BoD Night of Champions

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Before the show, a long stretch limo pulled up to the BOD arena, and that’s the whole of Kensington Enterprises! Biff exits the limousine with 2 large security guards, followed by the Writer’s Champion Tommy Hall, the Tag Team Champions Curtzerker, the A+ Champion Extant1979, and the World Heavyweight Champion Hoss. The gold standard of the BOD survey the arena with their title belts over their shoulders, and Wade Michael comes into frame.

Wade: I’m standing here with Kensington Enterprises. Biff, do you have any words heading into tonight’s big Wargames event, where all the titles are on the line?

Biff: (Grabbing the microphone from Wade) First off, don’t shove that thing in my face. I’ll talk when I’m ready to talk. For right now, know this; Vinson and his moronic associates have made the biggest mistake of their lives. By the end of the night, they’ll never see these titles again! You can talk to me later, I have business to discuss! (He throws the mic on the ground and pulls out his cellphone; we hear him faintly as he’s walking away.) Did the plane land yet? It better have; I didn’t pay for a charter for them to be late! Get them in the car and….(Extant puts his hand over the lens and we hear the camera hit the ground, then….static)

Tonight, the group of superstars most wronged by Kensington Enterprises and their reign of terror over the BOD get their chance for vengeance; but it comes at an almost unfathomable price. Tonight, it’s either time for Kensington to pay for their sins, or time for them to shut the door forever on Jef Vinson, Abeyance, AndyPG, Kaptain Kiwi, and Robert Davis. Tonight….it’s all on the line in WARGAMES. Tonight, on BOD Night of Champions!

BoD C-List Title: “Happening” Harry Broadhurst vs Bill Ray (c)

Harry Fact #103: Harry prefers apples with chunky peanut butter, not creamy; Harry Fact #104: The series finale of Parks and Recreation was more satisfying than the finale of Sons of Anarchy; and, of course, Harry Fact #1: Harry NEVER DOES THE JOB! Harry hits the ring with all the confidence of a man who has never done the job. And here comes Bill Ray, the C-List Champ! “Hey Harry, I hear you never do the job? Well, let me tell you son, there’s a first time for everything. And tonight, it’s going to be your first time, and I’m more than happy to be the one to bust that cherry!”Bill Ray drops his bat and title and rushes the ring! The bell rings and we have our very first title match! Bill Ray controls early with rights and lefts. He sends Harry off the ropes and puts him down with a clothesline, grabbing a side headlock. Harry shoots him off but Bill Ray runs right through him with a shoulderblock and gets a Side Russian legsweep. It’s been ALL Bill Ray in this match so far. He sends Harry to the corner and sandwiches him with a clothesline, and mounts for the 10 punch count. He gets to 9, climbs off, and slaps Harry! Harry looks enraged, but he misses a wild right and Bill Ray gets a suplex for 2. Bill Ray goes up….missile dropkick misses! Harry stumbles to his feet and Irish whips Bill Ray and hits him with a back elbow. Harry goes for the cover but gets a one count. He goes up, but Bill Ray has recovered and slams him off the top! Bill Ray is getting ready to finish this match, winding up the big lariat….gets it! DDT by Bill Ray! He heads up to the top rope again, looking for the diving headbutt….but he missed! Harry with a flatliner! He rolls over onto Bill Ray…1,2,3! Harry Broadhurst is the NEW C-List Champ!!! He grabs the title belt and holds it up! ‘HARRY NEVER DOES THE JOB!!!’ he crows in Bill Ray’s face as he heads to the back, title in hand!

In the back, we’re in the Kensington War room. Extant talks with Biff:

Extant: Boss, you sure about this? I mean, this is an awfully big risk. Plus, I don’t think that there’s any way we’re going to lose to these guys.

Biff: I didn’t get where I am by taking risks, Extant. (Phone rings) Yes? (Pause) What time? (He checks his watch) Alright, you do what you have to do to get here. You run red lights, you break any law, you do whatever is necessary! (He closes the phone.) I have every confidence in all of you, but it’s never a bad idea to get insurance, Extant. Did Hall get Hoss his ice cream for the post-show celebration? He’s been in the Ice Cream Depravation Chamber for a week; when I picked him up today, he looked a little wobbly.

Extant: Yes, I made sure that Tommy made the run earlier this afternoon.

Biff: Good. Hoss is the champ for a reason, Extant. Tonight, it’s Pants-Shitters for everyone and another Kensington Enterprises victory. (He pulls out his cell phone) Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have guests coming, and things need to be prepared.

Spotlight! Then, a second, smaller spotlight! That can mean only one thing….there he is! John Petuka (with the Petukamania! Shirt, now oddly raised in price on BOD Shopzone at $22.99) raises his hand, along with his new protégé Peyton_Drinking, who’s wearing his ‘Future King’ shirt (not yet available at BOD Shopzone, gotta win a few matches first) and we hear the bang! And there’s the banner! “BOD Mania III….with John Petuka” and….wait….a smaller bang! A smaller banner unfurls beneath the large banner! “And…..Peyton_Drinking!” The Future Kings POINT TO THE SIGN and make their way to the ring, and Peyton hands Petuka a mic.

Petuka: First off, I want to reiterate how unfair it is that I’m in this match in the first place. Matthew Maynard Adams hasn’t beat anyone! As far as I’m concerned, by protégé Peyton_Drinking here is a stronger contender than that moose; the Peyton Raygun is the 2^nd most devastating move in wrestling today! But I have to say, it’s nice that the back has recognized the talent of Petuka and put me back where I belong on PPV; and we’re going to ride that momentum all the way to the MAIN EVENT of BODMania III! So, with that in mind, I’ll take out this big ape tonight and continue my laser-like focus on becoming the BOD World Champion! So Adams, drag your fat ass out to this ring and taste the power of the PETUKA BAZOOKA!!!

John Petuka vs Matthew Maynard Adams

And there he is! Still with no music, Matthew Maynard Adams has appeared at the top of the ramp, calmly staring at Petuka and Peyton in the ring, starting his slow walk towards the squared circle. Petuka pats Peyton the back and stands his ground as Adams gets to the ring. Adams gets in the ring and Petuka attacks! A knee to the midsection, rights, lefts….but nothing seems to be fazing Adams! Petuka backs up slowly as Adams advances. He jumps from the ring, but Adams doesn’t give chase, just standing his ground in the middle of the ring. Petuka confers with Peyton and slides back in the ring. Finally, they lock up, Adams shoving him down. They lock up again, and Adams shoves him down again. Petuka slides back out and slams the mat in frustration. He takes a deep breath and comes back in and they lock up once more, and Petuka kicks Adams in the midsection and grabs a standing side headlock. Adams shoots him off and clotheslines him into a full somersault by Petuka. Adams picks up Petuka and gets an overhead suplex, holding him up there. And now, Peyton is on the apron, yelling at Adams. But Adams ignores him and continues to beat down Petuka; he sends him to the ropes again, but Petuka catches the top and stops the whip. Adams charges, but Petuka backdrops him out, and Adams is down for the first time. Petuka grabs the ref to complain about hair-pulling, which allows Peyton to put the boots to Adams on the outside. He sends Adams to the railing! Petuka gets a running start and hits a huge tope on Adams!Petuka poses back in the ring and tells the ref to count Adams out. Adams is stirring and Petuka begs the ref “COUNT FASTER, IDIOT!” Adams rolls back in at the count of 7, and Petuka stomps away. He chokes Adams in the corner and whips him to the opposite turnbuckle. He brings him out and wrings the arm, but Adams ducks the short-arm clothesline and gets a huge uranage! Both wrestlers are down and Peyton slaps the mat to stir Petuka; Adams gets to his feet. He picks Petuka up….Powerbomb! He goes for the cover, but Peyton is on the apron again, distracting the ref! Adams goes over and FLOORS Peyton with a huge right! He stares as Peyton falls, but turns around into a Petuka superkick! Peyton is back up standing, cheering Petuka on….referee tells him to get away from the ring….blatant low blow by Petuka! Adams goes down! Ref turns around, 1,2,no! Peyton looks satisfied on the outside….but wait! From the crowd, that’s kbjone! He’s got his chair and he smashes Peyton across the back! He picks Peyton up as Petuka stares and piledrives him on the chair! “I HELP JOHN, NOT YOU! IT’S ALL FOR PETUKA! WHO ARE YOU?!?! I AM JOHN’S SAVIOR!!” Peyton is OUT! Petuka screams at kbjone ‘what are you doing?’ kbjone turns and looks at Petuka and gives him a big thumbs up! “I DID IT FOR YOU, JOHN! IT’S ALL FOR YOU!” and he runs away through the crowd again! Petuka looks confused, but he signals for the PETUKA BAZOOKA….and he turns around into a standing and angry Matthew Maynard Adams! Adams grabs Petuka and hoists him up….ADAMSMASHER!!! 1,2,3! “Judgment…has been rendered.” Adams wins! He walks away from the ring without having his hand raised, leaving behind Petuka and Peyton out cold!

Street Fight: Camp Cleveland vs. Strike Force & Biscuit

Whoever gets pinned here is gone from the BoD for 60 days. On the ramp we have burned out cars, stuff pulled from a junkyard, and a glass window. This is going to be wild. The match starts on the ramp as everyone brawls. WWF1987 grabs a chain and attempts to wrap it around his fist but Matt Indeed stops him as they are slugging it out. White Thunder and Mikey Mike are working over an under-caffeinated Mar Solo until Biscuit runs over with a kendo stick for the save. Matt Indeed takes the chain as he wraps it around the neck of WWF1987. Thunder stops that then uses the chain to bust open Indeed. Mike is choking out Solo with his windbreaker until Biscuit makes the save there. Immediately after that, WWF1987 whacks Biscuit with a pipe on the back of the head as he drops. Jesus Christ. WWF1987 and Mikey pick up Mar Solo and throw him off of the car. Thunder is beating Indeed, who’s white windbreaker is soaked in blood. Its now 3-1 against Indeed as Solo is on the ground struggling to get up while officials check on Biscuit. Camp Cleveland picks up Indeed for the triple powerbomb but decide to stop as WWF1987 runs off as the other members of Camp Cleveland head over to Mar Solo. They beat on him for a while as Solo is busted open. Indeed is lying in a pool of his own blood and sweat as Biscuit is still down but at least able to lift his head. Solo tries to fight back but that fails as we see the Camp Cleveland bus being driven into the arena. WWF1987 hops out after parking it in the middle of the BoD Tron 100. Camp Cleveland drags Mar Solo near the bus. Thunder tosses Solo against it then boots him down. Indeed makes his way to one knee as his partner continues to get destroyed. Medical staff help Biscuit to his feet but he shoves them away!!!! Camp Cleveland are beating down Solo and have now dragged him in front of the glass window. They are signaling for the triple powerbomb!! Solo gets lifted up but Indeed and Biscuit run and take Camp Cleveland down from behind with chopblocks as everyone is down!!!!! This is chaos!!!!! Camp Cleveland is up first as Biscuit manages to grab the chain and tuck it into his fist. Mikey Mike heads over to Biscuit and picks him up but gets decked.! Biscuit is wailing away as Mikey is busted open. Thunder runs over and he gets attacked!!!!! WWF1987 charges and Biscuit backdrops him onto a car!!!!!! Biscuit is cleaning house, much like he did for the Robbinsdale VFW Softball Team. Strike Force is up and they are beating on Camp Cleveland, who are also busted open and bleeding. But don’t worry folks, BoD Wellness Policy blood tests all competitors before the show. Back to the match as Biscuit is going mental with his chain. The man, tormented and brutalized by Camp Cleveland, is reaching back with everything he has as tonight, he refuses to lose. Mar Solo uses his jacket to choke out Mikey but Thunder whacks him from behind with a car door!!!!! My god. Solo is probably out cold. Indeed tries a crossbody but WWF1987 ducks as he crashes and burns. Biscuit then takes WWF1987 and rams him into the bus. Thunder then attacks Biscuit from behind. Mikey joins as its 2-1 against the Midwestern Madman. Mikey slams Biscuit to the ground but Indeed charges and hits a high knee to take him down. Indeed and Mikey brawl near the end of the stage but here comes Solo charging along and he hits a flying forearm that sends Mikey and himself crashing down several feet!!!!!!! Indeed is staggering but Thunder boots him off as Indeed is out. WWF1987 and Biscuit are going at it until Thunder makes it a 2-1. They pick up Biscuit and torpedo him into the bus and after that drag him over to the window. Biscuit is held up by Thunder as WWF1987 grabs a 2×4. WWF1987 swings but Biscuit escapes as Thunder gets whacked. Biscuit then gets up and boots WWF1987 and takes the 2×4 before smashing it over his head. Biscuit turns around and sees Thunder staggering as he charges and SPEARS THUNDER THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW!!!!!!!!! Biscuit gets up, covered in blood, and puts Thunder in the Stump Puller. The officials are running over as Biscuit has the hold on, refusing to break and covered in blood. Officials are checking on Thunder as he is passed out and the match is over!!!! Strike Force and Biscuit gain revenge. But wait, Biscuit heads over to the Camp Cleveland bus. He starts it up and waits for Solo and Indeed to crawl up and finally get in as he closes the door and pulls away. With Thunder gone for 60 days, what will happen to Camp Cleveland?

Back with Kensington, Biff is down the hall, barely audible, on his phone again.

Biff: It’s done. You know what to do. I made it happen; now, I expect you to do your part. Yes. I already sent them over for you to look at; it’s ironclad. Don’t call me again.

BoD Six Man Title Match: Justice Gray & Rockstar Gary & Big D Wangston (c) vs. Job Mob

The former GM, Brian Bayless, had to abandon his 1/3 of the team in order to organize a bachelor party for GM Bobby Bayless, or Bob Swaggy as he is now called. The Job Mob’s newest member is a mysterious masked man who goes by “Four.” This is his debut. Rockstar Gary starts off and is barely able to perform. Well, status quo I suppose. Chartock works him over in the corner. Sexy Tanahashi tags and immediately goes for the cover as you know he wants those belts back. Gary kicks out then dodges an elbow drop as Justice tags in and takes control. Justice hits a suplex for a nearfall but ends up getting attacked by the mysterious Four, who then tags into the match. Four is hammering away on Gray, who eventually escapes and makes the tag to Big D!!! Four boots Big D down then drops an elbow as this man looks familiar but I can’t quite grasp who is under the mask. Four tags Chartock as he works a chinlock on the intoxicated superstar. Wait a minute, coming down to the ring is Jobber and he has a cooler. Behind him is Bobby Bayless Bob Swaggy. Jobber shakes hands with Swaggy, who responds with some moronic hand gestures passing off as fake gang signs. Back to the match as Chartock climbs up top but misses a leg drop as both men are down. Jobber is outside and reaches into his cooler for a brew and the pop of the top causes Big D’s eyes to widen as he gets up and makes the tag. Rockstar Gary comes in and he goes nuts. Gary is hammering away. Sexy Tanahashi runs in but gets booted down. Gray comes in and he spears Chartock through the ropes! Four heads outside and nods to Jobber then takes out two cans of beer. He heads to the ring and as Big D and Gary clean house, he rolls them each a brew. The two drunkards stop and pick them up as Four runs in and hits a running knee smash on Gary then lets Big D finish his can, which took 15 seconds, before kicking him in the gut and hitting a brainbuster for the win and the titles!!! Sexy Tanahashi runs over and immediately takes all three titles as Jobber briefly stops texting to acknowledge the title win with a polite golf clap. With the Six Man Titles in possession of the Job Mob, everything is back to normal.

In the parking lot, lets see how the Men with Macklin are spending their day:

Mears: (Hungover from tailgating) I need to drink more

Marv: (Rocking his little Crestling back and forth) Ok

Duck: I can’t wait to watch the 2003 Royal Rumble. When is that live watch again?

Macklin: Men, why has my return not inspired you all as I hoped? Nothing has changed. Hell, my return has inspired the Oakland Raiders to win. Yes, a team that drafted JaMarcus Russell #1 overall won a game. And why must we sit inside of this truck? There is a lot of stuff going on in the BoD that we need to fix. There is injustice and copious amounts of robothreads and posts about Kevin Owens. But besides that, why arent we doing any…………

(Crestling cries)

Marv: Jesus Art, see what happens when you get long-winded? How about we watch Parks and Recs.

Mears: Jerry’s PER sucked. Let’s watch something else

Duck: The 2003 Royal Rumble!

Mears & Marv: Sure

Macklin: Okay, this will suffice.

Backstage, we see the Jobber heading back to the car with the Job Mob trailing behind. Wade Michael Meltzer tries to run for an interview:

Wade: Jobber, just who is under the mask (Points at Four)

Jobber: Hey, dont answer that question. Wade, I like you but I have plans tonight. (Yells behind) Come on man, we dont want to be late. (Bob Swaggy runs up)

Swaggy: You Wade, you still watching dem fine-ass Joshi bitches.

Wade: I do not understand what you are saying.

Swaggy: Understand this you Opie from Mayberry looking motherfucka (Swaggy grabs his junk and does a pelvic trust before walking away with the Job Mob)

Wade: That was a -*** taunt. (Smarmy laugh)

Three Stages of Heck: “Pride of Canada” PrimeTime Ten vs. “Canadian Dream” Mister E Mahn w/ Cuppie

Stage One, Hockey Shootout:

The rules for this are simple: Each net contains a rubber goalie to block shots and at the end of 90 seconds, whoever scores the most goals wins. PrimeTime Ten is wearing his custom Wayne Gretzky jersey while Mister E Mahn is wearing an Alexandre Daigle jersey, to the delight of PrimeTime Ten, who according to our own Wade Michael Meltzer, stole all the jerseys in Mahn’s locker room and replaced them with Daigle’s. And the whistle sounds as the competitors shoot. The split screen is shown on the rather inexpensive BoD Tron 100 as it looks very close. PTT is yelling a lot as he is not scoring as much as he wants too in this competition. Cuppie is dancing and cheering on the crowd as Bob Swaggy is flipping him off at ringside. Hey, thats not nice! The clock is winding down as Mahn’s stick has broke. PTT is laughing as he squeaks by a few more goals before the final buzzer. The ref counts the goals and grabs the mic as he announces the winner, by the score of 17-14 is……………………PrimeTime Ten!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTT is celebrating, hockey style, then grabs the referee’s mic so he can boast about being right that Mahn is Alexandre Daigle. PTT laughs uproariously as we move on to stage two.

Stage Two: Joust

This is American Gladiators-style jousting here. They have three matches. Both competitors are ready to go. The first match is underway and they are battling. PTT with a wild swing but Mahn ducks and hits him back and that sends PTT off as Mahn takes match 1. They get ready for the second match as PTT is angry. He yells at Cuppie, calling him a joke. Mahn swings and hits PTT, who nearly drops but regains his balance. PTT then blocks Mahn’s shot and hits him low then in the face as Mahn drops to tie them up. Mahn took one right in the nuts. Ouch. Match three begins with a hobbled Mahn. PTT laughs and goes for the killshot but Mahn dodges and whacks PTT off and takes Stage two as its all tied up heading into the Lion’s Den match.

Stage Three: Lion’s Den Match

Before the match we see a man passed out in the den. He might be dead. The ref rolls him over and its just Smith Hart waking up from a bender. He leaves as the match begins. PTT and Mahn are trading haymakers to start. Mahn then sends PTT into the wall with a Northern Lights Suplex. Mahn is using knee smashes as Cuppie does the Medicine Hat Mamba in the small amount of dance space available for this venue. PTT fights back with another low blow then rams Mahn into the wall before applying a rear naked choke!!!! PTT is going ground-and-pound now. After a minute or two, PTT releases then uses a Boston Crab but Mahn fights out as Cuppie is cheering along. Mahn tries to get up and catches PTT’s kick attempt. Mahn gets up and yanks PTT down. Mahn locks on a crossface as PTT is doing everything he can not to tap. The basement door opens and down comes a fluffy white cat. He goes near the action but Mahn’s allergies act up and he breaks the hold. Mahn is sneezing and his eyes are swelling, allowing PTT to make a comeback. PTT then runs over to the cat and picks it up as he tosses it at Mahn’s face!!! Cuppie tries to intervene as PTT shoves Cuppie into Mahn then PTT piledrives Mahn onto the floor!!!!! He covers and gets the win. PTT Gets up and celebrates hockey style

We’re with Wade Michael and AndyPG

Wade: Andy, we’ve received reports that Vinson and Abeyance aren’t speaking to each other; how do you think this will impact your match tonight?

Andy: Vinson and Abeyance are both competitors, Wade. They’re professionals who will do the right thing, don’t you believe otherwise. The fact is, we’re all proud wrestlers, and we don’t have to like each other to be united; we are already united. By hate. By the universal disgust at the lengths that Kensington has gone to when it comes to stealing titles that we’ve bled for. Now, I’ve never been one to worry about titles; this is personal for me. Biff and rest of Kensington have brought this upon themselves, and this is about vengeance! This is personal to all of us. This is personal to Kiwi, to Davis, to me, to Abeyance, and to Vinson! And there’s not a man amongst us that will quit; I wonder how Kensington must feel to know that there’s no way that any of us will surrender to him. We may not all love each other, Wade, but there’s something that we all love to do; and that’s seeing the broken bodies of Kensington underneath us and the forces of justice prevailing again. So, don’t ask me about Abeyance and Vinson again; go ask Biff what he’s going to do when we take all the belts and leave Kensington Enterprises without a single title to their name!

Andy stalks off from the interview area. Wade watches him go, wide eyes.

Now, lets head back up to the Alps and hear all about the BoD Network!

Stranger in the Alps (Angry and sarcastic while wearing glasses): Oh boy, it is a Saturday night and I am just a cruiserweight whose thighs are too skinny for a date (Pauses, finds the power from within in order to continue this script). Oh, I just joshing y’all little buckeroos!!!!!!! I am just looking to relax and watch all of the BoD action, new and old, like the newly added BoD Worldwide archives. See the origins of Brian Nielsen, Yeehaw, and some other people who post three times a month.

Director: Cut!

Stranger: Listen, I am doing another take! You know something, I am a legend.

Jimmy the Agent: Its why they chose you for the job!

Stranger: Jimmy, shut it! The script is crap. Is this Bobby Bayless who thought this up. Oh, I’m sorry…………BOB SWAGGY (The most sarcastic way possible). Is that still a thing! I bet the genius behind that wrote this script too. (Tears up the script) I am done. I need a new hobby or something. Retiring is tough. I have a resume you know and if you havent heard I’m a wiz with the powerpoint. (Sees a light flash from the distance through the window) Did anyone else see that. (Calls out to his wife) Honey, can you make me a donair. Yes, there are others here too so they can have some. But can I have extra sauce? Please.

The cage is being lowered! IT’S TIME FOR WARGAMES!!

Biff leads Kensington out to the ring; the HUSS section goes wild at the appearance of the Berzerker! Hoss is looking wild, having been off his ice cream for a week. Biff still has his two bodyguards, presumably to protect him from Robert Davis.

And there’ s the music of Jef Vinson! The former world champ and his valet are at the top of the ramp, eyeing the cage with a satisfied look on his face. He turns and the rest of Vinson’s team comes out one by one; Kiwi, Davis, and AndyPG. A brief pause, and then Abeyance comes out, pointedly not looking at Vinson as they make their way to the ring.

Wargames: Kensington Enterprises vs Abeyance, AndyPG, Kaptain Kiwi, Robert Davis, and Jef Vinson

The cage door is opened at Biff’s side, and after a brief consultation, Berzerker enters the ring and roars; the HUSS section loses it! ‘HUSS!’ echoes throughout the arena as Vinson stares and turns towards his team. He nods….and AndyPG enters the ring! Looks like he got his wish. The bell rings for the first period, and we’re underway! Andy and the Berzerker circle each other warily as Biff shouts instructions from his side; Robert Davis glares from across the ring, cradling Jughead as Abeyance and Kiwi make sure that he stays where he is.Lockup, and Berzerker gains control. He sends Andy to the corner and levels him with forearms. Whip to the other corner, but a blind charge gets a boot to the face. Andy grabs Berzerker and sends him to the cage for the first time! Berzerker goes down as Biff screams at him. Andy picks him up and sends him to the cage again. He drops an elbow and picks Berzerker up; tosses him into the second ring. Andy goes to give chase, but Berzerker kicks the middle rope and Andy goes down in pain, falling into the second ring with him. Both wrestlers are down, but Berzerker gets to his feet. He hits Andy with forearms, and now Andy goes to the cage! Berzerker rubs him raw into the fence, and it looks like Andy might be busted open! Just a trickle, but he’s definitely bleeding. Biff laughs on the outside while Vinson cheers Andy on. Berzerker grabs Andy….belly to back suplex! Berzerker stands tall. He picks Andy up again, but Andy fires up! Rights and lefts from AndyPG stagger Berzerker! Andy gets a running start….big lariat from Andy! And now, he grabs Berzerker and sends him to the cage again; this time, it’s Andy with the cage wash! Berzerker staggers back, and we’ve got blood on both sides now! Andy looks up at the clock, which is counting down. 3,2,1….time for the coin toss! Biff and his bodyguards on one side, Vinson on the other; Kensington wins the coin toss! Andy sighs and stares at the Kensington door; here comes Williams! The other half of the tag champs is in, and he charges PG, but Andy gets a drop toehold! Curt gets to his feet and fires a wild right that Andy easily ducks; PG with a go-behind; German suplex! Andy goes to pursue as Curt stumbles into the first ring, but Berzerker is up and he gets Andy from behind with a clothesline to the back of the head. Berzerker tosses Andy over the ropes and the tag champs go to work.

AndyPG tries to fight back, but his cut has widened and the tag champs are taking turns teeing off on him. Williams ties him up in the ropes and they wear him out with kicks and fists. Berzerker bites at Andy’s forehead, opening him up even further. They continue to double team Andy, sending him off the ropes….they duck their heads and Andy gets a double DDT! Berzerker goes down, but Williams springs back up quickly and rips Andy’s head off with a lariat. All 3 wrestlers are down and the clock is counting down…..

The buzzer goes off and the door opens! Kaptain Kiwi is in! The former Anchor Cheese spokesman comes in firing on Williams! Bulldog! Jumping side headlock! FIVE MOVES OF SNOOZE time! He’s going to town on Williams! Looking for the Garea stretch, but Williams wiggles out and escapes to the next ring. Andy and Berzerker stir and start firing at each other again, both of them becoming bloodier with each shot. Meanwhile, Williams ducks a charging Kiwi and sends him to the cage. Side Russian legsweep by Curt puts Kiwi down, and he goes to help Berzerker on the other side of the ring. Double back suplex to Andy! They lay in the stomps and pull him to his feet, double Irish whip, but Andy ducks the double clothesline and Curtzerker turns around into a Kiwi flying bodypress from the 2^nd ring! Curtzerker goes down and Kiwi fires rights at Williams. He sends Williams to the cage! Kiwi is running wild! He gets Williams up in a fireman’s carry….Samoan drop by Kiwi! He helps Andy to his feet and they start to double team Berzerker, tossing him back into the 2^nd ring. AndyPG is a bloody mess. He drops an elbow on Berzerker’s leg, another, another! Kiwi stomps the leg in-between as we’re done to the last 10 seconds of this period! Andy has to lean against the ropes after the 7^th elbow to Berzerker’s knee, 5,4,3,2,1…..BZZZT!

Tommy Hall is in! He comes into the ring ready to go….right into a superkick from Kaptain Kiwi! Tommy Hall is OUT! Biff sighs on the outside and screams at Hall as Andy and Kiwi turn around, but Williams is there with a savate kick to AndyPG! Andy goes down and Williams and Kiwi tee off on each other, but Williams wins that slugfest. He chokes Kiwi against the ropes, sets him on the 2^nd rope, goes to the corner, double foot stomp on the draped Kiwi! Williams slaps Hall, trying to wake him up; he starts to stir, and finally looks like he’s regained a sense of where he is. AndyPG is still down as Williams and Hall continue to double team Kiwi. Kiwi to the cage! Again! Hall removes the turnbuckle from the corner and Williams sends Kiwi into it! Kaptain Kiwi is busted open! Running elbow by Williams as Hall cheers him on; but AndyPG is stirring. Go-behind on Hall, big German suplex! Williams sees it and charges, but Andy pulls down the top rope and Williams goes flying to the second ring. Andy stops to stomp on the leg of Berzerker, while Hall is out again. He goes to the top rope, but Williams is back on his feet and he pushes Andy into the cage! AndyPG is losing blood rapidly as he stumbles and falls to the mat. Williams mounts him and fires rights and lefts….3,2,1….BZZZT!

The door opens! Robert Davis is in! The former Riverdale disciple charges at Williams, firing at him out of control! Davis beat Williams from pillar to post, sending him to each side of the cage! He points at Biff and tosses Williams over the top rope towards the Kensington corner! “WELCOME TO HELL, BIFF!!” he laughs maniacally as he repeatedly bashes Curt into the cage until Curt is our 4^th member of the busted open club! Biff shrinks back a little at the sheer carnage as Davis merrily tosses Curt to the mat, blood on his knuckles. He goes over to Berzerker and stomps on the knee, and he’s been joined by Kiwi, who’s gotten to his feet and is assisting the decimation of Berzerker’s leg. Wait! Tommy Hall is back to his feet and he’s coming to help….kick to the midsection by Davis! Piledriver on Tommy Hall! Tommy Hall is OUT! Again! Meanwhile, AndyPG is attempting to pull himself up in the corner of the ring, while Williams is stirring as well. Kiwi goes over the Williams, but Curtis grabs him by the trunks and sends him to the cage, and Kiwi’s cut is opened wider. Williams staggers towards Davis and fires a right hand at his head, but Davis turns around from stomping on Berzerker to smile at him….bulldog by Davis to Williams! AndyPG gets back to his feet in the corner, but he promptly does a Flair flop and falls on his face. The only man standing in the ring is Robert Davis! He drags the Berzerker to the center of the ring and steps over….figure four leglock! Berzerker howls in pain as Davis howls along, screaming “BIFF!! BIFF!!” over and over. Davis is nuts. Berzerker is trying to turn it over, but Davis scoots over and grabs the ropes for leverage! He cranks on the hold, but now Williams is back to his feet and he breaks the hold. He hits Davis with some European uppercuts to stagger him and gets a dropkick, sending Davis through the middle ropes to the other ring! AndyPG and Tommy Hall haven’t moved. Kiwi is stirring while Williams tries to get Berzerker back to his feet, Davis comes back through the ropes, but Williams runs over and DDTS him as he comes through the second rope! Williams falls back, bleeding and exhausted. Everyone is down! Clock counts down….2,1….buzzer!

The next member in for Kensington is Extant! He IMMEDIATELY goes for Robert Davis, taking him from side to side of the cage. He kicks Davis in the midsection, winds him up, gets a brainbuster on Davis! Biff cheers from the outside as Davis is down. Extant with kicks to Davis. He turns around and sees that Kiwi is getting to his feet, as is Hall. He calls to Tommy to grab Kiwi, and he does, holding him up….superkick by Extant misses and hits Tommy Hall! Tommy Hall is OUT! And now Kiwi and the man who beat him for that title are going at it! Kiwi’s face is running rivers of blood, but he seems revitalized! Jumping side headlock by Kiwi is rolled through by Extant, who gets a kneeling DDT on Kiwi! Extant poses, but wait, back from the dead….it’s AndyPG! He comes from the other ring with a flying clothesline on Extant! AndyPG’s face is a roadmap to hell! He fires shots at Extant and sends him to the cage! Extant goes down, and Andy tries to rouse Davis, who comes to his senses; they go to double team Extant, but from behind, it’s Williams! He grabs Andy and tosses him back into the cage, and when Davis turns around, Extant runs him into the exposed turnbuckle! Davis is busted open! Williams points to the top, and Extant goes up….spike piledriver to Davis! Williams goes back over to Berzerker, but he can’t put any weight on that leg! Williams and Extant hear the countdown and stare across the ring. 3,2,1…..BZZT!

Vinson and Abeyance stare at each other, and Abeyance finally nods. Jef Vinson is in! The former World Champ comes in and Williams and Extant pound him with forearms, but Vinson comes off an Irish whip with a double clothesline! Williams goes down to the corner and Vinson focuses on Extant. He sends Extant to the cage, and goes over to the Kensington corner. “Biff. I told you, Biff. I told you.” He hears something stirring behind him and moves to the left, avoiding a charging Tommy Hall! Tommy runs into the cage, stumbles back….Vinson loads him up, package piledriver! Tommy Hall is OUT! Vinson stands tall in the ring, begging them all to bring it on! Williams charges again, but Vinson gets a drop toehold, floats over, gets him up, and DDTs him! Extant is next, but measures him, ducks, and comes back up with a spinkick! All of Kensington is down, and Jef Vinson stands tall in the ring! He goes over to Biff again and points to Hoss….oh my god, he just spit on the World Champ! “That’s what I think of you, big man! I’M JEF VINSON! BRING IT ON!” Hoss is enraged on the outside and he’s trying to rip the cage door off the hinges to get at Vinson! Vinson smiles, backs up, and poses. He rouses Davis and Kiwi, while Andy is getting to his feet using the ropes. He points at various parts of the ring, and the rest of the team nod and they attack the members of Kensington! Davis is teeing off on Williams in the corner, while Kiwi and Andy continue to work the knee of Berzerker; clearly, the plan is to make Berzerker submit when the match starts! Meanwhile, Vinson and Extant are having a match of their own in the corner; Extant goes to the eyes and sends Vinson to the cage, slowing him down finally. Extant goes to the top….moonsault press on Vinson misses! Vinson picks him up….gutwrench suplex! Meanwhile, Williams has been put on the top rope and there’s a double suplex from Davis and Kiwi! And we’re almost….yes….2,1, BZZZT!

The door opens and HOSS is in! HOSS IS IN! Vinson marshals the troops, but Hoss is a force of nature! Big right to Kiwi sends him to the mat! He shoves Davis aside to the cage and now, we’re here! Face to face, Vinson and Hoss! Everyone else is down! And they tee off on each other, rights and lefts! No one can gain an advantage as Hoss fires punches and Vinson fires kicks! Hoss is a man on a mission, a mission for celebratory ice cream! Finally, Hoss gains the upper hand and gets a big chokeslam on Vinson! He picks up Vinson….pants-shitter on Vinson! He goes over to Kiwi….pants-shitter on Kiwi! Now to Davis….pants-shitter to Davis! AndyPG stops working over Berzerker long enough to turn around….into a pants-shitter to Andy! Tommy Hall is back to his feet and goes over to Hoss to give him a celebratory high-five! He taps Hoss on the shoulder…..pants-shitter to Tommy Hall!! I think that was an accident; regardless, Tommy Hall is OUT! Hoss shrugs and goes back over to Vinson, who’s struggling to his feet. He grabs Vinson: “HOSS WANT ICE CREAM! AND WORLD TITLE!” He looks for a second pants-shitter, but Vinson wiggles free and dropkicks Hoss in the knee! Hoss is staggered but doesn’t go down! Vinson fires kicks at Hoss, over and over, until Hoss drops to his knees! Vinson off the ropes, Shining Wizard by Vinson! Vinson staggers to his feet again, flips Biff the double bird, and gets a standing moonsault! He goes to the top rope as the other wrestlers stir….skytwister press by Vinson misses! Hoss gets back to his feet and sends Vinson to the cage! Again! Again! The crowd is horrified as Vinson is busted open now, and Hoss won’t stop! The clock counts down and the buzzer sounds for the final time! Abeyance is in!

THE MATCH BEYOND HAS BEGUN! Abeyance comes over from the other ring, as Hoss continues to bash Vinson’s head into the cage….he makes his decision! He grabs Hoss from behind and hits a scorpion deathdrop! Abeyance reaches down to a bloodied Jef Vinson….and extends the hand! He helps Vinson to his feet and they shake hands! The roof is about to blow off the BOD Arena! Biff Kensington furiously whips out his cell phone and dials as Vinson’s crew regroups in the center of the ring! They put their hands in and Davis drags Berzerker to the center of the ring and starts to apply a spinning toehold! Kensington is screaming into his phone on the outside “GET THEM OUT HERE NOW!!!!” as Vinson’s crew tees off on Berzerker’s knee! Finally, Vinson points to Abeyance and claps him on the back….Abeyance puts on the figure-four leglock! Davis takes out Williams in one corner! Vinson on Hoss in the other corner! AndyPG and Extant start throwing punches as Abeyance cranks on the figure-four leglock while Berzerker screams in pain! Kiwi has gone over to Tommy Hall….but he’s looking at the entrance way for some reason? Wait, who is that? My God, it’s the Garea brothers! They’re back! Berzerker is going to give up any second now! Kiwi looks stricken; he stares at the Garea brothers, who slowly nod and make their way to Biff’s side! Biff points at Kiwi and points at the Garea brothers, and Kiwi looks to be near tears! Wait, what just happened here? Kiwi falls on the mat next to a barely conscious Tommy Hall! He shakes his head as Berzerker screams in pain, and the look on his face…..he just put himself in an armbar from Tommy Hall! THE BELL RINGS! Abeyance lets go of the figure-four and celebrates as Vinson hugs him along with Davis and Andy in the middle of the ring! Let’s go to the ring announcer:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of this match….by surrender of KAPTAIN KIWI to Tommy Hall, is Kensington Enterprises!”

WHAT? Kiwi gets to his feet, looking disgusted with himself. Biff grabs a mic.

Biff: Ladies and Gentlemen, I told you that we’d win! And, in a remarkable coincidence, please welcome the new owners of Anchor Cheese, the Garea Brothers!

Vinson, Abeyance, Andy, and Davis stare at Kiwi, whose tears are flowing freely now as he goes to join the Garea brothers on the outside! Kiwi has cost Vinson’s team everything! Biff Kensington is laughing maniacally on the outside as the Garea brothers escort Kiwi to the back, Kiwi unable to stop looking at the ring! Once again, Kensington Enterprises has escaped with the titles; what happens now? The shocked looks on the faces of Vinson, Abeyance, Davis, and Andy are the last things we see before we roll the credits!

TUNE INTO BOD RAW NEXT WEEK!