The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–01.10.94 / 01.17.94

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – January 10 1994

– Live, FINALLY, from Richmond, VA.

– Your hosts are Vince & Macho.

WWF World tag team titles: The Quebecers v. 1-2-3 Kid & Marty Jannetty

The Quebecers don’t even get an entrance, unless it’s edited off the WWE.com version of the show for whatever reason. God knows stranger decisions have been made. Jacques pounds on Marty, but he pops up with a victory roll for two. Jacques misses a blind charge and Marty rolls him up for two, and both teams back off for advice. Through the miracle of lip-reading, I can tell that Kid asks Marty if he’s REALLY sure that the Quebecers aren’t the Mounties, just in case they want to search their bags afterwards. Marty assures him that the theme song confirms their identity. Kid comes in and works a headlock on Jacques, but a brawl erupts and the champs get chased out of the ring. Back in, Marty & Kid double-team Pierre with a backdrop and Marty alley-oops Kid for a dropkick that puts the Quebecers on the floor again. After some stalling, they head back in again and Marty gets the advantage off a criss-cross. We take a break and return with a Dusty finish of sorts, as Marty superkicked and pinned Jacques during the break, only to have it overturned by a foot on the ropes. So back to the live match, Marty gets bumped to the floor, but Jacques hits Pierre by mistake on the follow-up and it’s over to the Kid. Spinkick and he goes up and cannonballs Pierre to the floor, then back in with a flying clothesline for Jacques. Back to the top, but Pierre pushes him off and he’s YOUR face-in-peril. TAG ROPE CHOKE~! They drop Kid on the top rope for a great bump, and that gets two. Jacques slams Pierre onto Kid for two, and we take another break only two minutes after the first one. Back with Jacques getting two again. He backdrops Pierre onto Kid for two. Lariat from Pierre gets two. Jacques drops an elbow and they hit the Cannonball, but Jacques doesn’t want the pin. So they set up again and this time Marty breaks it up and it’s hot tag time. Noggins are knocked and they finish Pierre with a Rockerplex to win the tag titles at 14:00! Given that the title match against the Harts was already booked for Royal Rumble, this was a shocker to say the least. Slow start, but there was some good tag action by the end. ***1/4 Interesting to note that Marty won the tag titles before Shawn did. The Quebecers won them back at the MSG show something like a week later, but it was a nice moment nonetheless.

– RAW moment: 1-2-3 Kid upsets Razor Ramon.

– RAW moment: Jerry Lawler torments Tiny Tim.

Ludvig Borga v. ??? Anderson

We’re joined in progress with the jobber hitting clotheslines and getting nothing. Borga pounds him down again and finishes with the torture rack at 2:28.

– From Superstars: Yokozuna squashes a pair of jobbers. Undertaker pops up on the screen to threaten him and point out that he doesn’t make mistakes, he buries them. He’s certainly buried his share of people, that’s for sure.

– RAW moment: Doink the Clown turns babyface and destroys his career.

The Undertaker v. Ray Hudson

Taker tosses Hudson, then brings him back in and drops him into the turnbuckles with Snake Eyes. Chokeslam and tombstone finish at 2:30.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Bastion Booger

The epic blowoff from last week’s meltdown! Bigelow pounds Booger down and chokes away, but misses a charge and takes an impressive bump to the floor. Luna decides to put the moves on Booger to distract him, and really who can resist those feminine wiles? Bigelow wipes Booger on the stairs and back in they badly blow a slam spot, as Booger falls back unintentionally, so Bigelow slams him again and finishes with the diving headbutt at 2:31 to complete the squash. 1/2*

– RAW moment: Kamala has another disastrous babyface turn.

– Randy Savage shoves IRS into the anniversary cake to set up their match next week, and we’re done.

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – January 17 1994

– Taped from Richmond, VA.

– Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Crush. God, this is gonna be a trainwreck.

Owen Hart v. Terry Austin

Owen is all smiles and handshakes again and has Bret in his corner. Owen works a headlock and gets a bad-looking monkey-flip and I’m already tired of Crush’s commentary. We know Bryan Adams can talk like a normal human being, I wish he’d do it here, BRUDDA. Owen continues with a hiptoss and works the arm with a top wristlock. Vince claims last week was a “record-setting national television audience”, which I somehow doubt. Owen with the enzuigiri and flying elbow. Snap suplex and missile dropkick set up the Sharpshooter at 4:30. Most surreal moment of the match: Vince on the phone with Stan Lane, who is apparently “live” at Madison Square Garden watching the Kid/Jannetty v. Quebecers rematch.

Tatanka v. George South

No way, George South on a WWF TV show? South is another Jobber I Care About, for those keeping track. Tanaka pounds away on South with chops and hiptosses him out of the corner, then chops him down again. They’re still promoting Tatanka v. Ludvig Borga for Royal Rumble at this point, even though they 100% would have known that Borga was done and wouldn’t be there. South gets some token offense, but Tatanka backdrops him as Stan Lane has another update from MSG: The match has started and Kid & Jannetty seem more determined than ever! Hey, that’s great. Tatanka with the flying chop to finish at 2:50.

Yokozuna comes out for an interview with Vince McMahon, but Paul Bearer wheels out a CASKET. Vince’s delight at Yokozuna’s abject terror is a bit disturbing. He’s all “Ha ha, Undertaker is gonna stuff you in that casket and you’ll probably have a heart attack and die!” And then Vince eggs Yoko on and wants him to go take a closer look at the casket, so he reluctantly does, and of course Undertaker pops out and Yoko goes running away. That’s kind of a dick move on everyone’s part.

Diesel v. Scott Powers

Diesel pounds Powers down and whips him into two corners, but the jobber comes back with dropkicks until Diesel swats him down. Sideslam and he tosses the jobber for some beatings by Shawn. Update from MSG: The Quebecers have ROBBED Kid & Jannetty of the tag team titles! I didn’t realize their reign was only a week, actually. What was the point of putting it on them? I’m a little upset by that update and Stan Lane’s passionate description of the antics of Johnny Polo, and hopefully I can continue on. Diesel with a powerbomb and then big boot to finish at 3:25. Soon he would reverse the order and hit paydirt.

Randy Savage v. IRS

IRS attacks while Savage is jawing with Crush, and elbows Savage down. He tosses Macho for a nice bump, and pounds away in the ring. Savage comes back with an atomic drop into a clothesline, and IRS bails as we take a break. We return with IRS dropping Savage on the railing, and suplexes him back into the ring, for two. IRS with a chinlock and he works the leg. Legdrop gets two. Savage with a small package for two, but he misses a blind charge and IRS gets two. Savage dumps him and goes over to take a shot at Crush, and we take a break. Really, another break for a match with a finish so obvious that a newborn baby monkey could probably figure it out? Back with Savage going up and IRS nailing him for two. Back to the chinlock, but Savage is in the ropes. IRS goes up, but lands on Savage’s foot, and Macho makes the comeback. Slam and flying elbow look to finish, but, say it with me, Crush runs in for the DQ at 8:10. And the beating is on, as Tatanka tries to save but runs into Yokozuna. Thankfully Lex Luger is here join the match, and soon we have a mini-Rumble. Because it’s coming up, you see. **

Next week: The Hart Brothers v. The Headshrinkers! But first a re-rant of the Royal Rumble.