Ring of Honor – February 7th, 2017

Tonight, we’ve got a packed show on ROH TV! The Motor City Machine Guns defend the tag team titles against the Best Friends, Marty Scurll takes on Shane Taylor, and our main event will see Matt Taven take on Cody Rhodes!

Let’s watch some wrestling, shall we?

Ring of Honor TV – 2/7/18

Where have I been?

Long story. And these things are long enough, so let’s just not. No promises this time, but hopefully we’re back on track.

Hey, I wouldn’t believe me either. Let’s see if I can get a few under my belt again.

Let’s get started with a look back at the history of Matt Taven and Cody Rhodes! After losing the Ring of Honor World title to Dalton Castle in one of the few bright spots of an otherwise THOROUGHLY mediocre Final Battle, Cody was set to address ROH fans, but Taven had other ideas! “I’ve beaten everyone in that locker room, and keep getting looked over for people like you!” Cody was handed that title! He was given every opportunity, while Taven wasn’t – and now his career synopsis will say that this little ungrateful, spoiled brat is nothing more than a bleached blonde p-“ and at that, Taven kicks him square in the balls!

Hey, Matt, you coulda laid off the hair a bit there. I dig the blonde look.

Opening credits.

We are TAPED from the Nashville Municipal Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee! Your hosts are Colt Cabana and Ian Riccaboni.

And we’re wasting no time here, as the music of the Best Friends welcomes Chuck Taylor and Trent Baretta! They’re out for their tag title shot, and “All Ghosts to Medicine Counter Four” (Goddamn, I love that title) soon blares to welcome our tag champions, Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley!

The Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) (C) vs Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent Baretta) – Ring of Honor World Tag Team title match

Code of Honor is followed. Sabin and Taylor start. Lockup and traded wristlocks end up with a headlock for Sabin. Taylor shoots him off, they run the ropes and Chuckie gets a deep armdrag on Sabin. Chris returns the favor and offers another handshake, but then attempts to HUG Taylor, and you might as well have declared war right there, Chris. Nobody hugs Chuckie but Trent! Tags to Shelley and Trent. Alex with a knee and they have a chop battle, won by Shelley, so Baretta hits a Greco-Roman thumb to the eye and tags in Taylor. Double back elbow and the Best Friends want to hug it out, but the earlier spurned Sabin comes in to put a stop that. Sabin takes Chuck to the corner and kicks away, before telling the crowd that there will be no more hugs! It’s like Omega and Ibushi with all the sexual tension and jealousy out here. Who hurt you, Chris? Anyway, the Guns attempt to whip Baretta and Taylor together from opposite corners, which would cause a hug of sorts, thus having Sabin foiled by his own hand, but the Best Friends reverse and we get a complicated series of do-si-dos and reversals from corner to corner before the Best Friends get the advantage with shots to the corner, then again, and we get a big hug in the center of the ring! Take that Sabin! Guy Love conquers all! And with that oblique Scrubs reference, let’s take a break to watch some great ads!

We’re back as we see that during the break, the Guns took control of the match with dives off the apron to the Best Friends on the floor! Thank GOD they’re showing us this replay instead of just skipping the exciting parts of this thing. As usual, it’s Trent Baretta that’s taking a beating in the ring as Shelley tags Sabin in, they take Trent to the corner, double cross-corner whip, but Taylor runs over to block Trent from running into the Buckles, and the power of friendship compels Baretta to come out with a double clothesline! Tag to Chuckie! Clotheslines for Sabin! Irish whip is reversed by Chris, he goes for a ‘rana, but Taylor powerbombs him instead for two. Chuck drags Chris to the corner and tells the crowd “I’m gonna murder this dude!” Colt on commentary: “Don’t do it on television!” Ian: “Yeah, we won’t be able to show that!” No worries, though, as Sabin moves and a Taylor moonsault hits nothing but mat. You know, I used to watch a lot of Law and Order classic, and I’m pretty sure that some judge would toss out that statement if, indeed, Taylor murdered Sabin on television. And then Sam Waterston would knit his huge eyebrows and plead him down to Man 1 because of the earlier denied hug causing extreme emotional disturbance. And have some scotch while lamenting the sad state of the world.

Anyhoo, Sabin puts Chuck in front facelock and attempts to do his Tornado DDT off Trent, but Baretta ducks that. Chris catches Trent when he goes for a shot and holds him, superkick from Alex Shelley on Baretta! And now Sabin does indeed hit the tornado off Trent and complete the DDT on Taylor. They send Trent to the corner, Shelley charges and he eats a boot, Sabin thinks he’s got a better plan…..naw, he also charges in and gets hit with a boot. Baretta out of the corner, but Shelley grabs a waistlock and holds him in place for a Sabin enzuigiri, then the Guns team up for a Sickle/superkick combo on Baretta. Baretta sends Shelley to the corner to buy some time, then moves as Sabin charges and Chris clotheslines Alex in the corner instead. Trent tries the Sabin DDT, he hits Shelley but Sabin blocks the DDT and gets chopped for his insolence. One for Alex! Trent off the ropes, Shelley catches him with an inverted atomic drop, Sabin dropkicks the knee, Shelley with the chinlock and Sabin dropkicks Baretta from there. Chuck is back on the apron, but a Sabin dropkick sends him back to the floor. Sabin looks to dive through Alex’s legs (not like that, pervs) onto Taylor, but Baretta yanks him down as Taylor takes Alex to the floor. Taylor slides back in and tries a crossbody onto Shelley, Alex moves as Chuck lands on his feet, Baretta comes through the ropes with a dropkick and Shelley pulls Taylor in the way! Shelley takes advantage with a kick and grabs both guys, going for a double Sliced Bread #2 off the ringpost, but can’t complete the move, and gets hit with a Lawn Dart from Taylor into a cutter from Trent on the floor! Chris leaps to the ring apron and avoids a shot from Chuck before going down the line with a kick on Trent. Chuck back in the ring and he forearms Sabin to the floor, Taylor off the ropes, tope con hilo onto the Guns! Hug from the Best Friends on the ramp! It’s all going their way…..and here come the Briscoes to ruin this match, attacking the Best Friends from behind to cause the DQ. (Best Friends over the Motor City Machine Guns, DQ, 7:28)

WORTH WATCHING: I’d like to see the whole match, so YES, I’ll put this one in the win column. There was obviously a ton cut from this one for the commercials, but what we saw was well-paced without a lot of resting. All action makes me happy, even though it wasn’t much more than that. The jump back from commercial was pretty jarring, though.

After finishing with the Best Friends, Jay and Mark hit the ring with some zipties as Ian Riccaboni wonders why they didn’t just challenge the winners of the match; shhh, sweet Ian. Don’t try to introduce logic into these proceedings. They ziptie Shelley to the ropes and beat the hell out of him, and Mark grabs a chair so they can deal with Sabin. Mark forces Alex to watch as Jay hits the Jaydriller on Sabin on the chair, and the commentators are aghast. This is AWESOME, because I love me some heel Briscoes, and this is them at their best, just destroying motherfuckers and giving zero shits. I wholeheartedly endorse this product and/or service. Mark rains down with rights onto Shelley as Ian tells us we’re going to cut to hear from Silas Young, The Beer City Bruiser, and Brian Milonas. Oh, fine.
Bruiser: “Next week, I want you to belly up to the bar, Ring of Honor!” Next week, he and Brian start knocking heads as the biggest tag team in ROH! Brian tells us that next week, they’ll start bouncing people right outta the bar! Silas can’t wait to see it; he’ll be there with them! And with that and the promise that Punishment Martinez is coming up next (oh, JOY), let’s take a break to check out these fine ads!

We’re back with a video package, narrated by Punishment Martinez! “My entire life has been about violence and anarchy.” He wasn’t raised in a good area – he earned his name Punishment on the streets! He’s a former two-time national champion in martial arts, and ROH has given him a platform to showcase his violence to the world. His time in Ring of Honor has been about speaking with his actions. Actions like torturing Jay White, beating Kazarian, Ospreay, and Jay Lethal! He won the 2018 Survival of the Fittest tournament! He’s at the top of the Ring of Honor food chain! Castle, since Final Battle, you’ve received nothing but congratulations from your peers – let him be the first to grant Dalton condolences, because his time as World Champion is dead! (Okay, that was a cheesy, but good line.)

Meh. He’s not the worst Undertaker ripoff I’ve ever seen, but I’m still lukewarm on the guy. Let’s see if he brings the goods against Dalton next week.

Back to Ian and Colt, who remind us that the title match is next week on ROH TV, then recap the previous beating from the Briscoes.

And there’s the music of Shane Taylor. A reminder that ROH deliberately kept him over KEITH FUCKING LEE, because…..I dunno, because it doesn’t make any sense. Nothing against Taylor at all, as he’s fine in the role he’s in, but seriously, they kept him over KEITH FUCKING LEE. Am I saying that I would have taken the contract they offered Lee and added in the amount of money they offered Shane to get Lee to sign instead of Shane? Yes. Yes, I am.

We’re reminded that Taylor is a mercenary for hire, as he’ll do anything for money to help raise his daughter before hearing the list of people who’ve paid him off to deliver some beatins’. And then the best entrance music in all of wrestling begins, as we hear the dulcet tones that will welcome “The Villain” Marty Scurll! Now, I may currently be typing this in a BOLA 2016 Marty Scurll t-shirt, but I promise all of my faithful readers that I will absolutely, 100% not be objective in the least during this match.

Hey, did I mention that they kept Shane Taylor over KEITH FUCKING LEE?!?

Let’s go back to a few weeks ago, where Shane assaulted Scurll in the locker room after being paid to do so by SoCal Uncensored. Know who else could have done this, had he been in ROH still? KEITH FUCKING LEE.

Okay, I’ll stop for now.

KEITH FUCKI- No, no. I promised.

“The Villain” Marty Scurll vs Shane Taylor

No Code of Honor. Marty is giving up a hundred pounds in this matchup, by the way. They engage in some less-than-gentlemanly trash talk, and Marty fires away with forearms. Taylor tosses him the mat, but Scurll is back up and firing. Shane hurls him into a corner to catch a breather, but Marty moves on the Shane blind charge, grabs the hand of Taylor and stomps on it. Chop and he goes for a brainbuster on Taylor, but that ain’t happening. Big knee from Shane, he sends Marty to the ropes, charge by Shane, Marty yanks the top rope down and dumps Taylor to the floor. Marty leaps to the apron, superkick! Second attempt is caught by Taylor, Scurll with a right and he goes to the eyes. Attaboy. Scurll off the apron with a ‘rana, but Taylor catches that and goes for an apron bomb. Marty slips out of it, Shane grabs him in a choke, Marty escapes…..right back into the choke, as Shane tosses him into the barricade. Again! Right from Shane, chokeslam on the apron! Marty’s in a bad way, but maybe things will turn around after the following great ads!

We’re back! Taylor with the Irish whip, Scurll ducks under the clothesline attempts, sunset flip attempt by Marty, Shane goes for a sitout and Scurll moves. Thank God he did, because Shane might have killed him. European uppercut meets a charging Taylor, Scurll with a clothesline, he goes up, missile dropkick sends Shane to the floor! Tope attempt by Marty, Taylor catches him, Scurll frees himself and kicks Taylor in the midsection. Tornado DDT by Scurll off the apron! Back in, that gets two. Marty goes for the brainbuster again, but still can’t get it and Taylor wastes him with a big right hand. Shane off the ropes, Marty pops up with the Just Kidding Superkick, but waits too long as Shane knees him in the face. Taylor off the ropes, big splash! 1, 2, NO! Cabana screaming to hook the leg, but Taylor didn’t listen and Scurll escaped. Marty on the apron now, Taylor comes over, Scurll catches the arm and snaps it on the top. He tries for a shoulder through the ring ropes, but Shane kills him with a knee and a big right. He drags Marty back in, Baldo Bomb! 1, 2, NO!! Shane can’t believe it! Taylor up, he mocks the chickenwing pose! That bastard! He finishes by calling for the knockout punch, Scurll ducks it, full nelson by Shane, back elbow from Marty, front forearm by Marty, Scurll grabs the fingers and shushes the crowd, Taylor breaks it up with a huge right! Marty wakes up enough to slap Shane in the face, so Taylor responds the most logical way he can – a giant headbutt that had me wincing. This match is actually pretty fun. Shane goes for a suplex, but Marty reverses and hits the brainbuster! The crowd goes nuts! I go nuts! We’re all nuts! 1, 2, NO!!! Marty can’t believe it, but he decides that it’s time for the chickenwing. Taylor jabs him to stop it and goes for a spinning powerslam, Marty over the top and he goes for the chickenwing again, Shane backs him into a corner to break it up. Marty rolls out and decides it’s umbrella time, but Taylor stomps on the umbrella as Marty slides back into the ring. Marty begs for his life as Taylor grabs the umbrella now, but the ref is there to take it away from Taylor. He doesn’t want to give it up due to what was clearly rain in the forecast for Nashville that day, but the ref is awfully insistent. So much so that while they’re arguing about the inherent trust placed in meteorology as a science, Marty slips out and grabs a bag from under the ring. Taylor finally gives up the umbrella and turns around right into a faceful of powder from Scurll! Marty rolls up Shane, and despite the fact that there’s enough powder in the air that you’d think you were at a 1980s key party at Ric Flair’s house, the ref counts the pin. (Marty Scrull over Shane Taylor, pinfall, 9:08)

WORTH WATCHING? – This was fun as hell, with a few stories taking place during the match, as Scurll fought to hit the brainbuster, withstood a few stiff shots from Taylor, and, when he couldn’t hook the chickenwing, did what comes naturally – cheated like a mofo. YES, this one was surprisingly good, and the finish, while overdone, made complete sense and I’m fine with it. More than decent big man/little man match.

Post-match, Scurll has the stick! “I’m not done tonight! Punishment Martinez, get your numpty ass out here right now!” That…..sounds like a very bad idea. Scurll looks down the ramp, but Punishment appears from the crowd behind Marty instead. Scurll stops him and says hey, he’s not here to cause a spot of bother, but Punishment has a match for the World title next week against Dalton Castle, and Marty thinks he’s going to win! These people may not agree, but he thinks that everyone agrees that we all want to see the Villain as the World Heavyweight Champion! Well, he’s got us there, as the crowd does indeed seem to want that to take place. As does your recapper. So all Marty’s asking is, when Martinez does win the title, will he give Scurll a shot at it? He shoves the mic into Punishment’s chest at this last, and now I’m legitimately fearing for Scurll’s life. Martinez thinks for a moment and nods his assent! Yay! Well, I guess that’s all settled and…..oh, and as Marty goes to leave, Martinez lays him out with the South of Heaven chokeslam. But still, title shot! Cool! As Martinez exits through the crowd, we’re told that we’re going to take a look back to last week, when Bully Ray said goodbye!

Footage from last week, as Bully leaves his boots behind in Philadelphia, the place where he was born as a wrestler. Jay Lethal leads the locker room out and thanks him for everything he’s done in Ring of Honor, and they hug. This segment was fine last week, but I’ve heard enough of Bully Ray’s retirement teases that I’ll believe when he doesn’t turn out to be Terry Funk. And with that, let’s take a break for some great ads!

We’re back! Next week, the Women of Honor title tournament begins! Oh, boy! Our first match will be Mandy Leon vs Madison Rayne! Also next week, Castle/Martinez for the World title, and Coast to Coast will take on Beer City Bruiser and Brian Milonas! We’re reminded that Coast to Coast pulled off a monumental upset last week against War Machine, complete with footage! Will they keep that momentum going? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT!

Anyway, no more time to waste – it’s main event time! And there’s the bitchin’ music of the Kingdom, as Matt Taven, flanked by Vinny Marseglia and TK O’Ryan, makes his way to the ring. Can’t Taven just leave Vinny in the back? Or by the side of the road somewhere? Preferably in a foreign country? Why do I hate him so much? “Wrestling has more than one royal family” means that we’re about to hear the music of “The American Nightmare” Cody Rhodes! Confession – the 17 year old version of me would have loved Cody’s theme song. I had absolutely zero taste. Most would say I still don’t, but about wrestling instead of music. Cody makes his way out, and the announcers make thinly veiled references to ‘happenings in Sapporo”. Yeah, no shit. Some stuff did indeed occur, didn’t it?

Cody Rhodes vs Matt Taven (w/ Vinny Marseglia & TK O’Ryan)

No Code of Honor. Crowd chants for Cody, because whatever you may think of the guy, he walks, talks, and acts like a big star, and he’s over like a big star as a result. Taven with the pieface after some jawjacking, and Rhodes no-likey. He tosses Matt into the corner for a slap across the chest, another corner, same result. Cody sends Taven off the ropes, Matt hooks the top and goes to the floor. Vinny and TK think that right there is some talented wrestling. Cody gives chase now, and Matt slides back in the ring, through the legs of Cody as he enters, and kicks Cody low. He goes for the Climax early (joke is too easy, make up your own), Cody escapes, Taven catches him on a charge with a kick. Rhodes comes back and goes for the CrossRhodes, Taven escapes that and tries a DDT, Cody escapes that and he goes for the Beautiful Disaster, Taven ducks and goes for the Kick of the King, Cody ducks that, stalemate. That sequence was really well done. Speaking of well done, I sure hope that the following great ads are well done!

We’re back as they trade punches in the ring, Taven with a kneelift to Cody and tosses him to the floor. Taven tries to come through the ropes with a dropkick, but that misses and Cody hits a flatliner to the apron that sounds a bit better than it looks. Cody slides back in as TK and Vinny come over to check on Taven, as O’Ryan wants a timeout; Cody decides that isn’t going to happen and wipes them both out with a crossbody off the top! Taven takes the opportunity to go to the eyes of Cody and send him to the post, then arm-first to the barricade. He rolls Cody back in and snaps his arm against the ring apron (THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING), then gives the camera a wide grin. Back in now, he slaps Cody in the back of the head a few times, Cody fires a kick, but Matt shrugs it off and sends Rhodes shoulder-first into the post. Armwringer into a single-arm DDT gets two for Matt. Taven goes back to the arm, dropping it across his knees similar to a Codebreaker, and that sends Cody to the floor. And that’s where you don’t want to be, as TK and Vinny batter him there and toss him back in. Matt steps on the shoulder of Cody and puts on a keylock. Cody escapes but get tossed to the floor again as this match is hypnotically inducing sleep. It’s not BAD, as there’s a clear thru-line with the armwork, but it isn’t exactly exciting. Vinny and TK go back to work on Cody, sending him barricade to barricade. Taven pulls the arm across the post as the announcers continue to reference the problems in the Bullet Club without actually mentioning anything, noting that Rhodes is out there all alone. Back in and Taven sends Cody shoulder-first to the corner. Cross-corner whip, but Rhodes stops himself and Taven runs into a shoulder from Cody to give Cody some breathing room. And then, we get a stupid spot (I’m sorry, but it is) where both Cody and Taven go for their springboard kicks and meet in the middle. It was awkward as hell. What’s not awkward, though, is taking one final look at some great ads!

We’re back with Taven in control. Matt attempts a Lionsault and Cody moves, Matt lands on his feet. Rhodes nails him with a fist and gets up, but Taven wipes him back out with a leg lariat. Lionsault by Taven (nice one, too) hits! 1, 2, no! Taven goes up, Cody gets up and Taven goes over the top of him and somersaults back to his feet, turns around, Alabama Slam from Cody gets two. Taven in the corner, he kicks Cody in the shoulder as Rhodes approaches and Rolls the Dice on Cody. Matt heads up again, frog splash hits the knees of Cody! Cody comes off the ropes with a sunset flip, Taven rolls through it and runs over Cody with a knee to the face. Both guys are crawling for the ropes as Vinny is waiting for Cody with his AX. Oh, great. He’s gonna kill Cody. Didn’t we cover the whole ‘we can’t show murder on TV’ thing during the opening tag match? But never fear, the ref catches him before, you know, homicide occurs, and tosses both Vinny and TK. Vinny’s primary defense seems to be ‘I didn’t ACTUALLY split his head open with the ax, so I should be allowed to stay’, but that one is falling on deaf ears. Meanwhile back in the ring, Matt goes for his cane, but Cody kicks him low and puts him in a small package as the ref turns around and runs back in to make the 3 count. Blech. (Cody Rhodes over Matt Taven, pinfall, 9:32)

WORTH WATCHING? – This match was SO BORING. It was technically sound for the most part, with decent selling and a decent enough story, but the ending sucked and both guys work almost exactly the same slow, methodical style and it was just death. NO, while I don’t hate Cody, I don’t think this one is really worth your time. Skip with mild prejudice, because I can’t muster up enough feeling to tell you to skip with extreme prejudice. Just a match.

Post-match, Ian runs down next week and it looks like we’re done…..but TK runs back in and nails Cody against the ropes! Vinny has a chair now, because a chair is scarier than an ax. I mean, that’s just pro wrestling science right there. TK tells him to smash Cody in the hand, and Vinny is more than happy to do so. The crowd wants the Young Bucks, but no one’s coming. Interesting. It appears the the ROH version of this story is going to be that for now, Cody is on his own; since these guys are apparently booking the angle themselves, I wonder how that’s going to play into the NJPW world. Anyway, they beat on Cody some more, Vinny and TK hold Cody up so Taven can give Cody a receipt for that kick to the nuts. Understandable. Climax by Taven on a lifeless Rhodes, and Matt follows that by removing the Ring of Honor from Cody’s hand, placing it on his own, and forcing him to kiss the ring. Ian thinks this is disgusting, but it’s what we’re going to end on this week, as the Kingdom celebrates and the show comes to a close.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Watch the first half, turn it off before the main event. The first half had two fun matches and I enjoyed them, but the main event was just there. I don’t buy Matt Taven as a main event talent, sorry. I mean, I didn’t buy Cody as one either, so maybe they can prove I’m wrong, but I’m skeptical. Taven has been around for a long time and if they weren’t willing to put him over here on a meaningless TV match, I fail to see how he’s going to end up any higher than where he is. The tag scene looks fun as the Briscoes attempt to murder all that moves, while they have to realize that Scurll is a future World Champion if they’ve got brains in their heads.

As always, thanks for reading this thing I wrote,

Rick Poehling
@MrSoze on Twitter