BoD Rumble

This has nothing to do with the WWE

(We see several performers make their way to the arena. PrimeTime Ten enters holding his Stanley Cup trophy while flanked by the masked mounties. Biscuit is behind him with his plastic shopping bag filled with a piece of beef jerky. Danimal Crossing is holding a bag of the newest item from Long John Silver’s as his partner, Kenny Reigns, gives him words of encouragement).

Bobby Bayless runs into his cousin, Brian.

Bobby: Hi ya cuz!!!!!

Brian: Hi Bobby.

Bobby: So, my bachelor party is in a few weeks. Ya gonna get my friends!

Brian: What do you mean?

Bobby: You are going to pick them up!

Brian: Well, where do they live?

Bobby: With their parents!

Brian: I figured that much but their addresses.

Bobby: Hey pal, my pals dont wear dresses!

Brian: Oh Jesus Christ, their address. ADDRESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Bobby: My mom knows that stuff!

Brian: I hope so because you don’t.

Bobby: I’m just eating fries and pumping up my fries, pal!

Brian: I’m out (Brian leaves as Bobby checks out his thigh muscles)

In the bowels of the BOD Arena, a clanging sound is heard. It draws ever closer, with only a single light giving off shadows. Finally, emerging from the shadows, it’s Robert Davis! Davis bangs Jughead against the pipes, causing the clanging to continue. Davis just stands, banging the pipe over and over again, then looks at the camera. He smiles a chilling grin and draws his thumb across his throat.

Davis: We’re back. The endgame is here, Biff.

Davis stops banging Jughead against the pipes and looks back, smiling.

Davis: Who knows what, or who else is in our shadows, Biff? Soon, you find out.

Davis laughs as the camera fades to black.

And here are the competitors leaving after taking their drug test. Trunk Barlow has three extra samples in his hand but no one seems to care.

BoD C-List Title: Jose Gomez vs. “Happening” Harry Broadhurst

Before the match, lets get some Harry Facts:

Harry Fact #456: Harry does not plan on watching “Making of a Murderer”

Harry Fact #222: The Panthers will win the Super Bowl

Harry Fact #1: Harry never does the job!

Originally, this was supposed to be the Writer’s Title match between Ioan Morris vs. Tommy Hall but Biff bought Harry’s Rumble spot and gave him a title defense instead. Harry yells at his opponent, who tries to start his “No Way Jose” chant. Harry stalls to start the match as the crowd goes restless. Jose finally catches Harry and hits an atomic drop. Harry scampers into the corner as he takes a break. Harry uses the ref as a shield then rakes the eyes of Jose. Harry whips Jose and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl slam for a nearfall. Harry grabs a chinlock, giving us more Harry Facts, such as Harry Fact #65, which of course is that he preferred Villano IV over Villano V. Harry sets up for an elbow drop off of the middle rope but Jose rolls out of the way as both men are down. Harry is up first but Jose blocks his punches and fights back. Jose sets up for a clothesline but Harry ducks as the referee gets knocked out cold. Jose checks on the referee then Harry shoves him to the floor. Harry grabs a chair and looks to hit Jose but Jose takes it away. Jose chases Harry inside with the chair but the ref wakes up and Harry acts like he has been it so the ref rings the bell as Harry wins by DQ. A mild “No Way Jose” chant breaks out as Harry celebrates on the outside, screaming how he never does the job.

Earlier Today, Curtzerker and Biff Kensington entered the Strike Force locker room. Let’s see what went down:

(Strike Force is in their locker room, blasting the dulcet tones of Robbie Dupree. Indeed tries one his windbreaker collection as Mar Solo works on his special brew. BKIII and Curtzerker walk in)

Biff: Hey guys.

The Berzerker: HUSS!!!!!!!

(Indeed and Solo put their guard up and approach)

Biff: Hey, despite the fact we are competing tonight, we just want to wish you luck. (Looks over at Solo’s coffee contraptions). So, I’ve always wondered, what does that taste like.

Solo: Well, you can try to Championship Bold Roast (hands a sample to Biff)

Biff: (Takes a sip) Hey now, this is excellent. Have you ever thought to selling this to the public.

Solo: Well, I do not do it for the money. I do it for the caffeine. Really, I only do it for the caffeine.

Biff: Well, with my money and connections, I can make you a millionaire in no time. No more getting hurt and beat up on your quest to the titles. How about we make this happen.

Solo: I dont want to sell man, I refuse (goes back to roasting coffee).

Biff: I think you are making a mistake.

Curtis: So do I

Berzerker: HUSS!!!!!!!…………………..HUSS!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed: Look, my partner refuses.

Biff: Okay then, we will leave. Camera zooms in on Biff as he smirks.

We get a commercial for the BoD Network, plugging new shows such as “Win, Lose, or Draw” with host the Brazilian Psycho and “Hidden Camera” with host Paul Meekin.

We’re in the back with Hoss, who is flanked by the rest of Kensington Enterprises. Biff looks at him, shrugs, and points to the camera.

Hoss: TONIGHT AFTER I DEFEND MY TITLE I EAT ICE CREAM UNTIL I PUKE. (Stops) But we all know that I don’t puke after I eat ice cream, so the only true part of that statement is that I’m going to defend my title! See BOD, it seems like everyone wants to pay attention to everyone else these days. Jef Vinson. John Petuka. AndyPG. Abeyance. But no one pays attention to the World Champ! And do you know why that is? Because let’s face it BOD, I’m boring. I mean, I admit it! Because no matter what, we all know that when I get in that ring, I’m going to win the match, period, end of story. That’s all I do! And while I appreciate the tutelage of Biff Kensington and the rest of the Enterprise, I’m the World Champ for a reason, and that’s because no one can beat me!

(In the background, Extant1979 snorts a little laughter. Hoss looks back slowly, and Extant stops)

Hoss: But you all want to talk about all the pretenders to my throne, instead of the king! Well, kbjone, I actually respect you. I find you entertaining! So I’m going to say this in front of the world; I don’t want any help in this match! That’s right, I’m going to win this thing on my own, and I don’t need anyone else interfering in this match.

Biff, looking stricken, turns to Hoss.

Biff: Hoss, you know that I believe that you can win this thing! But we’re brothers at Kensington, and we help our own! So, while it’s admir-

Hoss: I. DO. IT. ALONE. TONIGHT.

Hoss stalks off as Biff stares after him, while Extant taps Biff on the shoulder.

Extant: I told you. Not a team player.

Biff: Just get ready for the Rumble. (To the rest of Kensington) GET READY!

Kensington scatters as Biff looks apprehensive.

There’s the music of the challenger, Kbjone! He comes in out of the crowd, chair in hand. No one has seen the chairman of the BOD all day, and he’s looking laser-focused for his shot at the World Title. He sets up his chair in the ring and sits down, staring at the entrance ramp.

And there’s the music of Kensington Enterprises! And there’s the World Champion, Hoss, making his way to the ring. Biff comes out on the ramp, but Hoss turns and stares back at him, until Biff shrugs and heads to the back. Hoss is a mountain of a man; does Kbjone have a chance?

BoD Tag Title Match: Strike Force vs. Curtzerker w/ Biff Kensington

After a 16 team tournament, Strike Force is here and they are at the end of the line. This is their chance to become the Tag Team Champions. The bell ring as Indeed and Williams mix it up. The HUSS section is going mental as the Berzerker tries to go over there to his people, but is ordered to stay on the apron. Indeed leapfrogs Williams then connects with a dropkick. Indeed charges and hits another dropkick that sends Williams to the floor. Indeed is high-stepping and fist-pumping then tags Solo, who flies outside with a tope to take out Williams. The Berzerker checks on his partner but Indeed takes him down with a baseball slide then heads up top and hits a plancha. The Strike Force fans are going crazy but the HUSS section is not impressed. The match settles down in the ring but Biff trips up Indeed then Williams takes control. The Berzerker is in and he does the Ten HUSS Stomp in the corner, as the HUSS section counts along. Indeed is in trouble here as Curtzerker is firmly in control of the match. Solo looks extra pumped up tonight on the apron and actually jumped so high up in the air his foot hit the top rope. Solo spills in the ring then gets up and shakes his head like a spaz. Williams sets up for a splash but Indeed gets his knees up. Indeed looks over to his partner as he finally makes the tag. Solo is a caffeinated five-alarm Colombian mountain fire of fury as he running around like a psychopath. He runs into the ropes in a way that makes Manny Fernandez look like Kelly Kelly. Solo sends Berzerker to the floor with a slam then dumps Williams. Biff is going wild as Solo highsteps all the way across the ring then leaps to take out all three men with a crossbody!!!!!!! Indeed is on the apron and he heads into the ring as the match has broken down. Biff yells at the ref as Williams reaches underneath the ring. The ref tries to maintain order and it settles down. Strike Force works the arm of the Berzerker. Biff jumps up on the apron and the ref waves off a tag as Solo remains in the ring, jumping around like a nut. Williams runs outside the ring and takes Indeed down. Solo sees this but the Berzerker hits him from behind. Biff distracts the ref again as Williams pulls out a pair of handcuffs and he handcuffs Indeed to the ropes. Solo is getting beaten down 2 on 1 now as Biff is shielding the referee, who gets sent to the floor after Williams intentionally whips Solo into him. The ref is out as Williams hits Solo with a piledriver. He gets up and smiles, while the Berzerker HUSSes. Williams and Berzerker flip Indeed so he is inside of the ring. Indeed is in the corner and Curtzerker is beating him down. Outside of the ring, Biff approaches Solo, who reaches under the ring. Biff is at Solo’s side but gets kicked. Biff tumbles back as Solo gets a cup of special brew!!!! He drinks it down and perks right up. In the ring, Berzerker sets up for the HUSS Rush. He charges but Solo leaps on the apron and kicks him away! Solo then springboards and takes Williams out with a flying forearm! Berzerker charges again but gets backdropped to the floor. Solo gets up but Williams hits him from behind. The referee is coming in as Biff desperately tries to get Berzerker up. Williams whips Solo, who ducks an attack and hits a flying forearm!!!!!! Biff is on the apron but Solo hits him with a flying forearm as Biff falls on top of Berzerker. The fans go nuts as Solo heads up top and drops an elbow. He covers and its one…………two……………….THREE!!!!!!!! Girls in Cars is blaring through the arena as we have new Tag Team Champions!!!!!!! Indeed is still cuffed but attempts to highstep and pump his fist anyway. Assistant GM Justice Gray, flanked by Rockstar Gary & Big D, comes out to the ring waiving his hand. What is this about? Justice asks for the mic:

“I come out here with something very important to say. As you all know, before the show began, we drug tested our competitors. We had an anonymous source tell us that their might have some illegal substances consumed tonight. As a result, we put in a rush request to detect several samples. One of those samples, came back positive. The person who tested positive has been Mar Solo. So, as a result, Strike Force’s win does not count and Curtzerker remains the Tag Team Champions. Also, Mar Solo, you are ordered to 30 days of inpatient treatment, which begins now.”

Several officials come out and take Solo away, who is in disbelief as his partner is confused. Biff then asks the officials to stop and points them to the ring. Biff then smirks and snaps his fingers as Curtzerker goes inside. Biff yells “You did this” at Solo as Williams beats on Indeed. Berzerker gets up for the HUSS rush. Solo tries to break free but fails as the Berzerker hits the HUSS rush!!!!! Indeed is in a world of pain. Berzerker then hits another HUSS rush as Biff yells at Solo “You should have sold. You should have sold.” Curtzerker finally leaves as Indeed is a mess in the corner, probably with broken ribs. Solo looks to be on the verge of tears as officials run out to saw off the cuffs. Biff casually drops the key in the aisle and leaves with Curtzerker as Solo is being dragged away. That god-damn Biff Kensington made sure his team won. Who will stop this evil man.

BoD World Title Match: kbjone vs. Hoss (c) w/ Biff Kensington

Hoss sizes Kbjone up as the chair is returned to ringside. Finally, they stand chest to chest, Hoss towering over the smaller man. Kbjone offers the handshake! Hoss considers for a long couple of seconds, and he shakes it! Sportsmanship from Hoss! Who would have seen it coming? They circle and lockup, and Hoss shoves him off with a roar. Kbjone comes back at him, but Hoss shoves him down again, and Kbjone rolls to the outside. He comes back in with a new plan, and they lockup again, this time Kbjone with a go-behind and a takedown. He grabs a front facelock and looks to chop this big tree down. Hoss up with elbows, he comes off the ropes, Kbjone with a drop toehold and he’s back to the front facelock. He maneuvers it into a wristlock, Hoss backs him into the corner, big elbow from Hoss! And now Hoss is in control. He chops away and whips Kbjone cross-corner, Hoss splash in the corner! 1,2, no. Hoss drops elbows and comes off for a big legdrop, misses! He shrugs it off and comes off again, misses again! Kbjone up with a quick superkick to put Hoss down, but Kbjone collapses before he can cover, that splash in the corner was rough. He gets back to his feet and lays in with stomps. He targets the knee of Hoss, looking to take out his leg. Slams the knee into the mat. Again! Wishbones the knee now, and Hoss is in pain. He transitions to a loose STF, but can’t get the whole move on because of the size of the World Champ. Hoss makes the ropes, forces the break. Kbjone holds on until the ref reaches 4, then breaks. He tries to drag Hoss back to the center of the ring, but Hoss kicks him in the face with the free leg to put him down. Hoss staggers back to his feet, hopping on the bad knee. He takes Kbjone to the corner and fires forearms, but Kbjone stops it with a kick to the knee. Kbjone heads to the top, he’s going for a tornado DDT, but Hoss throws him off! Kbjone flew halfway across the ring! Hoss is down to one knee again, trying to shake it out. He gets back to his feet and half walks, half hops to Kbjone. Suplex from Hoss! German suplex from Hoss! Belly to Belly suplex from Hoss! Hoss hits hard on the last one and has to crawl for the cover, 1,2, no! Hoss is showing some intestinal fortitude out there tonight. He looks to piledrive Kbjone, but the knee buckles and Kbjone gets him over for a backdrop! Phenomenal strength from Kbjone there! But he may have hurt his back, as he’s bent over in pain. He kicks Hoss in the knee a few times, and goes to the top, frog splash on the knee! Hoss is howling and Kbjone is in control now! He grabs the leg and now, we go to school! Figure-4 leglock! Ref is asking Hoss, Hoss shakes his head no. He grabs his hair in agony and resets himself, big right hand by Hoss floors Kbjone! What a hamhock that was! That breaks the figure-4, and both wrestlers are down. Hoss gets back to his feet, or foot we should say, and he’s going to try to end it here! He’s clearly in agony, but he gets Kbjone up for the Pants-Shitter, Kbjone is fighting it….Kbjone’s foot caught the ref! The ref is down! Pants-Shitter hits!! Hoss goes for the cover, but there’s no ref! He slams the mat in frustration, but he picks up Kbjone; he’s going to do it again! He tries for another Pants-Shitter, but his knee buckles under the pressure! Kbjone lands on his feet! Kick to the gut of Hoss puts him on his knees, Kbjone off the ropes, Shining Wizard! He hit it flush! Hoss is out! Kbjone bangs the mat 3 times, but to no avail! He looks outside the ring, sees his chair! Will he go for the chair? He’s wrestling with the decision as Hoss is barely conscious….he leaves the ring to get it….he changed his mind! He comes back into the ring without it! He’s going to try to win this thing without his chair. The ref and Hoss are still both down. Kbjone goes to the top, he’s looking for the 450! He sets it up…..wait, from the back, it’s Extant! He’s got the A+ title belt and he hits Kbjone across the back with it! Kbjone falls to the mat as Extant grabs the chair from the outside….chairshot to the head of Kbjone! Extant tosses the chair to the outside and exits the ring, walking to the back. He mouths the words “only because Biff told me to” to the camera as he makes his way up the ramp. Everyone is down now, Kbjone is out! Hoss and ref start to stir, and Hoss sees Kbjone prone on the mat. He looks confused, but he still loads him up….Pants-Shitter #2!!! Hoss is still shaking off the knee, but he gets the cover and the ref crawls over….1…2…3!! Hoss retains his title! Hoss is STILL your World Champion, but what a war! Biff is out now to celebrate, as he helps Hoss to his feet and hands him the belt. Hoss raises it into the air and turns….right as the BOD Tron shows the replay of Extant’s chairshot! Hoss turns to Biff, furious! Hoss leaves the ring under his own power, shouting at Biff the whole time. “I said I do this alone!!” Biff watches him go. What is going on with Kensington Enterprises?

And now, it is time for the BoD Rumble match. Here are the first two competitors, to the surprise of no one, #1 Andy PG and #2 John Petuka. Both guys are in and have a long staredown. They move closer and are face-to-face. Neither guy is budging then they start trading haymakers. The crowd goes wild as these guys are throwing down in the middle of the ring. Petuka whips Andy against the ropes but Andy grabs hold of the ropes and dares Petuka to come over. Petuka was his finger, as to say I am not falling for that. The bell sounds as #3 is the “Pride of Canada” PrimeTime Ten. He comes to the ring by himself as the Masked Mounties have hold of Cuppie somewhere in an undisclosed location. He enters and looks at both guys and ducks underneath the middle rope as they attempt to eliminate him. As PTT is doing hockey goal-scoring celebrations, Andy has Petuka halfway over the rope. PTT runs in and helps Andy out but Petuka lands on the apron and rolls inside. PTT and Andy slug it out as #4 enters and its Sexy Tanahashi of the Job Mob. He beats on Andy with PTT as they try to eliminate him. Petuka runs over and mixes it up with PTT while Sexy Tanahashi gets clotheslined by Andy, something you will not see on ST’s Periscope account. #5 is Kenny Reigns of the Upvoters as he runs in after slapping hands with the fans. That took a long time as #6 enters now and that is FunkDoc of the Educated Negro Ensemble. He is flanked by Night and X-Man. Reigns and Andy almost have Sexy Tanahashi eliminated but #7 is Four of the Job Mob and bails out his pal. The ring is getting filled as no one has been eliminated yet. WAIT A MINUTE!!! Our own Wade Michael Meltzer is backstage as a vehicle as crashed into the arena. Bobby Bayless was shaking the vending machine for some Rolos as he heads over to the vehicle and out comes Mike Mears! He stumbles out holding an empty 12 pack as the buzzer sounds. Bobby yells “Get in their, PAL!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA.” Mears walks through the curtain and thinks everyone in the ring harmed Art. #8 Mike Mears goes inside and sees FunkDoc and immediately hits him with a stunner! Mears stuns the Pride of Canada and is now hitting everyone with the stunner as the crowd goes wild! Mears falls down then gets up and tosses FunkDoc as FunkDoc has been eliminated. The rest of the ENE are livid as they yell at the ref how Mears was not part of the match. #9 “Distinguished” Devin Harris comes out and huddles with the rest of the ENE. As this happens, Sexy Tanahashi and Four toss out Kenny Reigns as Kenny Reigns has been eliminated. Mears gets up as DDH yells at him then the ENE come in from behind and toss Mears as Mike Mears has been eliminated. #10 is Tommy Hall and he goes right after Petuka.

#11 is WWF 1987 and he mixes it up Four. On the outside, Mears tries to fight off the ENE while the camera sees the van in the back as Marv is reading to the Crestling while the Duck draws up ring attire for 2004 Matt Morgan. #12 is Cultstatus and he is not happy. He runs in and out goes Sexy Tanahashi as Sexy Tanahashi has been eliminated. DDH and WWF1987 fight near the ropes as Mike Mears breaks free and rushes up on the apron and yanks the ropes down as DDH dumps outside and DDH has been eliminated. Mears fights off the ENE and runs through the crowd to celebrate but that is short-lived as he is quickly ambushed. Our first two entrants remain in the match but its not easy as PTT & Hall are trying to dump Andy while WWF1987 & Four try to dump Petuka. #13 is Kaptain Kiwi and he goes straight after PTT. Cult clotheslines Four over the top rope but he was able to skin-the-cat. #14 is Extant1979 and he helps Tommy from being eliminated. PTT tries to clothesline Andy over but gets backdropped to the floor as PrimeTime Ten has been eliminated. Petuka fights off Cult but runs into a big boot. #15 is the “Canadian Dream” Mister E Mahn, who crosses paths with PTT in the aisle. PTT calls Mahn “Daigle” and that he will never find Cuppie ever again! Mahn composes himself before running inside. WWF1987 attempts to toss Petuka but that fails then Petuka comes back to toss him over the top rope as WWF1987 has been eliminated. #16 is Robert Davis and he slowly enters and stares down Tommy Hall before beating him down. Extant1979 makes the save but Davis fights him off too! In the meantime, Cult dumps Kaptain Kiwi as Kaptain Kiwi has been eliminated. Four is beating on Andy in the corner as #17 is Shelton Benjamin and he ring is geting full, with nine competitors. Davis is getting beaten down by the Kensington guys. Four is still in the match and whips Andy but its reversed then Petuka uses Four’s momentum to send him over the top as Four has been eliminated. Andy and Petuka now stare at each other but any potential brawl ends with Extant & Hall attacking Petuka from behind. They almost have him over but Davis makes it his mission to piss off anyone in Kensington Enteprises and makes the save. The buzzer sounds for #18 but no one comes out. THE LIGHTS ARE NOW OUT. They come back on and its………………….ARCHIE STACKHOUSE!!!!! And he has Tommy Hall pressed above his head. Archie takes a few steps then tosses Tommy to the floor as Tommy Hall has been eliminated. Extant backs off but end up bumping into Davis, who puts him on his shoulders and dumps outside as Extant has been eliminated. #19 is Stuart Chartock of the Job Mob. He goes after Shelton Benjamin and starts firing away. Both Andy and Petuka remain in this match as they were the first two entrants. Both are starting to wear down. #20 is Hart Killer and he goes after Mister E Mahn. Andy once again escapes elimination as Cult nearly took him out. Archie Stackhouse now works over Cult while Petuka and Davis are going at it in the corner.

#21 is DBSM, Master and Ruler of the Maude Squad. Hart Killer and Chartock are trying to dump Andy as Petuka runs over and knocks them all out but while Hart Killer & Chartock fall outside, Andy grabs on to the ropes and makes it back inside as Hart Killer and Stuart Chartock have been eliminated. The lights go out again!!!!! We see a spotlight shine down and its our #22 entrant, Stranger in the Alps. He heads in and goes after DBSM. The Riverdale Boys are working in tandem against Cult, who manages to stay alive. #23 is Danimal Crossing, who hands out Chocolate Banana milk samples to the kids. Cult mixes it up then kicks Davis low before tossing him outside as Robert Davis has been eliminated. Archie sees this and runs over for a clothesline but his momentum takes both himself and Cultstatus out as #24 Jobber heads to the ring. Cultstatus and Archie Stackhouse have been eliminated. Jobber laughs at Cultstatus, pointing and making fun of him as several officials have to restrain Cult, the man who went the distance in the 2014 BoD Rumble. Jobber goes in and soon after that dumps Shelton Benjamin as Shelton Benjamin has been eliminated. #25 is Abeyance and he runs in and tosses out the Canadian Dream as Mister E Mahn has been eliminated. Andy must be getting a second win as he is able to toss out DBSM as DBSM has been eliminated. #26 is the Lonewolf himself, Bill Ray. He mixes it up with Danimal, who is keeping us all in suspense with news of a Potato Chip Week. Jobber chop blocks Petuka then runs over to hit Andy with a knee to the back. Jobber is picking his spots out there. #27 is Camp Cleveland’s Mikey, who goes after Danimal and takes him out with a clothesline as Danimal Crossing has been eliminated. Abeyance and Jobber are going at it, as are Stranger and Bill Ray. Both Andy and Petuka are here and appear to be coming to blows but Jobber tries to toss Petuka, who hands on as #28 Biscuit comes out to the ring, freshly cleared by both BoD Medical Director Miss Diagnosis and Donny from American Legion Post #251 in Robbinsdale, MN. #29 is TatR and he runs right after Mikey. TatR hits him with a super kick as Mikey is on the mat. Abeyance is now softing up Andy and gets him close to being over but Andy is on the apron. Abeyance tries to clothesline him off but Andy ducks and now tries to suplex him out. Abeyance manages to land on the apron were they are now fighting. #30 comes out and it is Jef Vinson, complete with his valets. Abeyance tries to kick Andy off the apron but it fails then Andy hits an uppercut and kicks the ropes as Abeyance loses his grip as Andy knocks him to the floor as Abeyance has been eliminated. Abeyance gets up and boots the guardrail hard, scaring the children in the front row. Abeyance then takes the chair and folds it up and motion like he is going to go inside but instead tosses it against the post before leaving.

Nine men are now left in the match and just one of them will head to BoD Mania to get a shot at the title. That is now eight as Jobber tosses Bill Ray as Bill Ray has been eliminated. Vinson, who has been rather nonchalant here smashes Biscuit’s head off of the turnbuckle. In the corner, Mikey and Stranger mix it up. Biscuit appears to be quite dazed here as Vinson now tosses out TatR as TatR has been eliminated. Mikey and Stranger are still going at it but Jobber sneaks over and manages to dump them both out as Mikey and Stranger in the Alps have been eliminated. Andy and Jobber are brawling as are Petuka and Vinson. Biscuit is in the corner throwing European Uppercuts to no one in particular. Vinson reverses an Irish whip as Petuka collides with Biscuit, who is down again on the mat. Jobber shoves Andy aside and runs over to help up Biscuit, who thinks he is Eddie from the Legion. Jobber plays along and tells Biscuit he needs to get a Boilermaker and escorts him near the ropes where he proceeds to flip him over as Biscuit’s head whacks the mat as Biscuit is eliminated and we are down to our final four: Andy PG, John Petuka, Jobber, Jef Vinson.

Final Four: Everyone rolls to a corner and they eye each other, knowing that the end is close. Petuka and Andy are both exhausted, but they’re ready, while Vinson is still fresh and Jobber is probably high. Petuka and Andy stare at each other, share a nod of respect, and they charge Vinson and Jobber! Andy with Jobber and Vinson with Petuka. Vinson and Petuka battle it out in the corner, Petuka sends Vinson’s head to the buckle, backs up, looking for a charge, Petuka splash in the corner misses! Vinson rolled out of the way! Meanwhile, in the other corner, AndyPG is taking it to Jobber with rights, but he can’t get him over. He DDTs him instead, and now the only two men left standing are AndyPG and Jef Vinson, and the crowd goes crazy as they slowly approach each other in the middle of the ring….here we go! They’re firing at each other, fists and fire! Andy with the Irish whip, he clobbers Vinson with a clothesline! Vinson goes down! Andy won’t let up, nailing Vinson on the mat. He attempts to toss him, but Vinson puts on the brakes. Knee to the gut of Andy, and now Vinson attempts to toss Andy! Andy goes over the top, but he landed on the apron! Vinson thinks he got him, he poses for the crowd while his valet attempts to pull Andy off the apron, but Andy shrugs her off and springboards back in with a flying clothesline! Vinson and Andy are back to battling it out while Jobber and Petuka are trying to get to their feet. Vinson rakes Andy’s face and gets a flying knee to put Andy down. Vinson looks at the exhausted, prone AndyPG and smiles. He gets down in Andy’s face: “I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS MOMENT, ANDY!!!! REMEMBER WHEN IT ALL ENDED FOR YOU!!” He tries to toss Andy, but Andy reversed it! Vinson goes flying and lands on the apron, barely hanging on to the top rope looking slightly dazed, as Andy gets a running start….superkick to Vinson on the apron!! Jef Vinson has been eliminated! He will not repeat as the BOD Rumble winner! Andy stares down at him on the floor, a smile on his face. He turns around, but John Petuka is standing there! PETUKA BAZOOKA is reversed into a backstabber by Andy! The crowd is crazy for AndyPG! Andy goes to toss Petuka, but Petuka hangs on! He won’t let his dream go either! Andy’s trying to get him over, he’s almost got him….Vinson is still at ringside! He grabs Andy by the leg and won’t let go! Andy releases John, who staggers over to the corner, and turns to Vinson! They’re both screaming at each other as Andy tries to get himself free, kicking at Jef….wait, Jobber123 is coming up from behind! Turn around, Andy! Andy finally gets free of Vinson and turns around….Jobber with a big clothesline! NO! AndyPG has been eliminated, mostly thanks to that sore loser, Jef Vinson! Vinson backs away from the ring with smirk on his face as Andy looks up, knowing that his dream is over. He points at Vinson and gives chase, but Vinson’s valet is there! She sprays hairspray into the eyes of AndyPG! Vinson laughs as Andy goes down, then he pulls up the mats outside, good lord no….he piledrives AndyPG on the concrete floor!

And it all comes down to this. The #1 man, John Petuka, against the diabolical Jobber123. Jobber is back to his feet as the crowd chants Petuka’s name. Jobber laughs and fires rights at Petuka, who can barely stand. Jobber stands him up and looks for a Michinoku Driver, but Petuka reverses! PETUKA BAZOOKA!! Both men are down in the middle of the ring! Petuka finally staggers to his feet and he says that’s it! He looks to toss Jobber, but from the back, it’s the Job Mob! Well, it’s Four and Sexy Tanahashi, and Sexy is carrying a 6-Man tag belt, this one the illustrious championship of Trinidad and Tobago. Petuka throws Jobber over the top….but he’s caught by Four! Meanwhile, Sexy Tanahashi is on the ring apron, running beltshot to John Petuka! Petuka goes down! Tanahashi jumps down, laughing as Four rolls Jobber back into the ring, who still barely knows where he is after that PETUKA BAZOOKA. Four shouts encouragement to Jobber, who gets back to his feet in the corner, pulling himself up. Meanwhile, a stretcher has been brought out for AndyPG, who hasn’t moved since the piledriver on the floor. Jobber sees a prone John Petuka in the center of the ring and looks outside, seeing Four and Tanahashi, and he laughs and gives them the thumbs up. They return the gesture….but wait! From the crowd! It’s KBJONE! He’s back and he’s got his chair! No one has seen him yet! Jobber gets Petuka up and gets ready to toss him….but Kbjone with a chairshot to the back of Four! Tanahashi turns, chairshot to the head of Sexy Tanahashi! Jobber shouts at Kbjone, but he took his eyes off Petuka! Kbjone smiles and points behind Jobber, who swallows slowly, turns around…..into an angry John Petuka! PETUKA BAZOOKA to Jobber! John staggers to his feet and picks up Jobber….he throws Jobber over the top rope!! Jobber123 has been eliminated!! JOHN PETUKA HAS WON THE BOD RUMBLE!!!

Petuka staggers against the ropes as the Job Mob is out on the floor. Kbjone gets in the ring….he embraces John! The Upper-Midcard Express are celebrating as streamers and confetti hit the ring, while Kbjone raises the hand of your BOD Rumble winner, John Petuka! Kbjone: “I told you John! It was all for you!!” Petuka smiles for the first time in over an hour, leaning against the shoulders of his former tag team partner. Petuka straightens up….will he point to the BODMania sign? No, he wants the spotlight! The arena goes dark! Spotlight! Petuka raises his hand….BANG! The banner is unfurled! “BODMania III….starring John Petuka” The prophecy of Petuka has come true! He raises his hand….he points to HIS sign!! The crowd goes BATSHIT!!! John Petuka WILL be your challenger for the BOD World Title at BODMania III!!! On this night, Petukamania (shirt now $29.99 in the BOD shopzone) is RUNNING WILD!! GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!!!