BoD SummerSlam

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Before the show, we see Brian Bayless, with a frown on his face, as he has a romantic Bobby Bayless and his fiance Hilda as he drives them around for their wedding. A dejected Justice Gray and Rockstar Gary, who might not be dejected but might be shitfaced, look on as the boss is driven away. Gary waves while Gray wanted to defend the 6 Man Titles.

Camp Cleveland vs. Strike Force & Biscuit

Is it just me or does Biscuit and Strike Force look tired. Must be due to all of those connecting buses. But despite that, they head in and start brawling with the Clevelanders. The action is now outside where it seems like neither team can get an advantage. We see Mar Solo’s special brew station off the ramp as he heads over to get an edge but WWF1987 cuts him off. The match finally settles in the ring as Biscuit is working over White Thunder. He takes him down with a fireman’s carry then works a headscissors on the mat until Mikey Mike stomps in to break it up. Mikey tags but Biscuit blocks a hiptoss and hits one of his own. Matt Indeed tags in as he sluggishly highsteps and fist pumps after an armdrag. White Thunder knees Indeed from the apron as Mar Solo swigs a pot of his special brew. He hops back up onto the apron as Camp Cleveland is in control of this match. Indeed is getting stomped in the corner as Camp Cleveland keeps distracting the referee to allow illegal double-team moves. White Thunder heads up top for an elbow but Matt Indeed rolls out of the way as both men are down. A less-than-usual enthusiastic Mar Solo and Biscuit cheer on Indeed, who is able to crawl over and tag his partner. Mar Solo comes in and takes on Camp Cleveland. Biscuit is in too and he clotheslines Mikey over the top rope then follows him out. Indeed fights off White Thunder as Mar Solo seems to be tiring out. WWF1987 is in and hits Indeed low then uses a lungblower on Solo. Mikey escapes from Biscuit as Thunder boots him down then heads up top for a top rope knee drop and gets the win. Camp Cleveland get together in the ring and are now laughing as they pull out packets of Sanka!!!!! They got to the arena early in their bus and messed around with Mar Solo’s special brew. He was tired, dammit!!!!!!!

BoD Writer’s Championship: “Mr. WCW” Chris F-B vs. Tommy Hall (c) w/ Biff Kensington

Tommy is once again sporting a piece of his American League utility infielders of the 1990’s collection with an authentic Al Newman jersey. Chris F-B goes after Tommy, who slides out and starts handing out e-book dollars to the crowd. THAT IS NOT LEGITIMATE CURRENCY. Tommy finally heads inside where Chris takes him down with an armdrag. Tommy once again heads out as the crowd boos. Biff yells at them to shut up as Tommy tries to sneak in but Chris ends up slingshotting him back inside. Chris hits a backbreaker for two then works a surfboard. Biff climbs up onto the apron so Chris heads over to take a swing but Biff jumps off to avoid the punch. However, Tommy yanks Chris by the front of his tights as he gets rammed into the post. Tommy stomps Chris on his shoulder as he works that over for a while. Tommy does the home run swing as the fans boo him then applies a cross armbreaker. Chris reaches the ropes but Tommy does not break until the referee threatens a DQ. Tommy drags Chris into the center and sets up for the Vader Bomb. He tries the move but Chris gets his knees up as both men are down. Chris gets up first and starts firing away with his good arm. He uses a backdrop then hits a DDT for two. Biff jumps back onto the apron and slips something to Tommy. Chris knees Biff off of the apron. Tommy then takes the tube and squirts it all over the middle rope and plays possum. Chris heads over as Tommy hits him low and rolls him up while holding the ropes and gets the win. Tommy yanks his hands off of the ropes quickly and rolls out to celebrate with his manager. Chris goes over to the ropes and touches them and yells at the ref that they are sticky! Dammit, Tommy rubbed stick ’em all over the rope. Chris takes a e-book dollar from the floor and sticks it on the rope, where it stays.

BoD C-List Title: DBSM w/ C-List Posse vs. Bill Ray (c) w/ Maxwell Caulfield

Fantasy baseball commissioner Steve Decker is foaming mad and sporting a “Kirt Can Go Fuck Himself” in response to former teammate and starting catcher, Kirt Manwaring. Harvey Grant and the “Guy Who Played Waldo From Family Matters” continue their feud as they yell at each other. Match starts with DBSM using a sneak attack to go after Ray. DBSM slams Ray into the corner as Steve Decker smashes the guardrail with his bat. Ray floats over on a back suplex and comes back with a clothesline. He sends DBSM to the floor then takes him out with a pescado. Ray hammers away but Mark Linn-Baker pulls back his arm as Ray takes a swing at the former Cousin Larry. DBSM knees Ray in the back then rolls him into the ring. He works a Boston Crab that Ray is able to break. DBSM charges as Ray leapfrogs him then they clothesline each other as both men are down. They get up and slug it out for a bit as Harvey Grant dumps popcorn on the “Guy Who Played Waldo From Family Matters” and gets slapped as a result. As they fight, DBSM yells at them to knock it off and while that happens, he walks into a spinning heel kick then Ray hits a Falcon Arrow for the win. An irate Steve Decker takes the loss hard by swinging his bat around in the aisle. Maxwell Caulfield then slaps hands with Ray as they take off to the back on his dirtbike. Meanwhile, the rest of the C-List Posse argue with each other as Michael Winslow makes chaotic sound effects. This ends with “The Guy Who Played Waldo on Family Matters” and Jamiroquai walking off.

All day long, the wrestlers have been buzzing about the cage looming over the ring, and now it’s being lowered! What is going on here? Let’s go to the back where Kensington Enterprises is standing united.

Biff: As you can clearly see, you plebians, I am a sporting fellow. And, the fact of the matter is, it’s been made clear over the course of Kiwi’s disaster of a title reign that those dastardly Garea brothers will stop at nothing to keep my man, Extant1979, from restoring glory to the B+ Championship! So, to help stop them from interfering like we all know they will, my good friend Bobby Bayless agreed that this title match will take place inside the confines of a 15-foot high steel cage! That’s only fair, right? (The rest of Kensington Enterprises nod vigorously) As for you Anchor Cheese idiots, don’t worry too much – the match is really already over, thanks to this! (He holds up a tablet, but we can’t see what’s on the screen) Alright boys, let’s go get ourselves another piece of gold!

Kensington Enterprises is out in force, and Extant1979, the challenger, looks supremely confident as he heads towards the ring! He gets in the cage after Curtzerker and Hoss pat him on the back, while Biff is busy on his tablet, barely looking up.

The screen reads: ANCHOR CHEESE PRESENTS! And here’s the B+ Champ, Kaptain Kiwi, accompanied by the legendary Brothers Garea, astride his royal horse, B+ title over his shoulder, looking supremely confident.

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Cage Match: Extant1979 vs Kaptain Kiwi

Biff is still furiously typing on his tablet as the cage door is locked, and here we go! They circle, and here’s a lockup….quick hiptoss by Extant! He poses and motions that he wants the belt! Kiwi looks wary, and they lockup again. Kiwi gets a headlock, Extant attempts to shoot him off, but Kiwi holds on. Never underestimate the power of a Garea-trained headlock. The brothers are celebrating at ringside, handing out cheese! Extant finally backs Kiwi into a corner, and we get a clean break…..no, we don’t. Extant with a chop across the chest! Extant with a chop across the chest! Extant continues to pummel Kiwi in the corner, he whips him to the far corner and charges, but Kiwi moves and Extant hits the turnbuckles hard! Kiwi covers 1, no! 1 count only, and Kiwi is back to the headlock. Transition to a chinlock. Kiwi is putting on a resthold clinic here. Biff is still furiously typing on his tablet. Extant gets back to his feet…..jawbreaker! Extant gets a beautiful overhead suplex on Kiwi. 1,2, no! Extant drops an elbow, a second. Stomps to Kiwi. Picks him up….Kiwi sent to the steel cage! Again! The brothers are no longer smiling as Extant has taken over the match. He sends him to the turnbuckle, sets him up on the top rope, taking his time…..superplex by Extant! 1,2, no! Kiwi barely got the shoulder up there. Extant drops a knee as Kiwi was busted open by those cage shots, and he’s got a healthy mask going. Extant drags him to the center of the ring, and he’s going up! Kensington cheers him from ringside, except for Biff, who hasn’t looked up from his tablet at all. Extant off the top rope…..frog splash misses! Kiwi rolled out of the way! The brothers Garea are going crazy at ringside, begging Kiwi to get to his feet! Both wrestlers rise, Extant with a right hand, Kiwi catches it, small package by Kiwi! 1,2, no! So close!Kiwi gets back to his feet and catches Extant with a clothesline! Kiwi is rapidly losing blood, but he stumbles forward and sends Extant to the corner. Kiwi charges with a running elbow! Connects! Can Kiwi pull this off? Biff is STILL on his tablet, not looking up. Kiwi catches Extant out of the corner…swinging neckbreaker! 1,2, no! Kensington Enterprises are looking apprehensive at ringside as the brothers Garea are leading the chants for Kiwi! Kiwi looks revitalized and he’s ready to slap on the Garea stretch….but Extant counters into a cradle! He has the tights! 1,2, no! Extant gets back to his feet, Kiwi ducks the clothesline, he turns and tries for a superkick…..Extant sweeps the leg! Standing Shooting Star Press! 1,2, no! Extant is frustrated, but he’s trying to get him up for the brainbuster…..Kiwi kicks him the head! Kiwi can barely see, blood all over his face, he falls on the cover, 1,2, no! Kiwi sends him off the ropes, Extant with a criss-cross, drop toe hold by Kiwi…..It’s time for THE FIVE MOVES OF SNOOZE! Jumping side headlock takeover, backdrop, hip toss, punch to the gut, crossbody….Garea Stretch! It’s on! Will Extant tap? “Excuse me, can I have your attention?” Biff has a mic. “As of 35 seconds ago, I now own a majority share of Anchor Cheese! That’s right, Garea – you work for me now! And my first act as the new CEO of Anchor Cheese is this – the Garea brothers are FIRED!” Biff laughs maniacally as the brothers look crestfallen at this news….Kiwi has broken the hold and he’s trying to leave the cage to get at Biff! Wait, from behind, Extant is up! SUPERKICK to the back of the head! Kiwi goes down! Extant picks him up as Kensington Enterprises goes wild…..brainbuster to Kaptain Kiwi! Kiwi isn’t moving! Extant crawls for the cover – 1,2,3!! Extant1979 is the NEW B+ PLAYER’S CHAMPION!!! The cage is raised, and Curtzerker are the first to congratulate Extant as he’s presented with his belt! Biff stands with Hoss, Tommy Hall, and Abeyance to the side as Extant holds the belt aloft…..big hug from Extant to Biff! Biff has a mic:

Biff: Ladies and Gentlemen, I told you last week that Kensington Enterprises would claim the B+ title, and lo and behold, your new champ! So, these next words are for you, Vinson – later tonight, (he pats Abeyance on the back), Kensington Enterprises walks away with all the gold! Biff has spoken!

Wade Michael is in the back with AndyPG.

Wade: Andy, can I get your thoughts about your chairs match with Kbjone tonight? Do you expect John Petuka to get involved? Did you bring the backup you thought you might need? And, what is Jef Vinson’s frame of mind before one of the biggest title defenses of his career?

Andy: (Smiles) Wade, I can tell you that Vinson is completely focused tonight, and there’s no question that he’ll walk out the World Champion! But, let me go back to your earlier questions. I have no idea what is going on with the former Upper Midcard Express at this point; Petuka swears that he has nothing to do with kbjone. We’ll see, John, because I just got word that my backup plan has arrived in the arena. So, you do whatever you want, Petuka, because I’ll be ready for it! As for you, kb, I’ve said all I need to say. You need help, pal, and while it’s clear that you won’t accept the help you need, I’m going to give you the help (Andy holds up his chair) that you deserve.

AndyPG vs kbjone (Chairs match)

No DQ in this one. Pinfall or submission in the ring only, not falls count anywhere. AndyPG heads to the ring, looking all around for the deranged kbjone, who is seemingly nowhere in sight. Andy looks at the referee, who shrugs. Wait a second….he was under the ring! He was under the ring, Andy…..too late! Kbjone comes out from under the ring with a chairshot across the back of AndyPG! He laughs heartily as Andy writhes in pain, and starts laying in the shots with the chair! The ref wants to see if Andy gives up, but kbjone backs him off with the threat of a chairshot! “Not yet, mister referee, unless you want to get the same!” He fires stomps into the prone body of Andy, laughing merrily and skipping around the ring, sets the chair up….dropkicks the chair into Andy’s face! Annnnd, AndyPG is opened up like a bag of frosted Animal Crackers! Kbjone is in total control, and he’s enjoying every minute of it! Kbjone gets Andy up….belly to back suplex on the chair! “AndyPG, you’re leaking some blood, how’d that happen?” Kbjone laughs merrily and gets AndyPG up….Andy starts firing shots to the midsection of kbjone! There’s still some life left from AndyPG! He drops kbjone to one knee and starts laying in kicks, kbjone catches the leg, Andy with the enzuigiri! Both wrestlers are down! Who will get to their feet first….it’s Andy! He gets his chair and now he’s teeing off! Shot to the back of kbjone! Andy decides for psychology and starts bashing kb in the leg, over and over! Front of the knee! Back of the knee! “How’s it feel to be on the receiving end, kb?” he taunts as he wraps the ankle up….he’s going to Pillmanize it! He goes to the second rope…..kbjone rolls out of the ring! He howls in pain as he hits the floor and can’t put weight on the ankle! Andy hops down from the ring, chair in hand, and he calmly stalks kbjone as the latter crawls around the ring, trying in vain to put weight on the knee and ankle. Andy winds up and SMASHES kb’s knee from behind with the chair! He tosses Kbjone back in the ring…..but from the crowd, it’s John Petuka! Petuka has kbjone’s chair that fell to the outside…..big chairshot to the back of AndyPG! Petuka stands satisfied with his work….and hits him again! Kbjone is back in the ring in a sitting position, laughing as he watches Petuka work with the chair…..wait…..My God, can it be?…..that’s MATTHEW PERRI’S MUSIC!!!!! He and Miss Danielle are back and he’s got a laptop computer in his hands…..he breaks it over Petuka’s head on the outside!!!! The screen shatters into a million pieces as Petuka goes down!! AndyPG has recovered and they share a look and a nod. Perri grabs the mic: “No matter how much I hate someone’s guts…..writers stick together!!!” Kbjone is still trying to pull himself up on the ropes. He finally gets to one leg and stares with hate in his eyes at Perri and Danielle on the outside….but AndyPG is right behind him! Andy taps kb on the shoulder, kb turns around…..chair-assisted Flatliner!! Andy drags him to the center of the ring!! Two more shots with the chair to kbjone’s knee! And now, WHOO, we go to school, as Andy slaps on the figure four leglock!! Kbjone…..just laughs maniacally and falls backwards. The referee counts the shoulders down….1,2,3! Your winner is AndyPG!!! Kbjone is OUT! AndyPG gets to his feet and raises his chair in the air, then shares a look up the ramp at a satisfied Matthew Perri as they exchange salutes.

#1 Contender’s Match: Jobber w/ Job Mob vs. Hoss w/ Biff Kensington vs. Cultstatus vs. Parallax?

Folks, Parallax has been missing and no word on his whereabouts at this time. Hoss told the rest of Kensington Enterprises to stay in the back for this match. Wade Michael Meltzer is trying to investigate the matter. Match starts with Jobber & Cult going after Hoss. They dump him outside then Jobber tries a quick rollup that Cult reverses these two go fast and furiously as they try to put each other away with a quick fall. Hoss gets up and grabs both men by the ankles and drags them outside. He hits a double clothesline as Biff holds up a “#HOSSAPPROVED” sign, available for an affordable $3.99 at BoD Shopzone. Zanatude and Chartock attack Hoss from behind as Jobber hits Cult with a low blow. Jobber rolls Cult inside then drops an elbow from the top but cannot put the former champ away. Jobber has an Irish whip reversed then gets caught with a side slam as Cult is in control. The Job Mob gets shoved down by Hoss, who heads inside and attacks Jobber. The Job Mob try to help their leader but Cult boots him to the floor then tries to slam Hoss but that fails as Hoss grabbed the ropes. Hoss chops Cult hard then attempts an Avalanche but Cult moved out of the way and hits a back suplex on the rebound for a nearfall. Jobber gets up but Cult boots him through the ropes and back to the floor. Hoss is dazed as Cult hits him with mounted punches in the corner. Cult heads up top and tries an axe handle but Hoss catches him around the throat and tries for a chokeslam. Cult escapes and bounces off of the ropes but as that happens, Zanatude pulls them down and he crashes to the ground. Chartock runs in to distract Hoss but gets whacked. Hoss sets up for the Pants Shitter but Jobber makes the save from behind. Jobber hits a high knee that sends Hoss down. Jobber then hits a baseball slide clothesline that gets him a two count. The Job Mob are beating on Cult as there is still no sign of Parallax. Jobber heads up top as Biff holds up Hoss’ Money on the Table briefcase, containing his favorite scoopin’ spoon and a contract for a BoD World Title match at anytime. Jobber looks over at Biff but declines the offer and drops an elbow on Hoss. Cult tries to break free from the Job Mob but that doesnt seem to work out to well. Back to the match as Jobber tries for the Razor’s Edge but Hoss blocks the move and ends up hitting an Alabama Slam. He goes for the cover but Cult puts Jobber’s foot on the ropes for the save. Hoss pulls Cult up on the apron and suplexes him back into the ring but it fails as Cult escapes and lands on his feet. Cult hits a flying forearm then shatters Jobber’s jaw with a super kick. The Job Mob are up on the apron but Cult runs over and clobbers them both as they crash onto the floor. Hoss is up as Cult boots him then tries for the Jackknife Powerbomb. He tries to get Hoss up and almost does but from the crowd comes a guy in a body costume with a “#4” on the front as he holds what appears to be a lead pipe. He whacks Cult in the back then kicks Hoss repeatedly as the Job Mob now hold him down after they tossed Biff to the floor. Jobber crawls into the ring as #4 once again hits Cult with the pipe then Jobber sets Cult up for the Razor’s Edge and hits the move for the win and the right to face the Champion at BoD Night of Champions.

Back in the Kensington Enterprises war room, Biff is still directing traffic while Extant1979 poses for his promo shots as the new B+ Champion. Wade Michael is attempting to get his attention.

Wade: Biff, you’ve been frantic all day, but I have to ask; you haven’t been devoting much attention to your match against The Riverdale Covenant. If you lose, you must disband Kensington Enterprises. Are you prepared for a match of this magnitude?

Biff: (Looks at Wade disgustedly) Well, Wade, if you were any kind of journalist, you’d know that I prepare my boys based on the threat that is posed to Kensington Enterprises. And rest assured, the Riverdale reprobates have gotten enough attention from me. Now get out of here! (To Abeyance) Okay, let’s go over Plan B….

In the bowels of the arena, Robert Davis, Archie Stackhouse, Hot Dog, Reggie, and Moose are clad in their Riverdale Letterman’s jackets, a single candle lighting their faces. Davis looks at the camera, and holds up a $100 bill with Biff’s face on it…..and lights it on fire.

Davis: Welcome….to the End. (He turns to Archie, who smiles and leads the rest of the Covenant as they chant) WELCOME…..TO RIVERDALE!!

BoD Tag Team Titles Match: Kensington Enterprises vs The Riverdale Covenant – (Street Fight rules – anyone from either group is eligible to participate. The winning team will be the Tag Team Champions, the losing team must disband.)

“WELCOME TO HELL! WELCOME TO RIVERDALE!” is the chant over the loudspeakers as Robert Davis and Archie Stackhouse lead the Riverdale Covenant to the ring. They look eager to get their hands on Kensington Enterprises, Robert Davis looking especially happy while banging Jughead on the ring steps as he enters. The Covenant stands assembled and we await Kensington’s entrance!And there’s the music of Curtzerker! The HUSS! Section has gone wild!!!! They head out to the bottom of the ramp, accompanied by Biff, Hoss, and the new B+ Champ, Extant1979. Biff motions for the microphone:

Biff: Well, well. Stackhouse. Davis. Well, by my count, you’ve got 5 guys, and we’ve only got 4. See, Abeyance is getting ready for a much more important match than this, and Tommy is off trying on new throwback jerseys! Doesn’t seem very sporting, does it Riverdale?

Davis motions for a mic.

Davis: Biff, your machinations have set all this in motion – see, when I count your soldiers of fortune, I don’t count 4….I count 5. Are you man enough to put your body on the line with your money, Biff Kensington? (The Covenant laughs)

Biff: (Chuckling) Well, Davis, you know what? I only planned to be in the match for 3 seconds….to get the winning pin. But I suppose, if we use your math, then you’re right – it is a 5 on 5 match. (Biff narrows his eyes) But see, Davis, I prefer my math. And my math says that I’d prefer it to be….an 8 on 2 match.

Davis looks confused, as does Stackhouse….when, from behind, the Covenant ATTACKS STACKHOUSE AND DAVIS!!!!! Hot Dog, Moose and Reggie start pounding their mentor and his most trusted lieutenant as Curtzerker hits the ring along with Extant and Hoss! It’s a 7 on 2 beatdown as Kensington laughs merrily on the outside! Davis and Stackhouse are getting mauled!!! Giant Spike piledriver on Davis!! Pants-shitter from Hoss to Stackhouse! Another one!! A 3^rd one!!! Biff climbs into the ring with a bounce in his step and picks up Jughead as Hoss dumps Stackhouse to the outside! Curtzerker hold up Robert Davis, and Biff swings….Jughead connects to the face of Robert Davis!! Davis goes down in a pool of his own blood!! Biff with the cover….1,2,3! Kensington wins!! The Riverdale Covenant is no more!!! One by one, the former Covenant tosses their jackets on top of a fallen Robert Davis. Biff stands up, satisfied, and gets the microphone.

Biff: Stackhouse. Davis. You like to talk about brotherhood, blood being thicker than water, whatever such nonsense. Remember that this happened to you. Remember the day that Biff Kensington proved to you, once and for all, that there’s nothing stronger….than money. (He motions to the back, and 3 tuxedoed butlers each come out with a briefcase, handing one to each of the former Riverdale Covenant members.) In the end, I always win, Riverdale losers. Go home; we rule this land!! (Biff strikes a pose as Curtzerker hoists him on their shoulders, Biff celebrating over a fallen Stackhouse and Davis)

And now, lets check out from earlier today during the BoD’s We Kinda, Sorta Care Foundation Picnic:

We see the Educated Negro Ensemble giving World History Lessons to all posters name Dave and some children that would rather be elsewhere. Someone asks Distinguished Devin Harris if he can GIT FUN-KAY but he tells them to read a book as he starts handing out Toni Morrison novels to the kids. Also, “Happening” Harry Broadhurst tells us that Harry Fact #236 is that Harry prefers ice tea to lemonade but that Harry Fact #1 is that Harry Never Does the Job. However, in the corner, is the BBQ Truck with a sign that reads “Auditions.” Lets check out what this is all about as Wade Michael Meltzer is on the scene:

Wade: Folks, devastating news today that Art, known to the BoD Nation as Macklin, Man Without Fear, left the BoD today amid controversy that he incorrectly predicted something from an inferior organization. However, the Men Without Macklin, as they are now known, are holding auditions for a replacement. Marv is still viewing replays of the Mariners no-hitter while Duck is watching WrestleMania 18, occasionally commenting on the wrestlers attire. Let’s see how these are going:

Mears: Come in (swigs a beer)

Danimal Crossing: Hey bros

Mears: Whats up

Danimal Crossing: Looking for a partner. Someone to take you to the drive thru and tell you about sport peppers?

Marv: That sounds amazing

Danimal Crossing: It is bro

Mears: If you are hungry, eat some pulled pork nachos. They are fucking great. I made them (Cracks open another beer).

Danimal Crossing: I’ll review this in a few days. (he leaves)

Duck: (Only participating due to Network buffering issues). Next.

Meekin: Hi guys.

Mears: (drops his beer) What the fuck. Ebert’s dead.

Marv: How much did that Ebert coat cost?

Meekin: Are you looking for a fourth

Duck: When you say it like that……no

Meekin: Well, I didnt want to have this anyway. (gets up and walks away)

Mears: Wait!

Meekin: Yes

Mears: (boots Meekin in the stomach and hits him with a stunner) I bet you didnt want that either. (Drinks his beer then joins Duck and Marv for WrestleMania 18

#WEWANTART

In the ring, who’s that? Why, it’s Peyton_Drinking, and he has a mic.

Peyton: Let me tell you something, I’ve been the hardest worker in the BoD for months, and I can’t get on the shows to save my life! Well, no more. I’m stopping the show! No more Summerslam until I get my Summerslam moment! So you better get me someone from the back to wrestle right now, or you’re not going to have any more matches!! I’m Peyton_Drinking, and I will NOT BE IGNORED!!!

Peyton looks satisfied, and motions to the back for anyone to come out….uh-oh, that’s the non-music of Matthew Maynard Adams! He slowly walks to the ring, eyeing Peyton the whole time in that curious way of his. The former Adam Curry has been on a tear in recent weeks – what is he doing out here? Peyton drops the mic and starts jawing at Adams! “You think beating some losers in 30 seconds makes you good, you former drunk-ass druggie?! I’m a real man, get ready to take a-“ Adams takes Peyton’s head off with a huge lariat! The bell rings, and I guess we have a match!

Matthew Maynard Adams vs Peyton_Drinking

Peyton stumbles back to his feet as Adams regards him from the middle of the ring. Peyton hits the ropes and comes off….Adams catches him! Fallaway slam!! Adams back to his feet, but he still isn’t pursuing, just watching, as Peyton comes off the ropes again with a….well, it doesn’t matter what it was, because Adams catches him with a huge spinebuster!! And now, it looks like it’s time for…..the Adamsmasher! Adams covers – 1,2,3! Once again, he simply gets up and leaves, heading for the back without allowing the referee to raise his hand. He stops at the entrance ramp and turns back towards the ring. “Judgment….has been rendered.” Who will stop Adams?

And now, a message from the BoD Network spokesman, Stranger in the Alps:

Stranger: Hi, when I left the BoD to spend more time healing the world one Power Point Presentation at a time and eat Donair four times a week, I’d get tired and want to do something on the couch. Well, that something is the BoD Network. And for just $1.99 a month, I get to see such quality moments as the formation of the Job Mob, the Birth of the C-List Title, and the downfall of the Administration.

Producer: Stick to the script! We are paying you, dammit!

Stranger: This fuckin’ contract…………I mean how much of a cruiserweight do you have to be to pass up this deal. Plus, you get a free bag of skittles and a large bag of potato chips containing all natural ingredients such as Olestra for free. Baby, with that deal, you can be a rich man too.

Director: Cut! Alright, a second take

Stranger: That’s not in my contract. Is it. (Muffled voice of stage) Fuck. It is in my contract. Someone get my wife and tell her to order me a pulled pork pizza. Its gonna be a long night.

Next week on BoD RAW, we will have for the FIRST TIME EVER……………an ALL CANADIAN MAIN EVENT. The “Pride of Canada” PrimeTime Ten takes on the “Canadian Dream” Mister E Mahn in a Canadian House of Fun match in the main event of BoD RAW. Next Week!

Let’s take a look at the following video package for our main event:

On the BODtron, we see Abeyance in profile. He turns to look at the camera, and the feed switches to the opening of “Welcome to the BOD!”, Abeyance laughing merrily.

Abeyance VO: The world doesn’t wait for you to grow up.

Abeyance is seen taking the pin in a tag match.

Abeyance VO: Opportunity doesn’t always give you the benefit of being timely.

Abeyance gets rolled up for another pin, then another. The set of “Welcome to the BOD” is trashed. “Swing life away” by Rise Against begins to play as we see Abeyance taking loss after loss.

Abeyance VO: I could have been one thing, but I wanted more.

Abeyance is seen howling in pain, then in determination. Shots of him standing next to Jef Vinson, threatening Cultstatus in the leadup to last year’s BODMania are shown.

Abeyance VO: I wanted it so bad, I would do anything for it. I would give all that I possessed to make it my reality. To make my dream concrete.

Abeyance gets his hand raised, again and again. Crimson mask and all, his hand raised at BODMania.

Abeyance VO: Dreams seem so innocent until they get close enough to grasp. Until they get close enough to demand a sacrifice to give them substance. Until they demand risk to attain the reward. That’s when reality set in for me. Would I risk it all….

A shot of the BOD World title is shown

Abeyance VO: For my dream?

Abeyance is shown on the screen, and he turns around and faces the camera.

Abeyance: You’re damned right I would. Tonight, my dream becomes my –

The feed has been interrupted! Now, we see Jef Vinson last month at the Chamber, piledriving Abeyance over and over again. Close ups, cutaways, over and over.

Vinson VO: You know that a dream can become your reality….or a mirage in the desert, don’t you?

Vinson is shown defeating Jobber for the title at BODMania. Winning the rematch.

Vinson VO: Don’t go looking for water in the desert, Abeyance. You’ll end up drinking the sand.

Vinson is seen with his hand raised over and over again, the BoD World Title in his grasp.

Vinson VO: My dream has already become my reality – and I’m not ready for it to end, Abeyance. You talk about what you want, what you desire….all you have to do is go through me.

Vinson is shown with his valet on his private jet, all the finest things, laughing merrily.

Vinson VO: Time to wake up, Abeyance. Time for the story to come to an end.

The camera turns and we see Jef Vinson, BoD title over his shoulder, looking directly at the lens.

Vinson: I’m the author of this tale, Abeyance, and it’s time for ME to write the conclusion.

Cut to black! IT’S TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT!!!!!

Abeyance heads to the ring, steely glare on his face, accompanied by the rest of Kensington Enterprises, who’ve had quite a good night. He looks quietly confident, shadow-boxing in the corner. And there’s the music of our World Champion, Jef Vinson! He’s….alone? Where is his valet? Vinson poses in all the corners with the belt, then takes off his sunglasses to stare down Abeyance, who hasn’t taken his eyes off the champ. They’re eye to eye, and Vinson backs off and gestures for a microphone.

Vinson: Kensington. I’ve seen what you and your boys have done tonight. And that idea about the cage, keeping outside interference from happening, that was brilliant! I have to applaud you, Biff, I really do. (Biff grins) But here’s the thing, Biff – you have connections….so do I. And when it comes to good ideas like a steel cage, especially to ensure a fair match, well…..that’s something that I’d be happy to get behind as well. (Biff looks confused as Vinson turns to face the back) Now then….abaisser la cage!

What the hell….the cage is lowering!! Vinson’s valet has control of the cage!! Biff jumps out of the ring, swearing up a storm as the cage comes down! The rest of Kensington Enterprises looks confused as the cage is surrounding the ring! It’s chaos at ringside as Biff is angrier than we’ve ever seen! Vinson looks over at Abeyance, who still hasn’t taken his eyes off the champ.

Vinson: Whattaya say, Abeyance? Wanna make your last match in the BoD a memorable one?

Abeyance motions for the mic.

Abeyance: Ring the goddamned bell.

BoD World Title: Jef Vinson vs Abeyance w/ Kensington Enterprises

It’s on! They circle each other, there’s a lockup. Vinson gains control with a standing side headlock, Abeyance reverses to a hammerlock, Vinson reverses again, Abeyance snapmares Vinson, Vinson attempts a legsweep, Abeyance dodges. Stalemate. They get back to their feet and circle each other cautiously, with Abeyance gaining control of a lockup this time. Front facelock by Abeyance, but Vinson goes behind and takes Abeyance to the mat. Quick cradle by Vinson gets a 1-count, but Abeyance gets a drop toehold and regains control with the front facelock. Vinson tries to power out of it, but Abeyance holds on. Vinson tries again, this time getting back to his feet but eating a knee to the gut as a result. Abeyance backs him into the corner with another knee, but Vinson reverses and fires a chop to Abeyance! Another! A third! Abeyance’s head snaps back, Vinson in control.

Vinson whips Abeyance to the cross-corner, clothesline to Abeyance in the corner! Whips him back to the other corner, but Abeyance gets the boot up, and Vinson eats it. Abeyance picks him up, snapmares him over, and chinlocks him, putting the knee square in the back of Vinson. “Ask him, ref!” This is a much more vicious Abeyance than we’ve seen in quite some time. Vinson maneuvers out of the hold, and reverses to a standing side headlock. Abeyance shoots him off and drops down, Vinson leaps over, back off the ropes, big clothesline by Vinson! He picks up Abeyance and sends him to the cage! Again! And Abeyance is busted open as Vinson goes to the second rope….missile dropkick! 1,2, no! Vinson fires rights and lefts at Abeyance, widening his cut, off the ropes, Abeyance ducks another clothesline and comes back off with a spear to Vinson’s knee! Vinson goes down and Abeyance puts the boots to him. He wraps up the leg for a kneecrusher. More stomps to the back of the knee, and now Abeyance is firmly in control. He drops an elbow on Vinson and goes for a spinning toehold. Cranks it in as Biff is still angry on the outside, yelling at Abeyance that he can win.

Abeyance picks Vinson up, dragon-screw leg whip! Trying to tear Vinson’s knee out of the socket, does a jumping stomp on the kneecap as Vinson yells in pain. Abeyance goes to the top rope, looking for the big kneedrop that took out Cultstatus at BoDMania…..Vinson rolls out of the way! He starts massaging his knee to get some feeling back into it as Abeyance is down, Biff yelling at him to get up. Vinson gets to his feet and grabs Abeyance….DDT! 1,2, no! Vinson still rubbing his knee, looking a little better now. He grabs Abeyance by the hair and gets him to a standing position….Rock Bottom by Vinson! 1,2, no! Vinson slams the mat in frustration. Biff breathes a sigh of relief on the outside. Vinson looks frustrated, but resolved. “Stay down, Abeyance!” He sets him up on the top rope, he’s looking to go up for the superplex….Abeyance is firing back at him! They’re wailing on each other with lefts and rights….Vinson goes down! He took out the referee with his elbow! Abeyance positions himself on the top rope….flying crossbody misses!! Vinson immediately grabs him and says ‘that’s it’ – piledriver by Vinson! He covers, but there’s no ref! The referee is out in the corner! Vinson slams the mat, 1,2,3, but no ref means it doesn’t matter! Vinson is frustrated! He goes over the corner and grabs the referee, trying to pick him up….from behind, Abeyance is stirring! Chopblock to Vinson!! Cloverleaf by Abeyance! Will Vinson tap? Abeyance sits down on it, really cranking it as the referee is upright again, sluggish. “Give up, Vinson!”

Vinson pulls himself to the ropes, Abeyance fighting him the whole time….Vinson has the cage! He’s pulling himself up by the cage to break the hold! Abeyance can’t believe it! Abeyance releases and rolls forward with a somersault, turns around…..spinning kick by Jef Vinson! Both wrestlers are down again, Abeyance wearing the crimson mask, the crowd going crazy! They crawl towards each other, meeting in the middle of the ring and they start trading slaps from their knees! They lean on each other as they get to their feet, Vinson throws a European uppercut! Abeyance throws the same! They’re trading uppercuts now, man to man! Finally, Vinson gets the upper hand, and he’s ready to finish this thing….Superkick by Vinson! The knee went as he did it, and now he has to crawl to make the cover, he slowly gets to Abeyance and drapes an arm over him….1,2,no! Vinson can’t believe it! He gets in the ref’s face, but it was only 2! Vinson looks down at the bleeding Abeyance on the mat and sighs. “It’s done, Abeyance! You’re done!” Vinson heads to the top, are we going to see it? Yes! The fabled Shooting Vinson Press! Here he goes….Abeyance moved! Abeyance moved! Vinson stumbles to his feet, and Abeyance is back to his. “Welcome to the BOD!” Abeyance with the Welcome to the BOD Elbow! HE CAUGHT HIM RIGHT ON THE CHIN! Abeyance falls on top of Vinson…1….2….3!!! ABEYANCE IS THE CHAMPION!! ABEYANCE HAS WON THE TITLE!!!

Kensington Enterprises celebrates on the outside as both wrestlers are down in the middle of the ring! The cage slowly starts to rise, and the belt is handed to the referee, who raises the hand of Abeyance! Abeyance looks down, he can’t believe it! His dream has come true! He looks down at a stirring Jef Vinson, who has a look of disbelief on his face. Abeyance poses in the corner with the belt as Vinson gets to his feet. The cage is still being raised as the two of them are face to face again. Vinson points at the belt…..and offers the handshake! Abeyance accepts it as the roof blows off the BoD arena! Vinson’s valet comes to help Jef Vinson from the ring as he leaves Abeyance in the ring to celebrate! And here’s Biff and the rest of Kensington Enterprises to celebrate with him! Curtzerker and Extant put Abeyance on their shoulders as Biff motions for a mic:

Biff: I told you, BoD! I told you all! Ladies and Gentlemen, I promised you that Abeyance would win the World title tonight, and, like always, I delivered on my promises! Didn’t I, Abeyance? (Abeyance looks down through his bloody face and smiles, eyes shining as he looks at his belt) And, in keeping with the tradition of promises, I promise things and deliver on them…to the letter! I promised you all that Abeyance would win the title tonight, and he did. (Biff grins) However, Abeyance, I also never said that you would be leaving this arena with that title, did I?

Abeyance looks confused….and Curtzerker drops him with a double powerbomb! Biff cackles…..and there’s one of the butlers from earlier! OH MY GOD, he’s got the Money on the Table briefcase!! Curtzerker and Extant are taking turns teeing off on Abeyance’s bloody face….and Biff hands over the briefcase to the referee! “My client, Hoss, would like to cash in his Money on the Table briefcase. Ring the bell!” The rest of Kensington Enterprises exits the ring! Abeyance is barely stirring as Hoss stands in front of him….the bell rings! Hoss with a giant roar….Pants-shitter to Abeyance!!! Hoss with the cover…1,2,3!! Hoss has won the World Heavyweight Title!! HOSS IS THE WORLD CHAMPION!!! Biff laughs in the corner as the rest of Kensington Enterprises enters the ring and they toss Abeyance to the outside, posing with their belts! Our last shot of BoD Summerslam is of your tag team champions, Curtzerker, your B+ champion, Extant1979, and your NEW World champion, Hoss; tonight, Kensington Enterprises RULES THE BOD!!! GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!!!

TUNE IN NEXT MONDAY FOR BoD RAW