The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Old School–MSG 04.06.81

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Old School – MSG 04.06.81

Oh hey, I just did the Bruno v. Hansen cage match show from 1976 last week, so let’s jump ahead five years to Hansen challenging another World champion in another cage match!

Live from Madison Square Garden

Your host is Vincent Kennedy McMahon

Intercontinental title: Pedro Morales v. Moondog Rex

This is apparently the second match in a series, as Pedro defeated Moondog King at the last MSG show, and this is Rex’s chance to avenge his partner. I don’t like his chances. Pedro slugs away to start, but Rex grabs a headlock. IT’S OVER. RING THE DAMN BELL. No, in fact Pedro defies the odds and escapes with a kneecrusher as I frantically call my bookie and change my bet. Granted, he already thought I was nuts for betting on a pro wrestling match from 40 years ago, but he’s always happy to take my money. Rex goes to work on the arm and holds him down with a hammerlock. And he holds it. And holds it.

Rex keeps up the intense attack with a hammerlock slam, and Vince McMahon notes that it’s “not uncommon to witness compound fractures after such a slam.” Really? Name one time that’s happened. I’ll wait. So after another four minutes of hammerlock, Rex throws Pedro out of the ring. I think that’s called a “bump” but it’s been so long since I’ve seen one that I’m not 100% sure. Back in, Rex drops an elbow for two. Pedro makes the comeback with the WIND-UP POPEYE PUNCH OF DOOM and finishes with a small package at 9:34. Looked like some kind of weird edit there at the end, although they announced the same time as I had. Maybe the people editing the show got as bored with the match as I was and decided to cut it short. ¼*

Pat Patterson v. Sgt. Slaughter

OH DAMN! Patterson is HOT and attacks to start, so Slaughter wisely runs away and lets him think about the potential consequences of his actions. Vince accuses Sarge of being “as yellow as a canary.” I’m pretty sure that’s racist against canaries. Finally Pat gets his hands on Slaughter and manhandles him all over the ring as Slaughter tries to run away again. This time he gets tied up in the ropes on the way out and Pat bites his hand. Slaughter takes the corner bump and Pat backdrops him on the rebound, then catapults him into the other turnbuckle for two. Patterson takes him down again and puts him in a Boston crab, but Sarge makes the ropes and they slug it out. Slaughter slows him down with a headlock, so Pat rakes the eyes and finally Slaughter desperately hurls him out of the ring to stop him. Sarge jumps off the apron with a stomp to the head and then climbs up to try something stupid, but thinks better of it and just stomps him from the apron again. Slaughter posts him and threatens to go aerial again but the ref keeps talking him down, so Slaughter bites Pat’s head and teases a foreign object in his tights. Finally Pat makes it into the ring and Slaughter blitzes him with a backbreaker and knees to the ribs for two. Sarge goes up and misses a flying kneedrop and Patterson gets a figure-four off that, but Sarge makes the ropes. Patterson whips him into the corner and Sarge bumps over the top and to the floor, and Patterson beats the hell out of him with a chair out there. Back in, Pat continues beating ass, and the referee gets in his way and gets thrown around as a result. That’s some lenient refereeing. Slaughter also shoves the ref in anger while beating on Patterson and finally both guys team up and throw out the ref as Slaughter gets the cobra clutch and it’s a double DQ at 14:00. The brawl continues and finally they’re pulled apart, probably setting up some kind of famous rematch in the future. Just guessing. Holy hell this match RULED. ****

WWF World title, cage match: Bob Backlund v. Stan Hansen

Hansen goes to work as soon as Bob enters the cage, but Backlund fights back and runs him into the cage a few times. Stan tries to climb out and Bob slugs him down, but Stan runs him into the cage and puts some stiff shots on him. Bob comes back with a piledriver and tries to climb, but Stan nails him in the balls to bring him down. They exchange shots to the cage and Stan is busted open, so Bob gives him the cheese grater treatment and they throw down in MANLY fashion. So then Bob Backlund of all people kicks him in the nuts, but Stan elbows him down, then misses an elbowdrop, allowing Backlund to tee off on him with forearms to the head. Bob with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK body drop, but Stan slams him and drops a knee, then goes for the door. Backlund grabs the leg and tries to climb over him, but Hansen hauls him back in and climbs the corner instead. They fight on the top rope and slug it out, but both guys bump back down to the mat. Stan climbs again and Bob yanks him into the top turnbuckle, and jumps out the door to retain at 9:14. That was certainly hard-fought. Not as awesome as the Bruno cage match, but still pretty awesome. ***1/2

Rick Martel & Tony Garea v. Larry Sharpe & The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz

Well, the heel team certainly trained a lot of people between them. Rodz works a headlock on Martel to start and the heels trap him in the corner as Sharpe works him over. Martel fights back and Garea comes in to work the arm. The babyfaces double-team Sharpe with armbars in the corner, but Rodz comes in and he takes over with a choke on Martel for two. I wouldn’t have predicted that! Martel fights back, and Rodz misses an elbow, but Sharpe pulls Martel back to the corner. He fights out of there and brings Garea back in, but Tony promptly misses a blind charge and Rodz drops a knee on him. The heels work Garea over in their corner and cut off the ring, as Sharpe drops an elbow for two. Garea dodges another elbow and it’s hot tag Martel as the match is BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the heels collide, allowing Martel to roll up Rodz for the pin at 6:53. Well, that was certainly a match. ½*

The Pulse

Disregarding the opener and the closer, this was a hell of a 56 minute show, and that Patterson-Slaughter brawl was something else.