The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling–01.07.95

The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 01.07.95

So this is under the Hidden Gems section, because it features highlights of SMW Christmas Chaos ’94.

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Les Thatcher & Buddy Landel, who has apparently bought airtime for himself through his Hollywood agent.

Let us take you back to Christmas Chaos in Knoxville, as Buddy takes on Dirty White Boy and tries a figure-four, but DWB counters with a small package for two. Another figure-four and White Boy makes the ropes this time to escape, then comes back with a DDT and his own figure-four, but Buddy makes the ropes. Buddy finds a chain in his trunks and White Boy steals it, which results in a DQ.

Back at the studio, Buddy interprets this footage as himself “stomping his brains in”, which JR notes is not exactly an accurate summation of the finish. JR points out that Dirty White Boy is coming up after the break, so if Buddy sticks around he can ask for another title shot. Buddy suddenly checks his watch and realizes that he has an important conference call with Hollywood, but he’ll be back later, probably. Maybe.

Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler is here representing the World Wrestling Federation and he’ll be challenging Dirty White Boy for the SMW title. So he’s back in the dressing room, apparently with Dirty White Boy passed out drunk under a pile of clothes. He cuts an Andy Kauffman promo about how real Tennessee people only come from Memphis, as opposed to all the hicks and illiterate hillbillies who live in Knoxville. Lawler was TREMENDOUS here.

Dirty White Boy talks with Jim Ross about Lawler and Landel chasing after his title. So on the big show on the 28^th, he’ll wrestle both Lawler and Landel in separate matches, but the Buddy match is non-title.

Bruiser Bedlam v. Cactus Jack

So with Dirty White Boy done cutting his promo, Buddy Landel returns to do commentary. Bedlam works a headlock on Jack and slugs him out of the ring, while Buddy points out that he’d go over and take on both guys if he wasn’t wearing his “$1500 Armay-ni suit”. They brawl for a bit on the floor and trade chairshots, but Bedlam gets a clothesline back in the ring. Powerslam out of the corner gets two. Back elbow gets two. They slug it out in the corner and Jack bites him until the ref pulls him off, but Bedlam hits him with brass knuckles and Brian Lee runs in to inform the ref of the malfeasance involved, at which point it’s a DQ and Jack wins. Bedlam is absolutely awful, both as a human being and as a wrestler. 0 for 1.

Meanwhile, at Christmas Chaos, Chris Candido & Boo Bradley take on Cactus Jack & Tracy Smothers in a match with the ridiculous stipulation about Candido throwing Boo’s cat off a bridge or something if they don’t win. And of course Boo screws up and accidentally hits Candido with a trash can and Jack gets the pin. So Bradley finally turns on Candido and Tammy puts Boots the Cat into a sack and kidnaps it, apparently with intentions of throwing it off the bridge and into the river. So Boo chases them down and retrieves the cat, then hauls Candido into the ring for a further beating, and Tammy steals the cat sack again and gives it to Candido, who legdrops the cat off the top rope and presumably kills it. NOT BOOTS! ANYONE BUT BOOTS!

Meanwhile, in the main event of Christmas Chaos, The Rock N Roll Express faced the Gangstas and Jim Cornette was in the corner of the Rock N Rolls. New Jack takes out Gibson with the slapjack, but Morton gets the tennis racket and hits New Jack for the pin to regain the tag titles. Cornette teases turning on the RNR and then goes after the Gangstas, but they brutalize him with help from new recruit D-Lo Brown until Cactus Jack makes the save. Cornette is GUSHING blood and of course he made sure to wear a white t-shirt for the match, although he somehow managed to not get any blood on it.

Meanwhile, the Rock N Rolls cut a promo from the dressing room, reassured that Jim Cornette is a man of his word and is now welcome to come to ringside and manage them any time he wants. Yeah, I’m sure THAT won’t come back to bite them in the ass.

And finally, back at the Cornette house, Jim explains he was tired of feuding with the Rock N Roll Express and wanted to find a way to make them owe him a favor. But then he was watching the Gangstas whupping on the Express and the people were cheering him on, so he decided to help his new team instead of turning on them, and that went pretty badly for him. So now he hates the Gangstas more than he ever hated the Rock N Rolls, and if there’s one thing he can do, it’s hold a grudge. No shit. But since he doesn’t want to go to war with the Express as his backup, he called the Heavenly Bodies in the WWF and asked them to come back and help him get revenge on the Gangstas. But first, he’ll need Bob Armstrong to reverse the loser-leaves-town stipulation barring the Bodies from the territory. Oh man, I can smell the swerve coming a mile away here.

An interesting show, albeit with only one actual match.