The PG Era Rant: Monday Night Raw, 9/16/13
By Scott Keith on September 17, 2013
When last we
left our heroes, the #1 babyface – who had spent the weeks prior mocking his
PPV opponent and performing juvenile pranks – overcame all the insurmountable
odds thrown at him and, instead of giving us a long chase, won the WWE Title on
his first try. In light of this shocking
development totally out of character for WWE, there was much rejoicing. But how long will it last?
left our heroes, the #1 babyface – who had spent the weeks prior mocking his
PPV opponent and performing juvenile pranks – overcame all the insurmountable
odds thrown at him and, instead of giving us a long chase, won the WWE Title on
his first try. In light of this shocking
development totally out of character for WWE, there was much rejoicing. But how long will it last?
The ad talks
about Ryback aligning with Heyman and promises we will hear from Daniel Bryan.
about Ryback aligning with Heyman and promises we will hear from Daniel Bryan.
– The PG Era
Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 16, 2013.
Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 16, 2013.
– Live from
Cleveland, OH.
Cleveland, OH.
– Your hosts
are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
– We look back
and reveal how Ryback helped Heyman. We
saw that HHH promised no interference, which allowed Daniel Bryan to win the
WWE title.
and reveal how Ryback helped Heyman. We
saw that HHH promised no interference, which allowed Daniel Bryan to win the
WWE title.
– THE CHAMP
IS HERE! The crowd loves it. I can’t make out his sideplates yet. There’s a Fandango silhouette over the ring. Sloppy.
Ah, the sideplates are “YES!” Bryan
gets the victory speech, and his first substantive comment is a YES chant. Crowd: fully played. But before we get anywhere, HHH is here to
buzzkill. The announcers assume that HHH
will admit he was wrong. HHH, though,
brings up a fast count that ended the match, and claims it’s a tainted
win. So here comes referee Scott
Armstrong. So was it fast? Let’s view the tape. Tape indicates that yeah, he definitely
short-armed the finish. The results are
being played over and over like the Zapruder film. Scott has no explanation. He’s trying to insist he just screwed up, but
HHH doesn’t believe him. This gets
dragged on for a while. Armstrong
implies he made a deal with Bryan, who clearly has no clue what’s going
on. Oh god, they ARE going to reverse
this. HHH is holding up the title. No, it’s not going to Orton, but it’s being
vacated. HHH demands the belt from
Bryan, who is furiously denying any involvement in this. They namedrop Shawn Michaels to hammer home
what a shameful man Daniel is being (supposedly). Before we reach the standoff point, here’s
Randy Orton. Orton is furious, but HHH
insists that both men back off. HHH
insists on the belt coming over… and after a long soul search (Crowd: “NO!”),
Bryan refuses. So HHH takes it when
Orton RKOs Bryan in the melee. Hey,
remember those sixty bucks you paid for the Pay-Per-View last night, suckers?
IS HERE! The crowd loves it. I can’t make out his sideplates yet. There’s a Fandango silhouette over the ring. Sloppy.
Ah, the sideplates are “YES!” Bryan
gets the victory speech, and his first substantive comment is a YES chant. Crowd: fully played. But before we get anywhere, HHH is here to
buzzkill. The announcers assume that HHH
will admit he was wrong. HHH, though,
brings up a fast count that ended the match, and claims it’s a tainted
win. So here comes referee Scott
Armstrong. So was it fast? Let’s view the tape. Tape indicates that yeah, he definitely
short-armed the finish. The results are
being played over and over like the Zapruder film. Scott has no explanation. He’s trying to insist he just screwed up, but
HHH doesn’t believe him. This gets
dragged on for a while. Armstrong
implies he made a deal with Bryan, who clearly has no clue what’s going
on. Oh god, they ARE going to reverse
this. HHH is holding up the title. No, it’s not going to Orton, but it’s being
vacated. HHH demands the belt from
Bryan, who is furiously denying any involvement in this. They namedrop Shawn Michaels to hammer home
what a shameful man Daniel is being (supposedly). Before we reach the standoff point, here’s
Randy Orton. Orton is furious, but HHH
insists that both men back off. HHH
insists on the belt coming over… and after a long soul search (Crowd: “NO!”),
Bryan refuses. So HHH takes it when
Orton RKOs Bryan in the melee. Hey,
remember those sixty bucks you paid for the Pay-Per-View last night, suckers?
– I may be
mistaken, but this doesn’t strike me as the best place to put a WWE Shop ad.
mistaken, but this doesn’t strike me as the best place to put a WWE Shop ad.
– Orton is
just as furious as Bryan, demanding his title back. Stephanie is furious at Orton and demands to
know where the IED Orton is, but since he’s not there, maybe Orton doesn’t
deserve their help. Stephanie just left
Orton speechless. I… I promised I wouldn’t
be cynical. I’m trying. I’ve already deleted tons of things.
just as furious as Bryan, demanding his title back. Stephanie is furious at Orton and demands to
know where the IED Orton is, but since he’s not there, maybe Orton doesn’t
deserve their help. Stephanie just left
Orton speechless. I… I promised I wouldn’t
be cynical. I’m trying. I’ve already deleted tons of things.
– Dean
Ambrose v. Dolph Ziggler. It’s a rematch
from last night, but this time it’s apparently non-title. Struggle around the ring, with neither man
winning until Ziggler responds to a slap with right hands. Ziggler with a crossbody, but he eschews the
pinfall and does a Cactus Clothesline instead.
Back in, Ziggler with a sleeper on Ambrose – who has the crowd behind
him. I thought Cleveland and Cincinnati
were foes. Cole tries to say they’re
behind Ziggler, understandably. Ambrose
reverses to a sleeper of his own.
Ziggler with a jawbreaker to break.
He attacks in the corner and has to be pulled back. Ambrose sends Ziggler out of the ring with a
variation of the HBK Bump as we take a break.
We return with Ambrose getting a clothesline for two. Ambrose with a clover leg lock on Ziggler,
into a bow-and-arrow try, but Ziggler escapes only to get caught in a dragon
sleeper. Ziggler slips out and fights
back, but Ambrose dumps him to the apron.
They go to the buckle, and Ambrose picks Ziggler up and rakes his back
hard before getting a butterfly suplex for two.
Power Drive elbow gets two. JBL
rates Bryan a B+ actor as the announcers don’t talk about the match. Short-arm lock by Ambrose, but Ziggler
headbutts out only to get a knee to the gut.
Ziggler is hung on the ropes and beaten down, but is caught with Ziggler’s
high jump DDT for a double KO. Dropkick
cues the comeback. Stinger Splash by
Ziggler into the ten-punch count and clothesline. Ten-elbowdrop countalong (!!) comes next,
with the tenth being delivered emphatically, for two. That’s a hell of an athletic spot. Ambrose with a AA spinebuster for two. Ambrose goes ground and pound as the crowd
tries to count THAT, too. Rude Awakening
is reversed to a backslide for two.
Ambrose YANKS Ziggler off the top rope, and Ambrose looks to finish as
he taunts, but Ziggler escapes the Bulldog Driver and gets the Zig Zag for the
pin at 11:55. WRESTLING! ***1/2 But as a reminder, it was non-title, so
Ambrose is still champ. I know I noted
the Ambrose chant earlier, but I think it was to make sure the match continued,
because they got behind Ziggler quickly enough.
Ambrose v. Dolph Ziggler. It’s a rematch
from last night, but this time it’s apparently non-title. Struggle around the ring, with neither man
winning until Ziggler responds to a slap with right hands. Ziggler with a crossbody, but he eschews the
pinfall and does a Cactus Clothesline instead.
Back in, Ziggler with a sleeper on Ambrose – who has the crowd behind
him. I thought Cleveland and Cincinnati
were foes. Cole tries to say they’re
behind Ziggler, understandably. Ambrose
reverses to a sleeper of his own.
Ziggler with a jawbreaker to break.
He attacks in the corner and has to be pulled back. Ambrose sends Ziggler out of the ring with a
variation of the HBK Bump as we take a break.
We return with Ambrose getting a clothesline for two. Ambrose with a clover leg lock on Ziggler,
into a bow-and-arrow try, but Ziggler escapes only to get caught in a dragon
sleeper. Ziggler slips out and fights
back, but Ambrose dumps him to the apron.
They go to the buckle, and Ambrose picks Ziggler up and rakes his back
hard before getting a butterfly suplex for two.
Power Drive elbow gets two. JBL
rates Bryan a B+ actor as the announcers don’t talk about the match. Short-arm lock by Ambrose, but Ziggler
headbutts out only to get a knee to the gut.
Ziggler is hung on the ropes and beaten down, but is caught with Ziggler’s
high jump DDT for a double KO. Dropkick
cues the comeback. Stinger Splash by
Ziggler into the ten-punch count and clothesline. Ten-elbowdrop countalong (!!) comes next,
with the tenth being delivered emphatically, for two. That’s a hell of an athletic spot. Ambrose with a AA spinebuster for two. Ambrose goes ground and pound as the crowd
tries to count THAT, too. Rude Awakening
is reversed to a backslide for two.
Ambrose YANKS Ziggler off the top rope, and Ambrose looks to finish as
he taunts, but Ziggler escapes the Bulldog Driver and gets the Zig Zag for the
pin at 11:55. WRESTLING! ***1/2 But as a reminder, it was non-title, so
Ambrose is still champ. I know I noted
the Ambrose chant earlier, but I think it was to make sure the match continued,
because they got behind Ziggler quickly enough.
– Meanwhile,
Brad Maddox is with Big Show, who is very angry. The McMahons will be visiting them NEXT.
Brad Maddox is with Big Show, who is very angry. The McMahons will be visiting them NEXT.
– Meanwhile,
Bryan/Reigns will happen tonight as Maddox tells HHH he approves. Stephanie reminds us that Show missed a
paycheck and it hurt. Stephanie orders
Show to stay in the McMahon office until further notice.
Bryan/Reigns will happen tonight as Maddox tells HHH he approves. Stephanie reminds us that Show missed a
paycheck and it hurt. Stephanie orders
Show to stay in the McMahon office until further notice.
– We now
look back at what happened with Punk, Axel, Heyman, and Ryback. Folks, I’m making a prediction: Ryback
attacked Punk in response to what happened last year when Punk denied Ryback
the WWE Title over and over. And if it’s
true, that is Good For Business.
look back at what happened with Punk, Axel, Heyman, and Ryback. Folks, I’m making a prediction: Ryback
attacked Punk in response to what happened last year when Punk denied Ryback
the WWE Title over and over. And if it’s
true, that is Good For Business.
– Fandango v.
R-Truth. JBL has the whitest What’s Up
ever. This ties in to Friday when
Fandango attacked Miz and his Awesome Truth teammate helped him. Remember that? No?
Fandango and Truth dance to start – if you can call twerking dancing –
before Truth catches a boot and lands an uppercut. Big hiptoss by Truth, then a split-legdrop
(that clearly misses) before a regular legdrop for two. Truth hooks the ropes and dumps Fandango as
Summer Rae gets a chant. Back in,
though, Fandango catches Truth and pounds away, then Hammer Throws Truth into
the corner for two. A second Hammer Throw
follows as Fandango gyrates before we hit the CHINLOCK. Leg lariat by Truth after the break, and
Truth lands clotheslines and a suplex Stunner for two. Axe kick misses, blind charge by Fandango
misses, Truth is caught with the Sin Cara kick as Fandango goes up, and the
legdrop (that airballs) ends at 3:30.
Crowd doesn’t care, but that match was WAY too sloppy. –*
R-Truth. JBL has the whitest What’s Up
ever. This ties in to Friday when
Fandango attacked Miz and his Awesome Truth teammate helped him. Remember that? No?
Fandango and Truth dance to start – if you can call twerking dancing –
before Truth catches a boot and lands an uppercut. Big hiptoss by Truth, then a split-legdrop
(that clearly misses) before a regular legdrop for two. Truth hooks the ropes and dumps Fandango as
Summer Rae gets a chant. Back in,
though, Fandango catches Truth and pounds away, then Hammer Throws Truth into
the corner for two. A second Hammer Throw
follows as Fandango gyrates before we hit the CHINLOCK. Leg lariat by Truth after the break, and
Truth lands clotheslines and a suplex Stunner for two. Axe kick misses, blind charge by Fandango
misses, Truth is caught with the Sin Cara kick as Fandango goes up, and the
legdrop (that airballs) ends at 3:30.
Crowd doesn’t care, but that match was WAY too sloppy. –*
– Dusty
Rhodes goes to the ring. He’s here as
himself, not as Dusty, and he needs to talk to the McMahons about poverty. Are they REALLY doing a WHAT to this? Dusty does a variation of his Hard Times
routine. And he does it for his kids,
because this isn’t about him but about Cody.
Now the crowd is INTO this promo.
The scars on Dusty’s face are really a bonus for this promo. He’s proud of Cody and Dustin for their
efforts. He says family pride is
best. God’s greatest gift is family and
children (AMEN!), and HHH broke his heart.
He wants Cody to have a chance to earn his job back, and asks Stephanie
what she has in mind. Stephanie enters,
applauding Dusty. As we all are. She admits she is hesitant over the firing,
and she offers a gift card. It’s a
wedding gift. Dusty cuts to the chase:
what’s the deal? Stephanie puts Vince
over before delivering the news: we’ll offer EITHER Cody or Dustin his job
back, but not both. And Dusty has to
choose. But Dusty won’t make that
decision. They’re playing this up as
Cody being Dusty’s favorite child. But
he could also make it up to Dustin if he wanted to. Oh, this is GOOD. Dusty doesn’t want to choose one child over
the other, even though Stephanie says his indecision is about making it about
himself. Dusty tells off Stephanie and
goes to leave, and that means it’s Shield Time.
The Shield “surround” the ring (except for the aisleway, which is the
one side I’d protect), and Stephanie asks for Big Show to join Dusty (thus explaining
the open aisle). Now the choice is:
Shield or Big Show, who’s going to beat up Dusty? But Dusty won’t choose, so it’s Big
Show. Show refuses, so Shield charges
in, and Show tries to back them off. But
Shield get chairs, and now things are reaching a boiling point. The intimidation is enough to make Big Show
break down in tears and blast Dusty, then cradle him to the ground. Show’s crying took away quite a bit from this
segment, but the stuff before his arrival was FANTASTIC. They really should’ve just had Shield beat
Dusty down. Dusty’s getting the collar
and board stretcher treatment. The
announcers talk about Big Show’s tough choice, which I also think is a mistake,
because Dusty’s choice was the more compelling.
Still, that was great TV.
Rhodes goes to the ring. He’s here as
himself, not as Dusty, and he needs to talk to the McMahons about poverty. Are they REALLY doing a WHAT to this? Dusty does a variation of his Hard Times
routine. And he does it for his kids,
because this isn’t about him but about Cody.
Now the crowd is INTO this promo.
The scars on Dusty’s face are really a bonus for this promo. He’s proud of Cody and Dustin for their
efforts. He says family pride is
best. God’s greatest gift is family and
children (AMEN!), and HHH broke his heart.
He wants Cody to have a chance to earn his job back, and asks Stephanie
what she has in mind. Stephanie enters,
applauding Dusty. As we all are. She admits she is hesitant over the firing,
and she offers a gift card. It’s a
wedding gift. Dusty cuts to the chase:
what’s the deal? Stephanie puts Vince
over before delivering the news: we’ll offer EITHER Cody or Dustin his job
back, but not both. And Dusty has to
choose. But Dusty won’t make that
decision. They’re playing this up as
Cody being Dusty’s favorite child. But
he could also make it up to Dustin if he wanted to. Oh, this is GOOD. Dusty doesn’t want to choose one child over
the other, even though Stephanie says his indecision is about making it about
himself. Dusty tells off Stephanie and
goes to leave, and that means it’s Shield Time.
The Shield “surround” the ring (except for the aisleway, which is the
one side I’d protect), and Stephanie asks for Big Show to join Dusty (thus explaining
the open aisle). Now the choice is:
Shield or Big Show, who’s going to beat up Dusty? But Dusty won’t choose, so it’s Big
Show. Show refuses, so Shield charges
in, and Show tries to back them off. But
Shield get chairs, and now things are reaching a boiling point. The intimidation is enough to make Big Show
break down in tears and blast Dusty, then cradle him to the ground. Show’s crying took away quite a bit from this
segment, but the stuff before his arrival was FANTASTIC. They really should’ve just had Shield beat
Dusty down. Dusty’s getting the collar
and board stretcher treatment. The
announcers talk about Big Show’s tough choice, which I also think is a mistake,
because Dusty’s choice was the more compelling.
Still, that was great TV.
– Just a
note about that previous segment: I found myself wondering what I’d do if I
were Big Show, not if I were the booker.
Any time I think in terms of being a wrestler, I consider the angle well
done. The niggling about asking Shield
to do the beating is just that, niggling.
This was the segment of the night so far. We return with Dusty being accompanied by
Show to the ambulance and the hospital.
This has been great. Heck, the
heat’s on the wrestlers (Show in person, Cody/Dustin in absentia), so what’s
not to love?
note about that previous segment: I found myself wondering what I’d do if I
were Big Show, not if I were the booker.
Any time I think in terms of being a wrestler, I consider the angle well
done. The niggling about asking Shield
to do the beating is just that, niggling.
This was the segment of the night so far. We return with Dusty being accompanied by
Show to the ambulance and the hospital.
This has been great. Heck, the
heat’s on the wrestlers (Show in person, Cody/Dustin in absentia), so what’s
not to love?
– Brie Bella
and the Funkadactyls v. Layla, Alicia, and Aksana. Natalya and AJ are on commentary. Layla and Naomi start, and Layla gets a
hairpull, but runs into a Butt Butt for one.
Funkadactyls tag off, and Cameron with a senton and big kick, but Alicia
uses the double-team to put Cameron in peril.
Aksana in, and the heels do boot chokes.
AJ’s commentary is the focus of the match as the heels keep switching
off. Alicia hits the chinlock as Natalya’s
headset doesn’t work. Lawler offers
Natalya his headset as the argument continues and Alicia slams Cameron, but the
flip legdrop misses. Brie shoves Naomi
aside to get the hot tag and cleans house.
Brie slaps Aksana and everyone’s into the ring, and the facejam wins at
2:57. Argument continues. Whatever.
1/2* Cole surmises that AJ had something to do
with Natalya’s headset issues.
Seriously. Of note: this is the
second straight week Brie seemed out for herself instead of the team. I hope this is a slow build to something,
because small moments for characterization is just fine.
and the Funkadactyls v. Layla, Alicia, and Aksana. Natalya and AJ are on commentary. Layla and Naomi start, and Layla gets a
hairpull, but runs into a Butt Butt for one.
Funkadactyls tag off, and Cameron with a senton and big kick, but Alicia
uses the double-team to put Cameron in peril.
Aksana in, and the heels do boot chokes.
AJ’s commentary is the focus of the match as the heels keep switching
off. Alicia hits the chinlock as Natalya’s
headset doesn’t work. Lawler offers
Natalya his headset as the argument continues and Alicia slams Cameron, but the
flip legdrop misses. Brie shoves Naomi
aside to get the hot tag and cleans house.
Brie slaps Aksana and everyone’s into the ring, and the facejam wins at
2:57. Argument continues. Whatever.
1/2* Cole surmises that AJ had something to do
with Natalya’s headset issues.
Seriously. Of note: this is the
second straight week Brie seemed out for herself instead of the team. I hope this is a slow build to something,
because small moments for characterization is just fine.
– Miz is
asking Brad Maddox something. We don’t
know what, but Maddox seems willing to oblige.
asking Brad Maddox something. We don’t
know what, but Maddox seems willing to oblige.
– More about
Dusty being knocked out. Nothing is
being made about the Sophie’s Choice part, and everything is being made about
how Dusty was told how to be knocked out and Big Show made a difficult
choice. I just feel like they’re missing
the boat here.
Dusty being knocked out. Nothing is
being made about the Sophie’s Choice part, and everything is being made about
how Dusty was told how to be knocked out and Big Show made a difficult
choice. I just feel like they’re missing
the boat here.
– Damien
Sandow v. Rob Van Dam. They keep playing
up Sandow’s backstabbing of Rhodes in Money in the Bank as if that match weren’t
every man for himself. Not sure
why. Cole notes that Sandow could have
cashed in last night. Sandow bulrushes RVD
into the corner and stomps away.
Headbutting follows, but RVD has the rolling monkey flip countered for
one. He beats RVD down for two. Shoulder rams by Sandow, but RVD reverses
only to get caught in the Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for two. We HIT THE CHINLOCK. Take a drink every time someone says “held in
abeyance”. Sandow’s charge is stopped
short, but RVD with a rana and springboard crossbody for two. Big clotheslines follow, then a
superkick. Rolling Thunder hits the
knees, getting two for Sandow. RVD with
the stepover enzuigiri, then the flying kick follows. RVD goes up, and the Five-Star ends it at
2:40. Wait, are they playing Sandow’s
music? Yes, they did. Maffew, get a clip of that! 3/4* Damien Sandow, though, reminds us he’s Mr.
Money in the Bank. Okay, play his music
now.
Sandow v. Rob Van Dam. They keep playing
up Sandow’s backstabbing of Rhodes in Money in the Bank as if that match weren’t
every man for himself. Not sure
why. Cole notes that Sandow could have
cashed in last night. Sandow bulrushes RVD
into the corner and stomps away.
Headbutting follows, but RVD has the rolling monkey flip countered for
one. He beats RVD down for two. Shoulder rams by Sandow, but RVD reverses
only to get caught in the Russian Legsweep and Cubito Aequet for two. We HIT THE CHINLOCK. Take a drink every time someone says “held in
abeyance”. Sandow’s charge is stopped
short, but RVD with a rana and springboard crossbody for two. Big clotheslines follow, then a
superkick. Rolling Thunder hits the
knees, getting two for Sandow. RVD with
the stepover enzuigiri, then the flying kick follows. RVD goes up, and the Five-Star ends it at
2:40. Wait, are they playing Sandow’s
music? Yes, they did. Maffew, get a clip of that! 3/4* Damien Sandow, though, reminds us he’s Mr.
Money in the Bank. Okay, play his music
now.
– Meanwhile,
HHH talks to Armstrong about how things have gotten out of control, and he
chews out Armstrong for his part in what happened. Armstrong is released because of what he did,
which is understandable (although it doesn’t stop the announcers from saying
HHH went too far in the next segment).
But HHH says he’ll take care of Armstrong. At least two of my friends told me to mention
that this is likely what Vince said to Jim Ross on Friday.
HHH talks to Armstrong about how things have gotten out of control, and he
chews out Armstrong for his part in what happened. Armstrong is released because of what he did,
which is understandable (although it doesn’t stop the announcers from saying
HHH went too far in the next segment).
But HHH says he’ll take care of Armstrong. At least two of my friends told me to mention
that this is likely what Vince said to Jim Ross on Friday.
– Randy
Orton v. The Miz. Miz gets a great
hometown pop. JBL, who has been saying
that Orton should be given the title back, is now saying we don’t know if Orton
would’ve kicked out. Eh? Miz’s family is in the front row, but Orton
jumps him from behind and sends him into the steps. Miz is down and out as we take a break before
the match begins. We return with Miz
refusing treatment and demanding to wrestle.
We begin with Miz going ballistic on Orton to a HUGE pop. Orton cuts it off and charges, but Miz’s
attempts to cut it off don’t work.
Draping DDT is reversed to dump Orton.
Miz sends Orton into the apron and barricade. And back and back. But Orton suckers Miz into the post. Mrs. Mizanin is doing a great job of showing
concern. Orton keeps fighting as we get
a double countout at 1:35. Orton throws
Miz over the table and keeps stomping away.
The beating continues as Orton throws Miz into the crowd in front of his
dad, but that causes Miz to get RAGE and fight back. He clotheslines Orton back to ringside, but
Orton takes over and punches away in front of the mom and dad. I mean INCHES AWAY FROM THEM. He then does the Draping DDT from the
barricade to ringside literally in front of the family. Orton tosses Miz into the ring and grabs a
chair as the announcers argue whether Stephanie or Bryan is responsible. As opposed to Orton himself. Orton sets up to Pillmanize Miz’s neck as the
crowd freaks out. But even Orton
hesitates. Just kidding, it was a
kneedrop Pillmanizing. The Orton we all
know and loved in 2009 is back. Cole
rants about how Crazy Psycho Orton should not be the face of the company to tie
it all in.
Orton v. The Miz. Miz gets a great
hometown pop. JBL, who has been saying
that Orton should be given the title back, is now saying we don’t know if Orton
would’ve kicked out. Eh? Miz’s family is in the front row, but Orton
jumps him from behind and sends him into the steps. Miz is down and out as we take a break before
the match begins. We return with Miz
refusing treatment and demanding to wrestle.
We begin with Miz going ballistic on Orton to a HUGE pop. Orton cuts it off and charges, but Miz’s
attempts to cut it off don’t work.
Draping DDT is reversed to dump Orton.
Miz sends Orton into the apron and barricade. And back and back. But Orton suckers Miz into the post. Mrs. Mizanin is doing a great job of showing
concern. Orton keeps fighting as we get
a double countout at 1:35. Orton throws
Miz over the table and keeps stomping away.
The beating continues as Orton throws Miz into the crowd in front of his
dad, but that causes Miz to get RAGE and fight back. He clotheslines Orton back to ringside, but
Orton takes over and punches away in front of the mom and dad. I mean INCHES AWAY FROM THEM. He then does the Draping DDT from the
barricade to ringside literally in front of the family. Orton tosses Miz into the ring and grabs a
chair as the announcers argue whether Stephanie or Bryan is responsible. As opposed to Orton himself. Orton sets up to Pillmanize Miz’s neck as the
crowd freaks out. But even Orton
hesitates. Just kidding, it was a
kneedrop Pillmanizing. The Orton we all
know and loved in 2009 is back. Cole
rants about how Crazy Psycho Orton should not be the face of the company to tie
it all in.
– Paul
Heyman, Paul Heyman’s wheelchair, Curtis Axel, and Ryback are out next. Axel leaves as Heyman gloats. By beating Punk, HE’S the Best In The
World. The crowd is booing because they’re
just jealous. He pinned CM Punk, and he’s
very proud of it. And you’ll never take
it away from him. He even gets top
billing over Punk in their match. He’s
milking this victory for all it’s worth.
I don’t have much to recap because it’s the same thing, but Heyman’s
charisma is carrying it. Crowd chants
Goldberg at Ryback. Heyman admits he was
beaten to within an inch of his life by Punk.
Honestly, we’re lucky Heyman is still alive. He then says Ryback stood up for him when all
other Paul Heyman Guys abandoned him. He
now has a life debt to Ryback, who says he did it because CM Punk was bullying
Paul Heyman. He has a point. “Do you think Paul Heyman deserved to be
beaten up like that?” Crowd: “YEAH!” Ryback admits he doesn’t like Punk because he’s
a bully, so Ryback will stop Punk.
Hypocrisy in my heels is a good thing.
Ryback offers his services as Heyman’s bodyguard as they get all
buddy-buddy. Heyman kissed Ryback. I had to have Lawler confirm it because my
brain refused to register it.
Heyman, Paul Heyman’s wheelchair, Curtis Axel, and Ryback are out next. Axel leaves as Heyman gloats. By beating Punk, HE’S the Best In The
World. The crowd is booing because they’re
just jealous. He pinned CM Punk, and he’s
very proud of it. And you’ll never take
it away from him. He even gets top
billing over Punk in their match. He’s
milking this victory for all it’s worth.
I don’t have much to recap because it’s the same thing, but Heyman’s
charisma is carrying it. Crowd chants
Goldberg at Ryback. Heyman admits he was
beaten to within an inch of his life by Punk.
Honestly, we’re lucky Heyman is still alive. He then says Ryback stood up for him when all
other Paul Heyman Guys abandoned him. He
now has a life debt to Ryback, who says he did it because CM Punk was bullying
Paul Heyman. He has a point. “Do you think Paul Heyman deserved to be
beaten up like that?” Crowd: “YEAH!” Ryback admits he doesn’t like Punk because he’s
a bully, so Ryback will stop Punk.
Hypocrisy in my heels is a good thing.
Ryback offers his services as Heyman’s bodyguard as they get all
buddy-buddy. Heyman kissed Ryback. I had to have Lawler confirm it because my
brain refused to register it.
– Ladies and
gentlemen, Los Matadores really want to be here in the WWE, and they should be on
their way as soon as they clear customs.
gentlemen, Los Matadores really want to be here in the WWE, and they should be on
their way as soon as they clear customs.
– Three-Way
Dance: Tons of Funk v. Real Americans v. Usos.
Swagger pounds on Brodus to start, but gets caught in the Shee-Plex and
delivers a Stinger Splash. Swagger and
Cesaro regroup on the outside, and back in, Swagger brings Jimmy in. Brodus shoves Jimmy down as this match has a
deliberate pace. Jimmy chops away on
Brodus, then gets a thrust kick and flying forearm. Crossbody is caught into a slam by Brodus,
then a second one, followed by a rib breaker and elbow drop. Cesaro tags himself in, but gets caught by a
back elbow. Jey with his own flying
forearm for one. Jey throws Cesaro into
the corner as the Usos fire off on Cesaro, who reverses and gets a European
Uppercut. Snap suplex by Cesaro, but
Tensai tags in and gets a very delayed butterfly suplex. He holds it for like 15 seconds. It gets two.
Cesaro is the king of long spots.
Slugfest, but this allows Jimmy in, only to get punched down by
Tensai. Blind charge misses, but a
shoulder tackle does not. Swagger is
sent flying, but a blind tag on an Uso charge means that a Baldo Bomb means
nothing. Cesaro wraps up Tensai for the
pin at 4:34. He gets a dropkick on Jimmy
as we go to break. WE THE PEOPLE! Seriously, they’re going to turn themselves
if they keep this up. We return with
Swagger holding Jimmy as they did a GIANT SWING OF DOOM during the break. You JERKS!
Swagger corners Jimmy as the crowd chants for JBL. Running Vader Bomb by Swagger into a Mushroom
Stomp by Cesaro. Crowd is bored with the
match. Slam by Cesaro into an
elbowdrop. JBL says Cesaro got 28
rotations, which beats the 25¾ done to Santino.
Yes, I counted. Now a Randy
Savage chant. Why? Jimmy tries to fight out, but Cesaro cuts him
off, but not all the way. Hot tag Jey,
who goes to work on Swagger, with a flying kick to Cesaro for good taste. Uso Hip Check gets two, Cesaro saves. The Americans bail, so the Usos get stereo
pescados to pop the crowd hard.
Superkick misses, and Swagger has the Patriot Lock on. After a prolonged struggle, Jey breaks and
gets the superkick for real. Cesaro is
cut off, but that allows Swagger to superplex Jey… but Jimmy got the tag and
Superfly Splashes Swagger for the title shot at 13:14. That REALLY picked up nicely at the end. **3/4 Usos/Shield was a good match a couple months
ago, so why not.
Dance: Tons of Funk v. Real Americans v. Usos.
Swagger pounds on Brodus to start, but gets caught in the Shee-Plex and
delivers a Stinger Splash. Swagger and
Cesaro regroup on the outside, and back in, Swagger brings Jimmy in. Brodus shoves Jimmy down as this match has a
deliberate pace. Jimmy chops away on
Brodus, then gets a thrust kick and flying forearm. Crossbody is caught into a slam by Brodus,
then a second one, followed by a rib breaker and elbow drop. Cesaro tags himself in, but gets caught by a
back elbow. Jey with his own flying
forearm for one. Jey throws Cesaro into
the corner as the Usos fire off on Cesaro, who reverses and gets a European
Uppercut. Snap suplex by Cesaro, but
Tensai tags in and gets a very delayed butterfly suplex. He holds it for like 15 seconds. It gets two.
Cesaro is the king of long spots.
Slugfest, but this allows Jimmy in, only to get punched down by
Tensai. Blind charge misses, but a
shoulder tackle does not. Swagger is
sent flying, but a blind tag on an Uso charge means that a Baldo Bomb means
nothing. Cesaro wraps up Tensai for the
pin at 4:34. He gets a dropkick on Jimmy
as we go to break. WE THE PEOPLE! Seriously, they’re going to turn themselves
if they keep this up. We return with
Swagger holding Jimmy as they did a GIANT SWING OF DOOM during the break. You JERKS!
Swagger corners Jimmy as the crowd chants for JBL. Running Vader Bomb by Swagger into a Mushroom
Stomp by Cesaro. Crowd is bored with the
match. Slam by Cesaro into an
elbowdrop. JBL says Cesaro got 28
rotations, which beats the 25¾ done to Santino.
Yes, I counted. Now a Randy
Savage chant. Why? Jimmy tries to fight out, but Cesaro cuts him
off, but not all the way. Hot tag Jey,
who goes to work on Swagger, with a flying kick to Cesaro for good taste. Uso Hip Check gets two, Cesaro saves. The Americans bail, so the Usos get stereo
pescados to pop the crowd hard.
Superkick misses, and Swagger has the Patriot Lock on. After a prolonged struggle, Jey breaks and
gets the superkick for real. Cesaro is
cut off, but that allows Swagger to superplex Jey… but Jimmy got the tag and
Superfly Splashes Swagger for the title shot at 13:14. That REALLY picked up nicely at the end. **3/4 Usos/Shield was a good match a couple months
ago, so why not.
– I’ll skip
the Public Service Announcements. You’re
welcome.
the Public Service Announcements. You’re
welcome.
– Bray Wyatt
video. He talks about patience being
lost to greed. He says they’re isolated
from a world of killers, and that’s Wyatt’s world. Lame animals are destroyed for the betterment
of the pack. He’s speaking to Abigail
and promises to “put them all down”.
Creepy stuff. In a good way.
video. He talks about patience being
lost to greed. He says they’re isolated
from a world of killers, and that’s Wyatt’s world. Lame animals are destroyed for the betterment
of the pack. He’s speaking to Abigail
and promises to “put them all down”.
Creepy stuff. In a good way.
– Wow, did
they just acknowledge Daniel’s relationship with whichever Bella it is?
they just acknowledge Daniel’s relationship with whichever Bella it is?
– Main
event: Roman Reigns v. Daniel Bryan. Randy
Orton comes to ringside. Shouldn’t the
ref make Reigns remove his chest protector?
Bryan kicks away on Reigns and sends him from corner to corner. Bryan slips under Reigns and kicks away some
more, following with a dragon screw as he works the leg. He kneedrops the lower leg a few times and
pulls on it. Reigns kicks Bryan away,
but Bryan maintains the advantage, but Reigns corners and headbutts him. Turnbuckle shot is blocked, and Bryan keeps
kicking, and a second dragon screw follows.
Figure-four-like hold follows, and Bryan fires away with forearms while
maintaining the hold for two. Reigns
whips Bryan into the opposite corner and gets a Northern Lariat before stomping
away. Reigns throws Bryan facefirst to
the mat for two as we look at Orton.
Reigns hits the chinlock. I think
Reigns’s nose is bleeding. Bryan shoves
off, but gets knocked over by Reigns, who runs into a knee to the gut. YES kicks to the back follow, but Reigns gets
a kneelift to the gut. Bryan cuts it off
by going back to the leg. Cole says
Bryan has had nothing but integrity since his arrival, so apparently he was
officially never part of the Nexus Riot.
Reigns breaks and clotheslines Bryan before slugging away in the
corner. Suplex by Reigns follows for two
as the announcers finally get back to talking about the match. A second suplex gets two as we keep watching
replays of last night instead of the match.
Reigns goes to the chinlock as we get it out of the way. Bryan fights out but gets hit with a headbutt
and whipped hard. Bryan trips Reigns
into the second buckle and kicks the ropes to damage Reigns. Bryan goes up top with a missile dropkick (as
Orton stands up), causing Reigns to bail.
Bryan dives onto Reigns, who catches him and throws him back and forth
on the outside. We go to break as
Ambrose taunts. We return with Reigns
holding a full nelson, which Bryan slips out of into a cradle for two. Reigns puts Bryan on top and slugs away. He hooks up a superplex, but Bryan blocks and
punches out, sending Reigns down and following with… you know what, it’s
essentially the Ram Jam. But it
misses. Reigns gets two. Reigns headbutts down Bryan some more,
getting another two-count. Reigns taunts
Bryan, but puts his head down and pays the price. Except he catches Bryan into the Catatonic
for two. Reigns back to the chinlock, and
he headbutts to prevent a comeback.
Bryan does the buckle flip into a running clothesline to regain
momentum. YES kicks to the chest cue the
comeback, but the roundhouse misses and Reigns gets a Samoan drop for two. Reigns pounds away in frustration and taunts
Bryan. Powerbomb is signaled, but Bryan
with a sunset flip for two, then a roundhouse kick for two. Bryan disposes of Rollins on the outside and
sets up for the cross-corner dropkick to Reigns. And Ambrose, but then gets caught by a huge
lariat from Reigns. Bryan with the Yes
Lock out of nowhere, and this brings Orton into the ring for the DQ at
18:17. Bryan puts the Yes Lock on Orton
as Cole cheers him on in a surreal bit, but the Shield races in to break it up
and it’s a 4 on 1. Orton directs traffic
as everyone takes their shots in. Crowd
wants Punk of all people to break it up.
Orton with a stomp to the head and he loads up the Pillmanizing again,
and this time every single babyface in the locker room finally snaps and
attacks the Shield. WOW. Never saw that end coming. Reigns escapes and speaks Kofi, but Ziggler
with the Rocker Dropper on Ambrose.
Double superkick by the Usos on Reigns.
And now everyone catches Rollins as Bryan gets the big YES Knee on
him. So let’s see, it’s Ryder, Gabriel,
Truth, Usos, PTPers, Kofi, Ziggler, and RVD.
For those who are curious and/or want to know who’s getting fired on
Friday. I was thinking Reigns wasn’t
ready for a PPV-quality main event, but that quickly became a moot point. Throw in the post-match insanity and this
whole thing gets ****¼ from me. ENORMOUS YES chant ends the show.
event: Roman Reigns v. Daniel Bryan. Randy
Orton comes to ringside. Shouldn’t the
ref make Reigns remove his chest protector?
Bryan kicks away on Reigns and sends him from corner to corner. Bryan slips under Reigns and kicks away some
more, following with a dragon screw as he works the leg. He kneedrops the lower leg a few times and
pulls on it. Reigns kicks Bryan away,
but Bryan maintains the advantage, but Reigns corners and headbutts him. Turnbuckle shot is blocked, and Bryan keeps
kicking, and a second dragon screw follows.
Figure-four-like hold follows, and Bryan fires away with forearms while
maintaining the hold for two. Reigns
whips Bryan into the opposite corner and gets a Northern Lariat before stomping
away. Reigns throws Bryan facefirst to
the mat for two as we look at Orton.
Reigns hits the chinlock. I think
Reigns’s nose is bleeding. Bryan shoves
off, but gets knocked over by Reigns, who runs into a knee to the gut. YES kicks to the back follow, but Reigns gets
a kneelift to the gut. Bryan cuts it off
by going back to the leg. Cole says
Bryan has had nothing but integrity since his arrival, so apparently he was
officially never part of the Nexus Riot.
Reigns breaks and clotheslines Bryan before slugging away in the
corner. Suplex by Reigns follows for two
as the announcers finally get back to talking about the match. A second suplex gets two as we keep watching
replays of last night instead of the match.
Reigns goes to the chinlock as we get it out of the way. Bryan fights out but gets hit with a headbutt
and whipped hard. Bryan trips Reigns
into the second buckle and kicks the ropes to damage Reigns. Bryan goes up top with a missile dropkick (as
Orton stands up), causing Reigns to bail.
Bryan dives onto Reigns, who catches him and throws him back and forth
on the outside. We go to break as
Ambrose taunts. We return with Reigns
holding a full nelson, which Bryan slips out of into a cradle for two. Reigns puts Bryan on top and slugs away. He hooks up a superplex, but Bryan blocks and
punches out, sending Reigns down and following with… you know what, it’s
essentially the Ram Jam. But it
misses. Reigns gets two. Reigns headbutts down Bryan some more,
getting another two-count. Reigns taunts
Bryan, but puts his head down and pays the price. Except he catches Bryan into the Catatonic
for two. Reigns back to the chinlock, and
he headbutts to prevent a comeback.
Bryan does the buckle flip into a running clothesline to regain
momentum. YES kicks to the chest cue the
comeback, but the roundhouse misses and Reigns gets a Samoan drop for two. Reigns pounds away in frustration and taunts
Bryan. Powerbomb is signaled, but Bryan
with a sunset flip for two, then a roundhouse kick for two. Bryan disposes of Rollins on the outside and
sets up for the cross-corner dropkick to Reigns. And Ambrose, but then gets caught by a huge
lariat from Reigns. Bryan with the Yes
Lock out of nowhere, and this brings Orton into the ring for the DQ at
18:17. Bryan puts the Yes Lock on Orton
as Cole cheers him on in a surreal bit, but the Shield races in to break it up
and it’s a 4 on 1. Orton directs traffic
as everyone takes their shots in. Crowd
wants Punk of all people to break it up.
Orton with a stomp to the head and he loads up the Pillmanizing again,
and this time every single babyface in the locker room finally snaps and
attacks the Shield. WOW. Never saw that end coming. Reigns escapes and speaks Kofi, but Ziggler
with the Rocker Dropper on Ambrose.
Double superkick by the Usos on Reigns.
And now everyone catches Rollins as Bryan gets the big YES Knee on
him. So let’s see, it’s Ryder, Gabriel,
Truth, Usos, PTPers, Kofi, Ziggler, and RVD.
For those who are curious and/or want to know who’s getting fired on
Friday. I was thinking Reigns wasn’t
ready for a PPV-quality main event, but that quickly became a moot point. Throw in the post-match insanity and this
whole thing gets ****¼ from me. ENORMOUS YES chant ends the show.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
THOUGHTS:
“So what
does that make us?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Aren’t we just?”
does that make us?”
“Big Damn Heroes, sir.”
“Aren’t we just?”
– Firefly
Now, I’m
still not happy about the fact that they overturned the WWE Title match
result. It devalues the Pay-Per-View,
kills replay buys, and in general is probably not Good For Business™. But MAN, I’m glad I have to review this so
that I didn’t turn it off, because they made up for it in SPADES with the rest
of the show. The Dusty segment hooked
me, Orton’s mean streak we loved about him is back, and the locker room finally
being able to charge the ring to protect Bryan was cathartically
delicious. This could be how they write
RVD off the show after his 90-day spurt is up – HHH fires him to make an
example of the locker room. This would
allow Bryan/RVD/Cody/Dustin v. Orton/Ambrose/Rollins/Reigns at Survivor Series,
leading to a Rhodes Brothers v. Shield tables match at TLC, which I would
totally like.
still not happy about the fact that they overturned the WWE Title match
result. It devalues the Pay-Per-View,
kills replay buys, and in general is probably not Good For Business™. But MAN, I’m glad I have to review this so
that I didn’t turn it off, because they made up for it in SPADES with the rest
of the show. The Dusty segment hooked
me, Orton’s mean streak we loved about him is back, and the locker room finally
being able to charge the ring to protect Bryan was cathartically
delicious. This could be how they write
RVD off the show after his 90-day spurt is up – HHH fires him to make an
example of the locker room. This would
allow Bryan/RVD/Cody/Dustin v. Orton/Ambrose/Rollins/Reigns at Survivor Series,
leading to a Rhodes Brothers v. Shield tables match at TLC, which I would
totally like.
That said,
Scott Armstrong on Twitter needs to address his comments. If they have him go on a rant about how HHH
put words in his mouth, then fired him over a mistake that was JUST a mistake,
it would extend the feud to social media.
It would be a way to use Twitter for good. I didn’t think about it until later, but the
people who charged the ring were the ones who wished Bryan luck on his way to
the ring, so it’s clear some people do care about this.
Scott Armstrong on Twitter needs to address his comments. If they have him go on a rant about how HHH
put words in his mouth, then fired him over a mistake that was JUST a mistake,
it would extend the feud to social media.
It would be a way to use Twitter for good. I didn’t think about it until later, but the
people who charged the ring were the ones who wished Bryan luck on his way to
the ring, so it’s clear some people do care about this.
As
pessimistic as I was when this story started – heck, as pessimistic as I was
when the first half-hour ended – this show has given me new life and reminded
me why I love wrestling at its best. You
have Daniel Bryan, perfectly into the Dusty role as man of the people; you have
Randy Orton, the loose cannon villain who could do this on his own; you have
the Mr. McMahon role in HHH, trying to manipulate everyone and now facing a
challenge to his tyranny; and you have the Shield, hired muscle for Orton who
are his Horsemen. The best stories are
timeless.
pessimistic as I was when this story started – heck, as pessimistic as I was
when the first half-hour ended – this show has given me new life and reminded
me why I love wrestling at its best. You
have Daniel Bryan, perfectly into the Dusty role as man of the people; you have
Randy Orton, the loose cannon villain who could do this on his own; you have
the Mr. McMahon role in HHH, trying to manipulate everyone and now facing a
challenge to his tyranny; and you have the Shield, hired muscle for Orton who
are his Horsemen. The best stories are
timeless.
This has a
chance to be one of them.
chance to be one of them.
STATS:
MATCH TIME:
55:08 over seven matches
55:08 over seven matches
BEST MATCH:
Isolated, Ziggler/Ambrose; including post-match, Bryan/Reigns
Isolated, Ziggler/Ambrose; including post-match, Bryan/Reigns
WORST MATCH:
Fandango/Truth
Fandango/Truth
NIGHT MVP
(kayfabe): Randy Orton, but this was a REALLY tough call
(kayfabe): Randy Orton, but this was a REALLY tough call
FINAL SCORE:
9. This would be a 10 (or possibly go to
11) had it not been for my disgust at the Dusty Finish of the PPV. Otherwise, this is the best Raw I’ve seen
since I began reviewing – yes, that’s only been five, I know.
9. This would be a 10 (or possibly go to
11) had it not been for my disgust at the Dusty Finish of the PPV. Otherwise, this is the best Raw I’ve seen
since I began reviewing – yes, that’s only been five, I know.
Stay tuned
for Mike Mears’ Postgame report. In the
meantime, do I love old-school wrestling?
YES! YES! YES!
for Mike Mears’ Postgame report. In the
meantime, do I love old-school wrestling?
YES! YES! YES!
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