The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems–08.01.18

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems – 08.01.18

Oh hey, the content dump continues! The Coliseum Video goodness continues, but for now let’s get caught up on the random Hidden Gem stuff again.

“Battling the Immortal One”

WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. George “the Animal” Steele (08.10.84)

This must be from the syndicated Championship Wrestling show because Vince is on commentary. Hogan is using the Hogan ’85 belt at this point and the rare powder blue tights and boots. Hulk poses and sends Steele running, and then chases him out and hits him with an atomic drop into the ringside table. Back in, Steele stalls forever, but rakes the eyes to take over and then gnaws on Hogan’s forehead and chokes him down. Steele goes back to the eyes and tries to run him into the exposed steel, but Hogan sends him into it and does his own biting. Granted, Steele did it first in this case, so Hogan was at least somewhat justified. Next, Steele finds an international object in his tights and goes to work on Hogan’s throat with it, perhaps trying to prevent him from saying anything racist on a sex tape, and then works the arm with an armbar that goes forever. Finally he goes for a cover off that and only gets one. A cover from an ARMBAR?! He’s supposed to be crazy, not stupid. OK, maybe a little stupid. Animal slugs away and Hulk makes the comeback because he’s as sick of this match as I am, and hits the big boot and a rare backbreaker, although Fuji trips him up while Animal takes the ref. Hulk takes the dreaded salt in the eyes, as Fuji is literally rubbing salt in his wounds, and Animal wins by countout at 9:24 as fans FLOOD the ring with garbage. I know how they feel. 0 for 1.

“Leaping into Action”

Nick Bockwinkel v. Leaping Lanny Poffo (09.21.84)

This is from the doomed Pro Wrestling USA project and HOLY SHIT THEY’VE GOT THE PRO WRESTLING USA FOOTAGE?!? Talk about burying the lead. Just dump it all on there and be done with it! I hear they’ve also got the Heyman/Crockett tapings from 1993 that were shot in HD, as well. Anyway, Pro Wrestling USA was an ill-fated attempt by Crockett and Verne to work together, along with Jerry Jarrett, and it ended up about as successful as you’d expect. Bockwinkel works a headlock and Poffo reverses into a hammerlock, but Bockwinkel goes back to the headlock and Poffo escapes with some flips and tries the armbar. Wow, how did they not get a national TV deal with this kind of action? Bockwinkel slams out of the armbar and Poffo goes right back to it while the announcer notes that Poffo is a “comer”. Do people actually say that? I thought that was just a word Macklemore made up. Finally Bockwinkel slugs him out of the ring and the announcer is OFFENDED that Bockwinkel used a closed fist instead of a forearm. Bockwinkel follows him out and biels him onto the concrete. Man, if I’m Poffo, I’m not taking those kind of bumps for this two-bit promotion. Back in, Nick gets a slam for two. Poffo comes back with a dropkick and slugs away in the corner, and an Oklahoma roll gets two. Poffo goes up with a moonsault, but it hits the knees and Bockwinkel puts him out with a piledriver (or a “suplex” as the announcer calls it) at 7:19. A big win for the former NWA heavyweight champion, apparently! Nothing wrong with this one. Aside from the idiot announcer who apparently has never watched wrestling before. 1 for 2.

“A Magnificent Partnership”

Don Muraco & Mr. Fuji v. Ricky Steamboat & Junkyard Dog (08.17.85)

Intriguing! Big brawl to start and Dog hits Muraco with headbutts before Steamboat chokes him down with his tie and whips him like a dog. So he’s pretty upset, is what I’m getting from this. They brawl to the floor and Steamboat runs him into the post as Muraco bumps like crazy and goes flying into the crowd, where Steamboat continues kicking his ass as the crowd goes nuts. And then Steamboat takes off like a madman and kicks FUJI’S ass as well, hitting with an atomic drop on the floor. Back in, Steamboat hits Muraco with the flying chop and Muraco begs for mercy, so Steamboat kicks even MORE ass, chopping him out of the corner and running him into Dog’s head. Ricky and JYD team up to ring Muraco’s ears and Dog headbutts him. Muraco can’t stand, so Dog holds him up and Steamboat comes off with another chop, which results in Muraco getting hung in the ropes. The heat for this is insane and it’s too bad they never had a proper Wrestlemania blowoff. Steamboat gets a neckbreaker for two, but Muraco hits him with a cheapshot from the mat and Steamboat is suddenly face in peril. Fuji comes in with his martial arts and headbutts Steamboat in the ol’ lower midsection, allowing Muraco to take over and get some revenge for the earlier ass-kicking. Fuji Vice takes turns choking Steamboat out in the corner and Fuji goes to the nerve pinch, which Steamboat fights out of. Fuji puts him down with a knee and goes back to the nerve hold, and then counters a Steamboat comeback into a belly to belly for two. Back to Muraco for the dreaded Asiatic Spike to the throat and he goes back to the nerve hold as the crowd is just amped to the point of rioting by the abuse being heaped onto the Dragon. This is gonna be an EPIC hot tag. Steamboat fights back on Fuji and fails to make the tag, trying for a splash instead and hitting the knees. Muraco antagonizes the Dog and tries a tombstone, but Steamboat kicks out of it and it’s HOT TAG JYD. Headbutts for everyone and he clotheslines Muraco for two, and follows with a legsweep for two. Fuji hits him with a kick from the apron, however, and Muraco drops elbows on him, but Dog brings Steamboat back in again and he fires away with chops on Muraco, then runs him into Fuji and pins the Fuj with a sunset flip at 13:14. The heels quickly double-team Steamboat to get their heat back, but Dog chases them off with a chain and justice prevails for today. Need you even ask what this gets? 2 for 3.

“Legends of the Ring”

Legends Battle Royal (11.16.87)

I missed this one before, so we’ll throw it in here for fun. This was in the Meadowlands and we’ve got Tony Garea, Baron Mikel Scicluna, Sailor Art Thomas, Pedro Morales, Eduardo Carpentier, Al Costello, Gene Kiniski, Gino Brito, Bobo Brazil, Dominic DeNucci, The Crusher, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat O’Connor, Ray Stevens, Rene Goulet, Chief Jay Strongbow, Lou Thesz, Killer Kowalski and Arnold Skaaland. This match generated some legit bad blood backstage because Randy Savage requested that Angelo Poffo be included and Vince was like “Nah, we really need that spot for Gino Brito, LOL.” Or at least I imagine it playing out that way. No commentary for this one, unfortunately. Frankly I’m shocked they were able to get Bockwinkel for this, as he was only six months removed from being AWA World champion! Whole lot of nothing going here, as you’d expect, with mostly the old guys just taking it easy and “fighting” on the ropes with headlocks and the occasional punch. Cute spot with a couple of guys trying to put out O’Connor while he holds the ropes and walks along them with his hands to save himself. Kiniski and Bockwinkel a nice little running battle. Carpentier puts out his fellow Frenchman Goulet with the headscissors and skin-the-cat combo in a nice sequence, and Thesz tosses out Kowalski but then they change their mind and let him back in. The field is thinning like the hairlines in the match as Stevens backdrops the Crusher out of the ring and we already have our Final Four. So we’re down to Bockwinkel, Stevens, Thesz and O’Connor, and O’Connor actually backdrops both the heels out himself. We get a nice little wrestling sequence between Thesz and O’Connor for old times’ sake, although 1987’s fanbase in the WWF didn’t know either guy, and Thesz backdrops Pat out to win at 11:10. It’s exactly what you would have expected and nothing more. I dunno, 3 for 4, I guess.

Skip To My Boo

Boo Bradley v. Chris Candido (01.21.95)

From Smoky Mountain, as Candido killed Boo’s cat Boots, prompting Cactus Jack to take young Bradley under his wing and mentor him. So we get the pre-match promo from the farm, as Cactus gives him a gift: The same tights he wore the night that Vader tore off his ear. Hopefully it’s going to bring Boo the same luck! Not sure about the logic there. Candido responds with a promise to make Boo eat dog food. Boo slugs away in the corner to start and Candido ducks out of the ring to escape and catches him with a cheapshot on the way back in. Boo no-sells a bunch of forearms from Candido in the corner and makes a comeback, but Candido puts him down with a clothesline. Boo gets his own out of the corner and a sideslam, but the ref gets bumped and Tammy Fytch sprays Boo in the face with hairspray and Chris gets the pin at 3:11. However, since Tammy was supposed to be banned, the ref reverses the decision. Candido literally opens a can of dog food and dumps it in Bradley’s mouth anyway. 3 for 5.

American Pride

Sgt. Slaughter v. Jim Duggan (01.03.81)

From WWF Championship Wrestling (THE FOLLOWING WRESTLING EXHIBITION REQUIRES DISCRETIONARY VIEWER PARTICIPATION!), suffice it to say VERY early in the career of young Jim Duggan. This wasn’t even on the Hidden Gems section, it just came up in the auto-play! Crazy. Slaughter spends a big chunk of time yelling at a fan while Duggan just lets him, and finally we get a lockup 2:40 into the match. Duggan gets a shot in the corner, but Sarge pounds him with forearms and runs him into the turnbuckles to take over. They exchange forearms, but Sarge wins that battle and drops some knees on him. Piledriver is followed by a tombstone piledriver, and the Cobra Clutch finishes at 6:27. Better days would be ahead for young Hacksaw. He was a mere steak knife at that point. Pretty good for a 1981 squash, with Duggan showing lots of fire. 4 for 6.

And we’ll finish with…

A Rocky Start

Skip Bodydonna v. Dwayne Johnson (03.11.96)

Yes, it’s the ROCK’S DARK MATCH TRYOUT, previous to the episode of RAW that week. Three words: HO, LEE, SHIT. And Dwayne is using CRANK IT UP as entrance music. WHAT EVEN AM I WATCHING? I’m shocked it’s not Zip doing the match, since Dr. Tom was the one who trained Rock. Skip works a headlock and Johnson does the front-and-back leapfrog spot and goes to the armbar. Skip fights out, but misses the enzuigiri and Dwayne hiptosses him into another armbar. Bodypress gets two. Another one misses and Skip works him over and hits the chinlock. Johnson cartwheels out of it, so Skip clotheslines him down and hits a gutwrench for two. They slug it out in the corner and Skip gets another clothesline and goes up to finish, but the flying splash misses and Dwayne makes the comeback. Arms are flailing everywhere! Backdrop and powerslam get two. Johnson goes up and Skip cuts him off with a rana from the top and that’s enough to finish at 7:27. I think young Mr. Johnson will do OK. 5 for 7.

I can’t top Chris Candido going over the Rock clean in a dark match, so we’ll wrap it up here!