Wrestling Observer Flashback–11.25.91

Previously on the Flashback… http://blogofdoom.com/index.php/2017/01/24/wrestling-observer-flashback-11-18-91/

Dave starts out this issue with a quote that’s particularly apropos in these times:

“Its easier to fool the people with a big lie than it is a small one.” — Joseph Goebbels, Adolf Hitler’s propagandist

Of course, I’m referring to Vince’s habit of cooking attendance figures for major shows.

– And now, in November of 1991, the WWF becomes the first promotion to actually test for steroids after months of empty promises and outside pressure from the media. By a STAGGERING coincidence, the first round of testing came the day before Inside Edition and Entertainment Tonight were about to air a story concerning how WWF promised steroid testing and then didn’t deliver. The WWF claims it’s completely coincidental timing, and in this case they might not be COMPLETELY full of shit, since the Florida state hearings on regulation of wrestling pretty much demanded testing be in place shortly after 11/5.

– More importantly, it’s time for STEROID TESTING Q&A!

– Is the testing real? Yes. But the only one who will ever know results is Vince McMahon.

– What are the penalties? Nothing yet, but after six months of testing a violation will yield a six week suspension, then a mandatory rehab for a second, and finally termination for the third.

– How accurate are the tests? Nothing is perfect, but the ones the testing company uses are pretty much unbeatable.

– What about HGH? There is no test that can detect it, but it’s so expensive and hard to get that it’s unlikely these guys are using it. Also impossible to detect are monkey hormones, which are only used by the “most hardcore of the druggies”.

– What about testosterone? They don’t test for it directly, but will test for the body’s testosterone ratio, and if it’s 6:1 or more, you’re BUSTED.

– Are they testing for masking agents? That’s confidential.

– How long do steroids stay in your system? Usually about four months on average.

– Who was tested? Anyone on the roster who is under contract to the WWF.

– How did the wrestlers feel? Some like the idea, feeling it’ll level the playing field. Others didn’t, of course.

– What about Hulk Hogan? He’s clearly not juicing at the moment, but even if he was, COME ON.

– Why should believe the lying liars? Because the story isn’t going away quietly and they seem to have finally accepted that.

– When will future tests occur? No idea, as they claim it’s totally random.

– Moving on, sort of, as noted ET and Inside Edition both had stories planned on steroids in the WWF, with the shows battling to be the first one to air. Either story would have been ignored normally, but it’s sweeps and Hulk Hogan is implicated so it suddenly blew up into a big competition to get the scoop. The WWF proudly called both shows to announce the testing, and Inside Edition pretty much blew them off and made a sarcastic remark at the end of the show about the coincidental timing. ET changed the entire story and interviewed Bruno, then actually went to the TV taping and tried to interview some wrestlers. Vince sent them jobbers Brian Donohue and Dusty Wolfe to talk about how everyone in the locker room was fine with the testing, although they themselves weren’t tested. HOWEVER, the interview was then intercut with a Vince soundbite where he claimed that EVERY wrestler would be tested, which omitted the technicality that it was only contracted wrestlers and not jobbers, and thus made Vince look like a big fat liar.

– Vince then called the show, FURIOUS about the misleading edit (POT, KETTLE, BLACK) and questioning the credibility of Bruno, who clearly had an axe to grind, and Alex Marvez, who dared to question the WWF’s commitment to testing after announcing it five times and not delivering. Dave, however, cites the court case of Boy v. Wolf, where said defendant made false claims about the existence of the plaintiff multiple times until finally he ended up getting eaten. Or maybe that was a fable, whatever. The WWF’s PR department then called up Inside Edition to relate their tale of woe with ET and hopefully pressure them to drop their story, but that failed as well. (Well at least it can’t get any WORSE for Vince, can it?)

– Speaking of silly court cases, the NWA continued their attempts to get their World title belt taken off WWF TV this week. Flair has already given the belt back, but now they want it removed from the 300 stations that carry the weekly WWF programming because it’s robbing the NWA of their symbol and brand. The WWF’s response was “A belt’s a belt”, but they voluntarily agreed to blur out the “Real World title” from all their programming as a compromise anyway. Sadly, despite their “best efforts”, most of the stations ended up airing the un-blurred belt anyway, for some crazy reason. The NWA also demanded that the WWF not use a “reasonable facsimile”.

– Clearly, however, this whole thing is ridiculous because whatever damage was going to be done to WCW was already done months ago and the rest is semantics.

– Time for more speculation on the Tuesday in Texas show! The main event is still being announced to the market as Hogan v. Flair, but THIS RUSE HAS ALSO BEEN A RUSE. It’s going to be something else based on Survivor Series. Also, there are rumors flying about a Shawn v. Marty breakup match, but it’s too soon for that.

– Speaking of too soon, the WWF returned to Oakland with Hogan v. Flair II, which dropped the crowd from 14,000 people to 5000 on the second go-around. (OUCH). This was actually one of the smallest crowds Hogan has drawn in the Bay Area, and it’s clear that with Flair in the mix as just as another guy, interest in the match is already dead.

– Kerry Von Erich was also on the show, but came to the dressing room in no condition to walk, let alone perform, and was sent home.

– Dave has finally learned the secret identity of the mysterious Love Machine, and it’s Art Barr. Sorry, spoiler alert.

– For those who feel that Firebreaker Chip is the lamest gimmick of 1991, Dave offers up The Spirit of America from Memphis, who, um, cleans up garbage on the highways. No, wait, it gets better: He’s feuding with Eric Embry because they showed a video of Embry in the park, throwing his litter on the ground like a MONSTER, while Spirit cleaned up after they left and apparently swore revenge. Like, come on, who would ever buy a wrestling garb…

…you know what, never mind.

– As expected, the debuting Grave Digger was a horrible Undertaker impersonator. Like, come on, who would ever buy a fake Undert…

…you know what, forget I said anything.

– Also, Jimmy Valiant is now a vegetarian and lost 50 pounds as a result.

– In Global, Barry Horowitz is now billing himself as “The Winner”, so expect him to never win another match.

– Gordon Scozzari is still claiming that he’ll have TV coverage on four stations for his AWF show, including on national network rumored to be the Family Channel, which will kick off with a tournament taped on 12/15. It’s already been moved from Long Island University to Rutgers campus in New Jersey, however.

– GLOW will be taping their first show in years on 11/23 in Vegas.

– The Clash hasn’t happened yet at the point when the newsletter is coming out, but Dave notes that Ricky Steamboat will have debuted as Dustin’s partner against the Enforcers. WCW actually sent the WWF a letter basically saying “If you have a problem with this, tell us now” and didn’t get a response, so they’re free and clear to proceed. This gives the company a major shot in the arm, to say the least.

– So, let’s talk about Lex Luger’s contract. It runs from March-to-March, and one of the stipulations is that he only has to work a certain number of contracted dates, (like Brock Lesnar today) and WCW has pretty much burned through them all now. So they’re pulling him from everything but the big city shows, including the tour of England, and now there’s serious talk of actually putting the belt on Rick Steiner at the Clash to get it off Lex before the contract expires completely.

– WCW has banned all blood in the wake of the Magic Johnson story.

– Lady Blossom was fired and Steve Austin will be phased into the Dangerous Alliance instead.

– To the WWF, where GWF champion Del Wilkes (the Patriot) received a tryout and probably got a job out of it. (Not sure what happened there, actually, or why it didn’t work out.)

– Owen Hart is back as a part of a team called the New Foundation with the apparently unkillable Jim Neidhart, and they have the worst ring gear Dave has seen in forever. Owen looked good in his first few matches back, however.

– Warlord is gone and replaced by Barbarian on house shows. (Would anyone even notice?)

– Prime Time Wrestling was overhauled AGAIN, with a new panel format hosted by Vince McMahon that is said to be a huge improvement. It was dying in the ratings anyway.

– The New Haven TV tapings spent tons of time focusing on Jamison in the front row as they try to get him over. (This was completely confounding to us here in Canada, because he was a character imported from Prime Time and of course we didn’t get that show, so basically there was weeks of showing this nerd in the front row with absolutely no explanation from the announcers who just assumed everyone got the joke, as to who this person was or why we should care.)

– And finally, expect Elizabeth to go back on the road with Savage after the Survivor Series. (Hopefully there’s no awkward meetings with Flair. I hear she was his before she was Randy’s.)