The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems–09.07.18

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems – 09.07.18

A pretty quick batch of new stuff this week, with a Mae Young Classic theme for a couple of the matches. So pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er!

Legends in the Making

Meiko Satomura & Madusa v. Akira Hokuto & Kaoru (02.09.97)

Off to WCW Worldwide, when Satomura was a young smiling babyface instead of an angry asskicking machine. Meiko starts with Kaoru and immediately gets double-teamed by the heel side, but she rolls up Kaoru for two. They double-team her again with a double boot and Hokuto comes off the top with a double axehandle and taunts Madusa by pretending to let Meiko tag and then pulling her back. Finally, after 30 seconds of punishment, Madusa gets the hot tag and hits both heels with a double clothesline and we got CLUBBERING, TONY, in the babyface corner. The heels regroup and Madusa goes to run after Sonny Onoo, and then both of the heels come off the top rope with a senton and then a missile dropkick onto Meiko, and Hokuto finishes her off with a northern lights suplex at 2:35. Fairly energetic but not much to it. 1 for 1.

The Climb

Victoria v. Mercedes Martinez (06.12.06)

From Heat, with Lillian Garcia relishing the opportunity to announce someone with a Spanish name. Martinez looks very young and very nervous here, and Victoria takes her down with a headlock right away but she escapes with a nice little bridge for two. Victoria takes over with a hairtoss, but Mercedes slugs away and gets a dropkick and a northern lights suplex for two. Victoria puts her down with a facebreaker and chokes her out on the ropes, then finishes with the Widow’s Peak at 3:08. Basic squash for Victoria. 1 for 2.

The Future in Florida

Dean Ambrose, Damien Sandow & Antonio Cesaro v. Seth Rollins, Johnny Curtis & Derrick Bateman (11.20.11)

I still don’t know why they don’t just dump these FCW shows onto the Network instead of dribbling out “Hidden gems” one at a time. So of course Johnny Curtis is the future Fandango, and Derrick Bateman is EC3. Dusty, on commentary, talks up Curtis and how he’s all business and is in there to get things done. Boy, did THAT career path go in a different direction. We get various stalling to start and Rollins trades wristlocks with Ambrose and takes him down for two. The babyfaces work on Dean’s injured arm in the corner and then Johnny Curtis gets caught in the heel corner and they work him over with basic stuff. Nothing in this match is going to possibly overshadow Dusty having a filibuster on commentary and cracking up the poor play by play guy who has to reign him in. Cesaro misses a blind charge and Curtis gets a leg lariat and makes the hot tag to Bateman, who runs wild with WWE-issue clotheslines and then we get the series of dives from the faces and it’s total chaos. Honestly, I’m kind of losing track of which generic guy in black tights is which. Dean sneaks in with a lariat on Bateman while everyone else sells. Dean hits Bateman with a running knee and then puts him in a REGAL STRETCH to be a ginormous dickhead, and taps him at 6:06. This was fine. 2 for 3.

And that’s it, I guess? Slim pickings for the last couple of weeks, but that’s what I’ve got this time around.

(Actually, I had this published this for today and ready to go, and then a couple of hours later I thought that this is way short and pretty lame to just do a 500 word review of 3 short matches, so let’s check out some bonus hidden gems from the Jim Neidhart collection celebrating his life on the Network. Most of the stuff on there are the major matches we’ve all seen, but here’s some older and rarer stuff I haven’t reviewed to the best of my knowledge…)

Bad News For Allen

Jim Neidhart v. Bad News Allen (08.05.83)

Joined in progress with Bad News hiding on the floor behind manager KY Wakamatsu, but he comes in with a cheapshot and immediately walks into a bearhug. Neidhart with a full head of hair and a beard looks shockingly like Kevin Owens. Allen breaks free and uses JUDO POWER to pound him down in the corner, and a legdrop follows. Bad News goes up, but that proves to be…what’s the word I’m looking for here…undesirable? Unpleasant? Regardless, Neidhart slams him off, but the ref gets bumped and they tussle in the corner until the locker room comes in to break them up for the DQ at 5:20. Nothing to this one and holy crap was Neidhart terrible. 2 for 4.

Mid-South Gold

Mid-South tag team titles: Jim Neidhart & Butch Reed v. Magnum TA & Mr. Wrestling II (12.02.83)

This was a pretty famous feud, although this isn’t the famous match between these teams that would come later. The deal was that Wrestling II was mentoring Magnum as the big babyface team, but eventually got sick of being outshined by the student and turned on him to cost them the tag titles in an awesome angle. No commentary here, as it appears to be from a house show of some kind. Magnum evades Neidhart’s power stuff to start, but turns his back and gets clobbered and the heels take over via Butch Reed’s headlock. TA fights him off and Reed takes a great comedy bump out of the ring as the heels regroup. Back in, it’s over to II, and he gets a backslide on Reed for two and plays some mindgames with him. Wrestling II grabs another headlock on Reed and follows with the kneelift to send him out to the floor again, as Reed is having a rough go of it. Suddenly we get an announcer at 7:00 in, so this must be the full version of a match edited for television. Crazy. The babyfaces switch off on Reed’s arm and TA works it over, but Wrestling II gets nailed from behind by Neidhart and the heels take over. Reed with a fistdrop for two and they trade off with facelocks on Wrestling II, but Reed puts his head down and gets nailed, which allows the hot tag to Magnum. Crossbody on Reed gets two and he goes to the chinlock, but he stops to go after Neidhart and Reed attacks from behind. Neidhart with the chinlock and that goes on for a long while, and Reed comes in with his own as they switch off behind the ref’s back. He catches them, but while putting Neidhart out of the ring, Reed takes the opportunity to choke TA down on the mat. Finally TA fights out and makes the hot tag to Wrestling II, who runs wild and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Neidhart sends Wrestling II into Reed, who hits him with a foreign object and Neidhart gets the pin to retain at 20:25. Chinlock-o-riffic! 2 for 5.

World Champions

WWF tag team titles: The British Bulldogs v. The Hart Foundation (01.26.87)

This was a traumatic moment in my youth, because all my friends were HUGE Bulldog fans at school and obviously we didn’t get taping results in the Observer in 1987. Dynamite Kid immediately takes a megaphone to the head and he’s dead on the floor (in reality, his back was so injured that Davey Boy had to piggy-back him to the ring off-camera!) so Smith has to fight off both Harts on his own. He manages to dropkick Bret onto the floor and gets the powerslam on the Anvil, but Danny Davis ignores the pin and tends to Dynamite as Vince has an ANEURISM on commentary. WHERE’S DANNY DAVIS? I imagine that’s how he yells at Michael Cole in the headset. The Harts double-team Davey in the ring and hit a double-DDT and Jesse Ventura is impressed by the quality of cheating on display here, and the HART ATTACK finishes at 3:00 to make the Harts your NEW WWF tag team champions while Vince is disgusted. SICKENED. My god, this is the biggest screwjob Bret Hart will ever be involved in! There’s NEVER going to be a worse refereeing job involving Bret Hart and a World title, I bet! OK, I’ll stop now. Gotta love it anyway. 3 for 6.

So we’ll skip over the obvious stuff from Summerslam 89 and 90 and Royal Rumble 92 and move onto ECW…

Getting Extreme

Jim Neidhart v. The Sandman (11.09.93)

From an early ECW show, back when Sandman was still wearing surfing outfits. We are blessed by Tony Rumble on commentary along with Joey Styles, and that’s something. Neidhart works a headlock, but Sandman takes him down with a leglock. I suspected this would be a scientific classic. Jason (the Sexiest Man on Earth) joins us at ringside while Sandman tries to overpower Anvil, and then clotheslines him for two and pulls out a leapfrog. A LEAPFROG! Neidhart claims a knee injury and the ref goes to check him, which of course allows Neidhart the chance to throw Sandman outside and do some jumping jacks. Guys, I think this wrestling match might not be entirely on the up-and-up! Back in, Neidhart chokes him out and comes off the middle rope with something, but Sandman nails him on the way down and makes the comeback. They collide for the double down and fight for a suplex, but they both go down again as Rumble accuses Gorilla Monsoon of “peeling more than bananas.” They both fall down again and this time the ref counts both down for the draw at 6:15. So this brings Jason (The Sexiest Man on Earth) into the ring to introduce himself to Neidhart, who tells him off and leaves. Dumb finish to the match, but Sandman doing leapfrogs and shit? That earns a point. 4 for 7.

OK, that’s all I’ve got for this week. Maybe I’ll do a deep dive into some of these other collections some other time, though.