The SmarK Rant for WWF All Star Wrestling–01.12.80

The SmarK Rant for WWF All Star Wrestling – 01.12.80

My intention had actually been to do Strangle-Mania like a bunch of people asked for, but as sometimes happens to guys our age, I got about 25% into the rant and realized it just wasn’t happening. MAYBE I’M JUST TIRED, OK? But yeah, the rant sucked and wasn’t conveying what I wanted and yada yada. So here’s more 1980 WWF instead!

Taped from Hamburg, PA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

THE FOLLOWING WRESTLING EXHIBITION REQUIRES DISCRETIONARY VIEWER PARTICIPATION.

Larry Zbyszko v. Jojo Andrews

Jojo is a large black man wearing what appears to be purple ballet tights and fuzzy black boots. And yet he never was WWF champion! Go figure. Apparently he played kind of a knockoff Kamala in Stampede Wrestling before this point. Larry works a hammerlock while our announcers ponder why he was copping a ‘tude last week, and Larry takes him down with a hiptoss. Dropkick and Boston crab finish at 3:44. I’m impressed that the timekeeper matches my stopwatch exactly! Nothing to the match. 0 for 1.

Vince interviews Larry and wants to know what’s going on with him, and Larry lets us know that wrestling is his life, and the only way he can get ahead is to make to the main event, and the only way he can make it to the main event is by escaping the shadow of Bruno Sammartino. His family members even introduce him as “my nephew the wrestler, who was trained by Bruno” without mentioning his name! That’s harsh. So he wants to prove himself against Bruno, and in fact he DEMANDS to meet Bruno. Strictly scientific, because he doesn’t HATE Bruno and never will. Oh man, this was GREAT. And we all know where it’s going and it’s still awesome when we get there. 1 for 2.

Dominic DeNucci & Steve King v. The Wild Samoans

Afa holds DeNucci in a facelock and the Samoans work him over in their corner, while Bruno is heartbroken about Larry challenging him, and he doesn’t think he can wrestle his protégé, because it would be like wrestling his brother. Aw. So he’s gonna have to decline. Meanwhile, the Samoans double-team King, thus ending the competitive portion of this squash. They allow King to tag DeNucci back in and he runs wild on Sika, but they’re not selling, and Steve King comes back in, gets nowhere, and Sika pins him with a samoan drop like a geek at 6:22. 1 for 3.

Rene Goulet is back in the WWF, and he’s still bitter about losing the tag titles due to his partner Karl Gotch being injured. Dude, that was in 1972! Let it go! Vince is worried that Goulet will be unable to adjust to the “romp ‘em stomp ‘em” style of the WWF these days, but Goulet wants COMPETITION. So he’s not worried. Except for Andre the Giant, because he’s not dumb and doesn’t want to mess with him.

Rene Goulet v. Johnny Rodz

Rodz works the arm for a bit, but Goulet takes him down with a headscissors and holds him on the mat for a while. Goulet misses a charge and Rodz hits a legdrop (right on his EAR, ouch!) and adds a suplex, but chooses not to go for the cover, allowing Goulet to finish him with a gutwrench at 6:37. 1 for 4.

Tito Santana v. Jose Estrada

Estrada takes him down and works the leg, then pounds on the knee in the corner, but Tito takes him down in turn and also works the knee. Estrada hammerlocks him and runs him into the corner, but Tito finishes with a flying bodypress at 5:04 while Vince and Bruno do the math on the force per square inch that Tito’s pinfall did.

Well aside from the points. 1 for 5.

Bobby Duncam v. Angelo Gomez

What is with all the Hispanic jobbers here? We’re nearly out of time so Duncam beats on this geek quickly and tosses him, then chokes him down in the ring while Bruno reinforces that he bears no ill will towards Larry Zbyszko, but he doesn’t want to talk about the challenge at the moment. Duncam finishes with the bulldog at 3:02. 1 for 6.

This Larry-Bruno buildup is great, but the rest was a total snooze.