WWE Superstars #331

WWE Superstars #331
Air Date: August 14, 2015
Venue: Xfinity Center, Everett, Washington
Announcers: Rich Brennan, Byron Saxton, Jimmy Uso

If Smackdown is the neglected middle child between Papa Vince’s first born, RAW, and newborn baby NXT, then Superstars is the boy who lives in the cupboard under the stairs.

In this week’s review, we talk about the jobberific new tag team of Jack Swagger and Fandango vs. The Ascension, Bo Dallas vs. R-Truth, and I will attempt to fix Bo Dallas.

Since this is my first review for Superstars, let’s talk about the intro of this show for a moment. It’s hands down WWE’s funniest. We open with a close-up headshot of John Cena smirking charmingly, as shooting stars fly by his head. Then we cut to a shot of Roman Reigns’ eye which has been replaced with a twinkling star. Then a Nikki Bella (by her own admission on Total Divas, the “John Cena of the Divas division”) headshot of her mimicking the John Cena charming smirk standing next to a giant star, then a montage of about 20 different WWE superstars (including Undertaker!), 90% of whom have never, and will never, wrestle on this program. We end with Roman Reigns superman punching the set into oblivion.

We open with in-ring action. Jack Swagger makes his was to the ring. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him as he’s been off RAW. Swagger’s still wearing his hand over heart shirt and plugging along with his deader than dead Real American gimmick (come on, Vince, there’s got to be a way to tie this into Trumpamania). Interestingly, Zeb Colter is still in his Titantron video, and is still on the WWE roster page, but I don’t think he’s been seen in a year.

And here comes Fandango. So Swagger vs. Fandango…wait, he’s Swagger’s partner?! So let me get this straight, the flamboyant, ballroom dancing, fashionista is tagging with the Glenn Beck style tea party devotee. It’s almost like someone went out of their way to make this the weirdest tag team combination ever. I mean, they easily could have put Fandango with Adam Rose, or Swagger with Heath Slater and it would have made significantly better sense in terms of a fit.

Saxton and Uso start Fandangoing at the announce table. I believe the story behind Jimmy Uso being here is to just keep him visible while Jey recovers from his injury. Brennan at least acknowledges the weirdness of this tag team.

The Dream Team’s opponent – Seth Rollins! The Ascension.

Match #1 – Jack Swagger and Fandango vs. The Ascension

Swagger and Viktor start. Swagger gets a quick near fall off a shoulder block. Viktor rushes Swagger back into his corner and tags Konnor, but Swagger fights both off momentarily. Viktor floors Swagger with a running knee lift, and Konnor jumps into the ring to cover for a near fall.

Konnor mounts Swagger and hits him with right hands, and then stomps him in the corner. Viktor tags back in and takes over with some chops and uppercuts. Konnor’s back in, and Viktor puts Swagger in a single leg Boston crab while Konnor hits a leg drop. Konnor goes to a chin lock, but Swagger rallies. Konnor cuts him off with a knee to the stomach and tags in Viktor again. Viktor whips Konnor into Swagger, in the corner, for a splash and covers for a near fall. Viktor tags Konnor back in and they go for the whip/splash spot again, but this time Viktor gets sent at Swagger, and Swagger back drops him over the top rope and to the floor. Konnor charges Swagger and gets two feet to the face. Then they both charge each other and take each other down with double clotheslines.

Konnor tags Viktor, Fandango gets the hot tag from Swagger. Fandango hits an inverted atomic drop on Viktor then keeps it going with punches and clotheslines. Fandango telegraphs a back drop off an irish whip and Viktor kicks him in the face, but Viktor charges Fandango and catches a spinning heel kick into a pin for a near fall broken up by Konnor.

Swagger grabs Konnor and they brawl out on the floor for a second before Konnor takes Swagger out by ramming him into the barricade. Viktor tries to splash Fandango in the corner, but Fandango moves, and goes up top for The Last Dance. Konnor distracts Fandango, and Viktor recovers and press slams Fandango off the top. Viktor tags in Konnor, and they hit the Fall Of Man for the pin.

Winners: The Ascension
Rating: 1/2*
Reaction: Stylistically, Swagger and Fandango could actually tag together with different gimmicks. They’re good enough workers to craft a decent team out of this, but they need a little better creative. Even something as stupid as when Heath Slater was teaming with Titus O’Neal, and the story behind it was basically Titus hated Heath, but they actually started winning matches, so Slater-Gator was born would work (which is more or less the same story behind the Chad Gable/Jason Jordan team in NXT). The Ascension is terrible. Their move set is so basic and bland, it’s hard to see them ever getting into the tag team mix on RAW in any serious way. And that’s saying a lot considering Los Matadores and Lucha Dragons are in the title picture these days.

Rich Brennan hypes our “HUGE” main event, R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas.

Recap of Rollins/Cesaro/Owens/Orton/HHH from the opening of RAW earlier this week, and highlights of the Cesaro vs. Owens vs. Orton triple threat, with Orton winning.

Commercial Break

Rich Brennan, Jimmy Uso, and Byron Saxton talk about Cena vs. Rollins and whether it will happen at Summerslam. Jimmy Uso, who I should point out is broadcasting with his face paint on, which is a nice touch, says if Cena can go, he’ll go. They throw it to a replay of the Rollins vs. Orton match from RAW, basically showing the entire match.

The announcers tease a recap of the MizTV segment from RAW coming ip.

Commercial Break (including a cool commercial for Summerslam which is just a recap of the Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon ladder match from Summerslam 1995).

We’re back and go to a replay of the Daniel Bryan/Miz segment from RAW.

The announcers hype the Intercontinental Championship triple threat between Miz, Big Show, and Ryback at Summerslam.

Jojo is backstage with R-Truth. R-Truth dances his way in front of the camera. Jojo asks R-Truth about his history with Bo Dallas, including breaking his undefeated streak, and wonders what his thoughts are on the match tonight. R-Truth responds “I don’t have any thoughts. I never do.” Then R-Truth throws out a bunch of disjointed athlete catchphrases before saying he broke Bo’s streak. And he does “Bo-lieve that, because that’s the Truth.”

Commercial Break

We’re back with R-Truth making his way to ring. What’s up! I’ll say this, R-Truth shouting “what’s up” is more over than about 60% of the roster. The crowd always responds to it. In that respect, he’s a great warm up for a live crowd getting ready to watch a three hour RAW, so that’s why he’s still around.

R-Truth screams at the audience to make noise, and shouts “what’s up” a few more times, capping it off with a “whoomp there it is,” because it’s 1992.

Bo Dallas makes his way out to some heat from the crowd, because they were just amped up by R-Truth.

Match #2 – R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas

Bo looks like he’s putting on weight, which probably isn’t helping his cause. Bo screams “Bo-lieve!” so R-Truth responds by screaming “Whoomp there it is!” Please tell me this goes on for the next 10 minutes…

Sadly no, Bo scream “Bo-lieve” one more time, R-Truth counters with “what’s up!” and they lock up. Bo takes control with a knee to the stomach, but R-Truth catches him with an elbow, and knocks Bo out of the ring.

Bo gets back in the ring and charges Truth, but Truth takes him down with a drop toe hold. Bo goes to whip Truth to the ropes, but Truth hooks the ropes on the comeback, and stops and dances, which pisses off Bo. The two then devolve into a dance-off, with R-Truth laughing at Bo, Bo charging R-Truth, and R-Truth tossing Bo to the outside.

Commercial Break

We’re back and R-Truth is punching Bo in the corner with the crowd counting, before Bo grabs R-Truth and hits a stun gun. Bo covers for a near fall, and then goes for a chinlock. R-Truth fights up, but Bo slings him right back down onto the mat, and then takes a victory lap around the ring, before going back to the chinlock. Truth fights up again, and comes back with right hands but gets cut off with a drop kick, and Bo covers for another nearfall.

Bo goes to knee drops to the head and shoulder, and covers for another near fall before going to a headlock. Bo knees Truth repeatedly in the head, while Truth is in the headlock, and then hits the ropes, but Truth counters with a Harlem sidekick. Bo gets up and charges Truth, but Truth dodges him and sends him to the outside under the bottom rope. Bo actually takes a nasty bump here hitting his head at full speed on the bottom rope, while trying to slide out to floor.

The referee counts, and Bo gets back in at nine. Truth fires up with clotheslines, and hits a front suplex into a cover for a near fall. R-Truth goes for another suplex, but Bo escapes to a corner. Truth comes after him, and Bo throws Truth head first into the middle turnbuckle pad. Bo rolls out to the apron, and hits a cutter on Truth from the apron, driving him neck first into the top rope. Bo then hits the running Bo-dog for a pin.

Winner: Bo Dallas
Rating: *
Reaction: Pretty much what you’d expect. These guys, in this spot, aren’t really being asked to put on a good match, just wake up the crowd for RAW, hence the call and response stuff, and the dance-off spot. They did wake the crowd up. It’s a shame Seth Rollins immediately killed them with his stupid 20 minute long Conan O’Brien style John Cena skit when RAW finally started.

After the match, Bo takes a victory lap around the ring. His weight gain is really noticeable here. There’s a lot of…jiggling…

* * *

How To Fix Bo Dallas: Bo is arguably the most disappointing wrestler to come out of NXT to this point. It seems like they were bullish on him when he came back to the main roster, giving him tons of air time and working the undefeated streak angle, but they quickly soured on him and relegated him to obscurity (i.e. Superstars). Most people seem to think they should just cut bait on Bo, and make him a Wyatt. I actually think the Bo Dallas gimmick can work. The problem with it is they’ve never given it, or him, any real definition beyond shouting “Bo-lieve!”

The first step to fixing the character is to have him make a WWE superstar actually Bo-lieve. Take someone like Jack Swagger, for example. A former champion who’s fallen as low as he possible can, while still being in the company. He’s jobbed to everyone in the past year, and he’s never on RAW anymore. So book him on an upcoming RAW, and have him cut a quick one minute backstage promo about how he’s glad to be back on RAW, he’s looking forward to getting back on track, and that the WWE Universe has only just begun to hear from Jack Swagger. Then send him out to face Rusev and let him get squashed in two minutes. Later in the show, a dejected Swagger, head in hands, is sitting in the locker room. He looks up, and says “Screw this, I quit” and frantically starts packing his gear in his bags to leave. As he gets up, he stops and comes face to face with Bo Dallas. Bo tells Swagger that he can fix him, but all Jack has to do is Bo-lieve. Swagger considers the offer and accepts it.

The next part of this is Bo puts Swagger through a series of ridiculous exercises, captured in vignettes, in which he talks about negative energy spectrums, and Swagger’s inner-child, and controlling and harnessing the id for strength. A real Brad Goodman from The Simpsons meets Jim Cunningham from Donnie Darko type schtick, with Swagger reluctantly going along with Bo’s suggestions. Then, Bo reintroduces Swagger, and Swagger goes on a dominant winning streak, for which Bo takes all the credit, and the central angle becomes Bo is a snake-oil salesman who’s conned Swagger into believing he is responsible for all his success, whereas, Swagger is really doing it all himself, but can’t see that. It could become a pretty good mid-card heel act, and it’s a better use of the Bo Dallas gimmick. If Bo Dallas is a motivational con-man, he needs to actually con somebody. Otherwise he’s exactly what we saw on this show; a jobber whose personality is a catchphrase, and that’s it. They could do a lot more with the character with some tweaks and a story idea like this one.

* * *

Rich Brennan hypes the Undertaker/Lesnar match at Summerslam and says a video package in which other superstars talk about the feud will close us out after the break.

Commercial Break

The same video package about the Undertaker/Lesnar feud from RAW airs.

The announcers end by hyping Undertaker and Lesnar both being on RAW next week.

Final Thoughts: A bad show from a match perspective. Neither match was particularly good, and aren’t worth watching. I do like that they pretty much air full segments from RAW on this show. If you wanted to skip a three hour RAW, you could easily watch this and be caught up. You saw the highlights of the triple threat, most of the Rollins/Orton match, the Bryan segment, and the Undertaker/Lesnar video package in its entirety.