BoD RAW

By Scott Keith on May 27, 2014

This has nothing to do with the WWE

With BoD Payback less than one week away, what other matches will be added to the card?

After becoming the number one contender last week, what will Jobber123 have to say to the BoD Nation? Is his hard times coming to an end at BoD Payback

Are the any problems with the alliance between Parallax1978 & Officer Farva? Guess we will find out tonight as they face the Tag Team Champions, Adam Curry & Kyle Warne in a title match!

Speaking of the Tag Team Division, there will be a three-way match tonight to determine the #1 contender as we will see the Upper Midcard Express vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. Curtis Williams & theberzerker1

The last two opening round matches of the “BoD Solid B+ Player Championship” will happen tonight, with JoeDust vs. DavidBonzaiSaldanaMontgomery and CabsPaintedYellow vs. PrimeTime Ten

Also, will Stranger in the Alps accept the offer made by Tommy Hall for the BoD Writer’s Championship? Is $400 in illegitimate e-book currency and $2 off a “pick two” at Panera Bread enough to sway the champion?

After using the Hoss to destroy Nebb28 last week, what does GM Bayless have in store for the Midcard Mafia? And, is the Hoss working with the GM?

How is Mar Solo dealing with the Unstable inside of his head? It will not get any better this week as he will face off against the “Master of the Downvote,” Gideon Stargrave.

And we will see Abeyance1 & thebraziliankid as they come home from their trip. Will Abeyance prove to us again that he is racist? I would bet on it with everything I own.

All this and the details of the BoD Payback Preshow Battle Royal on………………

BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opening Round

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament

JoeDust vs. DavidBonzaiSaldanaMontgomery

DBSM was warming up the crowd with jokes before the show and let’s just say there are no more tomatoes left in the arena. DBSM shows off his strength by bending a steel bar, which obviously does not impress Joe Dust. He then shows off his two “BoD Fantasy Football League of Doom Championships” and that does not impress him either. What does impress Joe Dust? We need Wade Michael Meltzer to investigate. After going back and forth for a bit, DBSM catches Joe Dust in a powerslam. DBSM goes to work and is not letting up. Joe reverses an Irish whip and comes back with a Yakuza kick. Joe is pounding away on DBSM in the corner then uses an overhead suplex for a nearfall. Joe bounces off of the ropes but DBSM rolls away from an elbow drop. He gets up and stomps Joe then gets two with a DDT. DBSM picks up Joe, who floats over, then runs into a clothesline. Joe then picks up DBSM and uses the Final Cut for the win. Even after victory, Joe remains unimpressed.

Bayless comes to the ring and announces that the winner of the preshow battle royal at BoD Payback will receive his own talk-show segment for BoD RAW. He then announces the 20 competitors:

Zanatude
Todd “Hoss” Lorenz
Abeyance1
thebraziliankid
Bobby
James
YJ2310
Dancin’ Devin Harris
Andrew Dean
Scotty Flamingo
Juvydriver
SpicolliDriver
Dan Selby
Kyle Fitta
MikeyMike2323
C.O. Jones
Worst in the World
Logan Scisco
Andy PG
Dr. Facts

What a battle royal!!!!!!! One of these competitors is going to have their own talk show RIGHT HERE ON BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opening Round

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament

PrimeTime Ten vs. Cabspaintedyellow

PrimeTime Ten comes down to the ring with Beard Money’s red bandana that he stole from grandma last week on BoD RAW tied around his right wrist. Cabs is a solid BoD veteran and an all around jam-up guy. Everytime he goes to the store, he makes sure to donate $1 to whatever cause is in need. And I think he once wrote a review for “How I Met Your Mother.” Time Magazine, I have just found your 2014 Man of the Year. Cabs catches PrimeTime with a kick to the gut as he is not happy over the fact that Beard Money is injured and out. Later in the show, we will post the P.O. Box where you can write him a get-well letter. Cabs misses a charge in the corner and PrimeTime takes control and is now mocking Beard Money by performing a cartwheel and a jig in comedic fashion. PrimeTime sets up Cabs for an elbow drop but misses and Cabs fights back. He is digging deep….like he does into his pockets so he can donate to Easter Seals, and hitting PrimeTime back with everything he can. Cabs busts out a slingshot suplex but that cannot put away PrimeTime. Cabs climbs up top but PrimeTime cuts him off and lifts him on his shoulders for the electric chair drop and gets the win and will move on to the semi-finals to take on JoeDust at BoD Payback.

And now, here is the address to send your get well cards to Beard Money:

Get Well Beard Money
BoD Corporate Offices
P.O. Box 0.1
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan SLH OA4

Bayless is again in the ring. He tells the Midcard Mafia that if they interfere in his match against Nebb28, they will have hell to pay and it will make parking cars look like a walk in the park. He says that at BoD Payback, extra security will be around. The Midcard Mafia are not here and are paying Tribute to the Troops tonight.

Backstage, Parallax is asking Farva if he is ready for tonight. Farva assures him that he is and goes back over to Jobber123 as Parallax is skeptical of his partner’s abilities for tonight.

The Unstable are in the ring. Jesse tells Mar Solo that he will expose him at BoD Payback. Jesse says that he will expose Mar Solo of all his sins and after BoD Payback, Mar Solo will be nothing more than a manservant.

Gideon Stargrave vs. Mar Solo

Mar Solo looks bored as he walks down the aisle. He gets in the ring and Gideon refuses to hand over his fly swatter to the referee. Well, what’s his fucking problem……….oh yeah, he is mental. Gideon is beating himself with a flyswatter as Mar Solo is standing back, letting Stargrave continue his self-injurous behaviors. Gideon finally stops and is now drooling then Mar Solo hits him with a clothesline then covers and that gets the win. Luckily for Mar Solo, Stargrave softened himself up. Elvy Landa and Jesse Baker grill Mar Solo as Steve Stennick is yelling at all of the “Smarks.” White Coat Security drag away Gideon, presumably for some more medications. Jesse now challenges Mar Solo to a match at BoD Payback. Mar Solo accepts then leaves, because the UNSTABLE ARE CLEARLY INSIDE OF MAR SOLO’S HEAD.

Wade Michael Meltzer is on location at the airport, where Abeyance1 & thebraziliankid are about to head back home so they can prepare for BoD Payback. Here is what we have recorded:

BrazilianKid: Disney World was fun
Abeyance: It is
BrazilianKid: I got to ride Space Mountain just like Ric Flair. I don’t get the big deal though. It is just a roller coaster in the dark.
Abeyance: It hurt my neck and my butt is sore from the seat
BrazilianKid: Woooooo!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: Wooooooooo!!!!!!
BrazilianKid: We have to fly back home now because we have to be at BoD Payback this Sunday
Abeyance: BoD Payback is at my house?
BrazilianKid: I don’t know. I have never been to your house
Abeyance: You can come over if you want
BrazilianKid: Okay. That way, we do not have to travel far for BoD Payback
Abeyance: But I dont know if BoD Payback is at my house
BrazilianKid: I don’t know either
Abeyance: What don’t you know, I thought you wanted to come over
BrazilianKid: I do but I do not know where BoD Payback is
Abeyance: Where is it?
BrazilianKid: I don’t know
Abeyance: I’m confused
BrazilianKid: I thought you were Abeyance?
Abeyance: I am
BrazilianKid: I’m not
Abeyance: I know
BrazilianKid: Me too
Abeyance: I thought you were BrazilianKid?
BrazilianKid: I am
Abeyance: Not me though, I am Abeyance
BrazilianKid: I know
Abeyance: Your name is know? You are confusing me

(voice over loudspeaker says that it is time to board the flight)

Buck Nasty is back where it all began, Chang O’Reilly’s. He is chilling in a corner booth, surrounded by hoes. But that is not all as he has a message for us:

On June 1st, I will set out to prove that my Win-a-Date Battle Royal win was no fluke. When Buck Nasty was born, he was not created to lose, he was created to win and at BoD Payback, I will extend my streak of wins to two when I destroy that young punk, Archie Stackhouse, then go to the Cellular Twat for my after party. Then, I will make it rain on them hoes here, there, and everywhere.

Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. Upper Midcard Express

The BoD has never seen a Tag Team Division with so much depth. Meekin starts off the match with Curtis Williams and puts him in an abdominal stretch, showing off what a week and a half of DDP Yoga can do for you. Williams escapes and bounces off of the ropes but Petuka makes a blind tag. William bounces off of Meekin but turns around and eats a dropkick. Petuka tags kbjone and they double team the Master of the QOTD. Meekin is able to prevent a double suplex from taking place and makes his way to his partner for the tag. White Thunder does the Flair strut but takes too much time and gets attacked by kbjone. He stays on the attack but theberzerker1 tags himself and goes after kbjone. Williams & theberzerker1 double-team kbjone in the corner as the referee finally steps in-between. Williams tags and hits a backbreaker then gets a few nearfalls as kbjone desperately needs to make a tag. He softens him up some more then tags Williams and they use a double slingshot suplex but White Thunder makes the save then gets into a shoving match with theberzerker1. The referee steps in between them but Meekin attacks kbjone from behind. The ref turns around and Meekin tags himself in at the expense of Williams and starts overpowering kbjone, who really needs to make a tag. Meekin slams kbjone and sets up for the splash but thank the lord kbjone rolled out of the way and both men are down. Meekin is stunned as kbjone tries to make the tag but White Thunder cuts him off and Petuka has had enough and he goes after White Thunder as the match has broken down. Williams and theberzerker come into the ring with chairs and start swinging away as the ref has had enough and signals for the DQ. GM Bayless now comes out after they have settled down and announces that since a number one contender was not determined tonight, at BoD Payback, we will have a Fatal Fourway Match under TLC rules, with the winner of tonight’s title match facing all three of these teams!!!!!! The fans go nuts over that announcement. BOMBSHELL DROPPED.

The BoD Writer’s Champion, Stranger in the Alps, heads down to the ring. He is here for one reason and it is not plugging his 1977 WWF House Show review. It is to answer Tommy Hall’s offer for his BoD Writer’s Champion:

You know, thinking about e-book money 24 hours a day, can make you a little goofy. I thought about how it would turn my life around if I had $400 and $2 off a Pick Two at Panera Bread. I could have a new bicycle in my garage, I could feed my family. Accepting the offer from Tommy Hall would make all this possible. I would never have to fight for anything again. Accepting this offer from Hall would change a few other things. All the Little Strangers that aren’t as physically capable as me, I could help them out. All the Little Strangers that aren’t mentally right on the money….I could help them out too. Oh yeah, accepting this offer from the e-book money man, would change my life completely. *takes off the BoD Writing Championship belt and holds it in my hands in front of me* Thinking about all that, thinking about all the Little Strangers, how easy it would be. On behalf of all the Little Strangers and myself, I’m going to have to tell Tommy Hall…….

…….HELL NOOOOOOOO! Tommy Hall, if you want the BoD Writer’s Championship title, COME TAKE IT FROM ME WHEN WE FACE OFF AT BoD PAYBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BoD Tag Team Title Match

Officer Farva & Parallax1978 vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne (Champions)

Farva is trailing Parallax down the aisle, texting away on his cell phone. I wonder what he is doing. Parallax starts out with Warne and backs him into the corner. Parallax breaks cleanly then slaps Warne in the face. Warne is pissed but Parallax ducks outside to piss him off. Parallax orders the referee to back Warne up as he enters the ring and he does. Parallax returns and stalls for a bit. He then has Warne chase him until Farva decks him with a forearm smash. Farva tags and lands a few punches but Warne ducks a clothesline and comes back with a leg lariat. He takes down Farva with a rana and tags Curry as they double-team Farva for a bit. Curry hits Farva with a brainbuster and that gets two. Curry then picks him up again but Farva rolls him up in a small package for two. Farva then hits Curry low and the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Warne comes in and goes after Farva but Parallax whacks him with a chair from behind. Farva grabs a chair and they beat the champs. Parallax has stopped and grabs the mic:

Cut the music! First, enough with this Tag Team Wrestling and wife-fucking bullshit. I am here for one thing, the BoD Heavyweight Championship. And I am not going to stop until the belt is around my waist. And the rest of the BoD locker room better be listening to this. First, anyone who steps in my way of the title will be destroyed and second, get rid of your cable. Cultstatus, Jobber, Vinson, or whoever else who has the strap, I am taking it from you and never giving it up as I am………………..Parallax and you can go shit in your hat.

And now, vote on what time you want BoD RAW to air going forward:

http://poll.pollcode.com/25714445

We see that 1995 Infinity heading down to the ring and out from the window comes Jobber123, sporting a warm Fruitopia and a Todd Fuller throwback, slumming it like it is his private school days. Out next is our beloved BoD Heavyweight Champion, Cultstatus, who proudly sports the championship belt over his shoulder. These two will face off in yet another main event Championship match this coming Sunday at BoD Payback. GM Bayless is out here, backed with White Coat Security as both men sign the contract. Jobber goes to speak but Cultstatus cuts him off. He tells Jobber that no amount of post-whoring can help him win this title and calls his alliance with Parallax1978 and Officer Farva pathetic. Jobber speaks up and says that he didn’t need anyone to overcome getting made fun of in private school and certainly doesn’t need anyone below him in the top 5 helping him out or even addressing him at all. Cultstatus points at the title over his shoulder as Jobber smirks. Cultstatus then taunts him some more with the belt and lays it on the mat, telling Jobber to come and get it, waving him on with his finger. Jobber moves slowly towards the champ as White Coat Security moves ahead and forms a wall in the middle of the ring. Jobber retreats and heads back but turns around and runs and leaps over White Coat Security and knocks the champ through the ropes. Jobber climbs out and starts hammering away on the BoD Champion. He slides out of the ring and grabs a chair but Cult blocks as Jobber swings then pushes him away. Cult runs and clotheslines Jobber over the guardrail, going over with him. Cult drags Jobber through the crowd but Officer Farva and Parallax are there and they attack Cultstatus from behind. They take Cultstatus and slam him on the floor and are wailing away on our champion. But look at this, Jef Vinson comes out and takes out both men!! He is swinging away as he has been the target of these two for weeks. As the #1 commentor and BoD Money on the Table Briefcase holder makes him a marked man. Vinson fights off both guys until Jobber hits him from behind. It’s a three-on-two attack but now a masked man appears with a bat. He stops and looks, then takes out Farva. He then whacks Parallax and Jobber. He takes on these three but now White Coat Security finally makes it way to the crowd and breaks things up. WHO IS THIS MASKED MAN? JUST SIX DAYS AWAY UNTIL BoD PAYBACK, 6:05 EST THIS SUNDAY!!!!! BE THERE……………….OR NOT

BoD Payback Lineup

Jobber vs. Cultstatus for the BoD Heavyweight Championship

Officer Farva vs. Parallax1978 vs. Jef Vinson

Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. White Thunder & Paul Meekin vs. Upper Midcard Express vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne in a TLC Match for the Tag Team Titles

Tommy Hall vs. Stranger in the Alps for the BoD Writer’s Championship

Nebb28 vs. Brian Bayless for Ownership of Nebb28’s Pet Rock

Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker

WWF1987 vs. Hart Killer 09 in a BoD Solid B+ Player Semi-final match

Joe Dust vs. PrimeTime Ten in a BoD Solid B+ Player Semi-final match

Archie Stackhouse vs. Buck Nasty

And the 20 man Preshow “Win-a-Talk Show” Battle Royal

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