The PG Era Rant: The 2014-15 Raw Season Premiere
By Scott Keith on April 8, 2014
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s often said
that society can be divided in three parts. Those parts are often
phrased depending upon what subset of society you think of.
Economically, it’s the High, the Middle, and the Low Class. Father
Time has the Youth, the Prime, and the Aged. The classic division of
women as Mother, Bride, and Lover (to use nicer terms) has been
discussed ad nauseam.
that society can be divided in three parts. Those parts are often
phrased depending upon what subset of society you think of.
Economically, it’s the High, the Middle, and the Low Class. Father
Time has the Youth, the Prime, and the Aged. The classic division of
women as Mother, Bride, and Lover (to use nicer terms) has been
discussed ad nauseam.
When last we left our heroes, the three
parts went to war, and the balance of power changed forever.
parts went to war, and the balance of power changed forever.
The Attitude class was destroyed. Its
figureheads, Austin and Rock, reduced to cameos alongside ghosts of
the past like Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper. Triple H, the grand
schemer, the cross of brains and brawn, beaten on both counts and
rendered impotent at the worst possible time. Big Show, in the match
he was literally made for, reduced to a projectile in someone else’s
gun. Kane, the long-runner, and the New Age Outlaws, the iconic tag
team, left broken and bloodied. And perhaps the greatest sign of all
– their talisman, the Undertaker, losing his camouflage; no longer
a Phenom, reduced to an old man, and sent packing as never before.
figureheads, Austin and Rock, reduced to cameos alongside ghosts of
the past like Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper. Triple H, the grand
schemer, the cross of brains and brawn, beaten on both counts and
rendered impotent at the worst possible time. Big Show, in the match
he was literally made for, reduced to a projectile in someone else’s
gun. Kane, the long-runner, and the New Age Outlaws, the iconic tag
team, left broken and bloodied. And perhaps the greatest sign of all
– their talisman, the Undertaker, losing his camouflage; no longer
a Phenom, reduced to an old man, and sent packing as never before.
Meanwhile, the Reality class was poised
and ready to grab the spotlight. Daniel Bryan, maligned and jerked
around ever since SummerSlam, slew all the beasts in his way and
stood tall, the undisputed best of the best. The Shield, a new
faction of ruthless youths, taking a steamroller to their
competition. Antonio Cesaro, always known to be tomorrow’s
superstar, made tomorrow today as he lifted a giant over his head.
The Usos, the brother tag team of the future, flying high, their
belts intact.
and ready to grab the spotlight. Daniel Bryan, maligned and jerked
around ever since SummerSlam, slew all the beasts in his way and
stood tall, the undisputed best of the best. The Shield, a new
faction of ruthless youths, taking a steamroller to their
competition. Antonio Cesaro, always known to be tomorrow’s
superstar, made tomorrow today as he lifted a giant over his head.
The Usos, the brother tag team of the future, flying high, their
belts intact.
But caught in the crossroads are the PG
Era Class, that decade that bridges Attitude and Reality. Though
they showed their fangs – Brock Lesnar annihilating a milestone and
doing what no one thought possible; John Cena turning back the mind
games to focus on his superior ability – they also felt the bite of
the youth. Batista, a conqueror from Hollywood, reduced to a
humiliated man, forced to concede defeat. Randy Orton, a champion
unbeaten, but certainly left to wonder if he can still belong. Jack
Swagger, once a champion of his era, reduced to the partner left in
the dust. Rey Mysterio and Sheamus – rendered footnotes in another
man’s glory.
Era Class, that decade that bridges Attitude and Reality. Though
they showed their fangs – Brock Lesnar annihilating a milestone and
doing what no one thought possible; John Cena turning back the mind
games to focus on his superior ability – they also felt the bite of
the youth. Batista, a conqueror from Hollywood, reduced to a
humiliated man, forced to concede defeat. Randy Orton, a champion
unbeaten, but certainly left to wonder if he can still belong. Jack
Swagger, once a champion of his era, reduced to the partner left in
the dust. Rey Mysterio and Sheamus – rendered footnotes in another
man’s glory.
Tonight, the remaining two classes set
forth on another journey. For some, it is a familiar refrain. For
others, heights never before achieved. And those remain who do not
know if their next journey will be their last. The destination lies
so far into the distance, but to bask in the glory is to guarantee it
will never be reached.
forth on another journey. For some, it is a familiar refrain. For
others, heights never before achieved. And those remain who do not
know if their next journey will be their last. The destination lies
so far into the distance, but to bask in the glory is to guarantee it
will never be reached.
Tonight, our heroes begin their journey
on the Road to WrestleMania 31 and Silicon Valley. Whose spotlight
is about to burn brighter than ever? And whose curtain is closing on
them, their role in our play over – their silhouette exiting stage
left?
on the Road to WrestleMania 31 and Silicon Valley. Whose spotlight
is about to burn brighter than ever? And whose curtain is closing on
them, their role in our play over – their silhouette exiting stage
left?
The PG Era Rant for Raw, April 7,
2014.
Live from New Orleans.
Your hosts are Cole, JBL, Lawler, and a
lot of diehards filling an arena.
lot of diehards filling an arena.
Your pre-show highlights:
- Your guest analyst is Shawne
Merriman, former American football player and one-time NXT trainee.
It’s implied he’ll be around for the long haul. - Daniel Bryan is going to open the
show. - WM THOUGHTS: Let’s give Michael
Cole credit for an emotional call of the Bryan matches; further,
Daniel Bryan’s smile as Stephanie slapped him was so awesome. He
knew he’d won the war. Also, if you’re not an Orton fan before last
night… I hope you are now. - Superstars match – if the chants
are anything to go by – is Dolph Ziggler against Ryback. The
chants can be heard THROUGH the video package of the previous night. - WM THOUGHTS: Cole’s call of the
end of Brock/Taker was well done too. “THE COVER! HERE’S THE
COVER! THE STREAK……. is over.” In one call, he summarized
everyone’s feelings in the arena. - Another Superstars match: Kofi
Kingston (as they show highlights of the Andre Battle Royal and Kofi
continues to play fast and loose with the “both feet touch the
floor” loophole) faces off against Titus O’Neil. - WM THOUGHTS: Bray Wyatt screaming
at John Cena to go evil and finish him, as the crowd sings the
gospel song, Cena holding the chair and debating in his mind like
Roddy Piper in Indianapolis… and the referee yelling, “John, no,
this is not who you are!” This match, I feel, was made for TV. - Match announced:
Cena/Sheamus/Langston face off against the Wyatt Family. - Josh Mathews keeps trying to throw
to Shawn’s farewell address… and they keep going to something
else. He gets it right third try. - It leads to a video package about
how, ever since 2010, the night after WrestleMania has had something
memorable happen (Shawn’s farewell, Once in a Lifetime made, Brock
returns, Dolph cashes in).
We open with the “Monster” video of
Daniel Bryan, which doubled as the video package for Bryan/HHH last
night. This cuts to stills of Bryan holding the titles on high as
the song plays out and YES fills the package – cutting to the arena
doing the same thing in New Orleans tonight.
Daniel Bryan, which doubled as the video package for Bryan/HHH last
night. This cuts to stills of Bryan holding the titles on high as
the song plays out and YES fills the package – cutting to the arena
doing the same thing in New Orleans tonight.
And here he comes. WWE Title in his
right hand, WHC belt around his waist. Cole recaps the Miracle on
Bourbon Street™. Lawler: “WrestleMania became YEStleMania.”
Even JBL admits he was wrong about Bryan’s talent level. He’s not
thrilled about it, mind you, but he’s giving respect. A Daniel Bryan
chant goes on, in perfect unison, for I would say a good two minutes.
“You guys never get tired, do ya?” Crowd: “NO!” Bryan says
it’s hard to lead the YES chant while holding two belts (crowd begins
the YES en masse), but he does it one more time for the fun of it.
He says it was a little over two years ago he began the YES chants.
The crowd begins a YOU DESERVE IT chant. Daniel is trying not to
cry. Bryan corrects them: the crowd deserves it. When he began, it
wasn’t just because it’s a fun word to chant, and it was no movement
or anything. It was just about the power of the individual to change
the world. And because of the power in the fans, he did it all last
night. And from there, another round of YES… until HHH comes out.
right hand, WHC belt around his waist. Cole recaps the Miracle on
Bourbon Street™. Lawler: “WrestleMania became YEStleMania.”
Even JBL admits he was wrong about Bryan’s talent level. He’s not
thrilled about it, mind you, but he’s giving respect. A Daniel Bryan
chant goes on, in perfect unison, for I would say a good two minutes.
“You guys never get tired, do ya?” Crowd: “NO!” Bryan says
it’s hard to lead the YES chant while holding two belts (crowd begins
the YES en masse), but he does it one more time for the fun of it.
He says it was a little over two years ago he began the YES chants.
The crowd begins a YOU DESERVE IT chant. Daniel is trying not to
cry. Bryan corrects them: the crowd deserves it. When he began, it
wasn’t just because it’s a fun word to chant, and it was no movement
or anything. It was just about the power of the individual to change
the world. And because of the power in the fans, he did it all last
night. And from there, another round of YES… until HHH comes out.
JBL: “Party just ended.”
Cole:
“Buzzkill.”
Cole:
“Buzzkill.”
The Authority come out, and HHH is in a
really ornery mood. Lawler
cites last night as HHH’s biggest embarrassment. HHH stands on the
apron as the crowd lets him have it. There’s a chant that is not PG
directed at HHH, which is actually good because it covers up a chant
that is very not PG to
Stephanie. HHH says he’s not entering the ring because he doesn’t
want to do something wrong. Bryan wants confirmation, and decides to
hold the belts INCHES away from HHH as he leads a Yes chant. This is
pouring battery acid in the wound. Bryan is giddy. HHH tells him to
enjoy his moment, because it’s just a moment. It can’t last – and
it won’t. It won’t even last 24 hours, and HHH will make sure of it.
Tonight is Daniel Bryan’s first title defense. And his opponent
will be none other than HHH. And HHH promises he won’t just become
the champ, but he’ll end the movement and shut up the world. The
reality is that this is HHH’s show and there’s nothing Bryan can do
about it. HHH hurls the microphone at Bryan and walks off – as
does Stephanie who said nothing. So Bryan resumes the YES chant as
his music plays.
really ornery mood. Lawler
cites last night as HHH’s biggest embarrassment. HHH stands on the
apron as the crowd lets him have it. There’s a chant that is not PG
directed at HHH, which is actually good because it covers up a chant
that is very not PG to
Stephanie. HHH says he’s not entering the ring because he doesn’t
want to do something wrong. Bryan wants confirmation, and decides to
hold the belts INCHES away from HHH as he leads a Yes chant. This is
pouring battery acid in the wound. Bryan is giddy. HHH tells him to
enjoy his moment, because it’s just a moment. It can’t last – and
it won’t. It won’t even last 24 hours, and HHH will make sure of it.
Tonight is Daniel Bryan’s first title defense. And his opponent
will be none other than HHH. And HHH promises he won’t just become
the champ, but he’ll end the movement and shut up the world. The
reality is that this is HHH’s show and there’s nothing Bryan can do
about it. HHH hurls the microphone at Bryan and walks off – as
does Stephanie who said nothing. So Bryan resumes the YES chant as
his music plays.
Still
to come tonight, we look at the end of the Streak as Brock Lesnar,
The One, is in the building. (Well, they should call him The One.)
to come tonight, we look at the end of the Streak as Brock Lesnar,
The One, is in the building. (Well, they should call him The One.)
Andy’s thoughts: That was an
electric opening. As for the match tonight… well, if HHH had a
sense of apology, that match doesn’t last a minute. It’s either an
epic win or it’s over in seconds. HHH isn’t winning either way.
electric opening. As for the match tonight… well, if HHH had a
sense of apology, that match doesn’t last a minute. It’s either an
epic win or it’s over in seconds. HHH isn’t winning either way.
Last
night, the Rock was in the house! The Undertaker had his final bow!
HHH looked like a heavy metal album cover! Hulk Hogan brought us in!
And Daniel Bryan took us out!
night, the Rock was in the house! The Undertaker had his final bow!
HHH looked like a heavy metal album cover! Hulk Hogan brought us in!
And Daniel Bryan took us out!
Backstage,
Stephanie and HHH are fired up for the match, ready to make the crowd
choke on it. Batista jumps in, and he’s not happy with HHH losing to
Daniel Bryan. HHH counters by saying, hey, who tapped out again?
Batista earned a 1-on-1 match… and Orton says he wants his rematch
tonight. HHH instead says he’s COO so both of you wait in line.
Tonight is HHH’s night. Orton isn’t happy… but Stephanie says
they’re all deserving, so they’ll work on it after tonight. Tonight,
Orton and Batista will challenge the Usos for the tag titles.
Neither man is happy with a consolation prize, but HHH says we all
got problems, and the source of the problem is all the same.
Historically, when Evolution’s together, they run the world.
Remember that.
Stephanie and HHH are fired up for the match, ready to make the crowd
choke on it. Batista jumps in, and he’s not happy with HHH losing to
Daniel Bryan. HHH counters by saying, hey, who tapped out again?
Batista earned a 1-on-1 match… and Orton says he wants his rematch
tonight. HHH instead says he’s COO so both of you wait in line.
Tonight is HHH’s night. Orton isn’t happy… but Stephanie says
they’re all deserving, so they’ll work on it after tonight. Tonight,
Orton and Batista will challenge the Usos for the tag titles.
Neither man is happy with a consolation prize, but HHH says we all
got problems, and the source of the problem is all the same.
Historically, when Evolution’s together, they run the world.
Remember that.
We
interrupt this powwow because they’re here. By the way: if Wyatt’s a
heel, why does he announce the city they’re in as if he’s a face?
The crowd is playing along to the music, and Bray can’t hide the
smile on his face. We see stills from Cena against Wyatt. The crowd
is very pro-Wyatt right now. That six-man tag is coming up next.
interrupt this powwow because they’re here. By the way: if Wyatt’s a
heel, why does he announce the city they’re in as if he’s a face?
The crowd is playing along to the music, and Bray can’t hide the
smile on his face. We see stills from Cena against Wyatt. The crowd
is very pro-Wyatt right now. That six-man tag is coming up next.
Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, and Erick
Rowan v. Big E Langston, Sheamus, and John Cena.
Cena walks out, arms outstretched, as if to say, “All right, boys,
boo me, bring it.” It’s a massive brawl to start, and the faces
take control as Cena works over Wyatt. Bray with an uppercut and he
taunts the “face” corner. Headbutt as the crowd loves him.
Wyatt fish-hooks the nose and works over ena, but Cena recovers to
win a slugfest and Sheamus is in. Bulldog by Cena, and Sheamus in
with a slingshot tackle. Sheamus beats Bray down in the corner as
the crowd LOVES Bray. Bray fights out and brings Rowan in. Rowan
loses a slug-out to Sheamus (with Sheamus DARING the crowd to be
louder), and a whip goes to an arm tackle contest, which Sheamus wins
with forearms. Punches in the corner, but Rowan throws him off.
HE’s caught coming in, and Sheamus drops a knee to the temple.
Langston in, and Sheamus sends Langston into Rowan. A second try
eats elbow, but Rowan runs into a rib breaker three times over as the
crowd approves. It gets two. Rowan fights out, and in comes Harper.
Harper runs into Rowan, and Langston gets a tackle for one. Harper
pushes Langston into the wrong corner, and in comes Cena with a
ProtoSlam. Five knuckle shuffle (Bray can’t see him), but the AA is
reversed to a facejam for two. Harper tags Bray in, and he’s fired
up as we go to break.
Rowan v. Big E Langston, Sheamus, and John Cena.
Cena walks out, arms outstretched, as if to say, “All right, boys,
boo me, bring it.” It’s a massive brawl to start, and the faces
take control as Cena works over Wyatt. Bray with an uppercut and he
taunts the “face” corner. Headbutt as the crowd loves him.
Wyatt fish-hooks the nose and works over ena, but Cena recovers to
win a slugfest and Sheamus is in. Bulldog by Cena, and Sheamus in
with a slingshot tackle. Sheamus beats Bray down in the corner as
the crowd LOVES Bray. Bray fights out and brings Rowan in. Rowan
loses a slug-out to Sheamus (with Sheamus DARING the crowd to be
louder), and a whip goes to an arm tackle contest, which Sheamus wins
with forearms. Punches in the corner, but Rowan throws him off.
HE’s caught coming in, and Sheamus drops a knee to the temple.
Langston in, and Sheamus sends Langston into Rowan. A second try
eats elbow, but Rowan runs into a rib breaker three times over as the
crowd approves. It gets two. Rowan fights out, and in comes Harper.
Harper runs into Rowan, and Langston gets a tackle for one. Harper
pushes Langston into the wrong corner, and in comes Cena with a
ProtoSlam. Five knuckle shuffle (Bray can’t see him), but the AA is
reversed to a facejam for two. Harper tags Bray in, and he’s fired
up as we go to break.
Bizarro six-man, part two.
Harper has a headlock of some sort on Cena and the excitement of the
crowd. The announcers are trying to explain it and just can’t.
Cena’s AA try is reversed to a DDT for two. Harper presents Cena as
a gift, and Rowan comes in with a slam as the crowd starts singing
“Whole World In His Hands”. Rowan with a legdrop, and enter
Bray. Bray stomps Cena eleventy billion times and taunts him as the
crowd loves it. Cena bursts out with a clothesline as we get a
double KO. The crowd sings JOHN CENA SUCKS in cadence to his theme
music. Wyatt with a suplex for two. Bray taunts Cena and headbutts
him into a gooey paste. Harper in, and he stomps Cena. Dueling
chants begin, but it’s more against Cena than for. Harper with a
European uppercut and he glares at Cena. Cena takes advantage with a
backdrop, and it’s hot (allegedly) tag Sheamus. Rowan eats Irish
Hammers and a kneelift. Bray is sent packing, and Sheamus with an
Oklahoma Slam to Rowan and Finlay Roll to Harper ONTO Rowan. Off the
top with a double tackle and Sheamus mocks Wyatt to HUGE heel heat.
They charge up the Brogue, but Bray distracts Sheamus and Rowan gets
a lariat. Bray in, and Langston, and the Big man gets the better of
it with a Greco-Roman throw. Ultimate Splash connects and straps are
down, but Harper stops the Big Ending with a thrust kick. Rowan
steamrolls Cena and Harper dives onto Sheamus, leaving Bray with
Langston. INVERTED LOOK OF DOOM gets the crowd in a frenzy. He even
includes the John Carpenter spider walk. Crowd: “Wyatt’s gonna
kill you!” Sister Abigail’s Kiss makes it happen at 13:46. The
crowd added at least a half star to this match. ***1/2
Harper has a headlock of some sort on Cena and the excitement of the
crowd. The announcers are trying to explain it and just can’t.
Cena’s AA try is reversed to a DDT for two. Harper presents Cena as
a gift, and Rowan comes in with a slam as the crowd starts singing
“Whole World In His Hands”. Rowan with a legdrop, and enter
Bray. Bray stomps Cena eleventy billion times and taunts him as the
crowd loves it. Cena bursts out with a clothesline as we get a
double KO. The crowd sings JOHN CENA SUCKS in cadence to his theme
music. Wyatt with a suplex for two. Bray taunts Cena and headbutts
him into a gooey paste. Harper in, and he stomps Cena. Dueling
chants begin, but it’s more against Cena than for. Harper with a
European uppercut and he glares at Cena. Cena takes advantage with a
backdrop, and it’s hot (allegedly) tag Sheamus. Rowan eats Irish
Hammers and a kneelift. Bray is sent packing, and Sheamus with an
Oklahoma Slam to Rowan and Finlay Roll to Harper ONTO Rowan. Off the
top with a double tackle and Sheamus mocks Wyatt to HUGE heel heat.
They charge up the Brogue, but Bray distracts Sheamus and Rowan gets
a lariat. Bray in, and Langston, and the Big man gets the better of
it with a Greco-Roman throw. Ultimate Splash connects and straps are
down, but Harper stops the Big Ending with a thrust kick. Rowan
steamrolls Cena and Harper dives onto Sheamus, leaving Bray with
Langston. INVERTED LOOK OF DOOM gets the crowd in a frenzy. He even
includes the John Carpenter spider walk. Crowd: “Wyatt’s gonna
kill you!” Sister Abigail’s Kiss makes it happen at 13:46. The
crowd added at least a half star to this match. ***1/2
Later
tonight, our main event: the title’s on the line as Daniel Bryan
defends against Triple H.
tonight, our main event: the title’s on the line as Daniel Bryan
defends against Triple H.
A
look at Slam City. Watch the shorts on the Network. They’re
actually funny.
look at Slam City. Watch the shorts on the Network. They’re
actually funny.
Andy’s
thoughts: I like the crowd, but by now the WWE has to know it’s
coming. Just flip the polarity of your tag team formula and let the
Wyatts play face just for tonight. Would it really make the match
that bad?
thoughts: I like the crowd, but by now the WWE has to know it’s
coming. Just flip the polarity of your tag team formula and let the
Wyatts play face just for tonight. Would it really make the match
that bad?
Impossible
is not negative. It means “I’m possible”. Change your point of
view. Bo-Lieve. Yes.
is not negative. It means “I’m possible”. Change your point of
view. Bo-Lieve. Yes.
And
it’s time to do the Fandango! JOHNNY CURTIS HAS A PEACOCK TAIL ON
HIS COAT. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. It’s mixed tag night.
it’s time to do the Fandango! JOHNNY CURTIS HAS A PEACOCK TAIL ON
HIS COAT. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. It’s mixed tag night.
Summer
Rae and Faaaaaaandaaaaaaaaango (is that enough a’s?) v. Santino
Marella and Emma.
Emma does the power walk while keeping her arms on her hips. The
announcers are all but betting on a comedy match. The men start.
Crowd is dancing, as is Fandango… and then Santino does a hoedown.
Fandango charges into a high hiptoss and Cobra try, but Fandango
bails and the women are tagged in. Summer cuts off Emma and whips
her into the corner, but a blind charge misses into the Tarantula.
From there, it’s Vegemite in the corner and the Indian Deathlock.
Santino chases off Fandango, and Summer taps at 1:29. An awkward
high five turns into a full belly hug and swing. And they’re both
dizzy. (Lawler: “She’s always like that.”) Santino does the
Emma dance.
Rae and Faaaaaaandaaaaaaaaango (is that enough a’s?) v. Santino
Marella and Emma.
Emma does the power walk while keeping her arms on her hips. The
announcers are all but betting on a comedy match. The men start.
Crowd is dancing, as is Fandango… and then Santino does a hoedown.
Fandango charges into a high hiptoss and Cobra try, but Fandango
bails and the women are tagged in. Summer cuts off Emma and whips
her into the corner, but a blind charge misses into the Tarantula.
From there, it’s Vegemite in the corner and the Indian Deathlock.
Santino chases off Fandango, and Summer taps at 1:29. An awkward
high five turns into a full belly hug and swing. And they’re both
dizzy. (Lawler: “She’s always like that.”) Santino does the
Emma dance.
Coming
up next: The One.
up next: The One.
Last
night was electric! Legends had a beer bash! Hogan, Austin, Rock!
Brock Lesnar conquered came out! The Undertaker’s last gasp
happened! But Daniel Bryan ended as the champ!
night was electric! Legends had a beer bash! Hogan, Austin, Rock!
Brock Lesnar conquered came out! The Undertaker’s last gasp
happened! But Daniel Bryan ended as the champ!
And
now, here comes The One. Cole calls Brock Lesnar the most despised
man in sports entertainment. Brock has a black eye, but he smells
the victory as Heyman is smiling ear-to-ear. Stills of last night
show. Crowd is mostly booing, but not loudly. Cole mentions that
Undertaker was in the hospital last night. Heyman bows before the
Beast… and here come the boos. Heyman begins the introductions, as
he says it’s the greatest privilege to serve as Brock’s Advocate.
The Streak lasted nearly a quarter of a century, but it ended in
three seconds. The crowd is furious at the result. Heyman
understands the crowd – they’re in shock, but “we told you so”.
Brock shows off the shirt as Heyman reads it out very slowly. Why
did the fans doubt Heyman’s strategy or Brock’s credentials? Let’s
get this straight: Brock doesn’t want to put smiles on your faces,
he’s here to shock the world and make you cry. (That line gets
cheered.) But now that we have the headlines, let’s shoot from the
hip. See, as soon as Undertaker walked to the back, he collapsed.
(“You don’t want to hear this, do you? Too real for you.”) The
chaos backstage was the prelude: Vince went to the hospital with the
Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated for concussion – and
came this close to a broken neck and skull – and the best thing he
did was stay down, because otherwise, he would be dead. He was ready
to make the complexion of the TV show would change. Brock wasn’t
done until the Streak was dead. Here’s the thing: when the match was
over, the announcers stood up and gave a standing ovation – with
everyone else in the Superdome (“not Silverdome, Hogan”) – to
the loser of the fight. Why? Didn’t Brock win? Undertaker was a
LOSER. And Brock was the WINNER. But hey, since this is supposed to
be the best crowd of the year, be empowered. All of the fans are
like the locker room: a bunch of wannabes. See, when Brock walked
through, who gave him a standing ovation? No. No one respects
Lesnar. Which is fine – we don’t respect anyone either. He
doesn’t respect anyone who will fly in and try to get noticed on
worldwide TV. So NOTICE THIS, fans: people in the back think they
could’ve been the one to go UFC. Daniel Bryan didn’t. John Cena
didn’t. The Undertaker didn’t. Because they’re wannabes, and Lesnar
is the ONE. Sure, a lot of people can be NCAA champ OR UFC champ OR
WWE Champ – but all of them? Rock didn’t, Hogan didn’t, Austin
didn’t. They’re wannabes. And then you have people coming up to
Paul Heyman and saying they COULD’VE been the One, but they didn’t.
Orton didn’t, Michaels didn’t, HHH didn’t, because… you know the
rest. Brock Lesnar is the ONE in 21-1. Heyman gets the crowd to
WHAT him, then repeats speaking v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y to mock the
crowd. He says there are Hall of Famers, Legends, and Superstars
(emphasizing plural) – and they’re plural because they’re lumped
together. The only one that stands above the others is Brock Lesnar.
The Beast Incarnate, the Conqueror, THE ONE. And with that, Heyman
and Brock leave.
now, here comes The One. Cole calls Brock Lesnar the most despised
man in sports entertainment. Brock has a black eye, but he smells
the victory as Heyman is smiling ear-to-ear. Stills of last night
show. Crowd is mostly booing, but not loudly. Cole mentions that
Undertaker was in the hospital last night. Heyman bows before the
Beast… and here come the boos. Heyman begins the introductions, as
he says it’s the greatest privilege to serve as Brock’s Advocate.
The Streak lasted nearly a quarter of a century, but it ended in
three seconds. The crowd is furious at the result. Heyman
understands the crowd – they’re in shock, but “we told you so”.
Brock shows off the shirt as Heyman reads it out very slowly. Why
did the fans doubt Heyman’s strategy or Brock’s credentials? Let’s
get this straight: Brock doesn’t want to put smiles on your faces,
he’s here to shock the world and make you cry. (That line gets
cheered.) But now that we have the headlines, let’s shoot from the
hip. See, as soon as Undertaker walked to the back, he collapsed.
(“You don’t want to hear this, do you? Too real for you.”) The
chaos backstage was the prelude: Vince went to the hospital with the
Undertaker. The Undertaker is being treated for concussion – and
came this close to a broken neck and skull – and the best thing he
did was stay down, because otherwise, he would be dead. He was ready
to make the complexion of the TV show would change. Brock wasn’t
done until the Streak was dead. Here’s the thing: when the match was
over, the announcers stood up and gave a standing ovation – with
everyone else in the Superdome (“not Silverdome, Hogan”) – to
the loser of the fight. Why? Didn’t Brock win? Undertaker was a
LOSER. And Brock was the WINNER. But hey, since this is supposed to
be the best crowd of the year, be empowered. All of the fans are
like the locker room: a bunch of wannabes. See, when Brock walked
through, who gave him a standing ovation? No. No one respects
Lesnar. Which is fine – we don’t respect anyone either. He
doesn’t respect anyone who will fly in and try to get noticed on
worldwide TV. So NOTICE THIS, fans: people in the back think they
could’ve been the one to go UFC. Daniel Bryan didn’t. John Cena
didn’t. The Undertaker didn’t. Because they’re wannabes, and Lesnar
is the ONE. Sure, a lot of people can be NCAA champ OR UFC champ OR
WWE Champ – but all of them? Rock didn’t, Hogan didn’t, Austin
didn’t. They’re wannabes. And then you have people coming up to
Paul Heyman and saying they COULD’VE been the One, but they didn’t.
Orton didn’t, Michaels didn’t, HHH didn’t, because… you know the
rest. Brock Lesnar is the ONE in 21-1. Heyman gets the crowd to
WHAT him, then repeats speaking v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y to mock the
crowd. He says there are Hall of Famers, Legends, and Superstars
(emphasizing plural) – and they’re plural because they’re lumped
together. The only one that stands above the others is Brock Lesnar.
The Beast Incarnate, the Conqueror, THE ONE. And with that, Heyman
and Brock leave.
Up
next, it’s the Usos against Evolution in a Tag Team Title match.
next, it’s the Usos against Evolution in a Tag Team Title match.
Andy’s
thoughts: Honestly… this went on for a little too long. I was
seriously hoping for a run-in on about six different occasions… but
all it would do is be someone who would be fed to Lesnar. Still, a
ten minute monologue wasn’t all that fun in the Attitude Era and it
was too much tonight – even with Heyman. That said, Heyman was
brilliant tonight at the beginning, baiting the crowd so hard I
expected garbage to enter the ring.
thoughts: Honestly… this went on for a little too long. I was
seriously hoping for a run-in on about six different occasions… but
all it would do is be someone who would be fed to Lesnar. Still, a
ten minute monologue wasn’t all that fun in the Attitude Era and it
was too much tonight – even with Heyman. That said, Heyman was
brilliant tonight at the beginning, baiting the crowd so hard I
expected garbage to enter the ring.
The
Exotic Express is out on the road – and Adam Rose is ready to party
inside! Coming Soon!
Exotic Express is out on the road – and Adam Rose is ready to party
inside! Coming Soon!
WWE
Tag Team Titles: Batista and Randy Orton (challengers) v. The Usos
(champions).
A big deal is being made about Batista being the one to tap out.
Batista starts with – let’s say Jimmy – and gets kicked.
Uppercut, but Batista rushes Jimmy to the corner as the crowd reminds
him he tapped out. Orton in, and he pounds Jimmy down. Blind tag,
and Jey fires off on Orton, staggering him. Orton recovers and a
slugfest breaks out as the fans are already turning on the match with
a Y2J chant. The heels tag in and out and stomp away on Jey as the
crowd wants CM Punk. Jimmy jumps in and tries to break it up, but
Batista sends Jey into the post and Orton dumps Jimmy. Batista sends
Jimmy into the barricade, while Orton sends Jey into the steps. The
crowd chants for JBL as the dissection continues with a Draping DDT.
Both teams are counted out at 2:12, but the challengers are ready to
continue. Batista Bomb on the steps to Jey. Orton and Batista are
satisfied as the crowd keeps reminding Batista he tapped out, among
other things. They converse before posing for the crowd. 1/4*
Tag Team Titles: Batista and Randy Orton (challengers) v. The Usos
(champions).
A big deal is being made about Batista being the one to tap out.
Batista starts with – let’s say Jimmy – and gets kicked.
Uppercut, but Batista rushes Jimmy to the corner as the crowd reminds
him he tapped out. Orton in, and he pounds Jimmy down. Blind tag,
and Jey fires off on Orton, staggering him. Orton recovers and a
slugfest breaks out as the fans are already turning on the match with
a Y2J chant. The heels tag in and out and stomp away on Jey as the
crowd wants CM Punk. Jimmy jumps in and tries to break it up, but
Batista sends Jey into the post and Orton dumps Jimmy. Batista sends
Jimmy into the barricade, while Orton sends Jey into the steps. The
crowd chants for JBL as the dissection continues with a Draping DDT.
Both teams are counted out at 2:12, but the challengers are ready to
continue. Batista Bomb on the steps to Jey. Orton and Batista are
satisfied as the crowd keeps reminding Batista he tapped out, among
other things. They converse before posing for the crowd. 1/4*
Tonight,
Hulk Hogan will present the Andre Memorial Trophy to Antonio Cesaro.
Hulk Hogan will present the Andre Memorial Trophy to Antonio Cesaro.
Andy’s
thoughts: That’s twice now that the fans have tried to do a vulgar
chant. It’s not cute. Take it from a former Cameron Crazie – if
you’re resorting to vulgarity to get your point across, you’ve
already lost.
thoughts: That’s twice now that the fans have tried to do a vulgar
chant. It’s not cute. Take it from a former Cameron Crazie – if
you’re resorting to vulgarity to get your point across, you’ve
already lost.
WrestleMania
photos again! Brock Lesnar! Triple H as an Ostrogoth! Bray Wyatt
is creepy! We all say YES! The Streak dies!
photos again! Brock Lesnar! Triple H as an Ostrogoth! Bray Wyatt
is creepy! We all say YES! The Streak dies!
Rob
Van Dam is back after a hiatus as the big post-Mania return. Fun
fact: at 4-0, now’s HE has the Streak.
Van Dam is back after a hiatus as the big post-Mania return. Fun
fact: at 4-0, now’s HE has the Streak.
Rob
Van Dam v. Damien Sandow.
RVD waits out a chant and ducks a Sandow charge, kicking him.
Sandow bails, so RVD tries again and still can’t finish as Sandow
trips him and goes to the gut. Headbutts and knee smashes, followed
by the Russian legsweep and Cubito Aequet. Axhandles and Sandow
taunts the crowd before running into a spin kick. RVD with a running
spinkick to send Sandow out of the ring, and RVD follows. ECW chant
accompanies him as he drapes Sandow on the barricade and (after
finally finishing the taunt) does the spinning legdrop off the apron
to Sandow. Crowd says he still got it. Back in, Sandow cuts RVD off
and charges, but RVD ducks and gets a superkick. Rolling Thunder
follows. RVD to the top, and the Five Star ends this at 2:50. It’s
like he never left. 3/4*
Van Dam v. Damien Sandow.
RVD waits out a chant and ducks a Sandow charge, kicking him.
Sandow bails, so RVD tries again and still can’t finish as Sandow
trips him and goes to the gut. Headbutts and knee smashes, followed
by the Russian legsweep and Cubito Aequet. Axhandles and Sandow
taunts the crowd before running into a spin kick. RVD with a running
spinkick to send Sandow out of the ring, and RVD follows. ECW chant
accompanies him as he drapes Sandow on the barricade and (after
finally finishing the taunt) does the spinning legdrop off the apron
to Sandow. Crowd says he still got it. Back in, Sandow cuts RVD off
and charges, but RVD ducks and gets a superkick. Rolling Thunder
follows. RVD to the top, and the Five Star ends this at 2:50. It’s
like he never left. 3/4*
Later
tonight: Daniel Bryan is forced to defend against Triple H himself,
hoping to kill the title reign at 24 hours.
tonight: Daniel Bryan is forced to defend against Triple H himself,
hoping to kill the title reign at 24 hours.
Legends
House. Coming soon.
House. Coming soon.
Daniel
Bryan’s Journey to WrestleMania will air on the WWE Network tomorrow
at 9PM Eastern.
Bryan’s Journey to WrestleMania will air on the WWE Network tomorrow
at 9PM Eastern.
Extreme
Rules is on the WWE Network May 4th.
Rules is on the WWE Network May 4th.
Rey
Mysterio v. Bad News Barrett.
Crowd is excited for his wrestling return. Crowd even goes BOOM
with him. Barrett is a little embarrassed by the chants and takes a
microphone. He has some bad news… and Mysterio attacks. Barrett
cuts it off and sends Mysterio in, but Rey throws Barrett to the
floor with a headscissors. He follows with the skipping stone dive
and poses (to the crowd’s chagrin). Back in, Mysterio goes up top
but gets caught and kicked HARD in the gut. Barrett goes ground and
pound before doing the boom to a cheer. Crowd chants for England
soccer as Barrett catches Rey with the Winds of Change for two.
Barrett stomps away and throws Rey onto the top turnbuckle before
pounding away on his back. Barrett is giddy as he charges in with a
kneesmash. Superplex try, but Rey stops it and sends Barrett to the
ground. Rey follows with a seated senton, but Barrett catches Rey
only to get Tornado DDT’d for two. Dropkick to Barrett and it’s 619
time. Rey goes up (crowd really doesn’t like this), but Barrett
recovers and kicks Rey into a crotch out. Bullhammer connects HARD
for the pin at 3:50. I’m a Barrett mark. Deal with it. *1/4
Mysterio v. Bad News Barrett.
Crowd is excited for his wrestling return. Crowd even goes BOOM
with him. Barrett is a little embarrassed by the chants and takes a
microphone. He has some bad news… and Mysterio attacks. Barrett
cuts it off and sends Mysterio in, but Rey throws Barrett to the
floor with a headscissors. He follows with the skipping stone dive
and poses (to the crowd’s chagrin). Back in, Mysterio goes up top
but gets caught and kicked HARD in the gut. Barrett goes ground and
pound before doing the boom to a cheer. Crowd chants for England
soccer as Barrett catches Rey with the Winds of Change for two.
Barrett stomps away and throws Rey onto the top turnbuckle before
pounding away on his back. Barrett is giddy as he charges in with a
kneesmash. Superplex try, but Rey stops it and sends Barrett to the
ground. Rey follows with a seated senton, but Barrett catches Rey
only to get Tornado DDT’d for two. Dropkick to Barrett and it’s 619
time. Rey goes up (crowd really doesn’t like this), but Barrett
recovers and kicks Rey into a crotch out. Bullhammer connects HARD
for the pin at 3:50. I’m a Barrett mark. Deal with it. *1/4
But
wait, we have good news! The Soup on E-TV will have some WWE
Superstars on it.
wait, we have good news! The Soup on E-TV will have some WWE
Superstars on it.
Up
next, Alexander Rusev’s first singles match on Raw!
next, Alexander Rusev’s first singles match on Raw!
Andy’s
thoughts: we’ve had a flipped crowd, the return of Rob Van Dam, the
return of Bad News Barrett, the opening vignettes for Bo Dallas and
Adam Rose, the debut of Alexander Rusev… and it will all happen
with an hour left in the show. This is easily the busiest Raw I’ve
recapped for this website.
thoughts: we’ve had a flipped crowd, the return of Rob Van Dam, the
return of Bad News Barrett, the opening vignettes for Bo Dallas and
Adam Rose, the debut of Alexander Rusev… and it will all happen
with an hour left in the show. This is easily the busiest Raw I’ve
recapped for this website.
The
Exotic Express is going nuts, as everyone is partying inside – all
of the ex-girlfriends! He even has the necessary midget and dude in
a rabbit suit. Because a party needs a midget. And a lollipop.
Party all the time with Adam Rose – coming soon.
Exotic Express is going nuts, as everyone is partying inside – all
of the ex-girlfriends! He even has the necessary midget and dude in
a rabbit suit. Because a party needs a midget. And a lollipop.
Party all the time with Adam Rose – coming soon.
Lana
– now called the Ravishing Russian as a nickname – introduces
(just not in English, although when she switches to English the crowd
isn’t into any more than before) Alexander Rusev. Rusev’s chyron is
in Cyrillic.
– now called the Ravishing Russian as a nickname – introduces
(just not in English, although when she switches to English the crowd
isn’t into any more than before) Alexander Rusev. Rusev’s chyron is
in Cyrillic.
Alexander
Rusev v. Zack Ryder.
This is gonna hurt. Ryder is kicked right away, over and over, as
Rusev holds the blocks with high hands and low kicks. Ryder fires
back and gets a kick to the head, but Rusev is just annoyed and
delivers a superkick. Rusev with knees in the ropes, whih he
transitions to a fallaway Samoan Drop. Crowd does a USA chant as
Lana gives the order to Crush. Sambo slam by Rusev, and the Camel
Clutch ends it at 1:21. Rusev looks bored.
Rusev v. Zack Ryder.
This is gonna hurt. Ryder is kicked right away, over and over, as
Rusev holds the blocks with high hands and low kicks. Ryder fires
back and gets a kick to the head, but Rusev is just annoyed and
delivers a superkick. Rusev with knees in the ropes, whih he
transitions to a fallaway Samoan Drop. Crowd does a USA chant as
Lana gives the order to Crush. Sambo slam by Rusev, and the Camel
Clutch ends it at 1:21. Rusev looks bored.
Highlights
of the 2014 Hall of Fame induction ceremony that aired last night.
The Moody kid speech is more or less shown in full. That show is
likely on in the background as you read this if you’re up tonight.
of the 2014 Hall of Fame induction ceremony that aired last night.
The Moody kid speech is more or less shown in full. That show is
likely on in the background as you read this if you’re up tonight.
Up
next, WARRIOR!
next, WARRIOR!
Andy’s
thoughts: So Rusev… well… I won’t write him off yet, but I’d like
to see him in longer matches first and how he sells. For now, I’ll
let it play out and see where it goes, as we on the Blog like to say.
thoughts: So Rusev… well… I won’t write him off yet, but I’d like
to see him in longer matches first and how he sells. For now, I’ll
let it play out and see where it goes, as we on the Blog like to say.
Cesaro
won a big trophy last night! Orton had his final defense in the
final match! The crowd went wild! Brock conquered! Cena met his
demons head on! Warrior went in the Hall of Fame!
won a big trophy last night! Orton had his final defense in the
final match! The crowd went wild! Brock conquered! Cena met his
demons head on! Warrior went in the Hall of Fame!
Oh,
hey, speaking of Warrior, here’s his music. And here he is for a
curtain call. He walks to the ring, which is disappointing. It’s
been almost 18 years since we’ve seen Warrior on Raw – in fact, a
child born on that day is likely looking into which college to attend
right now. In one of the dumbest camera moves ever, they focus on
the commentary as Warrior gets a jacket on and starts shaking the
ropes. Thankfully, he does it a few more times. “SPEAK TO ME,
WARRIORS!” Skronk. As a rule, all Warrior quotes will be in
capslock. Warrior says it’s been hard for him to find the words…
but he did find a Warrior mask from the gimmick table. You better
believe he puts it on to a big ovation. “WELL THEN, YOU SHUT UP
WARRIOR, AND LET ME DO THE TALKING!” Skronk. He says that no one
becomes a legend on their own. Every man will meet their end, and
what he did in life gives livelihood to others. His essence and
spirit becomes immortalized. Storytellers and loyalty and memory of
those who honor him will make him immortal. “YOU ARE THE LEGEND
MAKERS OF ULTIMATE WARRIOR.” He sees people who could be legends
in the back, and some have Warrior spirits. But the fans will decide
if they become immortal, and they will be in the stories of all time.
The spirit of Ultimate Warrior will run FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Skronk. Ah, one last crazy Warrior promo for the road. Thanks.
hey, speaking of Warrior, here’s his music. And here he is for a
curtain call. He walks to the ring, which is disappointing. It’s
been almost 18 years since we’ve seen Warrior on Raw – in fact, a
child born on that day is likely looking into which college to attend
right now. In one of the dumbest camera moves ever, they focus on
the commentary as Warrior gets a jacket on and starts shaking the
ropes. Thankfully, he does it a few more times. “SPEAK TO ME,
WARRIORS!” Skronk. As a rule, all Warrior quotes will be in
capslock. Warrior says it’s been hard for him to find the words…
but he did find a Warrior mask from the gimmick table. You better
believe he puts it on to a big ovation. “WELL THEN, YOU SHUT UP
WARRIOR, AND LET ME DO THE TALKING!” Skronk. He says that no one
becomes a legend on their own. Every man will meet their end, and
what he did in life gives livelihood to others. His essence and
spirit becomes immortalized. Storytellers and loyalty and memory of
those who honor him will make him immortal. “YOU ARE THE LEGEND
MAKERS OF ULTIMATE WARRIOR.” He sees people who could be legends
in the back, and some have Warrior spirits. But the fans will decide
if they become immortal, and they will be in the stories of all time.
The spirit of Ultimate Warrior will run FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Skronk. Ah, one last crazy Warrior promo for the road. Thanks.
Later
tonight, Warrior’s biggest roadkill at WrestleMania faces the new
World Champ. It’s Bryan and HHH with the gold on the line tonight.
But next: AJ Lee is still the Divas’ Champion and is on her way to
gloat.
tonight, Warrior’s biggest roadkill at WrestleMania faces the new
World Champ. It’s Bryan and HHH with the gold on the line tonight.
But next: AJ Lee is still the Divas’ Champion and is on her way to
gloat.
But
first, the commentary thanks the fans for being intense and into it –
no matter how they are into it. There is no WWE without the fans.
This segues into a video about all that goes into making WrestleMania
at the Superdome…. but how little it would matter without the fans.
The shot of Daniel Bryan coming out to an empty arena seals it as a
great vid.
first, the commentary thanks the fans for being intense and into it –
no matter how they are into it. There is no WWE without the fans.
This segues into a video about all that goes into making WrestleMania
at the Superdome…. but how little it would matter without the fans.
The shot of Daniel Bryan coming out to an empty arena seals it as a
great vid.
And
after we acknowledge the official theme of WrestleMania 30, here
comes AJ Lee, now without a true challenger. She says it’s been 295
days as Divas’ Champion, which makes her the longest reigning of all
time. She reminds the crowd of when she ripped apart the Total
Divas, but she did give them a chance. And they all proved last
night that she’s the hero, not them. It was AJ Lee against everyone
– but what else is new? She overcame 13 to 1 odds (not according
to Vegas), but hey, she’s overcome odds all her life. She’s the best
Diva in the world (crowd agrees). And they acknowledge how awesome
she is with a CM Punk chant. So AJ calls herself the Savior of the
Division – heck, she IS the Division.
after we acknowledge the official theme of WrestleMania 30, here
comes AJ Lee, now without a true challenger. She says it’s been 295
days as Divas’ Champion, which makes her the longest reigning of all
time. She reminds the crowd of when she ripped apart the Total
Divas, but she did give them a chance. And they all proved last
night that she’s the hero, not them. It was AJ Lee against everyone
– but what else is new? She overcame 13 to 1 odds (not according
to Vegas), but hey, she’s overcome odds all her life. She’s the best
Diva in the world (crowd agrees). And they acknowledge how awesome
she is with a CM Punk chant. So AJ calls herself the Savior of the
Division – heck, she IS the Division.
Wait,
hold that thought: here comes NXT Women’s Champion Paige! The crowd
is thrilled by her appearance, chanting her name. AJ: “What the
hell are you doing here?” Paige: “I just came to do what no one
else would…” And she congratulates AJ. AJ says all the Divas
should be congratulating her, but she doesn’t need her gratitude, so
go back to NXT because the champ should not be interrupted. Paige
apologizes, and AJ talks down to her. But hey, while she’s here and
all dressed, so why doesn’t she beat Paige right now? Paige says she
isn’t ready… and AJ disagrees with a slap. “Are you ready now?”
Not that it matters – she wants a match, and it’s a title match.
AJ, you idiot…
hold that thought: here comes NXT Women’s Champion Paige! The crowd
is thrilled by her appearance, chanting her name. AJ: “What the
hell are you doing here?” Paige: “I just came to do what no one
else would…” And she congratulates AJ. AJ says all the Divas
should be congratulating her, but she doesn’t need her gratitude, so
go back to NXT because the champ should not be interrupted. Paige
apologizes, and AJ talks down to her. But hey, while she’s here and
all dressed, so why doesn’t she beat Paige right now? Paige says she
isn’t ready… and AJ disagrees with a slap. “Are you ready now?”
Not that it matters – she wants a match, and it’s a title match.
AJ, you idiot…
Divas’
Title: AJ Lee v. Paige.
“Ready or not, this is my house.” Crowd says it’s awesome. AJ
jumps Paige and pounds away on her back. Paige turtles up as AJ
laughs. AJ with a back elbow and she skips around Paige. AJ picks
Paige up and gets a spinning back kick, and the Black Widow follows.
Paige seems to be tapping, but not really. Paige fights out… and
it’s the Paige Turner for a new champ at 1:19! Wait a second… I
want to see a replay of this, because I’m dead certain Paige was
tapping while in the Black Widow. Still, heck of a debut. They’re
pulling out all the stops tonight.
Title: AJ Lee v. Paige.
“Ready or not, this is my house.” Crowd says it’s awesome. AJ
jumps Paige and pounds away on her back. Paige turtles up as AJ
laughs. AJ with a back elbow and she skips around Paige. AJ picks
Paige up and gets a spinning back kick, and the Black Widow follows.
Paige seems to be tapping, but not really. Paige fights out… and
it’s the Paige Turner for a new champ at 1:19! Wait a second… I
want to see a replay of this, because I’m dead certain Paige was
tapping while in the Black Widow. Still, heck of a debut. They’re
pulling out all the stops tonight.
Up
next, Hulk Hogan presents the Andre Memorial trophy to Cesaro.
next, Hulk Hogan presents the Andre Memorial trophy to Cesaro.
More
inspirational words of wisdom from the big winner, Bo Dallas. Are
you a Bo-Liever?
inspirational words of wisdom from the big winner, Bo Dallas. Are
you a Bo-Liever?
Back
to the ring, as the Andre Memorial Trophy is in the ring, and in true
Andre fashion, it’s really bloody huge. Hogan is out now and playing
to the crowd (who is surprisingly ready to play along with his
antics). May I just say I like Hogan’s T-shirt? Hogan loved the
WrestleMania – right in the middle of “the Superdome”. He’s
never going to live that down. History was made, and there were so
many Moments. His favorite, though, was the battle royal. He was so
stoked at how Big Show was lifted and thrown down because he knew
Andre loved it. He says the Andre Battle Royal is going to be at
every WrestleMania. He says there were supposed to be 30 men – but
there was 31, and the one who won it all was Antonio Cesaro! Cesaro
comes out with Zeb Colter and people singing along to his music.
Which is an instrumental. Cesaro poses with the trophy as we see the
night he had the previous night. Hogan congratulates Cesaro, and
it’s time for a victory speech… but Colter is going to give it
instead. “Let’s let a Real American talk here.” He’ll give the
mic back, but when he does, he’ll say what kind of guy he is. Colter
says he’s the guy he brought into the Real Americans even though he
isn’t American. And not only did Colter make Cesaro a Real American,
he made him a Zeb Colter Guy. Cesaro cuts Colter off, and says he’s
not that guy anymore. He’s a Paul Heyman Guy instead. Crowd goes
ballistic as this happens. Heyman comes back out and announces he’s
the new Advocate for Cesaro. Colter is furious that Cesaro’s jumping
ship, but the crowd loves it. Heyman says he knows “grandpa” is
shocked, but that’s what Paul Heyman Guys do – they shock. So his
first order of business is to tell the announcers how to discuss “The
King of Swing, Cesaro’s future”. So, as you Americans would say,
“Pardon moi.” Crowd gives a King of Swing chant… and Jack
Swagger’s out to knock Cesaro down and destroy the trophy, as we all
knew he would. Now Cesaro is furious and fires back, sending Swagger
out of the ring. Crowd is 1000% behind Cesaro as we go to
commercial.
to the ring, as the Andre Memorial Trophy is in the ring, and in true
Andre fashion, it’s really bloody huge. Hogan is out now and playing
to the crowd (who is surprisingly ready to play along with his
antics). May I just say I like Hogan’s T-shirt? Hogan loved the
WrestleMania – right in the middle of “the Superdome”. He’s
never going to live that down. History was made, and there were so
many Moments. His favorite, though, was the battle royal. He was so
stoked at how Big Show was lifted and thrown down because he knew
Andre loved it. He says the Andre Battle Royal is going to be at
every WrestleMania. He says there were supposed to be 30 men – but
there was 31, and the one who won it all was Antonio Cesaro! Cesaro
comes out with Zeb Colter and people singing along to his music.
Which is an instrumental. Cesaro poses with the trophy as we see the
night he had the previous night. Hogan congratulates Cesaro, and
it’s time for a victory speech… but Colter is going to give it
instead. “Let’s let a Real American talk here.” He’ll give the
mic back, but when he does, he’ll say what kind of guy he is. Colter
says he’s the guy he brought into the Real Americans even though he
isn’t American. And not only did Colter make Cesaro a Real American,
he made him a Zeb Colter Guy. Cesaro cuts Colter off, and says he’s
not that guy anymore. He’s a Paul Heyman Guy instead. Crowd goes
ballistic as this happens. Heyman comes back out and announces he’s
the new Advocate for Cesaro. Colter is furious that Cesaro’s jumping
ship, but the crowd loves it. Heyman says he knows “grandpa” is
shocked, but that’s what Paul Heyman Guys do – they shock. So his
first order of business is to tell the announcers how to discuss “The
King of Swing, Cesaro’s future”. So, as you Americans would say,
“Pardon moi.” Crowd gives a King of Swing chant… and Jack
Swagger’s out to knock Cesaro down and destroy the trophy, as we all
knew he would. Now Cesaro is furious and fires back, sending Swagger
out of the ring. Crowd is 1000% behind Cesaro as we go to
commercial.
Andy’s
thoughts: wait… did they… did they just… who just turned face??
I’m the big Swagger fan here and not even I can believe they’re
making him the sympathetic one. If they are… but the crowd would
take Heyman’s side… but… but he just killed the Streak! He can’t
be a face! But then… but he… and then they… We the…
thoughts: wait… did they… did they just… who just turned face??
I’m the big Swagger fan here and not even I can believe they’re
making him the sympathetic one. If they are… but the crowd would
take Heyman’s side… but… but he just killed the Streak! He can’t
be a face! But then… but he… and then they… We the…
Anyone
have that picture from the movie Scanners, because that’s where I
stand right now.
have that picture from the movie Scanners, because that’s where I
stand right now.
Jack
Swagger v. Antonio Cesaro, in progress.
Cesaro gets out of a headlock and floors Swagger, then catches him
in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Karelin Suplex follows as
Swagger bails out, but Cesaro follows with a high kick and sends
Swagger into the apron. Back in, Swagger catches Cesaro with a
Hotshot, but Cesaro recovers with an elbow and goes up top. But
Swagger catches Cesaro and suplexes him for two. Swagger works
Cesaro over in the corner and plays to the crowd (which is behind
Cesaro), then yells WE THE PEOPLE at Cesaro. That gets Cesaro to
come back, but Swagger catches him with a Greco-Roman throw. Crowd
chants We the People (at which one?) as Swagger gets a surfboard
hold. Swagger works the back in the ropes, but Cesaro recovers with
uppercuts. Swagger catches Cesaro in a high spinebuster for two.
Vaderbomb by Swagger goes straight into Cesaro’s boots. Crowd wants
a Swing. Cesaro picks Swagger up from the apron and superplexes him
in for two. Swagger is out in the corner, so Cesaro gets the running
uppercuts five straight times. He’s ready for the swing, but Swagger
knows that and bails, walking out (and the crowd HATES that) for the
countout at 5:16 shown. Extreme Rules, please. *3/4
Swagger v. Antonio Cesaro, in progress.
Cesaro gets out of a headlock and floors Swagger, then catches him
in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Karelin Suplex follows as
Swagger bails out, but Cesaro follows with a high kick and sends
Swagger into the apron. Back in, Swagger catches Cesaro with a
Hotshot, but Cesaro recovers with an elbow and goes up top. But
Swagger catches Cesaro and suplexes him for two. Swagger works
Cesaro over in the corner and plays to the crowd (which is behind
Cesaro), then yells WE THE PEOPLE at Cesaro. That gets Cesaro to
come back, but Swagger catches him with a Greco-Roman throw. Crowd
chants We the People (at which one?) as Swagger gets a surfboard
hold. Swagger works the back in the ropes, but Cesaro recovers with
uppercuts. Swagger catches Cesaro in a high spinebuster for two.
Vaderbomb by Swagger goes straight into Cesaro’s boots. Crowd wants
a Swing. Cesaro picks Swagger up from the apron and superplexes him
in for two. Swagger is out in the corner, so Cesaro gets the running
uppercuts five straight times. He’s ready for the swing, but Swagger
knows that and bails, walking out (and the crowd HATES that) for the
countout at 5:16 shown. Extreme Rules, please. *3/4
But
wait, this just in: tomorrow night on Main Event Live, it’ll be
Shield/Wyatts III! Tune in tomorrow at 8!
wait, this just in: tomorrow night on Main Event Live, it’ll be
Shield/Wyatts III! Tune in tomorrow at 8!
Are
you ready? Up next – it’s the title on the line! Bryan against
HHH – will the dream end in a single day?
you ready? Up next – it’s the title on the line! Bryan against
HHH – will the dream end in a single day?
Andy’s
thoughts: Paul Heyman spends 10 minutes telling the crowd that they
are complete losers, insulting them in every way humanly possible…
but put him with an indy darling and they chant his name. I was
hoping the match would clear things up, and it just made it worse.
Either way… they’re invested in both guys. YAY!
thoughts: Paul Heyman spends 10 minutes telling the crowd that they
are complete losers, insulting them in every way humanly possible…
but put him with an indy darling and they chant his name. I was
hoping the match would clear things up, and it just made it worse.
Either way… they’re invested in both guys. YAY!
Brock
Lesnar’s win over the Undertaker was big news all over the Sports
world.
Lesnar’s win over the Undertaker was big news all over the Sports
world.
Earlier
tonight, Daniel Bryan led the crowd in a celebration. But HHH is
sick of all this, and he’s going to end the Yes Movement and the
title reign tonight… personally.
tonight, Daniel Bryan led the crowd in a celebration. But HHH is
sick of all this, and he’s going to end the Yes Movement and the
title reign tonight… personally.
Stephanie
is backstage with Kane and the Shield, trying to get them on the same
page about getting the belt off of Bryan. She charges all of them to
make sure it happens. Rollins, though, has to taunt Kane about the
missing Outlaws. Ambrose says as long as they’re around, the Outlaws
are done. Kane says the Shield is on thin ice, because HHH knows
they’re expendable pawns. He was hoping he’d learn their lesson…
when they were decimated, HHH TOLD HIM TO DO SO! Stephanie can’t cut
him off fast enough. Stephanie tries to say the Yes Movement is
disrespectful and an injustice, but she can’t unring the bell. Even
so, Stephanie demands they are all on the same page, and what HHH
wants, he gets. Kane agrees… but the Shield merely says that
Stephanie has made herself clear.
is backstage with Kane and the Shield, trying to get them on the same
page about getting the belt off of Bryan. She charges all of them to
make sure it happens. Rollins, though, has to taunt Kane about the
missing Outlaws. Ambrose says as long as they’re around, the Outlaws
are done. Kane says the Shield is on thin ice, because HHH knows
they’re expendable pawns. He was hoping he’d learn their lesson…
when they were decimated, HHH TOLD HIM TO DO SO! Stephanie can’t cut
him off fast enough. Stephanie tries to say the Yes Movement is
disrespectful and an injustice, but she can’t unring the bell. Even
so, Stephanie demands they are all on the same page, and what HHH
wants, he gets. Kane agrees… but the Shield merely says that
Stephanie has made herself clear.
Meanwhile,
your SmackDown main event will be Big Show against Cesaro. So,
Cesaro’s the heel here?
your SmackDown main event will be Big Show against Cesaro. So,
Cesaro’s the heel here?
Up
next, the title match! But first, some commercials.
next, the title match! But first, some commercials.
Andy’s
thoughts: Stephanie tried to cut Kane off, but she couldn’t. The
Shield know – HHH ordered their beating. I’m looking forward to
what could be a very wild finish. And I love that the Shield didn’t
tip their hand – the best endings are the ones where you feel you
can see them coming, but the heels cannot.
thoughts: Stephanie tried to cut Kane off, but she couldn’t. The
Shield know – HHH ordered their beating. I’m looking forward to
what could be a very wild finish. And I love that the Shield didn’t
tip their hand – the best endings are the ones where you feel you
can see them coming, but the heels cannot.
More
shots of last night! Daniel Bryan! Shield victorious! Batista!
Cena dives on to the flunkies! HHH got an entrance! Hogan opened
the show!
shots of last night! Daniel Bryan! Shield victorious! Batista!
Cena dives on to the flunkies! HHH got an entrance! Hogan opened
the show!
Main
event, WWE Title: Daniel Bryan v. Triple H.
Before we begin the festivities, mad props to whomever in the crowd
brought the Kamala and Missing Link signs. But wait – Orton and
Batista are headed to the ring instead. The two men jump into the
ring and double-team Bryan before the match, mugging him in the
corner. Batista works over Bryan in the corner, and Orton gets an
RKO. Batista Bomb follows as the crowd is silent in dread. And now,
here comes Kane next. He tells the two of them to step aside… and
then HE picks up Bryan and chokeslams him. The crowd wants 3MB to do
something. And now HHH heads to the ring. And it looks like the
match is on. Orton, Batista, and Kane surround the entrance. HHH
asks for a microphone as we are in for either the biggest fake-out or
the dumbest idea in history. HHH and Stephanie demand the match
start as the crowd is ready to riot. They threaten the ref’s
career… and he has to ring the bell. HHH mocks the Yes chant as
the crowd chants No over and over. But before we go anywhere, the
Shield are raing to the ring. HHH waits as they enter with their new
Aces and 8s look. Orton, Batista, and Kane look on, climbing onto
the apron. The crowd is chanting Hounds of Justice. They slowly
remove their masks and stare down. Both sides are on the apron as
HHH is desperately trying to keep peace. Crowd thinks this is
awesome. The Shield jump into the ring as HHH tells them to stand
down. Now Evolution enters, and HHH tries to say the same thing.
HHH sees his world falling apart, but he needs everyone to leave so
he can get the title. HHH: “This is not happening.” And Reigns
spears the crap out of HHH! And we’re off! Ambrose and Rollins with
a double-dive onto Orton and Batista! Reigns fights off a chokeslam
and gets the Superpunch on Kane. And then they surround HHH. Crowd
is going ballistic. The pan-out is an amazing visual as HHH realizes
he’s in deep trouble. He tries to talk his way out of it, but Bryan
is getting up in the corner. And yes, sir, it’s a Knee Plus to HHH
to stop everything! The Authority runs off as Bryan and the Shield
stand tall in the ring. Let’s be generous and say no match here.
HHH yells that they’ve started a war they can’t win. But the Shield
don’t care. The 8-man staredown takes us off the air.
event, WWE Title: Daniel Bryan v. Triple H.
Before we begin the festivities, mad props to whomever in the crowd
brought the Kamala and Missing Link signs. But wait – Orton and
Batista are headed to the ring instead. The two men jump into the
ring and double-team Bryan before the match, mugging him in the
corner. Batista works over Bryan in the corner, and Orton gets an
RKO. Batista Bomb follows as the crowd is silent in dread. And now,
here comes Kane next. He tells the two of them to step aside… and
then HE picks up Bryan and chokeslams him. The crowd wants 3MB to do
something. And now HHH heads to the ring. And it looks like the
match is on. Orton, Batista, and Kane surround the entrance. HHH
asks for a microphone as we are in for either the biggest fake-out or
the dumbest idea in history. HHH and Stephanie demand the match
start as the crowd is ready to riot. They threaten the ref’s
career… and he has to ring the bell. HHH mocks the Yes chant as
the crowd chants No over and over. But before we go anywhere, the
Shield are raing to the ring. HHH waits as they enter with their new
Aces and 8s look. Orton, Batista, and Kane look on, climbing onto
the apron. The crowd is chanting Hounds of Justice. They slowly
remove their masks and stare down. Both sides are on the apron as
HHH is desperately trying to keep peace. Crowd thinks this is
awesome. The Shield jump into the ring as HHH tells them to stand
down. Now Evolution enters, and HHH tries to say the same thing.
HHH sees his world falling apart, but he needs everyone to leave so
he can get the title. HHH: “This is not happening.” And Reigns
spears the crap out of HHH! And we’re off! Ambrose and Rollins with
a double-dive onto Orton and Batista! Reigns fights off a chokeslam
and gets the Superpunch on Kane. And then they surround HHH. Crowd
is going ballistic. The pan-out is an amazing visual as HHH realizes
he’s in deep trouble. He tries to talk his way out of it, but Bryan
is getting up in the corner. And yes, sir, it’s a Knee Plus to HHH
to stop everything! The Authority runs off as Bryan and the Shield
stand tall in the ring. Let’s be generous and say no match here.
HHH yells that they’ve started a war they can’t win. But the Shield
don’t care. The 8-man staredown takes us off the air.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
THOUGHTS:
Do
I need to say more?
I need to say more?
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 31:53 (seriously) over eight matches
TIME: 31:53 (seriously) over eight matches
BEST
MATCH: The Wyatt six-man
MATCH: The Wyatt six-man
WORST
MATCH: AJ/Paige
MATCH: AJ/Paige
NIGHT
MVP: The WWE Universe
MVP: The WWE Universe
RATING:
I’m going Spinal Tap tonight. This show goes to 11. I was never not
entertained, and the stories going forward are set beautifully. Even
Heyman’s gloating was well-done, if only a little long. This is
easily the most entertained I’ve been since I began recapping here –
and my rating is about if I’m entertained. Heck, I’ll go one step further. To get the full feeling, you must watch the Backstage Pass as Daniel Bryan thanks the fans.
I’m going Spinal Tap tonight. This show goes to 11. I was never not
entertained, and the stories going forward are set beautifully. Even
Heyman’s gloating was well-done, if only a little long. This is
easily the most entertained I’ve been since I began recapping here –
and my rating is about if I’m entertained. Heck, I’ll go one step further. To get the full feeling, you must watch the Backstage Pass as Daniel Bryan thanks the fans.
ARE
YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
See
you next week. Begin the critiquing and discussing in 3… 2… 1…
you next week. Begin the critiquing and discussing in 3… 2… 1…
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