Ring of Honor – September 2nd, 2015

Howdy!
Let’s get the preliminaries out of the way here…..

Moving sucks. That’s all I have this week. That’s why this recap is late, so sorry about that. All I can say is that I am beyond pleased that I don’t have to move again for a long, long time.

Ring of Honor TV – 9/2/15

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Steve Corino. TONIGHT, Jay Lethal defends the World TV title against Hanson! But it’s a rivalry week, and we’re also getting Cedric Alexander vs Caprice Coleman, & Brutal Bob Evans vs Cheeseburger, along with the match that we’re starting off with right now!

Jay Briscoe vs Adam Page
Page is, of course, accompanied by The Decade, Whitmer and Colby Corino. Kevin Kelly reminds Steve Corino to ignore BJ Whitmer, and Corino swears he will. Jay Briscoe comes out alone this week, but I’m sure that Mark is lurking somewhere. Ref calls for the Code of Honor, so Jay sticks out his hand; Adam Page responds by yelling in Jay’s face “I’m Adam Page!” and then proceeds to slap him across said face, which is sporting a look suggesting that he’s now wondering how exactly he can prove justifiable homicide after he kills Adam.

Jay decides to try the handshake again, but Page apparently believes this is an invitation to once again try out his Slapinator 5000 Pimp hand, and he slaps Briscoe again! “Kill Jay Kill!” chants the crowd and, one would assume, the voices in Briscoe’s head at this point. Briscoe comes at Page with a kick, avoided by Page. Page tries a clothesline, Briscoe ducks, and now Briscoe starts wearing out Page with left hands. Headbutt by Briscoe! Page stumbles to the corner (vest still on), and Briscoe decides to walk that mudhole dry, firing kicks and stomping him down. Ref pulls Briscoe off and Page staggers to his feet, so Briscoe uppercuts him in the corner, then whips him cross-corner, but Page gets out of way of a charging Briscoe and Jay eats the top turnbuckle. Page charges, but Briscoe alley-oops him over and elbows him to the floor, following him out with a tope suicida! And, from behind, here’s Colby Corino with a crutch to Jay, who no-sells as any reasonable person would if Colby was hitting them with anything, crutch, chair, flamethrower, whatever. Briscoe stalks Corino on the outside, but turns around into a chair in the face from Page, and that draws the DQ. (Jay Briscoe over Adam Page, DQ, 2:10)

WOULD YOU WATCH IT AGAIN, RICK? As a match? NO, I WOULD NOT. This was all to set up another match in the future, and could have easily been done without pretending they were actually going to have the match here; that having been said, it did the job that it needed to do in the context they wanted, i.e. get to the gimmick match. I just think they could have done it a bit more elegantly, but whatever. The giant brawl to come in the later match is really what we want to see.

After the match, Page rolls Briscoe back into the ring while Colby is on the outside tossing chairs in (with his dad on commentary half-heartedly saying “No, Colby, you’re better than this. Don’t do this.” Yes, with periods, no emotion whatsoever.) Page makes a pile in the center of the ring, and just like with Matt Sydal, Briscoe takes the Rite of Passage on the chairs. And now, Mark makes the save, tossing chairs in the ring as he comes down the aisle; he gets in the ring and starts tossing them like spears at Page and Corino, and The Decade retreats.

2 weeks ago, Dalton Castle defeated Silas Young after Young was distracted by the boys. Young has challenged Castle to a match where the winner gets the boys. From the discussion thread after the show 2 weeks ago:

Not looking forward to Castle/Young 3, though. Dalton’s beaten him twice, and I really don’t want endless vignettes of Silas abusing his boys.
-Charlie Owens

I have to admit that I agree with this, as this whole angle makes me a little queasy. It’s a little homophobic, and this feels like a chance for ROH to do the kind of Sports Entertainment that I would prefer they not do, to be honest. Let’s check in with Dalton and see what he thinks. Dalton: “I have stayed quiet; I’ve held back my anger long enough!” But no more, sayeth Dalton. Just like Poseidon, he’ll bring a wave crashing down upon you! He screams that these are HIS BOYS, and you’re clearly off your rocker! He’ll put up his boys, alright, but if he wins, you, Silas Young, have to become one of his boys! And Silas, you’re going to make a wonderful ottoman.

Sigh. Well, Charlie, you were right about at least one thing – now, no matter who wins, we’re going to get endless vignettes one way or the other. I really like Dalton Castle, I think he’s got a great presence and can cut great promos, but this feud should have been over with a month ago and the last thing I want is to see wacky vignettes of Silas being abused or the boys being abused. I’d rather just watch wrestling.

Speak of the devil, it’s some wrestling! That’ll cheer us up!

Cedric Alexander (with Veda Scott) vs Caprice Coleman
Cedric has the stick to start us off! “Hey, I’m the only man in Ring of Honor to beat Moose….TWICE!” He goes on to inform Caprice that beating Caprice does nothing for him, so he and Veda will be heading to the back instead of wrestling, and we should enjoy the rest of our evening! Caprice gets the mic and insults Veda and tells her how great a job she’s been doing in winning his matches, aka handing him the wrench, so Cedric decides to stay and fight instead.

No Code of Honor, as Alexander charges, but Coleman ducks and fires rights and lefts, backing Alexander into the corner. He sends Cedric to the other turnbuckle, pulls the shirt over his head, and continues the pounding. Kicks in the corner and Cedric is down, but Caprice backs off and Cedric comes to his feet with a knee to the gut. Chops by Cedric and they run the ropes, but after a leapfrog, Cedric chops him again. Cedric off the ropes, but he gets taken down by a big Coleman dropkick. Slam by Coleman, but a legdrop misses. Coleman ducks a kick by Ced and gets a quick rollup for one. They trade arm-wringers on their feet, and Coleman gets a kick to the gut, but a leaping kick is ducked by Alexander. Cedric with a go-behind, but Coleman elbows out. Coleman off the ropes, but Veda grabs the leg. Cedric charges, and Coleman gets sent to the apron; Coleman sticks his head back in and gets kicked in the face. He falls to a sitting position on the apron, and Cedric kicks him in the chest, a good one, too. Veda mocks him on the outside, and I believe it’s time for some ads!

We’re back and Coleman is trying to fight out from an Alexander bearhug on the mat. Coleman elbows his way to his feet, but a forearm to the back puts Coleman right back down. Cedric puts him against the ropes with chops, then shoots him off, but Caprice ducks and gets rights and lefts to mount the comeback. Spinning sidekick by Cedric stops that noise, and then back to chops. Irish whip, but Coleman catches the ropes and sends Alexander to the floor when he charges. Cedric tries to trip him up then pull him outside, but Coleman catches Alexander with the legs and gets a headscissors on the floor. Coleman looks for the Skysplitta, but Cedric moves out of the way. Cedric charges, but gets a knee to the face. ‘Rana by Coleman plants Cedric on his HEAD; 1,2, no! Man, that looked UGLY. Coleman charges Cedric in the corner, but eats the double boot to the face, then Alexander goes to the top rope and hits a beautiful double axehandle (he went most of the way across the ring) for a two count. Series of reversals results in a 540 by Cedric and a Michinoku Driver by Cedric, 1,2, no! Veda gets the wrench to Cedric, but Stokely Hathaway comes down and takes Veda off the apron and drops her on the ground! While the referee is dealing with them, Moose is here and has taken the wrench from Cedric. Cedric yells at Moose and charges Coleman, but gets an elbow to the face for his troubles. Coleman goes to the top rope and gets the Skysplitta, and that’ll be enough. 1,2,3. (Caprice Coleman over Cedric Alexander, pinfall, 5:46)

WOULD YOU WATCH IT AGAIN, RICK? It picked up near the end, but not enough – some of Coleman’s strikes were way too loose, there was no psychology, and since this wasn’t the real feud, it was inevitable that it had to end the way it did. NO, I WOULD SKIP this one here, but part of it is that the Alexander/Moose feud hasn’t done much for me, to be honest.

After the match, Stokely and Moose taunt Cedric, who charges them and gets a wrench to the head as a result. And here’s Prince Nana, who hands an envelope to Coleman that looks to contain some dollars; the announcers are VERY curious as to what is inside that envelope. I find that I am not as much. Up next, we’ve got Cheeseburger vs Bob Evans, and later, Lethal/Hanson! Let’s get ready for these great matchups with some great ads.

We’re back!

Brutal Bob Evans vs Cheeseburger
Let’s remember that the last time these two gentlemen saw each other, Evans put Cheeseburger through a table at ringside with a side slam. Evans puts the badmouth on Cheeseburger to start with what apparently was some very NSFW language that has both Kelly and Corino aghast. Evans kicks a charging Cheeseburger in the gut on the outside and grabs a chair, but misses Burger and hits the post. Evans eats the chair to the face off a kick from Cheeseburger; Bam Bam splash off the railing by Cheeseburger! He tosses Evans back in the ring and the ref finally calls for the bell to begin the match. Evans begs off, but then sends Cheeseburger into the corner. Cheeseburger flips over a charging Evans and gets a kneelift in the corner. Burger stomps away at Evans, but Evans rolls to the outside and catches Cheeseburger on the ropes and trips him up…..slowly. In fact, just assume that slowly is an adverb that should be used at the end of several of these moves. Evans stomps away, Cheeseburger tries to get back to his feet, but Evans gets a slam/neckbreaker combo to put him down again. 1,2, but Evans pulls him up. So help me, this match sucks, but I LOVE that spot and always have. I know it’s a minor thing, but when heels do it, it just works for me. Evans with forearms and he pulls up on the nose, earning the 5 count from the ref. Evans with a chinlock, Cheeseburger fights up and fires, Evans gets him up for a slam, Cheeseburger wiggles out but gets run over by a shoulderblock from Evans. 1,2, no! Evans shoves the ref, who shoves him back. Evans grabs a leg, but Burger fires kicks at him with the other leg. Cheeseburger to his feet, Evans charges, Burger moves and gets a rollup for 2. The both get back to their feet and Evans clobbers him with a clothesline. Evans says that’s it, and he goes out and sets up a table at ringside to put Cheeseburger through (again). That is a mighty bunch of streamers under that ring. He sets Cheeseburger up and tells him “I HATE YOU!”, but Cheeseburger reverses and gets a palm strike to Evans on the apron. Evans looks down and jumps backwards through the table. Sorry, but that’s what happened; there wasn’t a single bit of flow that convinced me that any of that palm strike made a difference. Evans just leapt through the table, full stop. That’s enough for the ref to get to 20. Crowd goes BATSHIT, and Kelly and Corino give a standing ovation from ringside. (Cheeseburger over Bob Evans, pinfall, 5:03)

WOULD YOU WATCH IT AGAIN, RICK? At the risk of living up to what I was called in the comments section (a grumpy old man who takes wrestling way too seriously) a few weeks ago, HELL NO. I get why it was there, and I know the crowd loves Cheeseburger, but Evans was just terrible here. I understand there’s a place in wrestling for this type of thing, but what was this? A comedy match? A monumental upset? I’m not at all sure, and it wasn’t all that interesting a journey to get there. Your life will be enriched if you just skip this one.

Well, after that excitement, and with Hanson and Lethal looming, let’s take a quick ad break to catch our breath!

And it’s time for our main event of the evening, folks! The TV title is on the line!

JAY LETHAL (W/ TRUTH MARTINI) vs HANSON – WORLD TV TITLE
And why does Hanson have such confidence tonight? Let’s take a look back Survival of the Fittest 2014, where Hanson indeed pinned one Mr. Jay Lethal in the middle of that ring. Hanson says he’s gonna do it again, but Lethal begs to differ. Out to join us on commentary is the one and only Bobby Fish, who’s got a match with whoever the World TV Champ is coming up on PPV! They exchange pleasantries as Jay Lethal comes out with Truth Martini, wearing both belts. Full-on introductions for this championship match, and we’re set to go here.

Code of Honor is followed. Lethal jaws with Fish at the commentary booth, and we’re underway as they lock up. They jockey for position, Hanson maneuvers Lethal into the corner and offers a clean break. Lethal is having none of it, though, and kicks Hanson in the gut. They exchange punches, and Hanson gets the better of that exchange; Lethal knees him, but Hanson shakes it off and tosses Lethal in the corner, and starts firing rights and lefts that stagger Lethal. Big Biel throw out of the corner by Hanson, but he gets kicked in the face on a blind charge. Bobby Fish is talking about Hanson having new underpants on, calling them his championship underpants. “He’s feelin’ it!” Lethal out of the corner now, but Hanson returns the favor by firing a boot to his face. That gets a 2 count, and now Hanson fires forearms at Lethal’s face. 3 knees to the chest by Hanson and Lethal is on his hands and knees. They exchange kicks in the corner, and Hanson with a cross-corner whip. Lethal attempts to leap over, but Hanson catches him and looks to powerslam him. Lethal blocks by grabbing the top rope and attempts to fire from the apron, but Hanson blocks and clubs him with a right hand. Lethal’s sell job is glorious, as he’s making Hanson look like a killer out there. Lethal attempts to chop Hanson on the apron, but Hanson no-sells 3 times and clotheslines Jay back into the ring. Hanson stops to pose and Truth grabs the legs; Hanson shakes him off, but now Jay comes off with a springboard dropkick to put Hanson on the floor. Lethal hits 3 topes on Hanson, one over Truth, and that sends Hanson over the railing and into the 1st row, and that means that it’s time for us to take a quick ad break!

We’re back as Lethal has Hanson in a chinlock, but it looks like Hanson is stirring. Hanson fires out, but Lethal grabs Hanson by the beard and clotheslines him on the top rope. 1,2, no! Lethal goes back to the chinlock, but Hanson fights out with rights and lefts. Lethal with the chops, but he comes off the ropes and Hanson gets a layout side slam. They both get back to their feet, Hanson with a big back body drop on Lethal. He clotheslines Lethal in the corner, then whips him to the other corner and clotheslines him there. A third charge by Hanson is met with an elbow by Jay, and Lethal goes for a sunset flip. Hanson stops that and attempts to lift him off the mat with Lethal in a sitting position for a suplex, which is pretty impressive. Lethal gets out and sends Hanson off the ropes, but Hanson gets the cartwheel past Lethal and hits the clothesline. 1,2, NO! Hanson drapes Lethal on the top rope and fires forearms, while the commentators are driving home the point that Lethal is spreading himself too thin and it’s going to cost him. Lethal slumps in the corner, Hanson charges and gets Lethal’s foot to the groin maneuver. The commentators speculate on whether or not that’s a DQ, but Lethal protests, saying he just put his foot up, man! Lethal goes to the top for Hail to the King, hits it! Hanson kicks out at 1! I believe that Hanson is a bit perturbed about that boot he absorbed with his genitals, because he looks angry. They trade punches in the center of the ring, Jay gets a kick to the chest. Lethal calls for the Lethal Injection, but Hanson comes off the ropes with a handspring elbow….kind of. He’s really agile for a big man, but that was not particularly smooth. And now Hanson is going up….moonsault hits the knees of Jay Lethal! Lethal calls for the Lethal Injection, but Hanson gets the backdrop that he hit at Survival of the Fittest and looks for the spinkick of doom; but Lethal has it scouted this time, and he ducks. Superkick by Lethal sets up Lethal Injection! Hanson staggers to his feet after the first one, so Jay hits Lethal Injection #2! And that’s all she wrote here. (Jay Lethal over Hanson, pinfall, 9:01)

WOULD YOU WATCH IT AGAIN, RICK? Absolutely. This was a fine big man vs little man match, as Jay sold all of Hanson’s shots to perfection and found a way to win anyway after learning from the first match they had. I like callbacks, I like this dynamic, and I like Jay Lethal. So YES, WATCH THIS ONE, and the champ saves the week for us.
Post-match, because someone at ROH headquarters must know I recap this show, Kyle O’Reilly comes out to stare down Lethal with Fish, and Lethal seems more than fine to go as they exchange words in the ring, but Roderick Strong comes out, and that’s Jay’s cue to leave. Next week: The Young Bucks vs The Addiction! Jay Lethal defends the World Title against Roderick Strong!

RICK’S FINAL THOUGHT THIS WEEK: Main event made the week okay, but this wasn’t the best ROH TV show. Cheeseburger/Evans did nothing for me at all, nor really did Coleman/Cedric. Briscoe/Page was all angle advancement, which was fine as this is the TV show, so that’s really where it should be anyway, but that only leaves Lethal/Hanson to recommend this week.

Thanks for reading,

Rick Poehling
@MrSoze on Twitter