The SmarK Rant for the Mae Young Classic – S01E02

The SmarK Rant for the Mae Young Classic – S01E02

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are JR & Lita

So we continue on with this wacky, unique, “single elimination tournament” (what a concept!), although the matches are taken from all over the place in the bracket, so, like why even have a bracket? Why not just throw matches out willy-nilly like WCW did in 1999 and then come up with a bracket later? IT’S ANARCHY. ANARCHY I SAY.

Mercedes Martinez v. Xia Li

Li’s backstory is that this is her debut match and she’s all into Chinese fans and stuff. Do you get the feeling they were seriously reaching for 32 people to fill this thing up? Mercedes works a headlock, but gets cocky and Xia rolls her up for two and uses CHINESE MARTIAL ARTS on her. Pair of spinkicks gets two. Xia doesn’t really know how to proceed, and Mercedes catches her with a spinebuster for two and then wraps her up with a bow and arrow sleeper for the submission at 3:08. Way too much offense for the (obviously) super-green Xia, but it wasn’t terrible or anything. * Martinez faces Sugehit in the next round, and Lita notes “The unpredictability of the tournament rears its head as the two most experienced competitors face off in the next round.” WHAT? What does that even MEAN?

Rachel Evers v. Marti Belle

Evers is the latest legacy wrestler to change her name and pay tribute to someone totally different. I’ll never understand that. Anyway, it’s not like Paul Ellering was anything special as a worker so if she’d rather give props to Lance Storm, good for her. Belle looks very much like someone who WWE would sign regardless of talent. Evers reminds me of Sofia Copolla in Godfather III. Belle stalls to start and gets an ugly suplex for two while trying to play heel. Evers kicks her down and Belle can barely sell or take bumps. Evers gets a legdrop out of the corner for two and Belle runs away and catches her with a cheapshot and a terrible looking necksnap while the ref chats with Evers. This, according to Meltzer, was the agents changing the finish on the fly and burying Belle dead in the ground before the match was even over. Belle gets the “heat” by walking Evers around to the turnbuckles for some devastating shots, but Evers somehow overcomes this assault and makes the comeback with forearms, and now we get to watch Belle “selling” again. Senton from Evers and an ugly spinebuster as Belle can’t even go up for that properly. Evers tries a fisherman’s buster and then just drops Belle with a slam for two. Belle comes back with something approximating the Stroke for two, but she manages to fuck that up, and Evers finally cradles her for the pin at 6:15. How do you screw up ramming someone’s face into the mat? This was pretty, pretty, pretty awful. Belle should honestly be ashamed of that performance. -**

Rhea Ripley v. Miranda Salinas

Salinas is SASSY and her only video package footage is from her entrance in this tournament, so I’m not liking her chances. Ripley is tall, blond and stacked, so I’m thinking her performance here is immaterial to her chances of getting employment after the tournament. Ripley puts her on the floor with a dropkick to start, but Salinas catches her with a cheapshot in the ring and necksnaps her on the ropes for two. They trade shots in the corner and Salinas kicks her down for two, but Rhea boots her in the corner and adds the corner dropkick for two. Salinas gets a tilt-a-whirl into a cradle for two, but Ripley boots her down and finishes with a full nelson slam at 3:50. More or less a squash. *

Sara Logan v. Mia Yim

Logan, the former Crazy Mary Dobson, is apparently now a Kentucky hick who fights goats and kills bears for supper, so perhaps she got her character from watching GLOW on Netflix. Hey, maybe she can be Sister Abigail! Yim dropkicks her down for two, but Logan comes back with a headbutt for two. Logan with a low dropkick for two, but Yim fires back with her own series of kicks for two. Logan tries to get fired up, but Yim hooks her with the Tarantula in the corner and comes off the top with a missile dropkick for two. Yim with a dragon sleeper and bodyscissors in the middle, but Logan fights her off and they slug it out on the mat before charging each other again for more strikes. Sara with a knee strike for two, but Yim gets a german suplex for two. Another try gets two. Logan rolls her up for two and follows with a suplex for two and a fisherman’s suplex for two. Yim come back with a headkick and Eat Defeat for the pin at 7:25. Probably the best match of the tournament thus far, but it really feels like everyone is being told to hold back and just do generic WWE matches. ***

The Pulse

Well this one was certainly up and down, with the best, and by far WORST matches of the tournament to date.