BoD RAW

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Backstage, GM Bayless and the administration are sitting at a banquet table on folding chairs in the corner as Archie Stackhouse and the Riverdale Covenant have taken over his office. GM Bayless looks into the camera and delivers a speech:

“With just ten competitors named for the BoD Rumble, I have decided to automatically include the other singles champions, meaning that “Marvelous” Matt Perri, DBSM, and Hart Killer will all be in the BoD Rumble Match. 


And for tonight, the BoD Six Man Tag Team Titles will be on the line as the Job Mob takes on Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabspaintedyellow. Plus, the Finals of the BoD Tag Team Tournament will take place as Strike Force takes on Curtzerker. The winner will not only get a future title shot but also spots in the BoD Rumble. 


That is not all as we will have more BoD Rumble qualifying matches and much, much more (GM’s phone rings). Okay, I have to take this and go but I will be back and in my office. Archie Stackhouse, this will be the last of you in the BoD. You and you’re covenant. 






Dr. Facts is in the ring, fresh off his tour of Japan. He has a match but Cultstatus has come out to the ring. Cult boots down Dr. Facts then flattens him with a jackknife powerbomb. Cult then tosses Dr. Facts outside of the ring and grabs the mic:

“Last week, you all saw me defeat Parallax. And that is because no one else in the BoD is on my level. I won the very first BoD Rumble last year by going the distance and only lost the title due to a fluke win. So Jef Vinson, come on out here as I show everyone how your win against me was nothing more than a fluke. You can even bring out your valet as I am sure she will help you up when you lose so you can go back to posting GIF’s on a blog. Now show us how you are a big boy and come on out.”


Vinson and his valet come down to the ring. His valet gives him a mic:

“Cult, I respect you. But my win was not a fluke. And if you think that you can defeat me just like that then you are sadly mistaken. And if you want to go at it tonight (takes off ring jacket) then someone better ring the damn bell (Mister E Mahn, A+++ Timekeeper, raises his head over the 68 trophies and awards on his desk and goes to ring the bell but Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods walks out)


Justice Gray grabs the mic:

” I am under strict orders from the GM to not add to tonight’s show. However, we do need a main event for next week so at that show, we will have Jef Vinson vs. Cultstatus as the main event. GM Bayless has left for a while as he had to take care of a personal matter but will be back shortly and he wants me to tell you all that The Administration, not Archie Stackhouse and the Riverdale Covenant, are the ones in charge.”


So there you have it, your main event for next week and it is a huge match.

BoD Six Man Tag Team Championship Match
Job Mob vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabspaintedyellow


Zanatude is holding all six of the belts to the ring. The Job Mob are in the ring but the challengers all run full speed into the ring and attack the champs. The action spills outside as the Job Mob are getting beat down. Curry is taking it to Big Dirty Murph as the rest of the competitors are back in the ring. Match settles down in the ring now as Warne is beating on Chartock. Zanatude knees Warne from the Apron then Murph clotheslines him down as Curry goes nuts and runs in and knocks Murph to the floor! Both men are slugging it out as the referee hops out and rings the bell as he is unable to contain both of these guys. Zanatude runs over and takes all of the belts as assorted jobbers and White Coat Security members try to break up Murph and Curry. These two are refusing to stop but are finally contained. I am going to guess that we have not seen the last of these two fighting.





GM Bayless has already arrived back to the arena. He tells Justice Gray that he brought in the one person to help him fight the psychotic Archie Stackhouse. He then tells Bill Ray that he has a match next and that he will be in his corner.

Bill Ray w/ GM Bayless vs. Phrederic


The “Chosen One” of the administration is set to face a steady hand in the BoD, Phrederic. Match starts with both guys jockeying for position over a lockup. Ray breaks cleanly but quickly catches Phrederic with a knee. Ray whips Phrederic against the ropes but misses a clothesline and gets caught with a leg lariat. Phrederic snaps off a hurricarana as Ray regroups outside. The GM gives him some pointers then Ray heads back inside and slugs it out but loses that battle. The GM then yanks Phrederic down as that allows Ray the chance to take the advantage. I don’t think Ray saw that happen. Ray then drops an elbow and softens up Phrederic until he gets the win with a Dragon Suplex. The GM then enters the ring to raise the hand of his protege as the crowd boos.

And now, lets look at how Jobber trained this week for his upcoming match against Abeyance:

We are at the Job Mob Compound


Jobber: (Lifts up head after snorting a few lines of blow off of a stripper’s ass.) Fuck, did I forget to show up at the BoD Rumble?
Chartock: (Eating Cereal) No, its not for another three weeks. 
Jobber: Dude, how can you eat cereal after snorting all that blow. 
Chartock: (surprised) Um, you are the only one snorting blow right now. Murph and Zanatude are busy planting non-lethal landmines in the ground to fuck with Barlow and Munson
Jobber: Why didn’t anyone wake me up for that?
Chartock: You have been up since the end of the Steelers/Ravens game. 
Jobber: Shit, I gotta watch 2009 SummerSlam. Where is the remote?
Chartock: No idea. 
Jobber: (shrugs shoulders) fuck it, I’ll go back to training (pulls out a three-foot long bong) BARLOW!!!!!! SPARK ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barlow: (heard in the distance) coming!!!!!! (after a few seconds, an explosion is heard)
Chartock: Guess he found the landmine. 
Jobber: (laughs) Shit, let’s check this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!






BoD Writer’s Championship Match
“Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Logan Scisco


Miss Danielle gets into Scisco’s face and that allows Perri to attack from behind. Perri stays on the attack as Logan struggled to get off his ring jacket, which is a denim Shawn Michaels jacket. Perri hates Logan’s gimmick as he stomps away. Miss Danielle claps for her man, who starts to mock the pose of Stranger in the Alps, the man he defeated for the BoD Writer’s Championship. Perri acts cocky and that allows Scisco to fight back. Scisco takes Perri down with an armdrag then sends him through the ropes with a dropkick. Perri regroups with his lady but Scisco flies out and takes them both down with a pescado as this is what the world is watching folks. Perri is in trouble as Scisco rolls him back inside and hammers away. Brainbuster gets two as Perri looks woozy. Scisco sets up Perri on the top rope but Miss Danielle steps up on the apron to distract the ref. Scisco stays focused though and hits a superplex but the ref is not counting as he is tied up with Danielle. Scisco now heads over and tells the ref to count the pin but by the time that happens, Perri was able to kick out. Scisco sends Perri back to the corner and tries a monkey flip but Perri blocks that and places Scisco on the top rope. Scisco then boots Perri in the face as Miss Danielle slides her heel across the ring as Perri crawls after it then the ref takes it from him but as that happens, Danielle gets up on the apron and hits Scisco with a low blow. Perri then gets up and slams Scisco before climbing the top rope and hitting the flying elbow smash for the win. What a miscarriage of justice! As Perri and Danielle celebrate by mocking Stranger, the camera shows a dejected Laughing Sting in the rafters, shaking his head in disbelief. He cannot even muster a laugh right now he is so sad. A swarm of bees now arrive to Laughing Sting as he tells them to take him to the ring. What is going on here, folks? Sting then comes down and tells Perri that he is a disgrace as a champion and that he will find someone to take his title away from him, as he does not deserve to hold the belt. Perri and Danielle laugh and say that he better have some insurance. The Bees then take Sting away.

And now, lets check how Abeyance trained for his upcoming title match:

Abeyance and thebraziliankid are at a gym called “Target Fitness”


Desk Attendant: Welcome to Target Fitness, where we help you reach your goal!
Abeyance: I am here to sign up for the gym
Attendant: Okay, I see you applied online so here is your shirt and your target (hands him a little target sticky pad)


Abeyance and TBK are in the gym. They go into the weight room


Big Guy: (Using the bench press) Hey, spot me!!!!!!
Abeyance: Ok (Sits there and does nothing, Big Guy starts lifting)
Big Guy: (tiring) SPOT ME!!!!!!!!!
TBK: I think he wants to see a highspot?
Abeyance: Okay. (Proceeds to attempt a moonsault and accidentally knees the big guy in the groin, who in turn drops the bar on his throat)
TBK: (Looks at Big Guy, who is turning Purple) Wow, you are good at selling?
Abeyance: Yeah, are you Dolph Ziggler! Here, you should reach your target (sticks target on the now passed out guys chest)






Next week’s BoD Rumble qualifying matchups include:

Biscuit vs. Mikey Mike
Joe Dust vs. Night 81
Dancin’ Devin Harris vs. WWF1987






BoD Tag Team Tournament Finals
Strike Force vs. Curtzerker w/ Biff Kensington III

The HUSS! section is wild tonight, folks. Strike Force comes out in the red Chrysler Lebaron but Hoss comes out from behind and knocks them off of the car. Hoss pummels Strike Force as BKIII slips the referee what appears to be a wad of cash as theberzerker repeatedly yells HUSS!!!!!!!!!! He sees the HUSS! section yell the same thing and is intrigued. The referee starts to count as BKIII and Curtis Williams hold back theberzerker so that he does not get counted out. The referee finally counts to ten as Hoss as laid out BoD Strike Force and Curtzerker wins the match and is now in the BoD Rumble. That god-damned Biff Kensington and his cash. And that is legitimate cash too. BKII grabs the mic:

“You see, you are all looking at greatness. And at the BoD Rumble, my three men will all be entered and will wreak havoc across the BoD. And I dont care what you think and I will bring the Cocaine Rain down on all of you and after the BoD Rumble, when one of my men wins the damn thing, I will bang your mom like a drum and slam your wife like a screen door. Because in Kensington Enterprises, that’s how we roll.”






Backstage, GM Bayless says that he has found the one person crazy enough to help him defeat Archie Stackhouse. The camera then slowly pans out to reveal……………………………………………..JESSE BAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO BoD RAW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!