Impact Wrestling – February 13, 2014

Date:
February 13, 2014

Location:
Manchester Arena, Manchester, England

Commentators:
Taz, Mike Tenay

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

The
UK tour continues as we head into England for the first time this
year. The main stories coming out of last week are Samoa Joe
officially being #1 contender over Bobby Roode and an MVP vs. Dixie
summit that went absolutely nowhere. Lockdown is less than a month
away so odds are we’ll be hearing about Lethal Lockdown and the rest
of the card soon enough. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a recap of MVP standing up to Dixie for all of her evil
deeds in the last few months and promising changes to end Dixie’s
party.

No
time is wasted on getting to Dixie this week as she and her cronies
are in the ring to start the show. Dixie says she clearly hasn’t
lost a wink of sleep over MVP’s threats and the odds of him taking
over the company are about as good as her having a bad hair day.
Dixie brags about Magnus but Ethan takes the mic and says he’s the
one that ended the career of Kurt Angle.

Magnus
takes the mic as well but has to wait for a YOU SOLD OUT chant. It’s
nice to be back in Manchester because it means another year before he
has to be back here again. People like Manchester make him feel
ashamed to be British because he’s not from the north, nor is he a
paper champion. He’s a man who recognizes opportunity and there is
no opportunity in Manchester, other than a chance to be smacked in
the face by the world champion.

The
fans aren’t impressed so Magnus shifts his focus to MVP. He doesn’t
care what jail cell MVP came from but we need to get the pecking
order established. It’s Magnus on top, Dixie second, everybody else,
and then MVP. Magnus isn’t for sale but here are MVP and Joe with
something of their own to say. MVP sucks up to the crowd and says
that Joe will be challenging Magnus at Lockdown, which seems to take
the champion by surprise.

This
brings out Gunner with the Feast or Fired case, which will be cashed
in next week on Impact. Dixie says not so fast, because Gunner has
to face Ethan Carter for the briefcase tonight. MVP one ups her by
putting EC3’s Tag Team Title briefcase on the line as well, but makes
it a ladder match with both briefcases on the line. MVP tells
“C-3PO” that if anyone tries to cheat in this match, he’ll be out
here to level the playing field.

Dang
they’re not wasting time tonight. Carter heads straight to the floor
to start but Gunner is waiting for him and heads back inside for a
running knee and a fallaway slam. Gunner goes to get a ladder but
Carter dropkicks him off the apron and sets up the ladder himself,
only to have Gunner send him into the buckle.

The
ladder is sat in the corner and Carter is sent flying into the steel,
only to have Gunner get the same treatment. He’s still able to
powerbomb Carter down for the save but Magnus comes in and shoves the
ladder over, only to draw in James Storm for the save. This brings
out MVP who makes it a winner take all tag team ladder match at about
4:30.

Rating:
D. This is one of the things I
can’t stand about modern wrestling: wasted gimmick matches. Why in
the world did they need to have a ladder match, only to throw in
another one a few seconds later? On top of that, a gimmick match is
supposed to attract viewers, but that usually requires more than five
minutes’ warning. How good
of a ladder match can you have with about four minutes of action?

Joined
in progress with Storm in trouble and Magnus driving the ladder into
Gunner’s back. Gunner is laid across the ladder and splashed across
the back before both heels drop him ribs first onto the ladder.
Magnus rams the ladder into Gunner’s face and loads up the ladder but
Ethan tries to climb. That’s not cool with the champ who wants to go
instead. They get in an argument, despite it not being clear who
gets the case if Magnus pulls it down.

The
fight lets Storm come back in and clean house and Ethan is double
hiptossed onto the ladder. Magnus saves his partner from the Gun
Rack but Storm hits a Cactus Clothesline to send himself and Magnus
to the outside. Gunner comes back in with a swan dive to Carter and
goes up to pull down both cases for the win at 5:00.

Rating:
C-. Better match here but man
alive enough with the five minute gimmick matches. We just saw two
ladder matches combine to last under ten minutes and it doesn’t
really solve anything. In short, there was no reason for these
matches to use ladders other than it sounds cool on paper. Pay no
attention to the fact that if you weren’t watching in the last twenty
minutes, you would have no idea they were taking place.

Anderson
says he’ll win tonight because he has family and we get to see a
picture of his twin daughters.

Spud
has divided the office in half and makes sure that Dixie has more
flowers on her side. The Bro Mans come in and want to know what
Dixie is going to do about Gunner and Storm having the briefcase.
Yelling ensues when MVP comes in and says Dixie’s promises mean less
and less every day. MVP says people don’t want to see lawyers and
want to see action in the ring. What would be fair is to strip the
champions of the titles but instead he’ll give them a six man tag
match against the Wolves and a mystery partner, right now.

The
mystery partner is Samoa Joe. Davey starts with a Tajiri handspring
into a kick to Godderz’ head before a few headbutts from his parters
are good for two. Off to Edwards vs. Robbie with Eddie snapping off
a standing hurricanrana and a few chops. A running knee to the face
gets two and it’s quickly back to Davey who gets two off a chop from
Edwards. Zema adds in a knee from the apron but Davey grabs him by
the head and knocks him to the apron.

The
distraction lets E get in a cheap shot and the heels take over for
the first time. Zema stomps away before it’s back to Robbie for an
elbow to the jaw. Heel miscommunication puts the Bro Mans down and
it’s hot tag to Joe who cleans house. Everything breaks down and the
Wolves hit stereo suicide dives to the floor as Joe makes Zema tap
with the Clutch at 5:37.

Rating:
C. This was fine though I’ve
never been big on the Wolves. I was hoping the Bro Mans would be
allowed to be a bit more serious, but at the end of the day they’re a
comedy team so this is what you had to expect. I’d be fine with the
Wolves becoming Tag Team Champions but it was nice to have a
non-champion take the fall here.

Velvet
Sky begs Dixie to avoid a match with Chris Sabin but gets turned
down. MVP isn’t cool with that but Dixie reminds him that he’s not a
wrestler. Spud laughs at him, but MVP says he’s got his gear and
faces Spud next.

We
recap Eric Young vs. Joseph Park/Abyss. This would be the first
non-Dixie related segment of the entire show and we’re halfway done.

Here’s
Abyss without the mask to call out Eric Young to see what he’s done.
Abyss is under a hood like Kane was after he lost his mask back in
2003. Eric stops at ringside but Abyss asks him to come closer
unless he’s afraid. Young gets in the ring and says last week he
proved all he needed to prove. Park asked him to find Abyss and
that’s what he did. Abyss holds up the mask and says it’s the
reality of what he did last week. The hood comes back and Park says
he is Abyss but Young cuts him off and says he showed Park who he is.

Park
shouts at Eric and asks who either of them are because Young doesn’t
know. Abyss has destroyed his body and the lives and careers of
others. The scars and blood tell his story but he can’t be that man
anymore. The violence and destruction have to stop but Young says he
can help him. Abyss screams that he doesn’t want Eric’s help and
that he needs to find someone who understands him. He drops the mask
and walks away.

Earlier
today Samuel Shaw tried to help Christy with her luggage but she’s
nervous. He agrees to keep it professional and takes off his glove
to shake her hand. Shaw looks at his hand and slowly gets on the
bus.

That
was a nice fifteen minute break but now it’s back to Dixieland. Spud
stalls on the floor before the bell while MVP lounges on the top
rope. MVP goes after him but Spud gets in a cheap shot on the way
back in to get things going. He pounds away but makes the mistake of
slapping the boss in the face. A facebuster sets up the Ballin Elbow
and the Drive By kick to the head for the pin at :59. That’s exactly
what it should have been.

Bobby
Roode is furiously looking for Dixie.

We
get a creepy promo of a guy in the woods holding a black and white
umbrella, wearing a black and white mask and dressed all in black.
He recites poetry and is apparently named Willow. Apparently this
was Jeff Hardy in a new gimmick.

Dixie
is on the phone when Roode comes in, demanding a title shot. He
doesn’t like being called a sore loser and says she doesn’t want him
against her.

Sabin
offers her a free shot because this is what Velvet has always wanted.
Velvet kicks him in the knee and goes for the groin but Sabin is
wearing a cup. Like an idiot though he takes it out to show off and
gets hit low again, allowing Velvet to pound away. Cue a big woman
with a bleach blonde mohawk over dark hair to destroy Velvet with a
full nelson. Sabin is very pleased. No match obviously.

Ray
goes into Anderson’s dressing room and looks through his stuff,
including the pictures on his phone. He calls Anderson’s wife and
says this is the phone call she’s been dreading her entire life. Ray
says “no, not yet, but he’s coming home in a coffin. Tell the
twins daddy says goodbye.”

Roode
is in the back and says he lost it and that this has to come to an
end. It’s over and he can’t take this anymore. He has his jacket
and bag with him, saying he might have something for next week.
Security comes in and says he has to leave which Roode does without
incident.

We
recap Ray vs. Anderson in the casket match. Ray is angry at Anderson
for ending Aces and 8’s and has gotten far more serious as a result,
even threatening Anderson’s children.

Casket
match. Anderson has some of the ugliest green tights I’ve ever seen.
Ray takes off his shirt and reveals what I believe is a Liverpool
jersey to anger the fans. Anderson takes him down and sends him into
the corner before dropping him with a neckbreaker. The jersey is
ripped off and stomped on by Anderson before they head outside. Mr.
spends too much time deciding where to throw his shirt and Ray gets
in a cheap shot as we take a break.

Back
with Anderson using a chair to knock a chair into Ray’s face and
sliding in a table. Anderson is bleeding from the mouth and Ray
kicks him in the face to take over. Ray rubs the blood on his own
face and pounds at the cut before throwing the casket into the ring.
Anderson gets crotched on top and superplexed back down but Ray can’t
get the lid on the casket.

Ray
raises up a chair to crush Anderson but a low blow stops him cold.
Instead he powerbombs Anderson through the table and earns a THIS IS
AWESOME chant. Ray loads up a piledriver in the casket but Anderson
counters into a Mic Check and puts on the lid for the win at 12:50.
The lid didn’t actually close but it was close enough.

Rating:
B-. That’s probably high but
after all the garbage we’ve had to sit through tonight I’ll take
anything. Ray has been an awesome heel throughout this story and I
would have liked it more if he had won, but the company is dying for
top faces at this point and Anderson is as good as anyone else they
could use.

In
the back we get even more Dixie vs. MVP with Carter offering him a
buyout. She offers him a contract and MVP is impressed but says no.
Dixie calls him crazy and MVP says he’s a wrestler so there might be
somet truth to that. A proposal is made for Lockdown: Lethal
Lockdown with Team MVP vs. Team Dixie for total control of the
company. Dixie keeps up her Stephanie McMahon style acting and
finally agrees.

Overall
Rating: D. Impact wrestling is
a two hour show. Tonight, approximately an hour and a half were
spent on Dixie Carter vs. MVP or something directly related to that
story. Here’s what wasn’t related to it: Eric Young/Abyss segment (8
minutes), Christy Hemme/Shaw segment (2 minutes), Ray vs. Anderson
(13
minutes), Sabin vs. Sky (5 minutes) and the Willow promo (1 minute).
That’s it. That’s everything on the show that wasn’t related to a
single storyline.

Even
Immortal didn’t make Impact that much about themselves and I didn’t
think things could get worse than that. Dixie vs. MVP is fine for a
story, but you need SOMETHING that isn’t related to or a result of
that story. There’s some
interesting stuff in TNA, but the same story being pounded into our
heads like this make it a lot less interesting to sit through.

Ethan
Carter III vs. Gunner went to a no contest

James
Storm/Gunner b. Ethan Carter III/Magnus – Gunner pulled down the
briefcases

Wolves/Samoa
Joe b. Zema Ion/Bro Mans – Koquina Clutch to Ion

MVP
b. Spud – Drive By

Mr.
Anderson b. Bully Ray – Mic Check into a casket