BoD RAW

TONIGHT, on BoD RAW…..well, Bobby Bayless and the writers are still booking it on some napkins from McDonald’s. But it’s going to be….there! And it’s NEXT!

Rockstar Gary and Justice Gray are backstage, getting into their gear.

 

In the ring, trumpets blare as the BoD World champion, Jeff Vinson, is carried to the ring by several shirtless jobbers! Why all the fanfare tonight, Vinson? Let’s find out, as he’s got the STICK~!

 

 

Vinson’s music plays, but it’s cut off! “The End” by The Doors plays, and here’s Cultstatus! He slowly walks down to the ring as Vinson watches from the corner. He enters and silently picks up the contract. He looks at Vinson and points at the belt, then picks up the pen and scrawls his name! He stares Vinson down, smirks, and drops the clipboard, leaving the ring, never taking his eyes off the belt as he walks backwards towards the entrance way.

 

Back in the locker room, Chartock runs up to Jobber, who is clearly enjoying some recreational substances.

 

 

 

 

In the ring stands Bobby, the Texas Terror. He awaits his opponent for tonight and it turns out to be……………………………….The Fuj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

The Fuj starts the match in control. He takes the Texas Terror down with a hip toss then an arm drag before going to work on the ankle. Bobby slides outside for a breather then re-enters but manages to pull something out of his trunks. Bobby manages to push the referee away and throw powder in the eyes of the Fuj then runs over to the ref, making sure that he is okay. Bobby goes on offense as he stomps a mudhole in the corner. He goes over to his cowbell and attempts to use that as a weapon but is stopped. Bobby sets up Fuj for a superplex but that fails as the Fuj blocks that and picks up Bobby and places him over his shoulders. Fuj leaps and crushes Bobby with a top rope Samoan Drop!!!! Fuj gets up slowly as Bobby is dazed. Fuj then takes Bobby’s leg and turns him over as he applies the ankle lock. Bobby musters up all the strength left that he has and taps out. Fuj wins as he is not retiring tonight.

 

 

 

Backstage, we see Dean Andrews and TimeandtheRani get called over by the writers of “Corky Romano.” In the corner, we see Brian Bayless shake his head in disbelief.

 

 

 

Nick Piers bolts into the GM’s office:

 

 

 

 

The “Corky Romano” writers now call in Peyton Drinking and Jose Gomez into their office.

 

 

 

 

Perri stalls to start the match as his enemies in the crowd are furiously screaming at him. Chris F-B eventually drags him back into the ring but Miss Danielle whacks him with her heel. The ref lets that go as Perri knees the “Pride of Worldwide” in the junk as the ref was distracted. Back inside, Perri heels on the crowd with various restholds. Chris F-B tries to escape but Danielle distracts the ref again as that allows Perri to use choke holds. Perri hits a side slam then goes back to a side headlock, which is not brought to us by Anchor Cheese. Perri eggs on the crowd as he switches to a rear chinlock. We have word that Kensington Enterprises is en route to the arena tonight as they had some business to take care of at Mitchell and Ness prior to the show that we will see footage of next week. Perri sends Chris into the corner but eats boot on a charge. Perri gets up but Chris fires back. Irish whip and Chris connects with a diving shoulder tackle for two. Chris is in control of this one now. He busts out a piledriver now but Miss Danielle puts Perri’s foot on the ropes as the crowd boos. Chris yells at Danielle, who plays innocent, as Perri attempts to get himself back to his feet. Chris heads on over to Perri, who pulls him into the corner. Perri then grabs the ref’s leg and pulls himself up while Danielle takes off her heel and attempts to hit Chris, but he blocks it and grabs the heel. Perri frantically runs over as Chris dumps the heel on the ground but runs into the corner. Danielle grabs the heel and swings as Chris gets shoved into the corner but he reverses and Perri gets nailed with the heel!!!!! Chris then uses a reverse rollup and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris will now face Tommy Hall for the BoD Writer’s Championship at BoD Payback on June 1st. Perri and Danielle leave together as they get pelted by garbage.

 

 

 

Backstage, Kaptain Kiwi is with Tony & Johnny Garea for the Anchor Cheese Documentary Series titled “A Man Who Doesn’t Put Over: The Tony Garea Story.” Kiwi sits stoned-faced with the belt as photos are snapped.

 

 

 

Wade Michael Meltzer promises that next week, he will have a sit down interview with Parallax

 

 

 

Also next week, after getting the stent taken out and finally not at a baseball stadium, Marv Cresto returns with his fearless partner as they engage in battle against the RIPSHIT KILLERS.

 

Robert Davis and Archie Stackhouse are standing at the merchandise stand, Davis twirling Jughead. Archie nods to him, and Davis hops the table and scares the workers out from behind the table. The rest of the Riverdale Covenant assembles behind Davis.

 

 

( Davis sets his sights on an autographed photo of Biff Kensington Only $19.99 on BoD Shopzone!) He hands it to Stackhouse, who now speaks:

 

 

John Petuka sits in a dark room, a single spotlight shining on him:

 

 

Daveschlet is one of the newest callups from BoD NXT, and he’s been saddled with the fattest team in the entire blog as his partners, which makes him about as happy as you might expect. Rockstar Gary and Justice Gray hit the ring to “Friends Forever” by The Zack Attack. And here’s Bobby Bayless with a mic. 

 

“Guys, I promised you a great partner, and let me tell you something, when I make a promise, I DELIVER! Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce the 3rd member of this new 6-man team that I am sure will tear the house down at Payback: my cuz, the former GM, BRIAN BAYLESS!!”

 

Former GM Bayless comes out, shaking his head the whole time. Rockstar Gary is crazy excited! He’s jumping up and down! Justice looks disbelieving, but he focuses and we get ready to start the match proper…..and on the ramp, it’s the 6-man tag champs! Cabspaintedyellow, Kyle Warne, and Adam Curry are watching as their challengers assemble for their warmup match. Looks like we’re ready to get started as Meekin and Justice are in the ring….ring the bell! Circling, and Justice goes for the nuts right away….wait, that’s a single leg takedown. I think. Justice gets Meekin on his back and stomps away. Drags him to the corner, tag to Gary, who slingshots in with a leg drop….near the groin. Gary gets Meekin to his feet for the inverted atomic drop! Barely got him up, there. Bayless is just watching, still shaking head, while the current GM is delighted at these Jesse Baker training techniques brought to life. Gary sends Meekin to the corner, but Meekin slowly avoids the charge and rolls over to the corner, tagging in Caliber Winfield, who comes in with a knee drop….that misses. Gary with the tag to Justice, ignoring Bayless, who wasn’t even reaching for the tag. The six-man champs are giggling on the stage as Justice sweeps the leg and turns Caliber over for the Viscera humping! Stomp to the…..lower back, we’ll call it. Caliber can’t get to his feet, and Justice gets a knee crusher! Quick tag to Gary, who takes a shot at Meekin the corner, and there’s one for daveschlet, who not only hasn’t been tagged in, but looks thoroughly disgusted at his tag partners rolling around the ring. Gary drops and elbow and tags Justice back in; they nod to each other and it’s a double BALLSPLEX! Candice LeRae, eat your heart out! daveschlet wants no part of this and drops from the apron as Justice applies the stump puller to get the tap out! Warne and Cabs have collapsed into giggles and Brian Bayless just looks sad on the ring apron as Justice and Gary celebrate their first win! They point at the entrance and make the ‘we want the belts’ gesture. Curry stops laughing and looks like he’s going to respond…..but out of the crowd, it’s Murph! He’s here and the fight is ON! Murph and Curry are throwing punches left and right while Warne and Cabs try to separate them and this is no joke! Here’s Chatrock to try to calm Murph down….and Murph elbows him in the face! The wrestlers have been separated now, and Murph somehow gets his hands on a mic. “Bring it on, Curry! Fuck those assholes, I don’t know what I was thinking with you and Jobber, Chatrock! I’m going to FUBAR you, Curry!” Curry’s trying to get to the ring, but Warne and Cabs are holding him back, as Justice, Gary, and Bayless have left ringside. Looks like Murph has left the Job Mob and is coming for Adam Curry, and Curry seems to welcome it!

 

 

 

PrimeTime Ten is home in Canada at Tim Horton’s, while wearing his Wayne Gretzky jersey:

 

 

 

 

Next week, we will check in with Biscuit as he attempts to get around via Greyhound.

daveschlet is in the back knocking on the GM’s door. “That sucked! Why did I get stuck with the beached whales in my first mat-” BANG! From behind, it’s kbjone with his chair! He’s looking quite demented as the door opens and Bobby peeks out. “What was that, man?” kbjone smiles at him and speaks. “I’ve found out that I like to hit people with chairs now.” He laughs, and so does Bobby. “Cool stuff, man! Go on and keep hitting people, dude!” Bobby closes the door, chuckling as kbjone turns towards the cameraman, who figures out what’s going to happen and makes a run for it, dropping the camera. From the sideview, we can see kbjone chasing him and off-camera, we hear a CLANG and the sound of kbjone giggling like a schoolboy! That boy ain’t right.

 

Biff and the rest of Kensington Enterprises are in the back, watching the Riverdale promo from earlier. He then has something to say:

 

 

Back in the GM’s office, Bobby is downing pixie sticks in a bouncy house (a Batman one!), and Justice enters. 

 

Former GM Bayless has been watching on a monitor in the back, and he shakes his head slowly from side to side. Rockstar Gary comes up to him. “Dude, so glad we’re partners! We’re totally going to win!” Rockstar Gary is quite drunk. Bayless looks at him and looks at the camera. His face hardens. “He’s ruining everything, and I can’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen.” The camera cuts to black as we hear these last words.