BoD RAW

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Backstage, Bayless tells his former Administration how is cousin Bobby became a billionaire:

“We where all starting out high school. It was 1997 and I was just 15 years old. My cousin Bobby wasnt the coolest kid. He’d watch “All That” all day long and only wear Umbro shorts, because he said they made his thighs look great. Anyway, I was having a party one day as I became the starting receiver on the varsity team. Everyone was there but Bobby was in the basement drinking Orange Soda and watching “Goodburger.” The party got pretty heavy and we started to take bong rips out of the chimney on the roof. The cable went out so Bobby wanted to fix the antenna. We made Bobby climb up and told him he had to take a bong rip or the entire offensive line would throw him off the roof. Bobby took the hit but had no idea what he was doing and ended up falling off of the roof, with his head whacking a half-dozen branches and a birds nest on the way down. Everyone fled as we had to call an ambulance for Bobby. They came and asked Bobby to describe what happened. He told the EMT’s that a white owl-like bird came to him and said his thighs looked like they belonged to a cruiserweight and drew it out on paper. The EMT had a rich-uncle who worked for a toy company and a year later the “Furby” became a popular toy. When that happened, Bobby began to tell everyone that was the bird who attacked them and his family filed suit. After four years in court, Bobby settled for a replica of KIT from Knight Rider and a lottery ticket. Well, that ticket ended up being a $400 million dollar winner. A year after that, Bobby accidentally hired an investor and he ended up quadrupling Bobby’s assets. Sadly, he passed and Bobby lost half of that investing into a theme park based on the film “Grown Ups” and an anti-sneezing device that caused seizures. And now, Bobby has my job because the Big Man in Saskatoon knows Bobby has the cash. 


The rest of the ex-administration, with the exception of an intoxicated Average Joe Everyman, have their jaws drop. Just as this happens, a limo pulls up as GM Bobby Bayless rolls down the window as he sips on an extra large Slurpee. He has a few words for Justice Gray, his Assistant GM:

“Hey pal, I’m going to see “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” so you are in charge for the rest of the night. I have some instructions for you in the office. See ya later pal, HA HA HA HA HA (Bobby Bayless watches the film trailer as Blart gets hit by a car) 

Doctor Funkopolis vs. FunkDoc1112

HA HA HA HA HA, WE GITTIN’……………………DOUBLE DA FUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, the crowd boos Funkopolis as it is clear that he is inferior in his ability to GIT DOWN!!!! Both men are by themselves for this match as it begins with FunkDoc putting Funkopolis in a headlock. FunkDoc takes control of the match but Funkopolis ducks outside and attempts to GIT FUN-KAY but that fails as the crowd boos. The FunkDoc, real Dr. of Funk of the BoD, dives outside with a tope. Back inside, FunkDoc hits a clothesline them comes back with a top rope leg drop. He covers but out from the ring comes Night & X-Man as they bring watermelons into the ring. Funk Doc sees this and gets up as Night tosses a watermelon that narrowly misses FunkDoc as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Its 2-1 as X Man has FunkDoc trapped. Night takes the other watermelon and is about to smash it over the very FUN-KAY head off FunkDoc but Dancin’ Devin Harris runs out and makes the save as the others bail. The DDH then grabs the microphone:

“Night, X Man, for weeks you two have been ruining the fun not just for us but for the fans of the BoD. How about you two miserable men finally step into the ring and stop acting like wimps and accept our challenge to face us at BoD Extreme Rules (As he says this, Doctor Funkopolis still tries to GIT FUN-KAY but fails).”


Night grabs the mic:

“Listen here Amos & Andy, you two poor excuses of African-Americans do not scare us, you just fill us with disgust. So we accept your challenge and after the match, we will finally put an end to your 21st century minstrel act. (X-Man then clothesline Doctor Funkopolis as he walks away with his partner)”

Biscuit vs. Jose Gomez

Gomez is a youngster trying to make a name for himself here in the BoD. Biscuit, who got hosed out of the C-List Title, puts the boots to Gomez. Biscuit hits a jumping back elbow smash then works over the back. Gomez escapes and fights back with a dropkick and a suplex but ducks his head for a backdrop and Biscuit slams him down then puts him in the Stump Puller for the win. After the match, the not so expensive BoD Jumbotron 100 turns on as Camp Cleveland are standing in the parking lot. They turn around and reveal Biscuit’s 1987 Buick Regal. Biscuit looks infuriated as Mikey Mike speaks:

“The only thing worse than a 1st round quarterback bust is poor white Midwestern trash. And Biscuit, that is exactly what you are. (Picks up a baseball bat and points it at the Regal) Look at this shitbox, its old and beat up, just like you and your whole damn family.”


WWF1987 now speaks:

“Biscuit, just like  BoD Mania II, hell, just like everything else you do, BoD Extreme Rules will be a disappointment. And do you know why that is the case? Well, of course you don’t so let me have my friend tell you why that is the case.”


White Thunder now speaks:

“Dinner Roll, lets make one thing clear: You are a loser. No one cares how many miles you have on your car or how many legion halls you jobbed at on the ride to the arena. Because next week at BoD Extreme Rules, you will be facing one of us, Camp Cleveland. But the thing is, you aren’t going to find out who it is until after the bell rings. (starts to laugh) okay guys, time to go. (They all walk away then Thunder reaches over and grabs a rock and throws it at the Regal, smashing out the driver’s side window. They all laugh as they walk away.)


The camera now shows a pissed off Biscuit in the ring, who takes off to the back.

White Goodman vs. The Fuj


Match starts with Fuj ducking a clothesline then taking Goodman down with a big boot. Fuj tosses Goodman into the corner and follows that up with a running knee smash. Fuj then grapevines the leg as he softens that up for a bit. Goodman gets an eye rake and lands a few shots but Fuj comes back with a shinbreaker and then immediately turns that into an ankle lock as Goodman taps out quickly. After the match, Fuj grabs the stick:

“I have been around here for a long time. And my time has been spent on the top. But no matter how many people come and go, there is one certainty: I am the best. Knowing that, I challenge the BoD, anyone here, that if they beat me, I will retire.”


As that is said, an irate Hart Killer 09 comes out:

” I got screwed over by a kiwi-eating moron and some dipshit with an idea to give me a shell. But make no mistake, one-on-one, in an actual match, I will defeat anyone, including yourself, Fuj. I’ll snap your arm and send you to the retirement home once and for all. You just sign the dotted line and we will face off at BoD Extreme Rules

BoD Extreme Rules Card:

Jobber vs. Jef Vinson in a Hell in a Cell match for the BoD World Title
Cultstatus vs. Abeyance
Kaptain Kiwi vs. John Petuka/Bill Ray for the BoD Solid B+ Player Title
Curtzerker & Extant 1979 & Hoss vs. Piers & Magoonie & The Brazilian Psycho & Beard Money
Battle Royal for the BoD Writer’s Championship
Job Mob vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabspaintedyellow in a White Castle of Fear Match for the BoD Six-Man Titles
“Happening” Harry Broadhurst Open Challenge
The Fuj vs. Hart Killer 09
Biscuit vs. A Member of Camp Cleveland