Wrestlemania Prediction Thread!

OK, it’s almost that time. I’ve got energy drinks, a sandwich, and a shitload of snack food to prepare me for 7 hours of wrestling. And after last night, I’m legit pumped to see if they can possibly top NXT. Spoiler: They can’t. But I’m still glad to see a show generating this much buzz even after the lazy job they’ve done building up the matches.

My predictions!

1. Roman Wins, LOL. What I’m really hoping is the rumored wacky finish goes down: Brock storms the ring and hits an F5, Roman immediately kicks out, 3 superman punches, spear and goodnight in 90 seconds. Alternative theory: Paul Heyman turns on Brock to cost him the match, and manages heel Roman, which would solve literally every problem they have moving forward at the top of the card, but ultimately I just don’t see them pulling the trigger on that one. Either way, my prediction is: ROMAN REIGNS.
2. John Cena v. Undertaker. There is still the contingent that is saying it won’t be a match and it’ll just be Undertaker accepting the challenge…for next year. Ultimately, I think John has too much pride and wouldn’t want to miss working the biggest show of the year. I think Undertaker will indeed answer the bell tonight, maybe as the American Badass, and beat Cena to pay this weird storyline off.
3. The Gold Medalists v. The Authority. Gotta be Ronda tapping out Stephanie, right? Some have surmised that it would make more sense for Ronda to actually tap out HHH, who takes the bullet to protect his wife, so that they can delay the Rousey v. Steph payoff for Summerslam. Also a possibility. Either way, Rowdy Ronda makes some tap.
4. Daniel Bryan & Shane v. Zayn & Owens. It’s tricky because Team Yep really needs to win from a storyline perspective, but Bryan really needs to win to prevent a riot. However, Bryan is also at this best as an underdog getting screwed, so Shane turning on him and joining with his enemies makes the most sense in a twisted way. Hopefully Shane doesn’t have a heart attack during his comeback, though.
5. Charlotte v. Asuka. Should be good, might be great. Asuka obviously should tap her out and begin her reign as champion, but in the back of my mind I can see them trying to be cute and having Carmella end the streak with a cash-in. Given what a waste of a briefcase it’s been thus far, I feel like pulling a Corbin and having Carmella cash-in and lose would be more fitting of an end to it, however.
6. Nia Jax v. Alexa Bliss. This SHOULD be a straight up squash for Nia, but they love Alexa so much I can see them protecting her or even going with Alexa running away to retain the title, to be honest. There’s not much for heel depth on the RAW side at the moment, so it doesn’t really make sense to put the title on Nia yet.
7. AJ Styles v. Shinsuke Nakamura. Hopefully this one goes early so they get plenty of time, with somewhere between 20-25 minutes being ideal. After a disappointing run thus far, this is Nakamura’s big chance to finally get out of second gear, and I think he’ll take it. Common belief is that AJ eats the Kinshasa and goes to RAW after the draft, and I don’t disagree at this point.
8. Randy Orton v. Rusev v. Jinder Mahal v. Bobby Roode. The fans are likely to hijack the match for Rusev, and that probably won’t go well for them. Rusev is the only one seeming to be particularly motivated as of late, and I think we’ll just see the lamest possibility here and Jinder will win the US title.
9. The Miz v. Seth Rollins v. Finn Balor. Damn, this is a long show. Rollins and Balor seem like they’re gonna be spun off into their own program and neither one needs this geek belt, so New Daddy Miz goes over via shenanigans.
10. The Usos v. The New Day v. The Bludgeon Brothers. Should be a lot of fun, and it’s time for the Bludgeons to destroy the competition and get the belts. I’d move the Usos to RAW to shore up that end of things with the draft as well and get them away from the New Day for good.
11. Cesaro & Sheamus v. Braun Strowman and Mystery Partner. Rey Mysterio is rumored, but he’s injured and out until summer. I’m still going with the joke partner as the answer, either Ellsworth or Curt Hawkins or even Hornswoggle, and at this point I either see them keeping the titles on the Bar or switching them back immediately on Smark-A-Mania.
12. Women’s battle royal: This is a thing that will happen.
13. Men’s battle royal: This is another thing that will happen.
14. Cruiserweight title: Talk about the ultimate death slot. They’ll start the match while ushers are still setting up chairs.

So that about covers it! We’ll have hourly threads up for discussion tonight, and I should have the rant done pretty quickly after the show, so enjoy Wrestlemania 34!