the Ashes Rumble as the Hart Foundation take on Eddie and Jerry, the Graham Brothers. Now, scuttlebutt has it that the Heenan Family will be out in full force for this one, with Ray “Crippler” Stevens and Gorilla Monsoon patrolling ringside. One has to wonder if they’ll be allowed to do so, and if Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart and Brian Pillman will join them.

In addition, over on Elysium TV, we found out that the Von Erich Brothers decided to forgo their rematch and enter the Rumble directly. This left open a title bout for the Rumble, and in a huge upset, it was filled by Jay Strongbow and Wahoo McDaniel! These two proud chiefs will square off against Gary Hart’s bloodthirsty champions, Freddie Blassie and Maurice Vachon of Devastation Incorporated. Already Gary Hart is anticipating a massacre, but no amount of verbiage will deter the native fighters.

Folks, we anticipate more matches being added as we get closer to March 3, in addition to some celebrity involvement! I can say without hesitation that this will be the greatest Rumble in the history of the AfterLife Wrestling Federation. I’m Gene Okerlund, and until next time, so long from the Event Centre.”