BoD Survivor Series

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Its the Survivor Series

We’re backstage with AndyPG lacing his boots when Kbjone approaches.

Kbjone: Andy! My old friend!

Andy warily backs away, kbjone laughs and sets his chair down.

Kbjone: Crazy, isn’t it? We’re tagging tonight, me and you! I mean, less than six months ago, I tried to knock your brains out of your head with a chair, and now we’re partners!

Andy: Yeah. Crazy.

Kbjone: Look, man, I just want to say from the bottom of my heart that I’m with you guys tonight. Nothing to worry about!

Andy: (Sighing) Dude, save it. I don’t trust you in the slightest and you know it. You’re in this match, yeah. And we’re going to get along because the last time I had to try to hold a team together, we lost it all. I have no intention of that happening again.

Kbjone: For sure, for sure! Look, I had a few foggy days here and there, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t understand; I do. We don’t have to be buds. (Whispering) But I gotta tell you, I kinda took a liking to that belt last week. I think I want to keep it now. (He produces the A+ Title and twirls it over his head.)

Andy: Great. (He gets up to leave)

Kbjone: Where are you going?

Andy: We’re down a tag partner. Didn’t you realize that yet? Davis can’t do it, he’ll get tossed in jail. I went to see Stackhouse, but he just said some vague shit about Riverdale and Uncle Caliber and something else I can’t remember. Dude is looney tunes. And Adams barely talks anymore, he just stared at me the whole time. Overall, I think I preferred Stackhouse. Anyway, I have to find someone who’s willing to stand against Biff and his boys tonight, and I’ve come up empty so far.

Kbjone smiles and gets up. He pats Andy on the shoulder; Andy jumps back into a fighting stance. Kbjone laughs.

Kbjone: No worries. I know just the guy. He’ll be ready.

Andy watches as Kbjone picks up his chair and the A+ Championship belt and walks out of the room, humming a tune as he walks. Andy watches him go, apprehensive.

Andy: This is going nowhere good, is it?

Survivor Series Elimination Match: Camp Cleveland & DDH & Funk Doc & Herb Kunzes & Hart Killer & Joe Dust & Fat Otters vs. Strike Force & Upvoters & Kyle Warne & Cabs & TatR & Shelton Benjamin & Dr. Facts & Onita100

X-Man and Night accompany their fellow Educated Negro Ensemble members for this match. It starts with Kyle Warne and Dock Muraco, who was upset earlier today after he claimed Kyle wouldnt know a four-star match if it hit him with a lariat then finished him off with an Ocean Cyclone suplex. True story. They mix it up as Dock works in six lariats but only two connected. Kyle comes back with an enziguiri then tags in TatR, who immediately goes for the IrriTatR but the ENE break that up. Shelton runs in for his lover friend and these four are brawling all over the place. They are outside now as the other ENE members joined in and the ref calls for the DQ, counting them out as they are both eliminated. The Fat Otters, which consist of Caliber Winfield and Paul Meekin, are in the ring beating on Dr. Facts. Caliber tries the Baconwaver but that fails as Matt Indeed tags in! He hits a pair of deep armdrags then highsteps and pumps his fist. Danimal tags and slaps hands with his team but that allows Caliber to hit him from behind. Meekin tags and sets up for the Apocalypse Meow but Danimal floats over and kicks him in the gut. Danimal brings Meekin into his corner as the rest of his team hit him with punches. Meekin is dazed and Danimal tags his partner Kenny, who hits a leg drop from the top and that gets the pin as the Fat Otters have been eliminated. However, Hart Killer runs in and hits an Ace Crusher and that gets the pin as the Upvoters have been eliminated. The Upvoters leave but not before slapping hands with their teammates and opponents, who are shocked. WWF1987 is in with Dr. Facts, who takes control. Dr. Facts gets nearfalls with a missile dropkick and a backbreaker. He heads up top again but Mikey shoves him off as Hart Killer distracted the referee. Mikey tags and hits the A.A. for the pin. Cabs is in and he hammers away. He tags his partner who almost puts Mikey away but gets caught with an A.A. then WWF 1987 tags and hits a moonsault for the pin as Strike Force are against three teams. Mar Solo chugs some quadrupule dark roast before hitting Redstorm with a flying forearm and the pin! Joe Dust enters and tries to corral the King of Caffeine but he cannot keep him still. Mar Solo is taking out everyone. He heads up top and takes everyone out with a flipping senton as Matt Indeed is highstepping in the ring. Back inside, Mar tags his partner after hitting a flying forearm on Joe Dust and Indeed makes him submit to the Boston Crab as we are down to Camp Cleveland vs. Strike Force and they are brawling. Mikey heads over to the coffee pot as Mar runs at him. Mikey also pours himself a cup. Mikey rolls inside and tosses the pot at Mar, who catches it, then the ref orders him back as Mikey tosses coffee into the face of Indeed!!!!!!!!! Good god!!!!!!! WWF1987 covers and the ref turns around and counts to three as Camp Cleveland are your survivors. Mar Solo checks on his partner.

Back in another corner, Matthew Maynard Adams is obsessively watching the end of his match with Hoss at Hell in a Cell. He continually rewinds the tape back to the moment where Kensington interferes. Wade Michael approaches.

Wade Michael: Matthew, if I could have a moment. Ever since you returned to the BOD clean and sober, you’ve shunned partners and made it clear that you’re on your own. Why did you agree to this 5 on 5 match tonight?

Adams turns and stares at Wade. Wade swallows and presses on.

Wade: Matthew, are you searching allies to help if you have another match with Hoss in the future? Is it possible for one man to defeat Kensington while they remain so strong?

Adams looks down at Wade, pauses, and turns to look at the monitor again…superkick by Adams into the monitor! It explodes in a shower of sparks! He turns back to Wade.

Adams: Judgment.

Adams walks past Wade, who just sighs.

Survivor Series Match: Kaptain Kiwi & Biscuit & Mister E Mahn w/ Cuppie & Logan Scisco & Ioan Morris vs. DBSM w/ The Posse & “Happening” Harry Broadhurst & PrimeTime Ten & “Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle & Kyle Conner

Before the match, we are treated to two more Harry Facts:

#245: Harry does not let ISIS threats ruin his plans

#876: Harry believes adults who drink strawberry Quik are odd

Wonderful. Match starts with the recently concussed Biscuit against PTT, who yells at the fans chants of “You are Daigle.” Biscuit uses a firemans carry before working the arm. PTT tries a counter but Biscuit one-ups him and almost slaps on the Stump Puller until PTT escapes and tags DBSM, who tells Kiwi that the Anchor Cheese Sponsorship deal is his. Kiwi gives him the Garea Death Stare then yells at Biscuit to tag him in but that concussion has apparently impaired his ability to hear. Biscuit takes it to DBSM, who reverses an Irish whip and hits an elbow smash to the head. Biscuit rolls away from a senton then tags Kiwi. DBSM immediately escapes to the floor and is consoled by Mark–Linn Baker and the guy who played Waldo from “Family Matters.” Kiwi stares at DBSM, who enters but tags Perri. The Marvelous one is looking to get back on track here in the BoD as Kiwi takes him down with a hip toss. Kiwi works a side headlock now then wrenches it on as he takes him to the mat. After six minutes, Kiwi breaks the hold and tags Ioan Morris, who grapevines the leg and tries for a submission but Conner breaks that up. Conner tags himself in and goes after Ioan. Conner tries a crossbody but Ioan rolls through that and gets the pin! Conner is pissed as Broadhurst runs in and puts the boots to Ioan. He whips him against the ropes as Conner trips Ioan, who turns around but Broadhurst hits him with a lungblower and gets the win. Conner then drags Ioan out and sends him into the railing. They fight as Mister E Mahn beats on Broadhurst. Perri tags but Mahn catches him with an Uranage into a backbreaker and that gets the pin. DBSM hits Mahn from behind and goes to work. Scisco tags and fires away but shortly after that gets elbowed in the face. DBSM yells “This is for you, Maude” before hitting a brainbuster for the pin. Biscuit is in and uses a knee lift. He tries to put DBSM in the Stump Puller but Harry Broadhurst breaks that and gives the #1 sign to the crowd. Biscuit is now trapped in the wrong corner. They ram is head into the corner and he looks to be out. The ref runs in and checks on Biscuit before ringing the bell and rules Biscuit medically unable to continue. Biscuit gets told then tosses the ref to the floor and tries to attack his opponents but gets outnumbered. Mister E Mahn and Kiwi run in and make the save as we get a brawl. PTT, the legal man, goes for a reverse rollup on Mister E Mahn but that gets reversed and Mahn gets the win. PTT is irate as he heads out. He sees Cuppie dancing and slowly walks towards him and attacks him from behind!!!!! PTT is kicking the shit out of the mascot. Mahn sees this as PTT is dragging Cuppie away! He chases as PTT has him backstage. Mahn chases after and gets counted out. Back inside, Kiwi is beating on Broadhurst. DBSM runs in for the attack but Kiwi backdrops him. Kiwi looks to put Broadhurst in the Garea Stretch. DBSM takes the bat from Steve Decker, who jumps up onto the apron. DBSM Takes the bat and whacks Kiwi in the back!!!! Broadhurst falls on top and the ref turns around to count as the man who never jobs gets the win!!!!!! DBSM is with his Posse while Broadhurst reminds us how he never does the job.

Biff Kensington stands with Kensington Enterprises behind him.

Biff: Stackhouse. AndyPG. Kbjone. And….Matthew. Maynard. Adams. Let me tell you all something that you should already know. Tonight, you face the greatest array of talent in BOD history. Tonight, you face the might of Kensington! The writer’s champion, Tommy Hall! The tag team champions, Curtzerker! The A+ Player’s champion –

Extant1979: And victim of thievery!

Biff: Yes, a man who had what was rightfully his taken from him, Extant1979! And, of course, the ice cream eating, big enough to need double seating, vocabulary master, master of disaster, the World Heavyweight Champion, HOSS! Tonight, we settle all our accounts with all of you! Tonight, Kensington reminds the BOD WHY we are the tightest unit (Curtzerker both giggle and Biff shushes them) in the history of this pathetic company! We are champions! And we will be victorious tonight!

Extant: (grabbing the mic from Biff) AND we’re getting my belt back!

Biff: (grabs the mic from Extant, frowning) Biff has spoken!

And now, a message from Stranger in the Alps about the BoD Network:

Director: Okay, and go

Stranger: Before that, I’d just like to say how nice it was to visit the kids and teach them about synergy. You know, the kids are our future. And we should be role models. You know whenever I help them out, I pay for the food, because I am a generous guy. If you come over on donair night, you grab a plate and sit down. Maybe take one home for your sick brother and if you remember, bring back the tupperware. But that;s okay. If your grandmother wants a picture, I will take one but nothing weird.

Director: We have a Network to sell that is run by a moron who thinks the Indians showed the Pilgrims how to make spaghetti and meatballs. Lets stick to the script so I can go home and have an excuse to drink.

Jimmy: Please, Stranger, so you can get paid.

Stranger: Well, if its for the Little Strangers, then I will do it.

There’s a stir in the arena…Yes! Making his way to a private skybox is the former World Champion, Jef Vinson! Accompanied by his lovely valet, showing no visible injuries, and wearing the finest clothes he looks to the crowd and waves. Wade Michael is there with the interview

Wade: Jef Vinson, it’s been several weeks since we’ve seen you in the BOD. Would you care to put to rest the rumors that have dogged you for the last several weeks? What about the news that just came out this week that you’ve been dropped by several sponsors in exchange for the up and coming grandson of Pedro Morales?

Vinson: Wade, rumors are just that – rumors. Look around you? Do I look like anything is wrong? The fact is that there are plenty of people who want to be in business with the greatest World Champ the BOD has ever seen! Forget the losers who don’t see the vision; the fact is, they don’t see the VINSON! Now, while I know you’re well aware that I will return to action next week on BOD Raw, so for right now, I’m here to enjoy the show and hopefully see Kensington get what they richly deserve. After that, there’s only one goal – The BOD Rumble, where I will reclaim my rightful status as THE #1 contender to what is rightfully mine! Now get out of my skybox!

BoD World Six-Man and U.S. Six-Man Tag Titles Match: Job Mob (c) vs. ???

And here come the mystery opponents: Trunk Barlow & Roth Munson & Bop Watkins. Three jam-up guys. Jobber is now at ringside, sparking up a joint. Match starts with the Job Mob destroying their inferior opponents as Jobber laughs. Each Job Mob member grabs two title belts and give Belt-Claps to the heads of their opponents. Sexy Tanahashi immediately grabs all six belts and celebrates while Four puts Munson away with the Sweet Chin Music. Where have I seen that before?

Archie Stackhouse and Robert Davis are in the boiler room. Davis speaks.

Davis: Biff, you continue to play an elaborate game of hide and seek with me, don’t you? Even now, you cling to the idea that some piece of paper will save you from righteous hellfire! There is nothing that will stop me, Biff. My mentor-

Archie: No, Robert. I am no longer your mentor. You have surpassed being addressed as my student. You are your own man, Robert Davis. I fight WITH you, as a brother. And it is in that spirit of brotherhood that, even though I know how much you desire to bathe in the blood of Biff, that time will come soon. Tonight, Biff tastes the first part of the vengeance to be visited upon him for the breaking of our Covenant. And that vengeance is mine.

Davis: I shall watch as the glory of Riverdale is visited upon him with blinding rays of violence. It will soothe me briefly, but you know I cannot wait much longer.

Archie: All in good time, my brother. All in good time. As for you, Kensington; Welcome to Hell. Welcome….

Davis: ….to the end.

Lets check in with the Men With Macklin:

Duck: Did you see Survivor Series last night? Ryback looked great in blue and orange.

Marv: I saw the main event and it was shit. I know who would have loved it but I forget his name already.

Duck: The main event made me sad.

Mears: You know what? Fuck Luther Head. He always was overrated.

Marv: I don’t know who that is?

Mears: Hey, the fan belt is fixed.

Marv: That is wonderful.

Duck: I am happy now.

We hear the music of Kensington Enterprises! It’s time for our main event of the evening! Led to the ring by Curtzerker, which causes the ‘HUSS’ section to go WILD, with Extant and Tommy Hall in the middle and Hoss bringing up the rear, while Biff is escorted to the ring by armed police guards.

“WELCOME TO HELL! WELCOME TO RIVERDALE!” echoes over the speakers as Archie Stackhouse makes his way to the top of the ramp, staring down Biff and the rest of Kensington. He slowly removes his Lettermen’s jacket as the music of AndyPG hits. He walks out and stands next to Stackhouse, noticeably keeping some distance. And there’s the music of Kbjone, who comes out through the crowd to the top of the ramp, chair in one hand and the A+ Player’s title in the other. Extant is SEETHING in the ring as the rest of Kensington tries to hold him back as Kbjone taunts him with the belt. No music, but here comes Matthew Maynard Adams, who doesn’t look at anyone but Hoss. The four of them stand at the top of the ramp, and Biff has a mic.

Biff: Couldn’t find another guy, could you? I guess it’s 5 on 4, then. Come on down, boys!

Kbjone gets a mic of his own.

Kbjone: Biff, Biff, Biff. Hey Extant, just for the hell of it, I pawned the belt for a couple of days to buy some scented candles. I just wanted to see what I could get for it! But don’t worry, I got it back. Look, it even has a new nameplate!

He shows the camera that the nameplate has been replaced – it now reads ‘Kbjone, better than Extant’ in small letters. Extant is even more furious, if that’s possible. ‘THAT’S MINE!’ he screams at Kbjone, who smiles and raises the mic again.

Kbjone: But hey, enough about me and my new belt. I found ourselves another partner! It’s an old buddy of mine, and I know he’s just itching for some main event time!

He gestures to the stage….the lights go out! SPOTLIGHT! There he is! IT’S JOHN PETUKA! He walks out with Peyton_Drinking in tow, they seem to be arguing with each other….Peyton shrugs his shoulders and goes back to the back! Kbjone smiles at Peyton and gives him a little wave goodbye as Petuka joins the other 4 on stage (Wearing his Petukamania shirt, oddly now raised in price at BOD Shopzone to $29.99), head bowed…bang! The sign is unfurled! “BODMania III….starring John Petuka” He takes a deep breath….HE POINTS TO THE SIGN!! The crowd is RABID for Petuka! He nods to Kbjone; for one night only, it looks like the Upper Midcard Express will ride again! And they rush the ring! The fight is on!

Kensington Enterprises (Hoss, Extant, Curtzerker, Tommy Hall) vs Archie Stackhouse, AndyPG, Kbjone, John Petuka, and Matthew Maynard Adams

The referee calms everyone down and it looks like Andy and Extant are going to start us off. Extant doesn’t want Andy, though, he points at Kb and DEMANDS he get in the ring! Andy shrugs and makes a hesitant tag, and we’re off! They lockup and Extant gets a headlock, shoots him off, drop toehold takes Kb to the mat. He floats over into a front facelock and puts the badmouth on him. “You thief! Common scum! Educate yourself so you don’t steal the property of others!” Kb gets back to his feet and elbows out. He sends Extant to the corner, but his charge hits the buckles as Extant ducks out. Extant kicks him in the gut and gets a suplex. Extant picks him up, and tags in Tommy Hall. Tommy grabs an arm-wringer, ducks a back elbow by Kb and gets a belly-to-back suplex. Tommy goes to the second rope….elbow misses! Kbjone dives for his corner, tag to Petuka! He comes in and sends Tommy off the ropes, lariat by Petuka! Picks up Hall…PETUKA BAZOOKA! 1,2,3! Tommy Hall has been eliminated by John Petuka!

Curtis next in and he charges, powerslam by Petuka! He tags in AndyPG, who goes to work with stomps. He targets the knee, off the ropes, legsweep by Curtis puts Andy down. He drags Andy back to the Kensington corner and tags in Berzerker, and the Huss section is louder than ever as they go to work on AndyPG. Curtis to the top, Demolition Decapitation! 1,2, no! Andy is still in this thing! Tag to Hoss, who comes in and wails on Andy with huge rights. He sends Andy to the corner and looks for a running splash…misses! Andy crawls over to make the tag, and it’s to Kbjone! He comes in but Hoss puts him down immediately with a big left hand. Extant wants the tag now, and Hoss obliges him. Extant in to put the boots to Kbjone, loads him up, brainbuster! Extant isn’t satisfied, though, and tosses kbjone to the floor. He distracts the ref and Curtzerker sends him to the announcer’s table while kbjone’s team protests. Kbjone shakes it off, Extant comes off with a double axehandle, but kbjone moves! He stumbles over to the timekeeper’s table…he’s got the A+ belt! He LEVELS Extant with it! That’s going to result in a DQ, it looks like, yes! Kbjone has been disqualified!

But he doesn’t seem to care! He nods to Petuka on the apron and walks away, whistling as he carries his chair and the stolen title belt. Extant starts to stir and sees Kbjone leaving with rage in his eyes….he’s chasing kbjone down the aisle! He catches him at the top of the ramp, and they’re exchanging lefts and rights! The referee is counting, counting, Extant has been counted out! But that isn’t stopping them, and now Extant has the upper hand…he’s got kbjone’s chair! Chairshot to the head of Kbjone! Extant1979 has been counted out is the announcement over the loudspeakers, and he’s even angrier! Biff is beside himself as Extant grabs his belt and kbjone’s chair and disappears into the back.

So now we’re down to 4 on 3. Curtis comes back in, and so does Petuka. They exchange wristlocks, with Petuka getting the upper hand and wrenching it. He puts on an abdominal stretch and holds it, really cranking on it. Curtis is in pain, but he won’t give up. Biff is yelling instructions from the outside while Hoss and Berzerker are reaching for a tag. Petuka rides Curtis down the mat and transitions into a Koji Clutch…will Curtis tap…Berzerker comes in for the save. Petuka tags in Andy, who grabs a front facelock, reverse neckbreaker by AndyPG. He goes for the cover, but Biff pulls the referee out of the ring! The ref is furious….he tosses Biff from ringside! Biff is beside himself! Wait, from behind, Hoss is right behind AndyPG….Pantshitter from the World Champ! He puts Curtis on top and ref is back in the ring, 1,2,3.

AndyPG has been eliminated! Biff looks satisfied that his shenanigans worked, and now we’re 3 on 3.

Berzerker tags into the match and dares anyone to get in the ring….Stackhouse is in! Berzerker swallows, but looks determined and they lockup. Stackhouse gains the advantage and whips Berzerker off the ropes, BIG shoulder puts him down! Stackhouse continues to press the advantage as he tees off on Berzerker, culminating in the Switchblade Kiss! 1,2, Curtis breaks it up! The ref gets him out of the ring with a warning that if it happens again, he’ll be disqualified. Archie laughs at Kensington in the corner as he mounts the turnbuckles and rains lefts and rights down on the Berzerker. Archie with a swinging DDT! 1,2, NO! Berzerker JUST barely kicked out! Archie looks almost impressed. He sets him up on his shoulders for the Welcome to Riverdale Driver….but Berzerker floated over! Kick to the knee of Stackhouse! He tosses Archie to the outside and grabs the ref while Hoss and Curtis work him over on the outside…chairshot to the knee of Stackhouse! Petuka and Adams protest from the apron, but the referee didn’t see it! And now the ref is putting on a count…not this way….Archie is struggling to get back in the ring, his rust is showing….no! The ref counted to 10! Archie Stackhouse has been counted out! It’s 3 on 2 in favor of Kensington Enterprises

Berzerker is a little wobbly but he’s back on his feet and he and Petuka are back at it. Petuka fires at him, but Berzerker is fighting back hard. Wild clothesline by Berzerker misses, and Petuka sends him to the corner. Petuka charges, but Berzerker floats over….no! Petuka caught him! PETUKA BAZOOKA!! 1,2,3! Berzerker has been eliminated, to the disappointment of the ‘HUSS’ section. John Petuka has eliminated two men, and he’s ready to go…Hoss is back in!

Hoss shrugs off the fists of Petuka and gives a giant roar; big chop to Petuka! Petuka may be too tired, Hoss is fresh. Hoss gets a German Suplex! Another! A third! Petuka is loopy! Hoss sets him up…Pantshitter! He tags in Curtis…frog splash! 1,2,3! John Petuka has been eliminated!

So now we’re down to 2 on 1, as Matthew Maynard Adams, who hasn’t entered this match yet, slowly climbs into the ring. He stares at Curtis, who swallows audibly and comes off the ropes with a crossbody, but Adams caught him! He’s locked eyes with Hoss, who isn’t intimidated at all, Adams swings him around, spinning uranage! Chokeslam! Piledriver! Adams might have killed him! The Adamsmasher is academic for the pinfall. 1,2,3. Curtis has been eliminated!

AND NOW WE’RE DOWN TO ONE ON ONE!

Hoss and Adams stare each other down in the center of the ring, and here we go! Hoss roars and fires chops as Adams fires rights and lefts. Adams gains the advantage, comes off the ropes, clothesline! Hoss doesn’t move! Hoss comes off the ropes, clothesline, Adams doesn’t move! Adams with a kick to the midsection, swinging neckbreaker by Adams! He signals for the Adamsmasher, but Hoss is up with shots to the gut and a back elbow that staggers Adams. He sends Adams to the corner and spears him in the corner! Again! A third time! Adams GOES DOWN! Cover, 1,2, no. Barely a 2 count there. Hoss lays into him with stomps, comes off the ropes, drops an elbow! Again! Hoss wants the Pantshitter, he loads Adams up….Adams fights out! He kicks Hoss in the knee, and now Biff is running in from the back….but he’s got no security! He forgot his security! You know what that means….Robert Davis charges from the back to chase after Biff! Biff scrambles over the barricade and takes off with Davis brandishing Jughead right behind him! Meanwhile, back in the ring, Hoss goes to the eyes and looks for the Pantshitter again, but Hoss reverses! Flatliner by Adams! He’s got Hoss up….ADAMSMASHER TO HOSS! 1,2,3!! ADAMS IS THE SOLE SURVIVOR! ADAMS HAS PINNED THE WORLD CHAMPION!

Adams, as usual, doesn’t wait for his hand to be raised; rather, he goes to the outside and looks underneath the ring. He pulls out a table! He pulls out a ladder! He tosses both in the ring and grabs the World Title and a steel chair and heads back in to stare at the unconscious Hoss. He drapes the table and the ladder over Hoss with the chair on top of it. Adams stares at the title belt…he wants a mic!

Adams: Table. Ladder. Chair. (Pause, then he tosses the title belt on top of the prone Hoss) Challenge.

Adams has just laid down the challenge for TLC!! What will happen on BOD Raw? Tune in next week!!